Author: Maximilian

I have to admit, I always wanted to be experimented on and turned into a cyborg ninja. I mean, who doesn’t? At the very least, I was hoping to be part of some kind of super soldier Marine program like Captain America. I was sadly disappointed to find out when I enlisted that secret government black projects that transformed regular people into hardcore badasses wasn’t particularly commonplace, despite what you see in movies and video games.

Uncle Sam, if you’re reading this, I will still totally volunteer to be turned into a cyborg ninja or something. Just hit me up.

As for Garcia, I have to agree that his name does sound better than Deepthroat. If you’re confused by any of this, I suggest catching up on both Metal Gear Solid and the Terminal Lance graphic novel “The White Donkey” for context. We’re nearing the end of this MGS-inspired ripped-off adventure, and I’m hoping to get things back to normal around here by the end of the week. Look forward to the conclusion of Terminal Lance Solid soon!

The Chief Warrant Officer is the only rank in the Marine Corps more adept in the dark arts of skating than that of the Lance Corporal. In the Army, the skating arts are known as “shamming,” and they are passed down from successive generations. Skating is essentially defined as the absolute avoidance of any and all work and responsibilities.

Lance Corporals quickly become masters of these skills, with their wings being clipped upon reaching the rank of E4 Corporal. The weight of NCO-hood on their shoulders prevents them from living in the shadows as they once did. It’s not that being a Corporal is particularly special, it’s just that most people get the fuck out either right before they pick up (me) or shortly after, as it conveniently comes around the 4 year mark for most MOS’s.

Apologies for the delays, holiday travel got me in the ass, but we’re back in the beautiful US of A and ready to rock and roll for the new year. The 8 year anniversary of Terminal Lance is fast approaching, so these next few pages may be posted ahead of the regularly scheduled Tuesday and Friday update days to wrap this thing up.

Happy New Year and I’ll see you in 2018.

It can’t be any worse than 2017.

You’re witnessing here the power of the Chief Warrant Officer. They are a unique, sometimes mythical creature in Corps culture because they are rarely seen (intentionally) and revered as really the only experts of anything in the Corps.

No one really knows how Chief Warrant Officers came to possess such unbridled power, but it’s believed that they are fallen angels of sorts. They were once enlisted Marines, but have ascended too high, learning secrets and ancient magicks in the process.

Fear them, for they fear nothing.

Have a Merry Christmas, Marines.

CBRN (Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear) Marines are a unique bunch. Like a lot of MOS fields, they pride themselves on their unique duties within the context of the Corps at large. However, because of the distinct lack of chemical attacks happening against Marines in the wild, their main obligations are running the infamous gas chambers of the Marine Corps.

The gas chamber is annual training done to insure that Marines understand how to use their issued gas masks in a real, practical environment filled with CS gas (tear gas).

Well, that’s what they tell you anyway. Really, it’s just a small brick room where the CBRN Marines get to haze you once a year to feed their sadistic urges.

This comic was meant to go up on Friday, but I lost a day to the travel gods for the holidays. Stay tuned to find out if Abe can best the Chief Warrants Officer!

It can’t be! The twists and turns of the Metal Gear Solid story are really what set it apart from other games upon its release and today. What starts as a fairly straightforward military mission is soon turned on its head with unpredictable variables like cyborg ninjas, evil twins, and government conspiracies.

It’s kind of like the real military life, except instead of your best friends returning to life as cyborg ninjas, you’re more likely to be shocked and awed by infidelity and STD’s over the course of your contract. The only government plot that exists is the dark shadow of the Green Weenie trying to fuck you hanging over your every thought and action.

Okay, so maybe it’s not like the real military life at all.

(If the last lines of this comic are new to you, I really recommend reading “The White Donkey: Terminal Lance” for some context.)

On a slightly related note, I have no idea what the fuck Death Stranding is about, but I’m gonna buy it day one collector’s edition for sure.

Hey… You’re that Ninja…

It’s hard not to feel bad for the random guards in the Metal Gear Solid games. A while back I realized that, while everyone wishes they were the badass guy in a bandana, they’re actually the poor asshole standing post. As a Lance Corporal you’re not Solid Snake, you’re the sad, random douchebag that he slaughters his way through to beat the game.

This is especially apparent in Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, when you’re at Guantanamo Bay sneaking your way through Marines. I couldn’t help but wince every time I had to plow through the poor souls that happened to be standing post that day as I played through the game.

Stay tuned next week for the next Terminal Lance Solid!

