Terminal Lance #274 “AAV’s in One Sentence”
July 2, 2013
I’ve gotten a lot of requests to do a comic about tracks, or AAV’s (or Gators). I was trying to think of a joke, and I really couldn’t think of anything that was even remotely funny about them.
They’re just fucking awful.
My experience is limited to training. As a regular line company type, the only times I ever actually rode in one were at Mojave Viper, and I hated every minute of it. Here was my introduction to AAV’s:
It was the DAC, or whatever it’s called, at Mojave Viper in 2007. I was one of the select few Assaultmen to take part in the exercise, my team was tasked with shooting a SMAW rocket at a target and doing the assault rush thing with the buildings and green ivan targets. If you’ve been there you probably know what I’m talking about, if you haven’t, it’s basically a shitty day in the desert. So the day starts normal enough, we get in the tracks and we start riding to the objective. Except, we somehow get lost on the way, and on the hottest day of training we had during the entire month at 113 F, we got stuck riding around in circles for about 7 hours. We do the objectives, miss the target we were firing at (oops), get back in the tracks for another 6 hours. Everyone’s water was scalding hot in their Camelbaks, everyone was motion sick from riding around all day in these god-forsaken contraptions, and by the end of it I never wanted to look at an AAV again.
Essentially what makes riding in an AAV so terrible is the fact that the crew bay is an awful place to be (as a human) because you’re breathing in exhaust fumes, there’s no windows, there’s no fresh air, even on land it feels like it’s on water, and God clearly hates you if you’re there. Also, the crews just fucking love watching grunts suffer in the back, I’m pretty sure the happiest you’ll ever see a Marine is an AAV crew member laughing hysterically while grunts puke and hate themselves in the back of their shitty vehicle. Also, the crew bench in the back is like 3 fucking inches wide and impossible to sit on.
That’s AAV’s for me. Fuck those things.
In other news, stay tuned in the near future for some big Terminal Lance news. I’ve got something up my sleeve I’m hoping to announce in the next couple of weeks, so stand by to stand by. Also, don’t forget that you can buy Terminal Lance: Head Call for only $9.95!
Also, I’ll be at ImageCon today in San Francisco. I don’t have a table, but if you see me around feel free to say hi.