Terminal Lance “Things Are Heating Up II”

September 5, 2017

I’ll admit, I stole this joke from my old CBRN officer, but in reality it’s hardly a joke at all.

The new Cold War just got a lot hotter over the long weekend, as people stumbled back into work today to find that North Korea has been cooking up quite a shit storm by successfully testing a hydrogen bomb. Needless to say, I’m sure a lot of active duty and IRR Marines have been tossing and turning at night wondering if this thing is about to kick off.

I’ll admit, it’s refreshing to have someone outside of the middle east for once trying to kill us. However, engaging in a modern war with nuclear options on the table isn’t something that rests easy on anyone’s shoulders, and we should all be hopeful that the rhetoric dies down sooner than later.

Regardless, I’m sure a lot of Marines are counting the days left on their contracts with a sweat on their brow.

If you have any other questions about the technique illustrated in this comic, just form a school circle around the duck and he’ll explain in further detail.



Terminal Lance “Throwback Thursday”

August 15, 2017

What a sad state of affairs we’ve had over the weekend.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, this weekend saw violent Nazi and white supremacist protests in Charlottesville, where one innocent woman was killed and 19 others injured when some sister-fucking, racist hillbilly plowed his Dodge Challenger into a crowd of counter protesters.

Possibly the saddest part of all? People seem to be having a lot of trouble unilaterally condemning Nazis in 2017.

72 years after the end of World War II–the bloodiest war in human history, instigated by the Nazis–the Nazis (and white nationalists, supremacists, etc) have somehow duped a large chunk of the American right wing into defending them and their “free speech.” The partisanship on this situation is deafeningly stupid, with trash fake news like Breitbart and Alex Jones creating an easy out for racists by suggesting the real problem is the “antifa” and the “BLM” protesters for instigating violence against the Nazis.

At a certain point you have to really ask yourself if you’re on the right side of things here.

I’m going to share with you my secret for knowing whether or not you’re the good guy or the bad guy here. If you have a swastika anywhere on your body or within a reasonable vicinity of yourself and you think Hitler wasn’t that bad… You are the bad guy.

The toxic rhetoric of the election and the rise of fake alt-right news has allowed this foul excrement to gain traction in mainstream discourse. Once reasonable people are now taking to defending literal Nazis–a group many of our great grandparents swore to defeat through the most violent means necessary–and it is little more than depressing.

Fuck Nazis, fuck white supremacists and white nationalists, fuck the alt-right and whatever else they call themselves these days. The brave American men that fought and died on the battlefields of Europe and the Pacific would be ashamed of this. It’s sad that even Marines fall for this nonsense and completely forget what it means to be a real American patriot.


Stop reading fake garbage like Breitbart and Infowars on the internet and come back to reality. America needs to get its shit together and we can’t do it without you.




Terminal Lance #470 “Secret Weapon”

April 28, 2017

More like a one-man Corps, am I right?!

I often wonder what it’s like to be General Mattis, partially because I’ve never had a 13-inch penis, but mostly because the idolization and memefication of him has to be a strange feeling. The Legend of Mattis is further amplified by the modern phenomenon of social media, and honestly I’m not sure there’s ever been anything similar to compare it to within the military community. He really is like a legendary warrior at this point, only missing an eyepatch and a robotic arm.

As a general thing, I suppose it’s a good thing for the military as a whole to have a Secretary of Defense that is universally loved and adored across all ranks and rates. As far as the legends and memes go, those that have met the Honorable Secretary can attest that underneath all of the hype is a genuinely good, down to earth man that loves his Marines.

Also worth noting is that the 66 year old man likely doesn’t spend a lot of time shitposting on Facebook anyway.

He’s better off, really.