Terminal Lance “The Roast Beef”

January 25, 2021

It’s a widely known fact that everyone loves a Marine in uniform. However irresistible they may be to potential partners, Marines also can’t resist romancing essentially anything that’s willing and warm. As a result, it’s hard to take any kind of compliment seriously when it comes from a Marine, knowing that their steady paychecks single-handedly keep strip clubs within a 50 mile radius of any military base afloat and economically prosperous.

There’s obvious science behind this. Take any fit 19 or 20 year old Lance Corporal with poor impulse control, decent enough looks, and an overabundance of confidence, and you’ll end up with downright impressive pregnancy and divorce rates across the nation.

Naturally, this comic was inspired by an actual conversation with my own wife, who refuses to believe me when I say she looks great. She does look great, but she’s also not wrong.



Terminal Lance “Dear John”

June 12, 2020

Relationships and the Marine Corps go together like… Wait, no they don’t. They don’t go together at all. It’s no wonder that marriages in the Corps end at about an 85% divorce rate.

This sounds bad, of course, but I feel like if you compared the relationships and divorce rates of most 18-22 year olds, regardless of their enlisted status, you’d get similar results. It’s a simple fact of life that young love burns bright and burns fast. People just barely moving out of their parents house and figuring out who they are probably shouldn’t be making lifelong commitments to begin with.

Who am I kidding? If Marines weren’t the impulsive type they are, they would have never signed that contract at a strip mall anyway.



Terminal Lance #554 “Say Again Your Last”

July 30, 2019

Marines are known for many things: their tenacity for war fighting, spirit of brotherhood, and the ability to drink vast quantities of alcohol and still function are just a few. Marines also love to yell. Mostly at each other, but exceptions can be made. Go on to any Marine Corps base and your ears (if they work) will be filled with the distant echoes of asses getting chewed. Marines are taught to yell and to be yelled at as early as they step on those yellow foot prints; a lesson happily given by their Drill Instructors.

One of the most common complaints at the VA post-service is the ever-present, ever-annoying ringing in the ears known as Tinnitus. It’s almost a rite of passage for Marines, at least in the infantry, to say that you’ve entered and exited the Marine Corps with totally fucked ear drums. It means you’ve lived a full life! Full of explosions and loud noises, and you were man enough to do it without hearing protection.

Marines yell because they have to. With more yelling comes more hearing damage, and the cycle continues.

At the very least, you’ll have a few percentage points at the VA to look forward to when you get out.



Terminal Lance #521 “Full Disclosure”

July 6, 2018

Safe sex is important, and part of that is the full disclosure of any sexually transmitted diseases you may have acquired over the years. You’ll probably pick up quite a few from the Marine Corps experience–from achey back and knees, to tinnitus, depression, and probably some permanent DNA damage from drinking the water on base.

These STD’s are sexually transmitted from years of abuse by the Green Weenie. Time may heal some of these afflictions, but for the most part, they will stick with you for life. Give your sexual partners full disclosure if you’re a Marine, it’s the right thing to do. This is also in addition to the multitude of actual STD’s your dumb ass will probably pick up after a few MEU’s to Thailand, as well.

You may have noticed the hiatus over the last week, as I was up in Oregon for my own wedding! It was obviously a crazy busy trip, so I barely had a chance to maintain all of this while I was away. I’m back in beautiful Burbank now, and have a lot of fun stuff in store. Stay tuned on the official Terminal Lance Instagram, which is about to hit 300,000 followers!



Terminal Lance Solid #10

January 5, 2018

Happy 8th Birthday to Terminal Lance. I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for the support over the years. It’s been a long journey and has brought me to many exciting places, with plenty of ups and an equal amount of downs. I couldn’t ask for a better fan base, you guys have gotten me where I am and I’ll always be grateful to you.

There’s some great, big things in the works and lots of things coming up, so stay tuned…

Terminal Lance isn’t going anywhere.

On a final note, if this ending makes absolutely no sense to you and you’re really lost. Get caught up with the Terminal Lance graphic novel, The White Donkey, available everywhere books are sold.



Terminal Lance #499 “The Awakening”

November 14, 2017

No one ever wants to wake up in the field.

Your dreams will often lull you into sweet fantasies of being back home, out on the town, in bed with beautiful women, or really just anywhere but where you actually are. Waking up is the last thing you want to do, because really anywhere is better than here.

You hear the dreadful siren call of Reveille from the mouth of some boot you put on firewatch and you try to convince yourself–even just for a second–that it’s not real.

…But it is.

The rain starts to fall and you become aware of with the smell of the wilderness, the lingering odor of gunpowder from the rifle barrel next to your face, and 45 unwashed Marines filling your nostrils. You’re cold and all of it is shit.

Rise and shine.

You’ve got 15 minutes to piss and brush your teeth.

On a sidenote, I’ll be dropping by Camp Pendleton this weekend for a meet and greet and book signing. Stand by for the details!



Terminal Lance #483 “Married Marines II”

July 18, 2017

Marines often get married younger than most civilians. There’s a number of reasons for this: most of the time the only way for a couple to be together in the military is to be married, since Uncle Sam doesn’t care much at all for girlfriends. Some Marines just get married for the money or to move out of the barracks. Either way, once you leave the barracks… You’ll never be one of the bros again.

The barracks is a special place filled with its own culture of depravity and buck wild shenanigans… most of which are not compatible with a married lifestyle. There’s few things more sad than the married Marines that still try to hang out in the barracks on Friday nights.

Like, dude, go be with your wife.


Leave the barracks to the manically depressed single Marines, it’s bad enough that no one loves them as it is.

I suppose I have marriage on the mind recently since I just tied the knot myself on Friday. Don’t worry, I won’t be hanging around the barracks, but you’re still welcome to come over for game night.



Terminal Lance #465 “Fashion Fascist”

March 21, 2017

You won’t find a group of more aesthetically concerned straight men on the planet than you will in the United States Marine Corps.

Appearance is everything, and Marines make it known every day by berating and correcting others on their appearance and adherence to the standards of the Corps. Everything from haircuts to shoe-shine is free game when it comes to policing each other on their outward display. Admittedly, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, as everyone knows that Marines by far have the best uniforms.

I like to think that there’s a board of extremely gay men somewhere at the Pentagon deciding how to make Marines look the most fuckable of all of the branches of service. This will probably be a strip of its own by the end of the month.

Though, really, a group of extremely gay men describes most of the Marine Corps.

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