Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Mr. President”

October 3, 2020

Our pandemic just got a whole lot more serious with the President of the United States testing positive for COVID-19 and being admitted to Walter Reed yesterday. As is custom, we are now scouring the Wikipedias to figure out who is in the line of succession to take over in the event that he doesn’t make it. With the “super spreader” events going on at the White House, we have to assume that it’s only a matter of time before a random Lance Corporal is forced to be sworn in as Commander in Chief.

Would this really be that bad, though? I feel like we can all agree, at least around these parts, that Lance Corporals are the most dope motherfuckers on the planet. Every day would consist of PT on your own, fast chow, and a whole lot of liberty before noon.

Maybe this election is all a big racket after all… Let’s just get a Lance Corporal in the White House and call it a day.



Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Attack of the Rona”

April 24, 2020

Coronavirus continues its rampage across the US while Marine leadership ponders powerful decisions like whether or not Marines should risk their lives in a deadly pandemic for a weekly regulation haircut. New science has come about suggesting that Marines are actually immune to coronavirus due to their abnormally high, constant blood-alcohol content, disinfecting the lungs and other parts of the body.

As it turns out, all of those bad decisions may have actually been good ones.

[this is a joke]

As you can probably tell lately, we’re trying some new things! Specifically, new format for the comic, the addition of color, and posting the comic as a native post on the extensive Terminal Lance social media network. Times are achanging, but you can still come here and check out the latest comics with the latest ramblings beneath it, if you’re a Terminal Lance purist like that.

On the artwork, the main reason Terminal Lance was always black and white is that, frankly, I was not very good at color for a long time! However, with my more recent work, like my upcoming full-color graphic novel “BATTLE BORN: LAPIS LAZULI,” or the full-color TERMINAL LANCE BESTIARY OF THE MARINE CORPS, color is something I’ve grown much more comfortable with and have a lot of fun doing. I consider this a transitional or experimental phase in Terminal Lance history, but I’m excited for the things cooking in the back… Stay tuned.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Coronacured”

April 3, 2020

Lance Corporals across the Corps are quarantined in their barracks rooms, and it will be their boredom-field ingenuity will be what leads to a cure to the deadly Coronavirus. Bored Marines are some of the most brilliant minds this nation has at their disposal, creating absurd and ingenious ways to entertain themselves in the absence of stimuli. These bored Marines are America’s secret weapon against all enemies, at home and abroad and microscopic.

Rest assured, junior Marines are already hard at work finding a cure…

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Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Corpsman Up: Coronavirus”

March 27, 2020

While all the hype in the medical pandemic world is centered around the infamous COVID-19 virus, Corpsmen across the Corps have been at the frontlines of battling microbial infections in genitals across the military for years. In a report released in summer of last year, sexually transmitted infections amongst military personnel are on the rise, keeping Corpsmen and medics across the spectrum of the armed forces busier than birds and bees.

With the Marines “socially isolated” from each other and the civilian population at large, I can imagine that venereal diseases, unplanned pregnancies, and general dumbfuckery are down quite a bit. Imagine being a Corpsman in this time, having spent the last years of your life examining odd blemishes on Marine genitalia for the majority of your career, only to have it taken away from you at a moment’s notice.

The coronavirus affects us all.

In all seriousness, and this should go without saying, I’m not here to make light of the seriousness of the coronavirus situation. Living in LA, I’m as grateful as anyone to see the Navy’s hospital ship arrive this morning to help with the national crisis at hand.

God bless all of our medical workers right now, Corpsmen included.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Social Distancing”

March 20, 2020

While nearly all infantry Marines are renown for their ability to entertain themselves in times of intense boredom, there is a subset of this group that takes it even a step further into absolute mastery. These are the line company’s Restriction Marines. Locked away in their barracks with little to nothing to do but go to the chow hall and check in with the duty 3 times a day, Restriction Marines have developed all manner of techniques and skills to keep themselves entertained amidst a total lack of stimuli.

As an anecdote of my own experience, a group of restricted Marines in my company had developed a game of baseball using nothing more than a stop watch and a notepad. You start the stopwatch and try to stop it at exactly 20:00 seconds. On the mark is a home run, and within .03 seconds is first, second, or third base. Outside of that is a foul ball. You get three strikes. The Marines split into two teams and played stopwatch baseball for hours.

Truly masters of their craft.

As we all get quarantined in our homes and barracks amidst the global pandemic of coronavirus, we could all stand to learn a thing or two from the life of the party of every platoon… The Marines on restriction.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Coronabusiness”

March 13, 2020

The world is crumbling to virally infected pieces and there’s nothing more American than capitalizing on it. While civilians flock and fight their way to the toilet paper aisles across America, Marines have a secret advantage… Every MRE comes with a weird little pack of toilet paper that is usually thrown away and forgotten about. In these trying times? This is a profitable endeavor for any Marine willing to rat-fuck their way to financial success.

Marines are possibly the best equipped people on earth to deal with a viral epidemic, as their gratuitous exposure to unknown diseases in boot camp, combined with a powerful cocktail of constant immunizations, has made them nearly indestructible and immune to most human illnesses.

Stay safe out there and wash your nasty hands.

Speaking of capitalistic endeavors, you may remember a couple months back to our DUTY DOODLE CONTEST! After a bit of an unexpected production hiccup, we’ve got the winners here… ON OUR NEW DUTY DOODLE SHIRT AVAILABLE ON THE TERMINAL LANCE STORE.

 

This shirt features the artwork of our 5 Duty Doodle contest winners, master artists of their dick-craft, who will be receiving a free shirt of their own. Look and feel like a shitter wall in this new phallic masterpiece available in all sizes in Skivvy Green and portashitter blue. (Make sure you pick the correct color when you buy)

Buy this shirt here!

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “La Enfermedad Fina”

March 3, 2020

Coronavirus is wreaking havoc across the globe and we all know who is to blame… Recruits. Any Drill Instructor can tell you that recruits are the most renown and reliable of disease vectors, carrying a microscopic world of unknown and undiscovered pathogens across every square inch of their nasty bodies.

While most people live their lives with the occasional seasonal cold here and there, recruits spend the entirety of twelve weeks aboard the recruit depots exchanging and developing new potentially weaponizable in the dank crevices of their squad bays. Take one step into a recruit squad bay and risk walking out with incurable super-bugs that could wipe out all of China.

I’ve read a lot of conspiracies regarding the Coronavirus pandemic gripping the headlines, but the only one I believe is that the recruits of MCRD are to blame and China is the coverup.

Open your eyes, sheeple…

…And fill them with hand sanitizer, because recruits carry and spread pink eye.

On an incredibly unrelated note, my new book, Battle Born: Lapis Lazuli is available for preorder. This is a 352 page FULL COLOR hardcover graphic novel from yours truly, the creator of Terminal Lance. Battle Born is the story of Marine Sgt. King in the mountainous Badakhshan province, fighting for the heart of Afghanistan against the Taliban. Please check it out here.