Terminal Lance #289 “Why We Drink”

August 27, 2013

Marines are synonymous with alcohol, much in the same way your abusive step father is. I’ve brought this up before, but I never really mentioned why we drink so much.

It really just comes down to the Lieutenant.

Everyone below him is drinking because they can’t stand him, and everyone above him is drinking because they can’t stand him. And him? Well he’s just drinking cause why the fuck not? To be honest, I actually had a different third panel in here at first, with a Sergeant Major. The punchline went something like, “I’m drinking because I hate what I’ve become.” That might have been funnier, I don’t know, but I went with this because it’s been a while since I picked on Lieutenants, and they’re getting way too comfortable around here.

To be fair, much like a boot or an 1171 Waterdog, they’re a really easy target to make fun of. Inexperienced, lauded, overpaid and motivated–pick one and you can make a strip out of any of it. Of course, when I talk about the average butterbar I’m certainly not referring to what’s commonly called the mustang–that is, someone that was prior-enlisted and became an officer after the fact. It goes without saying that those Marines typically have their head on straight; even just four years of experience in the enlisted ranks goes a long way. I’ve seen the argument (and even considered it myself before) that all officers should be prior enlisted before being commissioned, and while on one-hand there is a sound logic to it, on the other hand I actually do get why it is the way it is. There’s something to be said about dynamic of the inexperienced, motivated platoon commander leading Marines; it creates a work environment that would feel somehow empty without it.

Then again, maybe we just need something to bitch about.

In other news, I’ve got 1700 envelopes sitting on my living room floor. I’m waiting on a lot of the shipping materials to arrive, and when they do I’ll be sending out the first set of surveys. Keep in mind, some of the rewards will require more time than others; I just found out that the coins will take 4-6 weeks to produce, which is largely beyond my control. With that said, everyone below the $75 tier should get their survey relatively soon, with the coins being delayed a bit longer. I apologize for the inconvenience!

Final Fantasy XIV just came out, if you’re on the Behemoth server you should look me up for an invite to the official Terminal Lance Linkshell. You’ll find me under Maximilius Charilius. The bit that I’ve played in my free time brings me back to my days living in my mom’s basement at 17, deep into the realm of Final Fantasy XI.

I can feel my virginity growing back.

In completely unrelated randomness, I’ve had this recurring anxiety issue for the last few years that can severely hinder me at times. I think I might have found the solution though: I quit caffeine! Go figure. After a day of grueling headaches and lethargy, I actually feel totally normal again. Apparently drinking an entire carafe of French press coffee in the morning is probably too much caffeine. The craziest part is I don’t even feel tired in the morning or anything, for I am no longer a slave to that deliciously roasted bean.

It’s a vicious cycle. You drink coffee because you need it to wake up, but the only reason you need it is because you’re addicted to caffeine. Once your body builds up a tolerance to it, you’re no longer getting the benefits of caffeine, you’re just drinking it to stay on a normal level.

When I was active duty, I went back and forth with the caffeine addiction. On one level, I didn’t like drinking it because it wasn’t always accessible. I worked around ways of figuring out how to get caffeine in the field though. Instant coffee in MRE’s, packing my own “Energy Shots” from the PX prior to departing, just to avoid getting a headache. Even in Iraq, with Rip-It’s and the caffeine gum sold at the PX, it was pretty easy to maintain an addiction.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I just thought I’d share.