Author: Maximilian

  • Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest Winner

    Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest Winner

    Over the last week or so, we ran a comic strip contest for a chance to win a loot box of TL goodies. We had a bunch of talented folk, both military and civilian, enter the contest and come up with some funny Marine Corps comics to be featured on TL.

    However, there could be only 1 winner voted on by the Terminal Lance Discord community…

    Tesa Teloungu! This person also runs a really great comic series that mixes fantasy and Marine Corps humor into a creative mishmash. Check them out here!

    Here are additional entries for your entertainment:

     

  • Welcome to the Rapture

    Welcome to the Rapture

    Marines have a tumultuous relationship with God and other heavenly beings. Some claim that God seems to love Marines, but if that were true, why does he make them stand post on the streets of Heaven? It seems Marines can never catch a break, alive or dead, and so it would be fitting that even if the world were to end tomorrow, you’d still have to go on this field op.

    Pack your shit.

    I got really sucked into the whole rapture thing this week, but probably not for the reasons that the insane people on TikTok who believe it’s happening do. You see, I came across the Panama meteor alien on TikTok randomly, which told TikTok that I must really love dumb conspiracy stuff, so consequently the algorithm started serving me up a ton of weirdos preparing for this heavenly event.

    If you want some extra behind-the-scenes with commentary from yours truly on this comic, head over to the official TL Patreon. I’m also uploading these behind-the-scenes bits to FB and Instagram if you’d prefer to subscribe there. Terminal Lance is 100% independent since 2010, so please check them out if you feel inclined to support indie creators that make you laugh.

    I’d say the biggest challenge facing TL right now is just that everything is so segmented these days. There are just so many social media platforms and I’ve been trying to find an elegant way to tie them all together. Terminal Lance ultimately lives right here on this website, but ad revenue, subscriptions etc are done on different platforms.

    In the meantime, we have a CONTEST going on right now! Check it out right here for a chance to win some TL swag.

  • TERMINAL LANCE COMIC STRIP CONTEST

    TERMINAL LANCE COMIC STRIP CONTEST

    🎨 Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest 🎨

    Are you a prolific port-a-john artist and want to make the Marine Corps laugh? Show us what you got! We’re holding a Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest—your chance to flex your creativity and win some exclusive TL goodies.

    📝 How to Enter:
    * Create a comic strip about military life (ideally the Marine Corps).
    * Medium is up to you—draw it, paint it, sculpt it, carve it, whatever. If it tells a story in comic strip form, it counts.
    * Submit your entry by September 30th, 1200 PST.

    📩 Submission:
    * DM Terminal Lance on FB or Instagram, post on the official #comic-contest room on the TL Discord, or email at social@terminallance.com with the subject COMIC STRIP CONTEST
    * Make sure it’s clear and easy to read!
    * Ideal dimensions: 1080×1350 px for maximum readability on social media

    ⚔️ Voting:
    * After the deadline, the TL Discord community will vote on their favorite strips.
    * The comic with the most votes wins!

    🎁 Prize:
    * The winner will receive a Terminal Lance Care Package loaded with TL goodies.

  • Hostile Takeover

    Hostile Takeover

    MARINES! ATTENTION! This is a HOSTILE takeover! My name is 1stSgt Reynolds coming to you this morning from my beloved Camp Pendleton, California. I have COMMANDEERED this TERMINAL PANTS page in the name of good order and discipline. For FAR TOO LONG this account has POLLUTED the minds of junior Marines with whining, sarcasm, and the kind of UNSAT barracks humor that is INCOMPATIBLE with maintaining GOOD ORDER AND DISCIPLINE.
    Let me be clear about something: I do not like this “Lance Corporal” Maximilian URINATE whatsoever. His “comics” have corrupted the very foundation of this beloved Corps and we can NO LONGER allow him to denigrate the legacy of 250 years of Marine Corps traditions.
    Beginning today, there will be no more TERMINAL PANTS. You want funny? Here’s a funny comic for you: maybe if you didn’t COMPLAIN and MOAN all day, you’d get to be treated like the adult you THINK you are. If you think this is a joke, think again. Marines don’t need JOKES. Marines need DISCIPLINE. Marines need BEARING.
    MAXIMILIAN URINATE had his fun, but his reign of laziness and mockery ENDS HERE. Consider this page under new management.
    Semper Fidelis,
    1stSgt Reynolds
  • Saltpeter

    Saltpeter

    A legend that has persisted for as long as I can remember is that of the saltpeter-tainted food at bootcamp. As it goes, the reason no one gets an erection while at the Recruit Depot is because they put something in the food to keep the recruits unaroused. You see, it’s not because you’re stressed out, getting yelled at by sweaty dudes, or being hazed until you pass out.

