Terminal Lance “Mr. Brightside”

May 22, 2020

I’m coming out of my room and I’ve been doing just fine, gotta gotta be on duty because I hate it all.

If there’s one emotion to define the entire Marine Corps experience… It’s hope. Hope that shit will stop sucking. Hope that the next day will be better. Hope that the next four years go by a lot faster than you think it will. Hope that no one in your squad got a DUI over the weekend so you don’t get fucked for it. Hope that maybe when you wake up, it’ll have all been a stupid fucking dream.

Counting the days until your EAS date is the one thing that may keep you going, because as they say, the only the Marine Corps can’t stop… Is time.

As an aside, if you find yourself getting out of the Corps and you’re not sure what you’re going to do, just use your fucking GI Bill. Like… Why wouldn’t you? You get to go hang out somewhere for four years and flirt with college girls all day… AND THEY PAY YOU FOR IT.

Too many Marines get out and don’t take advantage of this ridiculously great opportunity. Tuition paid and monthly housing allowance on top. It’s free real estate, guys.

Do it for the college girls. (Or guys, if you rather)



Terminal Lance #514 “Short Timer”

May 8, 2018

There comes a time in every Marine’s career–usually within a few months of their End of Active Service (EAS) date–where they “drop their pack.”

This is a colloquial term used to describe what I like to call the End of Active Fucks (EAF) date, where the fucks have left the Marine’s body completely as they look forward to their new life on the outside. As you eye that light at the end of the tunnel, Marine things start seeming a lot less important. Who cares if you get chewed out by some butt-hurt Staff Sergeant? You’re going on Terminal in just a few short weeks.

The fucks are gone, and they’re not coming back. Short timers can use this to the advantage of the platoon if they’re a cool ass dude, like taking the fall for some boot who still has to suck it up for another 4 years. They can also reason and bargain with the company Staff and Officers, because they all know the dude is getting out. A good short timer can strike amazing deals to the benefit of everyone if they play it right.

Over the weekend I took a trip down to Camp Pendleton and had an awesome time signing books and chatting up Marines at the Marine Corps Exchange there. Many of them were short timers with their eyes around the next corner of their lives. If I could offer one bit of advice to them: it’s that the Marine Corps is great at making Marines, but not as good at un-making Marines.

Separation anxiety and depression follow a lot of Marines after their EAS dates as they adjust to their new life. We all have to find our own way to deal with it, and I always encourage newly separated Marines to utilize their GI Bill and go to school. 4 years of college is a great opportunity to learn something new, flirt with college girls all day, and decompress the last 4 fucked up years of your life.

Take advantage of it.



Terminal Lance #495 “Postpartum”

October 17, 2017

What you have just witnessed here is the birth of a new Angry Facebook Veteran.

Interesting things happen when Marines are away from their own kind for too long. They begin to revert into a primitive idolatry that is normally reserved for moto parents and boots. You can see the beginning signs of this any time an active duty Marine is on leave, where they must make it known to the world that they are in fact Marines (despite the fact that they totally hate it).

It makes sense that it’s usually the biggest assholes you knew on active duty that turn out to be the biggest assholes in their newfound civilianhood. Regardless, the Marine Corps has a way of infecting the minds of even the most normal of people from day one until the day you’re six feet under. You find the Marines you knew that swore up and down they hated every minute of it wearing the most obnoxiously moto gear on their persons and vehicles after they leave, unable to cope with their own identity.

Finding yourself again is often more difficult than just forever claiming the title of Marine. However, you weren’t always a Marine. It took me a long time to remember who I actually was, as the military in general tends to discourage too much independent behavior. The whole point of boot camp and “breaking you down” is to remove your identity and supplant it with one of their own. This is great for Marines on active duty and in the thick of it, but it doesn’t do so many favors for people once they separate.

Veterans often struggle with the transition, but a large part of that is simply answering the question: Who are you? Many have forgotten that they were once a person before they were a Marine.

What do you like to do? What did you do before you enlisted?

These are questions you’ll need to figure out once you’re out in the world, lest you become just another Angry Facebook Veteran scouring the internet for the next patriotic thing to be outraged about.