Terminal Lance – Stimulated

March 22, 2021

Marines are famously great with money. Well, they’re not great at keeping it, but they’re great at spending it. All the more reason that the economic stimulus checks of $1400 are better spent with Lance Corporals than anyone else. If the purpose is to put the money back into the economy, Lance Corporals will happily dump $1400 into beer, strippers, and new cars faster than they got it.

This is what happens when most of your income is completely disposable. Of course, there are many Marines with real obligations and money sense, but the vast majority of young E-3’s live in the barracks, eat their meals at the chow hall, and don’t have to pay anything for health care. What else are you going to do with your guaranteed bi-weekly government paycheck?

This is why I’m announcing that I’m going to open a theme park outside of Twentynine Palms specifically for Marines to waste their money on. Beer, guns, strippers, coffee, roller coasters, you name it. Terminal Lance Land coming soon (not really).

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Terminal Lance #479 “Stand By II”

June 16, 2017

Standing by for hours on end honestly isn’t all that bad, it’s when you’ll get the bulk of your video game time in to give you the chance to finally Platinum Bloodborne. Still, as we’ve pointed out before, Marines will bitch about basically anything.

Standing by has a storied¬†tradition of fuckery for Marines. It’s when you have absolutely nothing important to do but your command can’t really release you at 11am or else eyebrows start to get raised. So they tell you to go to your room and “wait for word,” which usually means Staff NCO’s are in the company office drinking and bullshitting with each other until they can’t hide from their wives any longer (around 6 or 7pm) so they text your Squad Leader that you guys can actually be “off work.”

This is just the daily in the infantry. I mean, when your actual job description is to get shot at and shoot at people, what else does one do back in the rear?