Author: Maximilian

I’m coming out of my room and I’ve been doing just fine, gotta gotta be on duty because I hate it all.

If there’s one emotion to define the entire Marine Corps experience… It’s hope. Hope that shit will stop sucking. Hope that the next day will be better. Hope that the next four years go by a lot faster than you think it will. Hope that no one in your squad got a DUI over the weekend so you don’t get fucked for it. Hope that maybe when you wake up, it’ll have all been a stupid fucking dream.

Counting the days until your EAS date is the one thing that may keep you going, because as they say, the only the Marine Corps can’t stop… Is time.

As an aside, if you find yourself getting out of the Corps and you’re not sure what you’re going to do, just use your fucking GI Bill. Like… Why wouldn’t you? You get to go hang out somewhere for four years and flirt with college girls all day… AND THEY PAY YOU FOR IT.

Too many Marines get out and don’t take advantage of this ridiculously great opportunity. Tuition paid and monthly housing allowance on top. It’s free real estate, guys.

Do it for the college girls. (Or guys, if you rather)

Marines get liberty on the weekends. Liberty means you leave me the fuck alone for at least 48 hours and I’ll deal with your bullshit on Monday.

In a world where every thought and action is controlled and regulated, the few brief hours of conditional freedom you get at the end of the day or on the weekend is to be cherished and savored, not interrupted and ruined by the whims of NCO’s and drunk First Sergeants.

Are you an NCO? Thinking about texting your Marines about something that “NEEDS” to get done on the weekend? Maybe just put a pin in it until Monday.

It can wait.

It’s good to keep a journal in trying times. Years from the moment, you can look back and reminisce about the lost shits of your field ops. Where do they go? It’s not quite clear. Scientists have been working on an explanation as to why MRE’s clog the bowels during field ops, but so far have been unsuccessful to pin down the exact chemistry involved.

One thing is clear, your toilet back in the barracks will feel the wrath upon your return home.

If you’re enjoying the new full color Terminal Lance, definitely check out my new 350 page full color graphic novel Battle Born: Lapis Lazuli available now for preorder… Click here.

America’s enemies wish they could damage the lives of Marines as drastically and efficiently as the MILITARY STAR CARD offered by the Military Exchanges (PX).

Readily available to literally any Marine that wants one, the STAR CARD is a credit card ubiquitous for sapping the financial souls of our young men and women of the armed forces. This card by itself was probably the reason for the Personal Financial Management course, putting people of all ranks out of cash for years to come.

Financially independent for the first time in their lives, young Marines aren’t exactly great with money. Throw in a credit card offered by the base’s own sales tax-free store and you have a recipe for long term financial damage.

If ISIS really wanted to hurt America’s military, they’d offer a credit card with a high limit and fuck them for life.

Coronavirus continues its rampage across the US while Marine leadership ponders powerful decisions like whether or not Marines should risk their lives in a deadly pandemic for a weekly regulation haircut. New science has come about suggesting that Marines are actually immune to coronavirus due to their abnormally high, constant blood-alcohol content, disinfecting the lungs and other parts of the body.

As it turns out, all of those bad decisions may have actually been good ones.

[this is a joke]

As you can probably tell lately, we’re trying some new things! Specifically, new format for the comic, the addition of color, and posting the comic as a native post on the extensive Terminal Lance social media network. Times are achanging, but you can still come here and check out the latest comics with the latest ramblings beneath it, if you’re a Terminal Lance purist like that.

On the artwork, the main reason Terminal Lance was always black and white is that, frankly, I was not very good at color for a long time! However, with my more recent work, like my upcoming full-color graphic novel “BATTLE BORN: LAPIS LAZULI,” or the full-color TERMINAL LANCE BESTIARY OF THE MARINE CORPS, color is something I’ve grown much more comfortable with and have a lot of fun doing. I consider this a transitional or experimental phase in Terminal Lance history, but I’m excited for the things cooking in the back… Stay tuned.

