Terminal Lance “Natty G in DC”

January 16, 2021

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or something, you probably saw that around 20,000 National Guard troops were deployed to DC in anticipation of next week’s Biden inauguration.

Honestly this is great. DC’s metropolitan area has surely been hit with the same economic downturn as most cities in America, so getting some troops in there to stimulate the strip clubs and Subways is really going to help turn things around. We can only hope that the capitol’s infrastructure can handle the influx of rock-solid MRE excrement and increased other bodily fluids entering its sewage system.

All of this is pretty crazy, but what I don’t understand is where the hell are their iso mats? Cold floors are no joke.



Terminal Lance “Silent but Deadly”

January 10, 2021

When Y’all Qaeda and Incel ISIS stormed the Capitol of the United States of America on January 6th, 2021, I kept hoping and praying that we would send in the best of the best… Silent, but deadly. America’s warriors of shadow and stealth…

The Silent Drill Platoon.

Since 1775, the Silent Drill Platoon has practiced a sacred oath of silence, fighting hand-t0-hand with bayonets affixed, in synchronous, choreographed strikes against our nation’s enemies. When not on treacherous stealth missions as an elite special operations force, they do ceremonies at the Superbowl or whatever.

Pray you never hear the clacking of their gloves and rifles heading in your direction… For it will be the last thing you hear.

(Legit considering turning “Silent Drill Platoon” into its own series of dope spec-ops stuff.)

In all seriousness, January 6th was an absolute shit show led by complete morons fighting for a bunch of made up conspiracy theories and total bullshit. The next time you think its a good idea to partake in an insurrection against the United States of America, try taking a break from Breitbart for a few minutes, step outside your mom’s basement, and fuck yourself in the sun. On January 6th there were Confederate (and Trump) flags being marched into the Capitol of the United States of America. That is a sight I never want to see again.

Terminal Lance has always been apolitical and I enjoy keeping it that way, but we’re so far past the point of what it even means to be “political.” If you supported this egregious nonsense against my beautiful nation, I don’t want your business anyway.