Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #516 “The Piggyback”

May 18, 2018

Does anyone have any saved rounds? No? Okay well let me just piggyback off what First Sergeant just said…

There are few things worse in a Lance Corporal’s garrison life than the piggyback. This is when a Staff NCO or officer feels desperately like he needs to squeeze in a few extra words or else the Lance Corporals of the company may go feral and eat the locals or something. This inevitably causes the weekend liberty brief to drag on, as each member of your chain of command feels compelled to tell you the same shit you just heard but in a different voice.

With that said, I’ll keep my weekend brief for you all short:

If you wouldn’t put your mouth on it, don’t put your dick in it.

Have a great weekend.



Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance #462 “It All Rolls Downhill”

March 3, 2017

For years, scientists such as Albert Einstein have been looking for a unified theory of everything; something that reconciles quantum physics and relativity. In the Marine Corps, I have developed my own unified theory of everything:

Shit.

Shit is the overarching theory of everything in the Marine Corps.

Field ops are shit.

The food is shit.

Working parties are shit.

Duty is shit.

It’s all shit.

The most important facet of this law is also the physics involved with the direction in which the shit moves.

Shit only moves one way: Down.

Most of your time as a junior enlisted Marine will either be spent doing literally nothing, something, or being yelled at for something, or nothing.¬†Understanding the laws of the Marine Corps, if you can’t figure out why you’re being yelled at, you can deduce, through scientific method, that the shit must have come from above–as shit can only move one way.

Perhaps your Team Leader caught shit for something you did, which was received by his Squad Leader, who in turn received a shitting from his Platoon Sergeant, who got shat on from the Platoon Commander, who took massive shit from the Company Commander; etc.

Never forget, shit only moves one way.

Don’t be at the bottom when it lands.