Terminal Lance “Seek Medical Attention”

November 13, 2012

Well as I’m sure you all know, this weekend was the most motivated weekend of the year. Those of you with a propensity toward motivation might have had a rough time dealing with your rock-hard erections over the last 48 hours. I know, it’s hard, there’s all this talk of 237 years, of veterans serving their country and free food at Applebee’s. It can be a lot to handle if you’re the type to spend your waking moments day-dreaming of uniform regulations and Marine Corps Orders.

I can’t stress enough though, an erection lasting longer than 4 hours is a medical emergency. Please go to your local emergency room or schedule and appointment with your doctor immediately.

In other news, Veteran’s Day was pretty awesome. I went to CPK with my good friend Aaron, another Marine. I had read online that CPK was doing a veteran thing, offering a free pizza and drink to any vets that happened to walk in. It seemed like a great deal so I took them up on it. I’m happy I did, because while we were there, the manager came out and personally handed us a voucher for another free pizza and drink the next time we came in to eat. I know right?

I received a message from a fan telling me that the free food on Veteran’s Day was bullshit, because it’s just to bring in more business–thereby making it a shallow cashing in of America’s service members. The way I see it? I wouldn’t be a red-blooded American if I didn’t take advantage of free food that also supported our capitalist economy.

This is America, dammit. I’m getting fed and people are making money, works for me.