Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Happy Easter 2019!”

April 21, 2019

It’s Easter Sunday for 2nd Marine Division, which I’m sure is just another work day. In case you missed it, the 2nd MARDIV Commanding General put out a blanket division-wide order the other day that micromanages the schedules of every Marine under the command. This is because (as the letter states), Marines and sailors are walking around with long hair, nonexistent or poor shaves, unserviceable boots and utilities and improper civilian attire.

Essentially, it seems that the Commanding General traveled around the unit and got extremely triggered at the sight of some fat nasties. It’s typical Marine Corps stuff, nothing new really–though I do appreciate the callout by MajGen Furness to yours truly here.

In any case, Happy Easter, Marines! Especially you 2nd Division gents–I’m sure you’ll need some Cadbury Eggs to soothe the unit-wide bullshit for a few weeks.



Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Florence and the Marines”

September 18, 2018

I’m a little late with this, but in case you missed it, Camp Lejeune was hit by the devastating Hurricane Florence over the weekend, which cause some significant damage and equally significant barracks partying. Prior to the hurricane making landfall, the world was abuzz in disbelief that the base commander had ordered the Marines to remain in place while the hurricane battered the east coast.

How could they force the Marines to stay there?! EVERYONE WILL DIE!

Well, you’d think so at least, with the way people were freaking out about it. The deluge of hilarious videos and photos I got during and after the weather event made me start to think that the base commander was on to something… Maybe they didn’t let the Marines evacuate, because they simply knew the Marines would have so much fun if they stay.

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Weather man: there’s a category 4 hurricane coming, evacuate now. Marines:

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In all seriousness, the hurricane is no laughing matter. Practically the entire state was flooded and it is in fact a state of emergency. Being on the west coast, hurricanes aren’t something I’m super familiar with, but they seem like they suck. Of course my thoughts and prayers are with the people of the east coast as they recover from the disaster.

In another somber note, I want to mention the loss of a Marine that was in my platoon back in India Company 3/3, Weapons Platoon. Rest in peace Kasey Ozzello, or as I knew him, Ozz. He was an 0341 Mortarman back in the day and we are all sad to see him go. I was never personally super close to him, but I know his loss is affecting everyone that knew him, he was a great guy.

On a less somber note, I want to mention that I will be in San Diego on a panel hosted by the New York Times on October 4th. Please check out the event site here for tickets and the details! I’ll be joined by Pulitzer Prize winning author CJ Chivers, filmmaker Jason Hall, and Marine and author Dave Morris. It should be a good time!

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance #492 “All Your Base: Camp Lejeune”

September 15, 2017

Twentynine Palms is an easy target when it comes to describing somewhere miserable. However, this isn’t to say that there aren’t other places in the Corps equally as miserable, it’s just that some are more subtle about it than others. In the words of the great Michael Caine:

“I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible.”

Camp Lejeune remains one of the only bases I’ve never visited, but I’ve heard that Jacksonville puts the township of Twentynine Palms to shame when counting meth addicts per capita. Every base has some miserable little town outside of it that exists solely to house BAH dwellers, barber shops and shady car dealerships to cater to the Marine population, and Lejeune is no different.

Jacksonville is, from I’ve heard, the worst of them.

Believe it or not, most Marines would even place Twentynine Palms on their wishlist ahead of Camp Lejeune (unless they stem from the area). It shares a lot more in common with Twentynine Palms than you would initially think. The weather is shit and miserable, being offensively humid in the summer and bitingly cold and wet in the winter. Like Twentynine Palms, it is fairly isolated from anywhere actually cool. However, Twentynine Palms even gets an advantage here by being relatively close to Los Angeles and Las Vegas (within a 3 hour drive), making weekend excursions fairly easy. There is no such luxury for Camp Lejeune, existing alone in the swampy armpit of east North Carolina.

Maybe it’s just because I’m a west coast native, but I’ve always thanked the gods I never ended up in such a place.

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