Terminal Lance – Vaxed

April 11, 2021

An article hit CNN yesterday that stated 40% of active duty Marines have thus far refused the COVID-19 vaccine (presumably after being offered). Anecdotally, this seems to line up with what people are telling me from the LCPL Underground in their platoons, shops and sections.

Ironically, a lot of Marines are really concerned about the potential health consequences of getting the COVID-19 vaccine. Keep in mind, this is the same group of people who volunteered to enlist, potentially go to war, and got injected with everything under the sun during their first week at bootcamp with no questions asked. This is the same group of people with practically zero inhibitions while sober, who will fuck any willing, wet hole, who line up outside of BAS every Monday with a new sore on their genitals for Doc to look at, who are concerned about what could be in the vaccine.


Frankly I was surprised that this was even optional. Before I went to Iraq, I had to get all kinds of horrid injections and vaccines (anthrax, smallpox). No one enjoyed it, but no one cared either.

There is so much misinformation flying around and rampant conspiracy theories these days that frankly it’s disheartening. For what it’s worth, if you’re a Marine reading this, the vaccine is safe and effective. I just got the second dose yesterday. I have so far only received ONE unskippible ad for XBOX beamed directly to my occipital lobe. It wasn’t that bad.

For real though, a shot to the arm with minimal side effects is a lot better than being laid out with COVID for a week. As well, you get the vaccine to protect others, not just yourself. I suppose I’m old fashioned, I still believe that there’s some part of all Marines that enlist because they believe in their civic duty to protect the country.

You, a healthy young male or female with a 98% chance of survival will probably be fine if you catch COVID (in the long run). You will also likely be even more fine getting the vaccine. However, there are people with chronic health conditions, disabilities, etc, that prevent them from being able to get the COVID vaccine OR catching the disease itself. As a nation, we all need to become immune and squash out the viral menace for the sake of those that aren’t as fortunate as us to be so healthy.

It is as simple as that.

No one has paid me to say any of this, I just really believe in getting over this fucking pandemic because I want to go back to the bars sooner than later.

Order This Print



Terminal Lance Easter 2021

April 4, 2021

What could be a more valuable reward than the virtues of Marine Corps leadership? If you’re lucky, you may even find the grand prize egg containing an NJP. JJ tied a buckle for your sins, and today is the day that we celebrate his knot skills.

Grab your basket and start searching for hidden prizes.

By searching, I mean police calling the barracks. By basket, I mean trash bag.



Terminal Lance “Barracks Lawyer II”

March 27, 2021

Amendment III: No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Seems pretty clear-cut to me that the 3rd Amendment of the United States Constitution was designed to stop would-be Jodie soldiers from bedding in places they aren’t supposed to. A soldier (specifically) sleeping in another man’s house surely makes the cut here, legally speaking. The founding fathers of the United States truly planned for everything.

Of course, a constitutional loophole is that this clearly only applies to Army soldiers, and not Marines, Sailors or Airmen. Maybe the founding fathers didn’t think of everything, after all.



Terminal Lance – Stimulated

March 22, 2021

Marines are famously great with money. Well, they’re not great at keeping it, but they’re great at spending it. All the more reason that the economic stimulus checks of $1400 are better spent with Lance Corporals than anyone else. If the purpose is to put the money back into the economy, Lance Corporals will happily dump $1400 into beer, strippers, and new cars faster than they got it.

This is what happens when most of your income is completely disposable. Of course, there are many Marines with real obligations and money sense, but the vast majority of young E-3’s live in the barracks, eat their meals at the chow hall, and don’t have to pay anything for health care. What else are you going to do with your guaranteed bi-weekly government paycheck?

This is why I’m announcing that I’m going to open a theme park outside of Twentynine Palms specifically for Marines to waste their money on. Beer, guns, strippers, coffee, roller coasters, you name it. Terminal Lance Land coming soon (not really).




March 12, 2021

I’ve always unironically loved those old-school recruiting posters from World War II. The art of bold, fast propaganda illustration is a lost art that I wish the military still utilized. Legendary artists like JC Leyendecker, Norman Rockwell, and even Walt Disney partook in the recruiting efforts of yore. It’s a shame we don’t have anything like that for today’s military.

