Tag: featured

  • Best of the Worst

    Best of the Worst

    The existence of a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps is pain. You spend all day, every day just trying to avoid getting yelled at and shit on in every direction. Among the reasons for your severe depression are the various institutional roadblocks you’ll come across from time to time.

    The front desk POG at IPAC (where you need to go to handle all your paperwork, records, etc) is almost always too busy and annoyed to care about what’s going on with your shit. The SODEXO employees are damn-near trying to kill you with salmonella. The armory custodians make nearly every day twice as long as it needs to be with their insane standards of rifle cleanliness… And finally there’s CIF (now called IIF), who can essentially stop-loss you on the spot if they feel like your flak has one too many stains on it.

    How can you pick just one?

    In other news, there’s some fun new stuff planned for TL that I’m hoping to launch soon, but we also have a lot of fun going on over at the official TL Discord. Think of this as the official “group chat” of Terminal Lance. Come by, hang out, say hi. Link below:

    Official TL Discord.

  • Elden Ring – Review
    SCORE
    9/10

    Elden Ring – Review

    It’s basically impossible to talk about Elden Ring in a vacuum. The game is not officially part of the Souls series from the same creator, but it is the same tried and true formula (including some very familiar art and sound direction). If you’ve played any of the following games beforehand:

    • Demon’s Souls
    • Dark Souls
    • Dark Souls 2
    • Bloodborne
    • Dark Souls 3
    • Sekiro

    …You’re going to feel very comfortable starting up Elden Ring.

    Where Elden Ring surprises and exceeds expectations is in its sprawling open-world design. Not since 2017’s The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild have I felt so immersed and transported into an open world. Like Zelda, Elden Ring doesn’t hold your hand when it tosses you into the Lands Between. You are dropped into the dark fantasy world, given a basic rundown of your moveset, and given the keys to the kingdom to go anywhere you please. There’s an undeniable and rewarding sense of discovery and awe as you traverse the vast landscape on your mystical mount, finding little pockets of story and adventure around every corner.

    As I said before, it’s impossible to talk about Elden Ring on its own, because the game borrows so much from so many other games. Obviously, the previous Miyazaki/FromSoftware titles, but also nearly as much from Zelda and Dragon’s Dogma. It’s the blend of genres and ideas, filtered through the good taste and eye of its director, that make Elden Ring an experience of its own that is hard to put down.

    Combat in Elden Ring is essentially the same as any Dark Souls game, with the main difference being the new Ashes of War system (weapon arts), that allow you to imbue essentially any weapon with powerful skills featuring distinct animations and effects. It adds another layer to the formula that makes it unique enough to feel fresh.

    I will admit that the boss selection in Elden Ring was not my favorite. The highs of Dark Souls and Bloodborne are hard to top, but there are some memorable encounters that will certainly test your skill (and your sanity).

    These games have a reputation for their difficulty, but I never felt like being difficult was the point. Like the titles before it, Elden Ring is a game that refuses to help the player. It presents itself to you as it is, gives you the tools you need to succeed, but requires that you rise to the challenge. There’s no difficulty slider here, you either win or you lose and try again.

    As far as art direction and lore goes, the game was heavily advertised as a creation of George RR Martin. I wasn’t particularly excited about this aspect, because I felt like Miyazaki didn’t need George RR Martin to make something interesting. As such, I actually found Elden Ring’s world to feel more generic high-fantasy than Dark Souls or Bloodborne, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I think the open world environment demanded a more sprawling idea. You can go deep if you want into item descriptions and background, but the game doesn’t require you to. (I still barely understand half of it)

    As a huge fan of FromSoftware’s selection of games mentioned above, I really enjoyed the 130 hours I put into my first play-through of Elden Ring (pure STR build, Greataxe). After I finished the game, I found that the open world was the game’s greatest strength and also its greatest weakness when compared to the other titles. It’s easy to jump into a second round of the tightly-woven Dark Souls 3, but I have yet to have any desire to do another run of Elden Ring. The sense of discovery and wonderment as the sprawling map opens up to you is part of the experience, and without it, the game loses a lot.