Poor Easter Bunny… If only he would have known that Marines engage in a level of nightly debauchery reserved only for the deepest layers of hell itself. The activities of bored Marines on a Friday night are not one for the eyes of mere mortals, or even mythological creatures like the bunny of Easter. If only he had known…

With Easter on Sunday, I hope everyone can take a moment to think and talk about something other than Coronavirus. Take some time to call home, check in with mom, eat some chocolate, and leave that poor Easter Bunny alone if you see him.

Happy Easter from Terminal Lance.

Lance Corporals across the Corps are quarantined in their barracks rooms, and it will be their boredom-field ingenuity will be what leads to a cure to the deadly Coronavirus. Bored Marines are some of the most brilliant minds this nation has at their disposal, creating absurd and ingenious ways to entertain themselves in the absence of stimuli. These bored Marines are America’s secret weapon against all enemies, at home and abroad and microscopic.

Rest assured, junior Marines are already hard at work finding a cure…

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-iVrbrlzHS/?igshid=g7jhjp8evx2f

While all the hype in the medical pandemic world is centered around the infamous COVID-19 virus, Corpsmen across the Corps have been at the frontlines of battling microbial infections in genitals across the military for years. In a report released in summer of last year, sexually transmitted infections amongst military personnel are on the rise, keeping Corpsmen and medics across the spectrum of the armed forces busier than birds and bees.

With the Marines “socially isolated” from each other and the civilian population at large, I can imagine that venereal diseases, unplanned pregnancies, and general dumbfuckery are down quite a bit. Imagine being a Corpsman in this time, having spent the last years of your life examining odd blemishes on Marine genitalia for the majority of your career, only to have it taken away from you at a moment’s notice.

The coronavirus affects us all.

In all seriousness, and this should go without saying, I’m not here to make light of the seriousness of the coronavirus situation. Living in LA, I’m as grateful as anyone to see the Navy’s hospital ship arrive this morning to help with the national crisis at hand.

God bless all of our medical workers right now, Corpsmen included.

While nearly all infantry Marines are renown for their ability to entertain themselves in times of intense boredom, there is a subset of this group that takes it even a step further into absolute mastery. These are the line company’s Restriction Marines. Locked away in their barracks with little to nothing to do but go to the chow hall and check in with the duty 3 times a day, Restriction Marines have developed all manner of techniques and skills to keep themselves entertained amidst a total lack of stimuli.

As an anecdote of my own experience, a group of restricted Marines in my company had developed a game of baseball using nothing more than a stop watch and a notepad. You start the stopwatch and try to stop it at exactly 20:00 seconds. On the mark is a home run, and within .03 seconds is first, second, or third base. Outside of that is a foul ball. You get three strikes. The Marines split into two teams and played stopwatch baseball for hours.

Truly masters of their craft.

As we all get quarantined in our homes and barracks amidst the global pandemic of coronavirus, we could all stand to learn a thing or two from the life of the party of every platoon… The Marines on restriction.

The world is crumbling to virally infected pieces and there’s nothing more American than capitalizing on it. While civilians flock and fight their way to the toilet paper aisles across America, Marines have a secret advantage… Every MRE comes with a weird little pack of toilet paper that is usually thrown away and forgotten about. In these trying times? This is a profitable endeavor for any Marine willing to rat-fuck their way to financial success.

Marines are possibly the best equipped people on earth to deal with a viral epidemic, as their gratuitous exposure to unknown diseases in boot camp, combined with a powerful cocktail of constant immunizations, has made them nearly indestructible and immune to most human illnesses.

https://twitter.com/SkipBalor/status/1235540897497923584

Stay safe out there and wash your nasty hands.

Speaking of capitalistic endeavors, you may remember a couple months back to our DUTY DOODLE CONTEST! After a bit of an unexpected production hiccup, we’ve got the winners here… ON OUR NEW DUTY DOODLE SHIRT AVAILABLE ON THE TERMINAL LANCE STORE.

This shirt features the artwork of our 5 Duty Doodle contest winners, master artists of their dick-craft, who will be receiving a free shirt of their own. Look and feel like a shitter wall in this new phallic masterpiece available in all sizes in Skivvy Green and portashitter blue. (Make sure you pick the correct color when you buy)

Buy this shirt here!