Terminal Lance #568 “Reinforcements Inbound”

January 10, 2020

Baghdad, Iraq, zero-three-hundred hours… You’re jolted awake in your sleeping bag by a loud rumbling at your side… An enemy attack? You’re not sure. You unzip the bag and pop your head out to take a look… It’s your racist uncle, fast asleep. He forgot his sleep apnea machine and his snores are louder than any mortar you’ve heard so far.

There’s obviously a very touchy geopolitical situation going on in the Middle East right now. Tensions are on the rise as the threat of war with Iran looms over the heads of our young men and women deployed to Iraq. They may or may not have feelings of their own about the situation. Most of the time spent as a Marine is just doing what you’re told, whether you want to or not. Your opinion, as a Marine, doesn’t matter there.

Of course, the opinions on the internet of divorced alcoholics with enlarged prostates don’t really matter either, but that sure doesn’t stop them from putting them all over the internet. As with anything that would be better off without them (like their ex-wives), the hardline Facebook Veterans are out in full force, stumping for a war with Iran that they won’t have to fight.

Let’s send them, I say. In the great words of Ken Watanabe…



Terminal Lance “Hashtag WWIII”

January 3, 2020

I can only imagine the surprise that Marines are arriving back to in their drunken and hungover stupors after the holiday leave block, as we kick off the New Year with quite a bang by assassinating a high level Iranian general in Baghdad. 2/7 Marines are already on the scene at the US embassy, many of them probably with alcohol and eggnog still on their breath as they drunkenly meander into the fray.

Hopefully there’s at least one Marine with some buzzers to administer much needed barracks cuts to those nasty scalps.

There’s been a lot of rampant Twitter speculation about this being the beginning of World War III, complete with its own hashtag and all. I won’t comment on the geopolitical dealings of such a surprising maneuver. I only hope that the Marines and soldiers being sent in are ready and willing for whatever happens next.

I’m sure they are.

I have a variety of emotions about the return to Iraq. Having been there myself on two deployments, years ago, it’s not something I was necessarily expecting. But, given the nature and history of these never-ending wars… perhaps I should have.

As a very unrelated aside, WE HAVE A CONTEST GOING ON! Check out the post below and submit your DUTY DOODLES to before the end of tomorrow (Saturday, January 4th, 2020)… We have some special stuff in store for the winners.

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TERMINAL LANCE DUTY DOODLE CONTEST: You have until the end of January 4th (11:59pm PST) to draw and doodle something fit for a portashitter wall! Draw anything! The only limit is your imagination, but try to imagine you’re bored on duty or stuck in a portashitter while drawing it. Email your high resolution drawing to with the subject “DICK DRAWING” or slide into our DM’s to submit a duty doodle. The best drawings will be featured on Terminal Lance and the winners will receive a free shirt. ORIGINAL ARTWORK ONLY. Please try to scan or get a high quality picture of your work, higher resolution the better! Happy doodling. #terminallance #usmc #marines #marinecorps #military

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Terminal Lance “The Boots and the Bees”

June 21, 2019

In every Senior Lance Corporal’s life, he must have a talk with his Boots about the possibilities of going to war. The boot will be awkward and scared to ask questions about it, but you just have to sit him down and have the talk. It’s better to just get it over with as early as possible.

The looming threat of war is always a constant possibility, but as a Marine it becomes a matter of “what is my next year going to look like.” What was once the droning expectation of going on a POG ass MEU across the pacific abruptly becomes an exciting prospect once a real war breaks out.

During peacetime, the Marines spend every waking moment hoping the headlines escalate into something worthwhile, something that gets them on the next plane and into the fray. While the civilians sit at home, worrying about the possibility of sending our brave men and women into a violent conflict, the Marines are worrying about the possibility of getting a Combat Action Ribbon before they EAS.

With the way things are looking with Iran today… It may be time for you squad leaders to sit down with your boots and give them the talk.