Terminal Lance “E3 Convention”

June 13, 2017

Well it’s that time of the year again, when all of the Lance Corporals get together and all the biggest brands appealing to 18-24 year old males present their newest and latest creations to an adoring crowd.

Wait, that’s not actually a thing…?

…Why not?

Well, at the very least, the real E3 unveils new video games, which is kind of the same thing and also pretty neat. I’m sure those of you that have been following Terminal Lance for a while now know that I play a lot of video games. What can I say, it’s just part of who I am. I grew up on the likes of Mario, Resident Evil 2 and Final Fantasy VII and continue the hobby to this day.

I thought this year’s E3 was a little stale. I’m not much for Microsoft, so the new XBOX ONE X wasn’t particularly exciting for me and Sony failed to show anything overtly groundbreaking. I was hoping we’d get to see some new gameplay footage of The Last of Us II or Death Stranding, or perhaps even an announcement like Bloodborne 2… But oh well.

Nintendo had (in my opinion) the best showing today with Super Mario Odyssey and announcing Metroid Prime 4 oh my fucking god, which I’m way too excited about. Also, Sombrero Mario might actually be my favorite thing ever.

On a sidenote, I might be onto something with this Lance Corporal Convention idea…



Terminal Lance #460 “Addicted to Fail II”

February 24, 2017

Not even Jalapeño Cheese Spread matches the exchange value of a can of dip in the eyes of a tobacco addict, or rather, most of the Marine Corps. I never partook, but damn near everyone I know took up smoking at some point after enlisting. This, in turn, led them to consume copious amounts of dip (chewing tobacco) and leave their foul saliva bottles in the wake of their cravings.

My personal vice was caffeine–and largely still is. However, you’ve probably never seen a Marine in the field giving handies in the bushes for a sip of some dark roast. I was always smart about my addiction, and I knew if I was going to be in the field for more than a few days I would bring a small stash of energy drinks to avoid a headache.

Generally not the case when it comes to dip users, as not a single one of these motherfuckers has enough foresight to bring their own dip to the field. As an impartial observer, I was always amused at the endless bumming of tobacco out in the wilderness, a scarce substance that only a few were prepared enough to bring. These Marines become suppliers, rationing their pinches and hiding their cans from the vulture-like squad around them.

It surprises me that there weren’t more enterprising Marines like Abe here to take advantage of such a situation.