Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #565 “Left Behind II”

December 13, 2019

Sometimes good ideas backfire tremendously. Staying back from leave is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you get to save up leave days and avoid seeing family you don’t actually like. On the other, you’re the only line of defense between the Marine Corps barracks and the wilderness surrounding it, meaning you will likely have a lot more duty than you would have otherwise. After all, if there’s not a Marine on duty, do the barracks even exist? Do they revert back to nature?

Is this what the barracks will look like with no Marine on duty?

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This is why you can never bring a date back to the barracks… no privacy. #terminallance #usmc #marines #marinecorps #military

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It may be worth it at the end, however, when you’re soaking up the sun, growing out your beard, and collecting those last few trickling paychecks on your terminal leave block. Put those leave days to work and save them up for that sweet, sweet DD-214 vacation.



Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Happy Halloween 2018”

October 30, 2018

The barracks can be a spooky place. In all reality, standing duty all night can be quite frightening. You often find yourself alone into the wee hours of the morning… You hear a strange noise, so you fulfill your obligations as the only sober person in the barracks and creep your way along the barracks catwalk to see where it came from. You approach the corner hearing a gurgling, wretched sound getting louder and louder. You turn the corner to find…

…A drunk Marine vomiting off the third deck at 2am.

The scariest part? You probably have to clean it up before the OOD comes by.

Other spooky barracks activities include locking your door and hiding under the covers while your drunk seniors bang on the door to drunkenly haze you late at night; or perhaps walking in on your roommate balls deep in a woman that can only be described as a beast of sorts, on your bed, leaving stains on your pillow. Very frightening, indeed.

Happy Halloween.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “New Joins”

January 6, 2017

Well it’s finally happened you guys. Yesterday, the first female infantry Marines checked into 1st Battalion, 8th Marines at Camp Lejeune.

Now they finally get to understand the prestige of being a grunt in the United States Marine Corps. They’ll get to do such intense physical activities as standing by in their rooms or cleaning weapons at the armory for 7 hours for no particular reason. They’ll spend a bunch of time standing around waiting for formations because First Sergeant and the CO are always late. They’ll completely stop giving a fuck about their careers after a couple of years and do the bare minimum to pass PFT’s and ranges because they just don’t care anymore and their cutting score is fucked anyway.

Welcome to being a grunt.

You’ve earned it.

It’s been a long and controversial journey, one that I don’t think is ultimately going to really change much of anything in the long run, despite keyboard scholars proclaiming otherwise. I was in the Marine Corps infantry myself, and I can tell you that it isn’t spec-ops. Not every grunt can fireman carry another 250 lb Marine in full gear. I had a Marine in my platoon that weighed 120 lbs soaking wet, and there’s no way he could have carried me or anyone else out of a danger zone.

However, there’s ten-thousand other things this Marine could have done in that situation, such as operate a radio or a machine-gun. So don’t worry, the gruntpocalypse isn’t happening quite yet, I’m sure.

We’ll see if these changes stick with the incoming administration, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t. But who knows! If you’re with 1/8 and you have some insight on this story, please shoot me an email off the record and let me know how it’s going.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance #451 “Bricks Life III”

December 27, 2016

Just as light cannot exist without dark, OOD’s cannot exist without insane bullshit going on in the barracks to keep them busy. Would there even be a need for an OOD if there weren’t Lance Corporals to fuck with them? No. It is then the responsibility of the barracks Lance Corporal to make sure that government money is being put to good use and give the OOD something to do on Friday nights.

After all, we’ve all had enough 5 hour long PowerPoint presentations on Fraud, Waste and Abuse to know that government resources need to be put to good use.

So buck up, OOD. Just know that we do this to you as a duty to this great nation.

Super late update today, I’m on “leave” myself in Portland visiting family for the holidays, but I’m sure most of you are too drunk on eggnog and PlayStation 4 games to notice. In any case, expect things to return to normal next week.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance #446 “Logged”

November 18, 2016

This is 100% true.

Okay, I have no idea if this is true, but I’m being honest when I say that I actually asked some Marines where the duty logbooks go when they’re full, and no one actually knew the answer. It is one of the mysteries of the Marine Corps, like why are boat cloaks still a thing, why does the armory never have any CLP, and where do Gunners come from?

No one knows the answers to these questions, they are and forever will be mysteries impossible to answer.

The logbook is a ubiquitous item in the Marine Corps lexicon. It’s a strange shade of lime green with a cloth binding sitting on the desk of every duty hut across the land. It is where you record anything and everything you see (and feel) while on duty. The practice is strict, it must be filled out properly or be voided.

No one knows why, but we’re pretty sure it’s just to satisfy First Sergeant on lonely nights.

In other news, I’m still looking for some more writers to be featured on TL. There seems to be some confusion as to what I’m looking for here, I’m not looking for ideas. I’m looking for you to write full pieces for the Opinion section of the site. Funny and insightful, I’m looking to expand the voice of the Marine Corps to anyone interested. If you’re active duty and want to be featured on TL, send me an email and send me a sample or something otherwise funny.

As well, I’ll be running a contest with Dell Military here shortly, so pay attention to the TL Facebook page and the official TL Instagram for details soon!