There are few things in the Corps worse than being a boot. Actually, there’s only two things worse than being a boot: being a student or being a recruit. Not only do you get treated like a boot, but everyone knows you’re a boot just by looking at you. You can try to hide it with a low-reg haircut, or by avoiding the moto clothing section at the PX, but the stench will follow you until it sheds itself like the skin of a Snake.

Speaking of snakes, I went on a Twitter rant earlier about how much it bothers me that MGS series creator Hideo Kojima wrote himself into a hole with Metal Gear Solid 2 and 4.

Am still kind of mad that Kojima wrote himself into a corner with MGS4 and the Solid Snake story, because I always liked him more than Big Boss.

— Maximilian Uriarte (@TLCplMax) December 5, 2017

To expand on this, I really liked Solid Snake as a character. He was well-written, well-read and could hold himself in a conversation. He exuded his own character in a way that Big Boss never really does. While Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater is a prequel in the game’s own story, it came out after 1 and 2 in real life. We know “Naked Snake” as a character only because he was blessed with identical character traits to what we know in Solid Snake from the previous 2 games. To me, this is lazy writing that is justified with the whole clone nonsense–which doesn’t really add up when you consider that Liquid Snake and Solidus Snake have different voices and behaviors. Simply put, I think Solid Snake is a better character than Big Boss and I think it’s really unfortunate that we never got more of him because Kojima went balls deep into ending his storyline with Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

As a result, we got stuck with endless prequels in the form of Portable Ops, Peacewalker, Ground Zeroes and Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.

In unrelated news, there’s a lot of cool new stuff coming, but the month of December is dedicated to this 10-part Terminal Lance Solid spin off. Stay tuned…

Kept you waiting, huh?

CBRN Chief Warrant Officer Quigley has taken the base hostage and is held up in the chemical weapons depot. He is threatening to unleash CS gas across the entire base! We have to stop him!

My favorite Metal Gear Solid game is probably the first one just because I find it to be the most iconic. Shadow Moses, cyborg ninjas, evil twins, government plots–the game has it all and doesn’t get bogged down into an esoteric slog like the second game. As well, the music from the PlayStation original is top notch (far better than the Gamecube remake from years later).

It goes without saying that I’m a huge Metal Gear Solid fan. It’s informed a lot of my work over the years; from the art of Yoji Shinkawa, to the weird (but awesome) writing of Hideo Kojima. So I figured, what better way to commemorate the 500th comic of Terminal Lance than with a 10 part Metal Gear Solid series for the holidays! This will run until the end of December and regular comics will resume in the new year. This isn’t the first time we’ve done a 10 part comic series, but it’s been a bit since the Revenge of the Dependapotamus.

On an unrelated note, I want to mention that we have an awesome new Christmas sweater and shirt on the official TL store. Click here to spread some Terminal Lance cheer for the holidays. Order by December 16th to receive before the holidays!

Making national news today was a hero of a Navy pilot that decided to grace ground-dwellers with a beautifully simple erect penis against the deep blue sky.

Penis drawings are a mainstay of the military across all branches. Dicks find their way into every facet of military life, from the bathroom walls to the people that yell at you for breaking rules you didn’t know existed. By god, even the women draw raging dicks on everything. It is one of the most basic, instinctual habits since the dawn of mankind, and it’s hilarious 100% of the time.

Of course, these pilots are in some deep water because the military loves to pretend it isn’t generally an adult daycare center for people with lots of guns and anger problems. I was interviewed earlier today for the Washington Post regarding this story, as I’ve apparently become one of the nation’s leading experts on dick drawing.

Now I’m just waiting for some Marines to up the ante on this, because the Navy is putting us to shame right now.

Speaking of dicks, I’ll be at Camp Pendleton TOMORROW! (Saturday, 11/17)

Find me at the new mainside PX by the front gate from 1100-1300. We should have copies of The White Donkey available for purchase there if you’re missing one. Come say hi!

No one ever wants to wake up in the field.

Your dreams will often lull you into sweet fantasies of being back home, out on the town, in bed with beautiful women, or really just anywhere but where you actually are. Waking up is the last thing you want to do, because really anywhere is better than here.

You hear the dreadful siren call of Reveille from the mouth of some boot you put on firewatch and you try to convince yourself–even just for a second–that it’s not real.

…But it is.

The rain starts to fall and you become aware of with the smell of the wilderness, the lingering odor of gunpowder from the rifle barrel next to your face, and 45 unwashed Marines filling your nostrils. You’re cold and all of it is shit.

Rise and shine.

You’ve got 15 minutes to piss and brush your teeth.

On a sidenote, I’ll be dropping by Camp Pendleton this weekend for a meet and greet and book signing. Stand by for the details!