The Holiday Liberty Brief

July 3, 2021

These are the four bosses of the Holiday 96 liberty brief. You must defeat them in order to enjoy your weekend.

This weekend is Independence Day, the day that America celebrates its EAS date from Great Britain in 1776. Since the holiday falls on a Sunday, you’re likely to get an extra day or two off for a coveted “96” holiday weekend. It is customary, then, that your chain of command waste your time on Friday afternoon to tell you all of the amazing things they want to tell you prior to you getting to enjoy yourself.

There are other bosses that were not depicted here due to brevity requirements, but rest assured, you’ll also be given a briefing by your Company First Sergeant, Platoon Commander, Platoon Sergeant, and ultimately your Squad Leader, who will most likely just tell you to fuck off peacefully into the night.

That’s all I got for you, gents. Enjoy the holiday.

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Terminal Lance “Libo Squad”

August 25, 2020

Boots… Boots never change. Someone said to me that this comic could take place in 2020 or 1970 and it would change nothing. You may be asking yourself, what is it about boots that makes them so ubiquitously geeky? So ridiculously, over-the-top lame? Is it the fashion? The backpacks? The complete doe-eyed innocence in their nerdy swagger?

It’s a bit of all of the above. Boots can’t help themselves from being exceptionally awful because they don’t know any better. The Marine Corps is an honest cross-sampling of America, which is kind of what makes it such a wonderful place of immense diversity, but also a place of unpredictable bootness. Most of these kids joining the Corps have never left home, and never had anyone beyond their mom buy them clothes.

Equipped in their seabags with little more than their finest mom-jeans and their virginity, boots descend upon the small military towns of America ready to light up the town with their blissful ignorance. Tour any military town in America and find barely legal boots in packs and with backpacks ready to take on the world, innocent and free of shame.



Terminal Lance #516 “The Piggyback”

May 18, 2018

Does anyone have any saved rounds? No? Okay well let me just piggyback off what First Sergeant just said…

There are few things worse in a Lance Corporal’s garrison life than the piggyback. This is when a Staff NCO or officer feels desperately like he needs to squeeze in a few extra words or else the Lance Corporals of the company may go feral and eat the locals or something. This inevitably causes the weekend liberty brief to drag on, as each member of your chain of command feels compelled to tell you the same shit you just heard but in a different voice.

With that said, I’ll keep my weekend brief for you all short:

If you wouldn’t put your mouth on it, don’t put your dick in it.

Have a great weekend.



Terminal Lance #513 “Staff NCO Dreams II”

May 1, 2018

Marines need very specific instructions for the weekend. If you don’t tell them exactly everything they aren’t supposed to do, they will naturally assume that it is fair game. Need to make sure they don’t murder another human this weekend? Make sure it’s in the weekend safety brief, or regret it come Monday morning.

Okay, none of this is true, but you’d think it must be with the way Staff NCO’s love to give these fucking safety briefs before you can enjoy yourself for any length of time beyond a few hours. Marines are required to be legal adults before enlisting (generally), yet they’re treated like small, disabled children for the most part. Marines are old enough to shoot someone in the face, but not old enough for any real autonomy or responsibility.

In all honesty, I defend them, but we all know safety briefs usually only exist because they need to.

On a side note, I will be at Camp Pendleton on Friday at the new main side MCX by the front gate, 11am! Huge thank you to everyone who came out to Oceanside the other day, it’s always tons of fun meeting and greeting you guys! Come to the PX on Monday and leave a richer person with pockets full of Terminal Lance crayons.



Terminal Lance #479 “Stand By II”

June 16, 2017

Standing by for hours on end honestly isn’t all that bad, it’s when you’ll get the bulk of your video game time in to give you the chance to finally Platinum Bloodborne. Still, as we’ve pointed out before, Marines will bitch about basically anything.

Standing by has a storied tradition of fuckery for Marines. It’s when you have absolutely nothing important to do but your command can’t really release you at 11am or else eyebrows start to get raised. So they tell you to go to your room and “wait for word,” which usually means Staff NCO’s are in the company office drinking and bullshitting with each other until they can’t hide from their wives any longer (around 6 or 7pm) so they text your Squad Leader that you guys can actually be “off work.”

This is just the daily in the infantry. I mean, when your actual job description is to get shot at and shoot at people, what else does one do back in the rear?



Terminal Lance #468 “Personal Financial Management II”

April 4, 2017

Man you can save so much money when you don’t have a life.

Marines are terrible with money. We all know the jokes about paying for a new Mustang with 75% interest, but they’re not really jokes at all because these motherfuckers do it every day. It’s always interesting how broke Marines generally are on that “Lance Corporal pay,” (myself included) when you consider the fact that single Marines don’t have to pay their own rent or for their own food if they don’t want to. The paycheck that Marines do get is nearly 100% disposable income, and it is more often than not disposed of at strip clubs and on copious amounts of alcohol from the 7 day store.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for anyone to live the boring ass life of an old man or worse, a Staff NCO; but I often regret how much money I wasted while I was aboard MCBH Kaneohe Bay. Let’s be real for a second, the chow hall food isn’t that bad.

Some of the best omelets you’ll ever have, to be honest.