Terminal Lance #468 “Personal Financial Management II”

April 4, 2017

Man you can save so much money when you don’t have a life.

Marines are terrible with money. We all know the jokes about paying for a new Mustang with 75% interest, but they’re not really jokes at all because these motherfuckers do it every day. It’s always interesting how broke Marines generally are on that “Lance Corporal pay,” (myself included) when you consider the fact that single Marines don’t have to pay their own rent or for their own food if they don’t want to. The paycheck that Marines do get is nearly 100% disposable income, and it is more often than not disposed of at strip clubs and on copious amounts of alcohol from the 7 day store.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for anyone to live the boring ass life of an old man or worse, a Staff NCO; but I often regret how much money I wasted while I was aboard MCBH Kaneohe Bay. Let’s be real for a second, the chow hall food isn’t that bad.

Some of the best omelets you’ll ever have, to be honest.



Terminal Lance #460 “Addicted to Fail II”

February 24, 2017

Not even Jalapeño Cheese Spread matches the exchange value of a can of dip in the eyes of a tobacco addict, or rather, most of the Marine Corps. I never partook, but damn near everyone I know took up smoking at some point after enlisting. This, in turn, led them to consume copious amounts of dip (chewing tobacco) and leave their foul saliva bottles in the wake of their cravings.

My personal vice was caffeine–and largely still is. However, you’ve probably never seen a Marine in the field giving handies in the bushes for a sip of some dark roast. I was always smart about my addiction, and I knew if I was going to be in the field for more than a few days I would bring a small stash of energy drinks to avoid a headache.

Generally not the case when it comes to dip users, as not a single one of these motherfuckers has enough foresight to bring their own dip to the field. As an impartial observer, I was always amused at the endless bumming of tobacco out in the wilderness, a scarce substance that only a few were prepared enough to bring. These Marines become suppliers, rationing their pinches and hiding their cans from the vulture-like squad around them.

It surprises me that there weren’t more enterprising Marines like Abe here to take advantage of such a situation.