Terminal Lance “The Last Motivator”

January 12, 2018

I have to hand it to ILM… They did a fantastic job of taking out Adam Driver’s Oceanside-born moto tattoos in post production. How do I know Adam Driver has moto tats? Because of course he does. I would put money on it.

For those of you that don’t know, Kylo Ren was an 0341 with 1st Bn, 1st Mar for 2 years before being medically discharged. It’s no wonder he’s been naturally drawn to the dark side of the force, as most Marines I know tend to be more sympathetic to the Empire than to the Rebel Alliance. There’s something about being part of an organized, authoritarian military that makes the average Lance Corporal feel more closely akin to a Storm Trooper than Luke Skywalker.

I have plenty of feelings about The Last Jedi, not all of which are good. However, I will say that Adam Driver is by far my favorite part of the new trilogy. I actually first discovered his acting with the show Girls (the girl I was dating at the time was super into it and I was pretty into Allison Williams), and I thought he was amazing then as well. It wasn’t until after The Force Awakens came out that I found out he was a Marine. He actually is a great dude and does a lot for veterans and the arts, so you should definitely buy give him sex a beer if you see him.

In other news, the Terminal Lance Ultimate Omnibus is available for preorder, releasing on April 24th! This is the ultimate compilation of Terminal Lance comics, featuring nearly 500 comics from the website and 300 comic strips previously from the Marine Corps Times newspaper! Holy shit that’s a lot of comics! Click the image below to check it out!



Terminal Lance #469 “Endless Conversation”

April 21, 2017

An interesting phenomenon occurs in the lower ranks of the Corps where Marines can talk to each other literally 24 hours a day and never run out of shit to talk about.

Think about it this way: Marines live in very close quarters with each other, they go to work together, and most often spend their weekends together. Marines are never apart from each other in any practical sense, yet still they can’t seem to shut the fuck up when they’re together. Every topic is up for grabs and every topic becomes intrinsically interesting upon intellectual dissection and discourse.

Marines will spend their hours talking about everything from (most commonly) the women they have slept with (and how each of their respective vaginas differed from each other), to the difference between soft drinks being called soda or pop.

It’s soda, by the way.

Married couples don’t even talk to each other the same way that Marines do. I suppose when you’re isolated in a shitty situation together, pretty much anything is a worthy escape.

In other news, if you’re in LA this weekend, come by to the Los Angeles Festival of Books and come see me talk about my book and war literature in general with some other really awesome guests. I’m super cool in person and I will sign anything you put in front of me.

Here are the details! See you on Sunday.

As for Starkiller base, I have issues.

First off, how the fuck does the base get close enough to a star in order to suck it up into the gun? The earth is roughly 90 million miles away from our sun, and it’s fucking 90 degrees outside today here in LA. There’s no way a planet could get that close to a star without boiling its atmosphere off and murdering everyone on the surface.

Second, does the planet have hyperdrive capability? We never see any “engines” on the damn thing, how does it move around the galaxy and suck up stars? Can an entire planet travel through hyperspace?

Third, how do the beams move across the galaxy so fast? Traveling at the speed of light, it would take beams of light 4 years to reach the nearest star system to earth (Alpha Centauri), yet somehow this shit leaps across the galaxy in an instant.

Fourth, how could you possibly program a beam weapon to “seek” a target? We see it bend toward the planets in the film and it makes no sense.

At least the Death Star was believable.



Terminal Lance “Inauguration 2017”

January 20, 2017

I’ve asserted and maintained over the years that Terminal Lance remain apolitical, and I don’t think this strip changes that. As well, today is obviously a historic event worth paying mind to, regardless of who you voted for. This is also the first time since starting Terminal Lance that a new President has taken office. While we were definitely doing our thing in 2012, Obama’s presidency has presided over the entire life of this comic since it launched in 2010.

One passage from President Trump’s inaugural address that stood out to me was this:

We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the energies, industries and technologies of tomorrow.

I don’t think it’s a far leap to reach the most logical conclusion here…

We’re starting a galactic empire, you guys.


The only question that remains is will Marines be turned into Stormtroopers or will they gain the title “Space Marine.” This is an important distinction, and I think maybe we can all agree that Marines (having earned the title) should keep their Marine moniker.

My vote is for Space Marines, and the Army can be Stormtroopers. The Navy will take over command of Star Destroyers any other potentially massive super weapons and the Air Force will manage our expansive fleet of TIE Fighters.

“Air Force” doesn’t really make sense in space, since there’s no air, but you guys can be renamed to “Vacuum Force,” because of the vacuum of space.

Hey, I don’t make the rules.



Terminal Lance “Lord Mattis IV”

December 2, 2016

Let it be known, thee who mark history, General Mattis has officially been declared the next Secretary of Defense.

And it was good.

Okay I’ll get off the Mattis circle jerk after this one, but it was pretty much impossible for me to avoid the news yesterday that General Mattis was officially declared as the next Secretary of Defense. I mean seriously, like 700 of you assholes sent me articles about it.

It’s incredible though, to be honest, and worth noting that this ecstatic reaction from the military community is for good reason. I’ve seen some naysayers decry this announcement, but on no realistic grounds. Simply put, there is no one better suited for the job of commanding the military than General Mattis.

Very few people are resoundingly and universally loved by their subordinates, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone with actual military experience (deployments, real work, that kind of thing) disliking him. It wasn’t until after I exited the military that I was even familiarized with him, but after seeing him speak and meeting him face to face more than once, I can safely assure anyone with any doubts that he is the real deal. The hype surrounding him is not because he is a cold-blooded killer, but because he is a pragmatic, intelligent, and honest man. If you’re worried about the implications of a recently separated general being appointed to a top cabinet position: don’t.

General Mattis is not a “yes man”. He’s a “go fuck yourself” man, and we’re all lucky to have someone like that serving in this upcoming administration.