Terminal Lance #556 “Fab Seventeen-Seventy-Five”

August 16, 2019

If you think the Fab Five are fabulous, let me tell you about the United States Marine Corps! An organization consisting of over 90% fit males, they strictly enforce tight haircuts and tight buttholes sleeves. Dressed wrong? A fit, masculine man in the shortest, silkiest shorts will come over and set you straight.

Enlist today if you love looking good in front of all your manliest friends, being told how to think and feel about everything, and love getting fucked daily. Love showering and sleeping in the tightest of quarters with people of the same gender as you? The Marine Corps is definitely for you.

And to think, of all places, it used to be illegal to be gay there.



Terminal Lance #493 “The Boot Band Rule”

September 22, 2017

The Boot Band Rule is infamous for allowing you to get away with things you otherwise wouldn’t.

It’s not gay if you have boot bands on.

Well, okay, it lets you get away with gay stuff. Why though? Well, there comes a time in every Marine’s career when he has to make a decision about how much of his sexuality he’s willing to let go of in order to stay warm in the field or otherwise do basically anything that involves being an enlisted Marine. Let’s be real here, most of the things you do will be extremely gay.

When the boot bands are on, anything and everything becomes encased in a strictly professional context.

If you’re wondering how Abe broke the desk… Well… Marines are gonna Marine I suppose.

And his name is John Cena.

Posted by Terminal Lance on Friday, September 22, 2017


On an unrelated note, I want to give a quick plug for mine and Duffel Blog’s new joint podcast, After Action! TL and DB have teamed up (me and Paul Szoldra) to talk about the news of the day, it’s some pretty fun stuff and you should check it out and subscribe here.