Terminal Lance #19 “The Mr. E Mystery 2″
March 9, 2010
Welcome to the 2nd of my MRE-themed strips. It wasn’t until after I started making this strip that I discovered that the notorious Cheese and Veggie Omelet had actually been discontinued last year. But the question still remains… Why does this wretched thing exist in this world or any other?
The answer is a long kept secret within the military’s highest ranks, but I happen to know the answer. I will let you in on this secret because I have vowed to speak the truth on this site.
The Menu Item No. 4 was created by an ancient evil lurking within the depths of hell itself. What does this have to do with us? Well this is precisely why 29 Palms exists as a base! It’s no secret that Charles Manson believed the gates to hell were somewhere in the Mojave Desert–namely the Joshua Tree and 29 Palms area. When this was discovered by the United States government, the seized the area knowing it would be of high value. After all, controlling the gates of Hell itself has to be quite a trump card in the world of government super powers. Once they had it in their possession, however, they couldn’t figure out exactly how to get the powers of hell and Satan actually into the government system.
After some exploration of the caves and chambers of Lucifer’s caverns, they found that a sludge-like substance was growing on the rocks and rotting corpses within. Through research they discovered that this substance embodied all of the evil that hell represents into a convenient and (sort of) edible form. Armed with this knowledge, the government quickly turned the demonic sludge into a packaged MRE menu item to feed to the troops–knowing that feeding this pure evil would empower the US Marines and soldiers with super demon-powers; and thus, the Cheese and Vegetable Omelet was born!
Unfortunately, what Uncle Sam didn’t plan on was the fact that it is far too wretched of an evil for anyone to actually eat, and thus far no one has actually consumed an entire meal to gain the powers granted by Satan. Oh well, can’t win ’em all right?
So as many of you well know, a story about yours truly was released in the Marine Corps Times yesterday. While I was expecting an influx of angry emails from all the ranks of the Corps and beyond, I was pleasantly surprised to find that all of the feedback being sent to me was eerily positive. I’m grateful for this, and because of this I will continue to make this comic and try to make you all laugh twice a week, Tuesday and Friday.
It’s been a busy last couple of weeks for me, I’ve been doing my final physical stuff non-stop. Apparently I have tinittus in my ear and got a fuck-ton of xrays done. I’m hoping all of the radiation will give me some kind of super powers, but knowing my luck I’ll just end up with cancer or something.
Anyway, for all you new joints, keep an eye out Tuesdays and Fridays for new comic updates. As well, I update the “News” post regularly with randomness, as it more or less is my blog. If you haven’t checked it out, take a look at the Store and order some kick ass skivvy shirts or something. As well, feel free to stop by the forum and hang out, I post there regularly as well so you can actually interact with me if you so desire. Despite the namesake, all ranks are welcome around Terminal Lance’s parts. Just keep in mind I am a Lance, and I speak my mind with honesty.
Til next time, Space Cowboy.