Terminal Lance “Gangway 4th Phase!”

October 6, 2017

…Followed by “How to Not Wear a Backpack to the Mall.”

This is some obscure news that may or may not happen, but Task & Purpose reported the other day that the Corps is considering adding an extended ‘4th phase’ to boot camp’s “Marine Week,” to better prepare recruits for their next 4 years as a fucktoy Marine.

This is great, because freshly minted Marines on their 10 day boot leave has been a scourging eye sore to civilians across the country for years now. It’s about time we address the serious problem of fucking boots doing boot shit like walking around in high and tights and dog tags and spending all their saved up boot camp money on EGA tattoos and engagement rings. It seems that I can only do so much here, as no matter how many times I make fun of them, they don’t seem to change.

I’m split on whether or not this will help much of anything, as boots will be boots no matter what, and it’s also really unclear what the actual objective is. I recall “Marine Week” in my final week of boot camp as a rather unofficial affair where we were allowed to start referring to ourselves in the first person and address the drill instructors by their rank alone. It served little purpose other than to stop fresh Marines from going home and being unable to talk like a human to their own families, I guess.

It seems a little redundant to me simply because, straight from boot camp, you don’t go to the fleet. You go to your MOS school, where you’re treated like a dirty boot student, which really isn’t much better than being a recruit anyway.

On a side note, I was a guest on the We Are The Mighty podcast talking about the Terminal Lance Ultimate Omnibus and other rad stuff, and you should check it out here!



Terminal Lance #482 “Bootcamp: The Tornado”

July 11, 2017

Wow this got dark.

Being an alcoholic father is actually part of the training and prerequisites involved with being a Marine Corps Drill Instructor, so if you’re not used to getting your shit thrashed by an angry, sweaty man… You’re gonna learn.

It goes without saying that bootcamp fucking sucks. I mean, I think it’s supposed to. There’s a certain amount of masochism involved in wanting to be a Marine, since you know from day one it’s actually going to suck.

One of the favorites of the Drill Instructor is called the “tornado,” where they come into the squad bay and just start thrashing shit for no apparent reason and yell at you. It’s more inconvenient than anything else, which I think is the point, since you end up having to sort through all of your stuff and clean it up. Don’t be too surprised if you end up with someone else’s socks, canteens, or herpes, since most of your stuff is going to be intermixed basically every day.

Ya this is a daily thing, really.

I don’t think I could ever be a Drill Instructor. I just don’t drink enough, I guess.

In other news, we got some cool ass new gear at the official Terminal Lance Shop! Click the link to check it out.


There’s a lot up in the air right now and I’m just waiting on some stuff to fall back to the ground before I can make official announcements, but stay tuned… There’s plenty more cool stuff to come.



Terminal Lance #475 “Bootcamp: Backed Up”

May 30, 2017

Interesting things happen to the human body when they go to Marine Corps bootcamp.

Your head will be shaven, you’ll be sick as hell for the entirety of your stay, and women even lose their periods for the span of three months upon arrival.

One of the things that usually goes unmentioned though, is that you will likely not shit for at least a week upon arrival to MCRD.

It seems I’m not the only person to experience this. For whatever reason, boot camp scares the shit out of you for at least a week or two.

Mostly, I think I was just terrified to try and get up and use the bathroom without getting yelled at by a sweaty dude in a campaign cover. I remember specifically not shitting until the nights settled down, as the first few nights of arriving to your platoon are filled with screaming Drill Instructors and sad ass fire watch recruits getting hazed hours into the morning. Once things finally quieted down, I snuck off into the bathroom, finally able to unload my bowels into the poor, doorless toilet bowl.

On an extremely unrelated note, remember that girl from The White Donkey? Well her and I are getting married. Taken by the amazing Gabor Szantai in London.