Terminal Lance “Club Four-Star”

July 12, 2019

It’s official: The Marine Corps has a new Commandant as of this week. The esteemed General Neller has stepped down into retirement, and his replacement, General Berger has taken over as the 38th Commandant of the Marine Corps. General Neller can now take his place in the circle of life, joining Jim Mattis and John Kelly in Malibu where they’ll all get lit and talk shit about Joe Dunford, who is stuck back at the Pentagon doing POG shit and being depressed.

At least, this is my headcanon of what goes on between the Marine Corps’ most recent four star Generals. My wife and I have this theory that they’ve got a group chat going where they talk shit about everything and everyone, and how much they can’t wait to fuck off into the sunset after it’s all said and done.

For my part, General Neller has always been a cool ass dude to me and to the Marine Corps. Under his command, he embraced outside the box ideas and was always a Marine’s Marine, being prior infantry. General Berger has some big corframs to fill behind papa Neller, but I’m wishing them both the best of luck in their new lives.

Bob, if you’re ever on the west coast, feel free to hit me up.

General Neller and Terminal Lance creator Maximilian Uriarte



Terminal Lance “Lord Mattis IV”

December 2, 2016

Let it be known, thee who mark history, General Mattis has officially been declared the next Secretary of Defense.

And it was good.

Okay I’ll get off the Mattis circle jerk after this one, but it was pretty much impossible for me to avoid the news yesterday that General Mattis was officially declared as the next Secretary of Defense. I mean seriously, like 700 of you assholes sent me articles about it.

It’s incredible though, to be honest, and worth noting that this ecstatic reaction from the military community is for good reason. I’ve seen some naysayers decry this announcement, but on no realistic grounds. Simply put, there is no one better suited for the job of commanding the military than General Mattis.

Very few people are resoundingly and universally loved by their subordinates, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone with actual military experience (deployments, real work, that kind of thing) disliking him. It wasn’t until after I exited the military that I was even familiarized with him, but after seeing him speak and meeting him face to face more than once, I can safely assure anyone with any doubts that he is the real deal. The hype surrounding him is not because he is a cold-blooded killer, but because he is a pragmatic, intelligent, and honest man. If you’re worried about the implications of a recently separated general being appointed to a top cabinet position: don’t.

General Mattis is not a “yes man”. He’s a “go fuck yourself” man, and we’re all lucky to have someone like that serving in this upcoming administration.