Terminal Lance #565 “Left Behind II”

December 13, 2019

Sometimes good ideas backfire tremendously. Staying back from leave is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you get to save up leave days and avoid seeing family you don’t actually like. On the other, you’re the only line of defense between the Marine Corps barracks and the wilderness surrounding it, meaning you will likely have a lot more duty than you would have otherwise. After all, if there’s not a Marine on duty, do the barracks even exist? Do they revert back to nature?

Is this what the barracks will look like with no Marine on duty?

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This is why you can never bring a date back to the barracks… no privacy. #terminallance #usmc #marines #marinecorps #military

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It may be worth it at the end, however, when you’re soaking up the sun, growing out your beard, and collecting those last few trickling paychecks on your terminal leave block. Put those leave days to work and save them up for that sweet, sweet DD-214 vacation.



Terminal Lance #537 “From Dusk Til Dawn”

February 22, 2019

Gunny and his Staff NCO friends have been trying to warn us for years the dangers of keeping a beanie hat on after sunrise. No matter the temperature outside, whether it be positive or negative 30 degrees in the immediate area around your bivouac, you will not wear a beanie hat once the sun comes up. Them’s the rules, Gunny just enforces it.

Why? Well, you can see the consequences of such hubris. Beanie hats are the devil’s gear, and the warming, holy rays of the sun react quite violently with it. God only knows what happens if you keep your hands in your pockets or wear white socks… I dunno about you, but I’d rather not risk it to find out.

The sun is a strange thing in Marine culture… When it is up, you must act and look professional at all times, whether you’re in the field or not. When it’s down? Bivvy sacks come out, beanies go on, skivvies come off, red flashlights light up; it becomes a free-for-all. Anything goes once the lights are out, so long as firewatch doesn’t stop you.

Enjoy those long nights in the field, because once the sun comes up, the beanies come off.



Terminal Lance #530 “You’re a Mean One III”

September 7, 2018

I found myself in yet another familiar predicament today when I woke up to a bunch of panicky emails from distressed Lance Corporals asking me to remove a video they had sent to me under the threat of non-judicial punishment. Keep in mind, the military operates on non-judicial punishment and not judicial punishment because the latter would require actual due process and, like, rights and stuff. By keeping things non-judicial, the military reserves the right to fuck you over for basically any reason they want.

What I find most despicable about this is the idea that some scared 19 year olds need to reach out to me instead of just the Staff NCO threatening to ruin their careers. I find myself to be quite a reasonable guy. If some SgtMaj of some battalion sent me an email saying something like:

Hey dude, I know this is stupid but I have douchebags breathing down my neck about (VIDEO), can you please take it down? My Marines are idiots. Thanks. With love, SGTMAJ Schmuckatelli

I’d more than likely not give two fucks about taking down some video with this kind of candor and honesty. Instead, I get something like this:

Because I am so disgusted at the fact that some poor LCPL’s have to plead with me, terrified, in poorly worded emails, now the entire Marine Corps has to see how fucking dumb this is.



Terminal Lance #477 “You’re a Mean One II”

June 6, 2017

As the modern social landscape shifts and changes, I would give the Marine Corps credit for generally doing a good job of adapting and overcoming the new challenges brought with it. However, one area that they’re still trying to wrap their heads around is social media.

A few months ago we saw this all come to a head and blow up with the nude photo scandal that rocked the Corps and reverberated across the nation. As a reaction, the Marine Corps implemented new guidelines and orders that pertained specifically to social media. This was a pretty necessary step in the right direction in order to maintain military discipline and order, which is completely understandable. The problem is that lately there’s been a fairly knee-jerk reaction to crack down on literally anything being posted on social media regardless of whether or not it’s morally abject or insubordinate.

As an example, the other day I posted a photo of a Marine stuffed into a main pack. It was pretty funny and harmless, and judging by the smile on his face, was not forced. Everyone had a good laugh about it except for the “commander,” who sent a bunch of panicked Lance Corporals and NCO’s my way to demand that I take it down and tell them who sent the photo so they could be punished.

For the record, Terminal Lance doesn’t snitch on Marines. Don’t ask me to. I’m not in the business of the great Green Weenie or the mighty Blue Falcon, and unless someone is breaking the law or causing harm to others, I have no reason to give away that information to aid in fucking over another Marine. Sorry, just not what I do.

(Generally, if a person in a posted photo asks me to take it down, I always do it out of respect for their request and personal safety.)

This backfired, as the photo ended up on Reddit’s Photoshop Battles and got exposed to a lot more people than it otherwise would have.

In any case, none of this has stopped us from posting hilarious original content on our own social media channels. Click the buttons below to find us!



Terminal Lance #447 “Leave Blocked II”

December 6, 2016

Marines accrue 2.5 days of paid leave per month, to a grand total of 120 days of leave for a regular 4 year enlistment. Generally speaking, at least for an infantry company, you can only use those leave days during allowed “leave blocks.” This leads to a natural deluge of requests at around the same time, with everyone waiting anxiously for them to be marked “Approved” on MOL. Of course, the only thing standing in the way of your leave being approved is your chain of command, who always seem to want to make the process as painful as possible.

This becomes tremendously arduous when you’re somewhere like Marine Corps Base Hawaii and have to fly a minimum of 5 hours to get home to anywhere on the mainland. Plane tickets are expensive, and they only get more expensive the longer you wait.

But First Sergeant doesn’t care.

First Sergeant doesn’t give a fuck.

First Sergeant has his entire family on the island and he’s not going anywhere. First Sergeant feeds on the misery of his Marines, it is his lifeblood. He drinks the tears of Lance Corporals as coffee every morning.

Hey, worst case scenario, just spend Christmas in the barracks and save that leave for sweet, sweet Terminal.

In other news, I’m making a conscious effort to get Terminal Lance a little more grounded, back into the menial and every day. I often feel pressured to make every comic strip some grand, sweeping insight over life, rather than just making a funny joke about the every day suck. I suppose that just comes naturally to most creative products, but Terminal Lance is a comic for the Marines by a Marine, and it needs to stay that way.

Stay tuned for more.