Terminal Lance #559 “Geek Corps”

September 13, 2019

Something that most civilians probably don’t know about the Marine Corps (and military at large) is that there is an unexpectedly large population of nerds and weaboos among the ranks. Anime posters, waifu body pillows, furry suits, video game collections, and other nerd paraphernalia are common sights in the barracks. In an organization where you’d expect to find nothing but the jocks and star athletes from high school, there is clearly something about the military lifestyle that attracts the misfits and the overlooked as well.

Perhaps there’s something to be said about succeeding in a space where no one would expect you to. Maybe there’s something about an organization known for its phenomenal ability to end human lives abroad attracts more interesting characters than you’d expect.

Whatever it is, you’ll find no shortage of the weebs, geeks, nerds and everything else across the ranks. For every typical drunken barracks brawl going on over the weekend, there’s likely a Mario Kart tournament or an Evangelion binge across the way.

Whatever you love to do, stay true to yourself. And remember… Your waifu is shit.



Space Lance #1 “The Final Frontier”

June 19, 2018

Definitely the most exciting military news to come out this week was the official declaration of the United States Space Force yesterday. At first I had thought that it was somewhat strange to need an entire military branch for space, considering that we have enough trouble getting people into space as it is ever since the shuttle program ended. However, I remembered that we have a serious problem with space debris in low earth orbit, formed from many years of missions and satellite launches and zero effort to actually clean up. The problem is so bad that many countries are figuring out ways to deal with it.

Some countries are opting for simple ideas like a laser that blasts the debris from the sky. However, we’re the United States, and what better way to flex our military might than to send Space Lance Corporals up for a Space Working Party to Space Police Call? I mean, what else are they going to do?

Earth Beautification Week begins now. Enlist today!



Terminal Lance #512 “Half Truths III”

April 24, 2018

It’s a metaphor. The Green Weenie is a menace to every enlisted orifice, starting early in a Marine’s career. So early, in fact, that you may not even be in the Corps when it claims its first victory over your vulnerable butthole. Welcome to the recruiter’s office… Let’s have a chat.

You’ll spend the rest of your mandatory four years wondering what the hell went wrong. How did you end up in this shit? Well, it all started at the Recruiter’s office. And never forget… He knew what he was getting you in to. Be wary of the Recruiter, for he is an agent of the Green Weenie, preying on young men and women and prowling high schools for its next victims.

In other very exciting news, today is the launch of the Terminal Lance Ultimate Omnibus! The Omnibus is a massive collection of Terminal Lance comics from over the years, featuring over 750 strips and 300 previously exclusive to the Marine Times newspaper. It’s online and in stores everywhere, so go pick it up!

In extra exciting news, Terminal Lance (and yours truly) was featured in the New York Times today by the amazing Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and former Marine officer Chris Chivers. It’s truly an honor, Chris was great and hung out with me for a day to write this awesome piece on everything Terminal Lance. Definitely head over and take a look, and look forward to it in print this week.

There’s a lot more exciting stuff coming along, so stay tuned…



Terminal Lance #504 “Recruiting Duty”

February 9, 2018

I could never be a recruiter. There’s something rather uneasy to me about targeting high school kids and propositioning them on behalf of Uncle Sam. As well, you have to be a pretty good salesman, and I’m painfully too honest for that line of work.

As a thought experiment, I like to imagine how the military would be if they raised the minimum enlistment age to 21 or even 25. How many people would actually enlist with just a little bit more life experience under their belts? How much less stupid would enlisted life be on a daily basis if everyone was just a bit older? On some level, these numbers seem arbitrary, but if a six month deployment can separate a Senior Lance Corporal from BootyMcBootFuck Boot Face, surely a few years would be night and day different.

With that said, there are of course benefits to doing the enlistment thing younger rather than older. For starters, by the time I got out and was using my GI Bill, I was only 23. That’s not too bad, considering college is filled with 18-22 year olds and I didn’t want to be the super old guy on campus.

As well, and probably more importantly, 18-24 is the perfect age range to be able to get the shit beat out of you every day and bounce back like it’s nothing.

You’ll be doing a lot of that in the Corps.



Terminal Lance #491 “Honor, Courage, and Lots of Commitment”

September 8, 2017

There’s a somewhat dubious amount of commitment involved in being a Marine. The standard contract is 4 years, though many are 5 depending on what MOS you choose. As are most things in the military, this contract is very one-sided, and it’s not you that gets the final say in anything. It may as well be a sheet of paper that states:


Unlike most occupations, you can’t quit if you decide it doesn’t suit you. At best, you can ride out your 4 year commitment and give your career planner the finger when it comes time to think about reenlistment. If you choose not to show up, because maybe it’s just not for you, you’ll be sent to prison. It raises the interesting question of how many people would willingly subject themselves to the Marine Corps lifestyle if they weren’t legally bound to it.

My guess is not many.

Imagine you meet up with a girl (or boy) on Tinder, you’ve never met them before but they had a solid profile. You know what I mean; not too creepy, clear photos, one photo with a puppy or some shit, with a bio that reads like a relatively sane person.

You meet up at your local bar and you hit it off well enough. She seems great, but you’re aware you’ve only known her for 45 minutes. Anyway, the mood is right so you decide to take her back to your place. Things get hot and heavy on the couch, and she gets up to the bathroom to freshen up before what is bound to happen next…

…She comes back with a 4 year relationship agreement.

Yeah that’s basically what joining the Marine Corps is like. It’s quite a gamble really, and 4 years is a significant chunk of life to give to pretty much anything… Though I’m sure your recruiter convinced you it wasn’t.



Terminal Lance #466 “Half Truths II”

March 24, 2017

Recruiters are a weird animal.

They’re one of the only groups of adult men that can prowl high schools for kids and not get put on some kind of watch list. Much like I’ve mentioned that I could never be a drill instructor, I don’t think I could ever be a recruiter either.

Don’t get me wrong, plenty of recruiters are totally normal people. However, there’s something uniquely nefarious about convincing young men and women to sign up for something that makes me uniquely miserable. They’re an easy target for a comic strip because literally everyone in the Marine Corps has had to deal with a recruiter at least once.

For the record, my recruiter was pretty chill and normal. He told me specifically that the Marine Corps was shit, and I would probably hate my life.

Because I’m an idiot, I thought that sounded really awesome, so I enlisted as an 0300 open-contract infantryman.

To each their own, I suppose.

On a side note, I want to mention that there’s a new shirt available in the Terminal Lance Store! Show everyone you belong to a totally rad battalion with our new “Unit Skivvy” available now.

All of our shirts are printed on real Soffe standard issue, OD Green skivvy shirts right here in Southern California by a Marine owned-and-operated print shop.

Unit Shirt