Terminal Lance #560 “Sunday at the Base Barber”

September 27, 2019

Haircuts and Marines… Name a more iconic duo. I hope you’ve cleared your weekend of any plans, because you’re about to spend at least 4 hours of your Sunday at the PX waiting for your weekly $7 head-scraping. Dare to show up Monday morning without a fresh ‘do and see how far you get before Staff Sergeant loses his damn mind.

I dare you.

Haircuts are as much a part of Marine culture as camouflage and dependents, but for whatever reason it seems to be one of those understated parts of the enlistment that you don’t really think about when you sign up. It’s also something that Marine bases are oddly underprepared for.

Literally the entire Marine Corps knows that 93% of the population needs to get a fresh haircut for Monday, yet each base stocks maybe 4 civilian barbers on any given Sunday to rake in those $2 tips.

In all seriousness, since it’s such a huge part of the culture, it should really just be an MOS. There’s already a dedicated Mexican in every barracks that can do a fade, just send him to beauty school already and put him in a squad bay with 40 other barbers each Sunday to glow-up the whole base.

It would take like 45 minutes tops.



Terminal Lance “Happy Easter 2019!”

April 21, 2019

It’s Easter Sunday for 2nd Marine Division, which I’m sure is just another work day. In case you missed it, the 2nd MARDIV Commanding General put out a blanket division-wide order the other day that micromanages the schedules of every Marine under the command. This is because (as the letter states), Marines and sailors are walking around with long hair, nonexistent or poor shaves, unserviceable boots and utilities and improper civilian attire.

Essentially, it seems that the Commanding General traveled around the unit and got extremely triggered at the sight of some fat nasties. It’s typical Marine Corps stuff, nothing new really–though I do appreciate the callout by MajGen Furness to yours truly here.

In any case, Happy Easter, Marines! Especially you 2nd Division gents–I’m sure you’ll need some Cadbury Eggs to soothe the unit-wide bullshit for a few weeks.