The Lance Corporal Underground

Don’t tell anyone this, but I heard Stephens and Nash told everyone they were getting married for the BAH and to move out of the barracks… But they’re actually gay and in love.

I got a buddy in Quantico that told me the Commandant is actually a computer animated hologram like Tupac.

I heard that President Obama wanted to reenlist for another 4 years, but the cutting score was too high.

I heard your name came up in the staff meeting yesterday. I dunno, man. Probably nothing to worry about.

I heard the armory actually has a ton of firing pins laying around.

Samson told me he slept with one of the chow hall ladies, and now he gets double dessert every day.

Doc is gay.

My buddy at IPAC told me that we already have a woman in our platoon. It’s Browns, she just gets a medium-reg and uses a she-wee so no one notices.

I read in the Marine Corps Times that we’re getting a new rifle any day now.

Chuck over at the company office told me Gunny switched from coffee spiked with Bailey’s to just Bailey’s now.