Terminal Lance #463 “Repent”

March 10, 2017

Lance Corporals are my people, but let’s be realistic, they’re a fucking headache.

But that’s why we love them, right? It’s like owning a cat. The cat doesn’t give a shit about you. The cat most likely actively despises you. But still, you feed it, clean up its shit, and give it a warm place to sleep at night because their antics are entertaining. Plus, I mean, someone has to do menial labor around the Corps, and it sure as hell aint gonna be Staff Sergeant.


As the fallout from this whole female Marine nude scandal continues to simmer over the week, I find myself sympathizing with the top having to deal with this shit storm. At a press conference earlier today, General Neller, a 63 year old man, had to field questions from reporters and the highest levels of government because some shit heads decided to share nude photos of women on Facebook. Abstractly, that concept alone is both hilarious and sad, but it makes the comic strip today ring even more true.

Dealing with Lance Corporals is indeed punishment to senior leadership for their sins, in this life and possibly the past.

Repent while you can.

In Abe’s defense though, there could be valuable scientific information gleaned from sleeping inside of a cow like Luke Skywalker in a Hoth snow storm. I’m sure when his paper is published in journals across the nation, he’ll be the last one laughing.

And showering.




Terminal Lance “Goodbye 2016”

January 3, 2017

Congratulations you guys, we all made it out of 2016 alive.

As we enter the new year, please join me in mourning the following things we lost in 2016. Please bow your head out of respect.


Desert Cammies



Princess Leia




Thank you.

The death of desert cammies was a shock to the Marine Corps, and Marines everywhere took it very hard. It’s nothing against Woodlands… They’re cool, I guess… But they just aren’t the same.

In all honesty, 2016 wasn’t a bad year for me personally, despite what the internet keeps saying. I became a New York Times best selling author and got engaged to the girl of my dreams. I expect 2017 to be equally great, as I’ve begun working on a lot of new things–both Terminal Lance and otherwise–that I’m passionate about. Stay tuned, hopefully by the end of the month I’ll be making some cool announcements for some new stuff!

Also, I’d like to apologize for the random redirect ads we’ve been experiencing. Still trying to narrow things down, but hopefully will be resolved shortly.