    It’s the food!

    Incredibly, this myth has been around for… well… ever. I guess it’s just unfathomable to most that they may be unable to achieve arousal unless there’s some insidious secret behind it.

    For my part, while the 3 months of recruit training was the longest I had ever gone without… relieving the pressure… I know it wasn’t the food, because it was also the only time I’ve ever had a wet dream in my life, so there’s that.

    Thankfully, it was a couple of hours before reveille.

  • With a Purpose

    With a Purpose

    The clipboard is a ubiquitous commodity amongst the Staff NCO ilk for its ability to imbue one with the aura of looking really busy. See a Marine with a clipboard? They must be doing something pretty important. Something that requires… A clipboard… maybe it’s a list or inventory or something. I don’t know.

    Better leave them alone. Wouldn’t want to get in their way.

    You’d be surprised at how far you can get with a few life hacks like this and a fresh haircut. Like the camouflage on your back, hiding in plain sight can often be the best strategy to get by.

    In other news, TL has been going through some shifts and changes and I think we’re on the cusp of some fresh changes around here. In the meantime, take a look at the new Terminal Lance store and stock up on official TL merch. We just dropped a new Graphic Novel collection of tees this week with designs from The White Donkey and Battle Born: Lapis Lazuli.

  • The Ejunkulator

    The Ejunkulator

    In the military, things can get real really quick. It goes without saying then that most Marines should probably pay attention during their mandatory training, but the vast majority of them probably don’t. I know myself well enough to know that you’ll find more doodles in my “Rite in the Rain” notebook than 9-lines or SOP’s.

    I think there’s a common fear any Marine has of actually needing to be the guy in the moment to save the day. Are you that guy? They say your training kicks in when things hit the fan, but what if your training consisted of you falling asleep during your class in the air conditioned base theater on a hot day?

    You’re probably not the only one. Hopefully the Marine to your left or right actually took some real notes.

    View a behind-the-scenes breakdown of the creation of this comic on the Terminal Lance Underground. Terminal Lance is and has always been 100% independently owned and operated by yours truly, so consider supporting the war effort by signing up.

  • Becoming Alpha

    Becoming Alpha

    There’s a lot of pressure on young men to become “alpha” these days, and no shortage of greasy snake oil salesmen willing to offer them a solution. In an age of incel-fluencers like Andrew Tate, it’s easy to see how the burgeoning male mind in a confusing time of life can become sucked into the noise.

    The similarities of this 3 day experience to Marine Corps bootcamp are no accident, as one of the chief architects of the most infamous of these programs  is a Marine veteran himself. Who else would know better than a Marine the drifting angst of lost young men.

    I do think there’s a real conversation to be had around the ideas of manhood and the struggles that young men face today, but these “alpha male” courses, workshops, books, brands and faces are not after that. They are after a few bucks in any way they can make it. Grifters that can smell blood in the water. Podcasting and influencer culture have given rise to an entire economy of men seeking men to preach and to listen.

    For what it’s worth to any young men reading this, sweaty influencers yelling at you for 3 days isn’t going to make you an alpha. It may, however, make you a few pounds lighter after losing $18,000 from your wallet.

  • 33 – Animated Short Film

    33 – Animated Short Film

    The story of a man and his young clone on a voyage into the unknown… My sci-fi 2D original animated short film “33” is now available to watch publicly on YouTube!

    Written, directed, hand-animated, and voice acted by yours truly and winner of Best Animated Short at the Santa Monica International Film Festival in 2025. I wrote “33” after my son was born during COVID, where I spent a lot of time isolated with a young baby as a new father. The experience caused me to reflect a lot on the idea of generations, with a lot of introspection on myself. When I looked into my son’s eyes, I often saw my own looking back at me.

    I wrote the script in Final Draft myself, then storyboarded and formed an animatic using ToonBoom Storyboard Pro.

    I designed the characters myself using Procreate on iPad Pro. I was going for a kind of realist American animation vibe that somewhere in between Disney and anime. The costume design was really just “futurist gray pajamas” for the most part.

  • Rest in Peace

    Rest in Peace

    So few of us can stay so true to ourselves until the very end. It takes honor, courage and commitment to maintain this level of professionalism until the final breath.

    Marines of all ranks and strides have found themselves victim to the ire of Staff NCO’s at some point or another. However, the First Sergeant takes the cake as the least likable of them all in an average organized setting. They often find themselves in the predicament of being the highest enlisted authority, while also not being so high to be out of sight (like a Sergeant Major, for instance). As such, they are more common to run into and terribly easy to cross at the wrong moment.

    Rest in peace, First Sergeant. May you find Marines to yell at standing post along the streets of heaven.