Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #326 “On the Ground”

June 6, 2014

Have you ever noticed that when it’s ground-fighting day everyone in the platoon becomes an MMA expert and was state wrestling champion at their high school? Well, everyone except me anyway. I make no such grandiose claims, I simply suck at ground fighting. If for some reason you find yourself squaring off against me in a pit of grass, odds are you’re going to win. Unfortunately the creator doesn’t create everyone equally. I’m over 6 ft tall and kind of lanky, my center of gravity is very high. This is great for most things, but not when it comes down to getting on your knees and trying to choke out a 5 foot tall guy built like a fucking bulldozer–which was always my such luck.

In all fairness though, it seems like there’s a large population of short, stocky guys in the Corps.

Either way, I have no qualms about it. No one is good at everything, and I don’t feel a need to desperately protect my masculinity by suggesting I don’t actually suck at the sport. Ground-fighting day is fun for the guys that are actually good at it–but for me? I don’t think I’ve ever woken up one morning and went, “Man, I would really love it if some short guy kicked my ass before breakfast, it’s really what I’ve been hoping for all week.”

It might sound like I’m making excuses about the height here, and maybe I am, but I do believe these things become more difficult the taller you get. Pull-ups, for example, a Marine Corps standard, are much easier for short, stocky people. As your height increases, your weight increases proportionately. Not only do I have to pull up a longer distance, but I have to pull up about 30 more pounds than the 5’6″ dude shaped like an upside-down pyramid. It wasn’t until I got out of the Marine Corps that I was actually able to max out pull-ups to 20… An irrelevant fact, but weird nonetheless.