Terminal Lance #543 “Unlimited Power”

April 16, 2019

For over 250 years, since 1775, the chillest of Marines have been at war with the great power of the Green Weenie. Using its vast network of officers and Staff NCO’s it has conducted extensive efforts to screw over Marines every chance it gets. It has but one weakness…


The only thing the great Green Weenie has never been able to stop is Time. With time, every Marine’s contract must come to an end. As their EAS date approaches, freedom ever looms in the background. What starts as a distant light at the end of the tunnel on day one, soon turns into a bright warmth of guiding rays 4 years later. It is often that the only truth a Marine has to look forward to is that their EAS date will eventually arrive.

Until now.

The great Green Weenie is constantly looking for new ways to fuck you over.

Stay vigilant, Marines. Complacency kills.



Terminal Lance #521 “Full Disclosure”

July 6, 2018

Safe sex is important, and part of that is the full disclosure of any sexually transmitted diseases you may have acquired over the years. You’ll probably pick up quite a few from the Marine Corps experience–from achey back and knees, to tinnitus, depression, and probably some permanent DNA damage from drinking the water on base.

These STD’s are sexually transmitted from years of abuse by the Green Weenie. Time may heal some of these afflictions, but for the most part, they will stick with you for life. Give your sexual partners full disclosure if you’re a Marine, it’s the right thing to do. This is also in addition to the multitude of actual STD’s your dumb ass will probably pick up after a few MEU’s to Thailand, as well.

You may have noticed the hiatus over the last week, as I was up in Oregon for my own wedding! It was obviously a crazy busy trip, so I barely had a chance to maintain all of this while I was away. I’m back in beautiful Burbank now, and have a lot of fun stuff in store. Stay tuned on the official Terminal Lance Instagram, which is about to hit 300,000 followers!