Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Gotta Catch Em All!”

July 12, 2016

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or have an old flip phone), you’ve probably seen the craze that is the new Pokemon GO app on smartphones. Twenty-something year olds have taken to the streets as kids again, enslaving iconic Pokemon into their red and white orb prisons and sending them into virtual battle.

I’m pretty sure the Marine Corps almost completely shut down this week with Marines across the continent engaged in the hunt.

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Why is the world’s most hardened fighting force so obsessed with this silly game? If you’ve found yourself bewildered and scared over the last week in lieu of this new craze, I’m going to fill you in on some key information.

Remember that silly Japanese Gameboy game that kids were obsessed with in the late 90’s? The one with the Pikachu and the cards and the toys and the movies and the billions of dollars? Well, kids grow up, and many of them are in their mid-twenties now. These people probably grew up literally obsessed with Pokemon at the time, and are now reliving the nostalgia of their childhood.

Not to sound like a badass, but I actually still have two holographic Charizard cards. Yeah, it’s okay, you can change your panties. I’ll wait.

But for real, the entire Corps is obsessed. The Japanese had it all wrong with World War II. Pearl Harbor was a terrible plan to defeat the United States military, all they had to do was develop some super cute animal things that you lob balls at all day. If only they would have thought of it sooner!

Sorry for the lack of update last week, it ended up just being kind of a crazy week. I ended up needing to go to the ER due to a bad sinus infection and then I found myself in San Francisco speaking at the Marine’s Memorial Club hopped up on antibiotics and Pepto Bismol. I want to thank everyone that was able to come out for your support, it was a great night and I had a lot of fun! I especially want to thank Christopher Starling and the rest of the staff at the hotel for their hospitality, it’s truly a beautiful place to visit and stay. If you’re a Marine and you’ve never been, I really do encourage you to go, you won’t feel more welcome anywhere else.

On a side note, a lot of weird shit has been going on in my apartment lately. If I suddenly die of mysterious circumstances or develop some crazy form of cancer, just assume I’ve been assassinated lol but seriously what the fuck.

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