Terminal Lance “The Alien Clap”

September 20, 2019


This is among the many catchy slogans being chanted outside of the top secret Air Force base in Nevada today, otherwise known as Area 51. Today marks the big day, where memelords and internet dwellers of all stripes gather to see them aliens and to clap them alien cheeks.

We all know that something is hidden in the secretive facility, one can only guess it must involve succulent alien cheeks. Weirdly enough, this isn’t the only alien-military news to come out into the light this week. The US Navy yesterday confirmed that the UFO footage released last year is indeed real, and probably shouldn’t have been released.

Perhaps the UFO’s in the sky are just the drunk, internet-fueled millennial aliens storming earth to clap some human cheeks.

The truth is out there.



Terminal Lance “Area 51”

July 23, 2019

Boy they sure are going to be disappointed when they get to Area 51 and it’s just another really boring air wing base filled with POG’s. I would say the aliens aboard Area 51 probably aren’t even attractive enough to have sex with, but it’s an Air Force base and everyone is attractive.

Have I mentioned before that the Air Force is bizarro Marine Corps? Everything is the opposite.

They have an Area 51… We have a 51 Area at Camp Pendleton. Area 51 is super famous, mysterious, and full of hot aliens that everyone wants to dick down. 51 Area has like… a gas station Marine Mart MCX? Not nearly as interesting, but it’s all we have.

In the meantime, do me a solid and don’t tell the general public that Marines don’t actually know anything about Area 51… It’ll help me out with something.