Luckily for you, I’ve made this poster for the modern Marine.

Edit: Posters are officially sold out, but you can still order an 8.5×11″ signed print.

Limited edition prints are now available of this poster!

Check to the right (on desktop) or down below (mobile) for the print ordering button. Shipping is included in the price, check out with PayPal. (Domestic orders only)

If you’re into NFT’s and cryptocurrencies, I’ve minted a single-edition high-res NFT of this poster up for auction on Rarible. Check it out here!



Terminal Lance “The Transformation”

March 5, 2021

Enlisting into the Marine Corps can be quite the transformative experience. For some, moreso than others. While many are able to resist the temptations of becoming a total toolbag upon graduation from boot camp, there are just as many who succumb to the irreversible identity changes boot camp instills in young Marines.

What was once a chill, regular dude you went to high school will return home with a fresh high-and-tight haircut and a moto shirt he bought at the MCRD PX on graduation day. Instead of speaking like a regular person in your town, he speaks in strange idioms and manners he picked up from his Drill Instructors. He asks you, repeatedly, if you “undastand” him, or if you’re “tracking.”

Be patient. Do not blame him, for he knows not what he has become.

Give him a couple of years in the fleet to wash off all the moto, and slowly return to the person he once was. These things come in cycles, but be assured he does still exist in there somewhere.



Terminal Lance “Ambiance of Camp Wilson”

February 26, 2021

There’s really no rhyme or reason to the fact that toilets across the Corps are often without any doors or dividers of any kind. Try as I might, I can’t think of any real explanation for this fecal phenomenon. In nearly any training environment built specifically for Marines, going to the head becomes a forced social event with you and your best buds.

Here’s where I’m confused: the DOD budget for 2021 was nearly $700 billion dollars. How much could a stall door possibly cost? I mean really.

I suppose it kind of makes sense when you’re talking about boot camp, where the point is to dehumanize you. But what about the rest?

My personal theory for Camp Wilson is that, at some point, there were doors and stalls.

One day, someone fucked up.

Their CO decreed that they no longer be allowed to have doors and stalls while they shit.



Terminal Lance “Masked Up”

February 20, 2021

If there’s at least one upside to having to wear masks in the midst of the COVID pandemic, it’s that Marines can now safely grow out those thigh-ticklers in peace. When any Lance Corporal is given an inch, you can be guaranteed they will take it as many miles as they can. There’s nothing particularly fascinating or attractive about beards, but Lance Corporals make their money on small acts of rebellion, clinging to what slivers of identity they have left.

At this point I haven’t figured out if Marine veterans grow beards out of desire or out of spite for having not been allowed to grow it out for (at least) 4 years.

Can you believe the first comic strip I did about COVID was nearly an entire year ago? What a strange time we live in.



Terminal Lance “History in the Making”

February 20, 2021

For the first time in history, women have begun training as Marines at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, marking a historic first for “Hollywood Marines.” [Marines trained in San Diego are colloquially known as Hollywood Marines, despite the fact that Hollywood is absolutely nowhere near San Diego.]

This is of course a complete non-issue for most sane people, but it hasn’t stopped the vocal minority of Angry Facebook Veterans from espousing their displeasure at the idea that… Women are being trained in a new location? This doesn’t make any logical sense, since women have been in the Marine Corps since Opha May Johnson in 1918. The idea that there’s some sacred tradition of not training women in San Diego is the most neckbeard incel shit I’ve ever heard.

Some people still don’t believe that recruits go to the Padres game at MCRD San Diego, but I am here to tell you that they in fact do. I went to the game myself when I was a recruit, and I stuffed my fat fucking face with all of the junk food I could buy. Women will now be graced with this blessed excursion from the Depot, if only for a couple of hours.

Let them eat hot dogs.



Terminal Lance “The After-Field Drive Thru”

February 8, 2021

Things get emotional when you come home from the field. The drive thru immediately after turning your weapon into the armory is a ritual we’ve all partaken during our enlistments. After days or weeks of little sleep, no showering, and a gut full of slowly digesting MRE’s, a McDouble off the dollar menu is a beefy treat from the gods.

Fast food workers are the real heroes to Marines fresh from the field.

Of course…you’re going to need some fast food to move those MRE’s along.