    With all that said, I found the game to be an impressive feat of both technology and gameplay. I played the game natively on PS5, where load-times were diminished to fleeting moments (only when fast-traveling). It’s truly a masterpiece in many ways, and one that will keep you hooked from start to finish.

  • Meritorious IV

    Meritorious IV

    Chongo makes his return (7 years later!) to illustrate the simple standards of Marine Corps leadership. Does a Marine need to be smart and/or a decent person to be a leader? No, not as long as he can shoot good, run fast, and take apart weapons and put them back together again real quick.

    Chongo get haircut every weekend. Chongo yell at new employees. Chongo strong, does many pull-ups. Chongo marry stripper.

    Chongo would be the perfect Marine (if he weren’t an employee at a Fortune 500 company).

    Be like Chongo. Succeed in Corps.

  • TARRRRRRGETS

    TARRRRRRGETS

    Everyone in the Corps has some kind of experience on the rifle range. Marines qual upon enlisting during boot camp, and then maintain their qualifications annually. (If you’re infantry, you’re probably shooting a lot more than that.)

    One thing that never changes for everyone, regardless of MOS or rank, is that person in the tower (or kart depending on the range) that officiates the range activities. As an average Lance Corporal, I never really knew where this guy came from. Was he in our unit? Did he work there permanently? He sounds the same at every range; does he follow me from rifle range to rifle range? I still don’t really know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know that this dude loves the word “targets.”

    SHOOTERS, YOU MAY COMMENCE FIRING WHEN YOUR TARRRRRRRRGETS APPEAR!

    CEEEEEEEEEASE FIRE, CEASE FIRE, UNLOAD, SHOW CLEAR

    These phrases are burned into my memory like my hot brass burnt into my buddy’s neck on Tables 3 & 4.

  • God Save the Queen

    God Save the Queen

    In case you have been out in the field for the last week and/or prefer to only get your news from incredibly good-looking, well-endowed artists, I need to inform you that the Queen of the United Kingdom died a couple days ago. Queen Elizabeth II has served as the reigning monarch of the United Kingdom for 70 years, and even did a stint in the UK military during WWII (doing POG stuff, but still).

    I know people have… Opinions… On the Queen, royal family, the British, etc., but I don’t need to get into any of that. Having been married to a British woman for the last 5 years, I admittedly have a soft spot for London and the UK. For my own part, I never thought much about the royal family at all prior to meeting my wife. However, having been to London on numerous occasions, seeing Buckingham Palace with my own eyes, and even getting a behind-the-scenes look at the King’s Guard horse stables (courtesy of a fan in the British Army), I probably have a more personal appreciation for our friends across the pond than most Americans.

    The UK is a beautiful country. As someone born and raised in the American west–the frontier–I’m always awe-struck at the weight of lineage and history on display in London and across England whenever I visit.

    Maximilian Uriarte at Buckingham Palace (2019)

    I am, by all accounts, a dedicated and fiercely loyal American. I unironically love and believe in America more than most people probably realize, and I continue to live happily in the American west (California). With that said, this week, my heart goes out to my British friends.

    God Save the King.

    On a personal note, I apologize for the lack of new comics lately. I just did a house move during the hottest Labor Day weekend on record in southern California. I probably lost about 20 lbs hauling heavy shit up and down stairs in 100 degree heat over the last week. On top of this, I’ve kind of just been in a personal funk, to be honest. Without going into too much detail, it’s been a hard year for me in a few different areas and I’m trying to pull myself out of it. With a 16 month old baby, I kind of reclused a lot and just focused on him.

    I don’t really get personal on here anymore like I used to. In some ways this is better and allows me to stay focused on humor and on-brand, but I do sometimes feel like I’ve lost that personal connection with the audience that I used to have. In any case, I’m back up and running here and am looking forward to getting things rolling again.