It’s that time of year again, when the moto-boners are rock hard and the guilt-tripping Angry Facebook Veterans come out of their dark basements to tell you you’re a piece of shit for not dedicating every waking moment of your life to honoring the military.
Of course, I would be remiss to neglect that while Veteran’s Day is coming up on November 11th, the other major holiday for Marines is the Marine Corps’ 240th birthday on November 10th. With these tidings brings unwanted car washes and fundraisers to raise money for the ball that no one actually enjoys. I’ll save that rant for the comic I’m sure I’ll be doing next week anyway.
For those of you putting together your own tactical maps of where to get free shit next week, here’s a short list I stole from Time.
Applebee’s: A choice of seven different meals on the house (beverages and gratuity not included).
Bob Evans: Free all-you-can-eat hotcakes.
California Pizza Kitchen: A free entrée from special menu.
Cheeseburger in Paradise: Free All American Burger and fries.
Chili’s: Free meals from a special menu.
Denny’s: Free build-your-own Grand Slam Breakfast from 5 a.m. to noon.
Friendly’s: Free Big Two Do breakfast or free All American Burger meal for lunch or dinner.
Golden Corral: A “thank you” dinner and fundraiser will take place on Monday, November 17, and veterans and active-duty military are welcomed to a free buffet and beverage from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Handel’s Ice Cream: Free single-scoop ice cream cone.
Hooters: Free entrée (up to $10.99 value) with any drink purchase.
IHOP: Free order of Red, White, and Blue pancakes anytime between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.
Krispy Kreme: Free small coffee and a donut.
LaMars Donuts: Free 12 oz. coffee and a donut.
Olive Garden: Free entrée from special menu.
On the Border: Free “create your own combo” meal.
Shoney’s: Free All American Burger.
Starbucks: Veterans and active military and their spouses each get a free tall coffee.
TGI Fridays: Free lunch from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Texas Roadhouse: Free lunch from special menu.
Tim Hortons: Free donut, anytime during the day.
Of course, I’m expecting the typical guilt-tripping comments like “I don’t take advantage of that,” etc. To which I say, good, less waiting time for me.