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# Terminal Lance

I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://terminallance.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [The Heat Casualty Brief](https://terminallance.com/2026/08/11/the-heat-casualty-brief/) - The platoon Corpsman--AKA "Doc"--has one warning for you: don't fall out of a hike. If you do, your ass quite literally belongs to him. The dreaded "Silver Bullet" is a device used to keep Marines in line for fear of their buttholes being violated by the Navy medic. We know this is little more than
- [Military Entrance Processing Station](https://terminallance.com/2026/07/08/military-entrance-processing-station/) - The experience of joining the military in any branch is as unique as it is fraught with strange sights and sounds. The "Duck Walk" you are forced to do in your underwear at the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) is among the most ubiquitous and ridiculous. MEPS is essentially a medical office, usually near an
- [TERMINAL LANCE Patreon](https://terminallance.com/2026/06/26/terminal-lance-patreon/) - A while back, I officially launched the Terminal Lance Underground, our official Patreon page designed to give fans a bit extra behind the scenes. Despite all of the success of the comic over the years, Terminal Lance remains an indie comic with no affiliation to the Marine Corps or any other entity. It is 100%
- [Prints Are Back](https://terminallance.com/2026/06/24/prints-are-back/) - After receiving a lot of requests from fans to order autographed prints of their favorite comics, prints are now available to order right here on TL. These prints are created from the original high-resolution source files and autographed by yours truly, made to order and packed in a comic sleeve with backing board. Ordering is
- [The Guest of Honor](https://terminallance.com/2026/06/23/the-guest-of-honor/) - Last week I had the great honor of being invited by the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps as the Guest of Honor for this year's Sunset Parade. While I was in DC, I got to visit the Pentagon, give a talk at the National Museum of the Marine Corps, and clean up cigarette butts
- [Drawing for Marines At the NMMC](https://terminallance.com/2026/06/02/drawing-for-marines/) - You may have seen on our social media that I was invited to be the Guest of Honor at the Sunset Parade in DC later this month. When they approached me with the idea, I told them I'd love to make it to the museum and give a talk. Join me on June 16, 2026
- [Secrets of Valor](https://terminallance.com/2026/06/02/secrets-of-valor/) - If you've ever talked to someone trying to "steal valor," or otherwise lying or embellishing about their military service, they almost always follow a particular pattern: They were "Special Forces." Mind you, these "Special Forces" are always vague and non-specific. Were they Navy SEALs? Delta Force? Who knows! Can't be too specific or someone might
- [May the 4th Be With You](https://terminallance.com/2026/05/04/may-the-4th-be-with-you/) - Star Wars is a classic tale of good guys fighting bad guys to save the galaxy for all. The factions are clear and the stakes are straightforward enough...
- [Private First Class](https://terminallance.com/2026/04/14/private-first-class/) - Presented without context.
- [Generational War](https://terminallance.com/2026/03/24/generational-war/) - We are here again. Twenty-three years after the invasion of Iraq in 2003, the entire Middle East has exploded into a fury of fire and missiles centered on Iran and Israel. We as a nation find ourselves yet again staring down the barrel of sending our nation's finest to fight a war in the region.
- [The New TL](https://terminallance.com/2026/01/13/the-new-tl/) - Welcome to Terminal Lance 5.0 With many projects in the works, 2026 is bringing with it a new era of Terminal Lance. With it, I decided to build a new website to showcase the comic and act as a home base of sorts. Like many brands in the modern age, TL is spread out across
- [Not a Cell Phone in Sight](https://terminallance.com/2024/04/22/not-a-cell-phone-in-sight/) - There was a time before cell phones when people were more present in their daily lives. Instead of staring down at their electronic devices, they were in the moment. Living. You can have this same nostalgic experience in the Marine Corps infantry, where you're stuck in the field for days and weeks at a time,
- [Hot Brass Day](https://terminallance.com/2026/01/13/hot-brass-day/) - You can always tell a Marine has been on the range by the kisses left on their necks from the hot brass of their battle-buddy's rifle. The scars from spent casings flying directly into your neck decorate the skin of many Marines going back generations. It turns out, standing on a line and firing puts
- [Battlefield 6 - Review](https://terminallance.com/2026/01/09/battlefield-6-review/) - I've always enjoyed the cat and mouse relationship that Battlefield and Call of Duty have had over the years. They seem destined to contrast each other with every release, with each one striving for different goals. As Call of Duty strays more toward slop territory, Battlefield 6 feels like a much-needed reset in the contemporary
- [Elden Ring: Nightreign - review](https://terminallance.com/2026/01/09/elden-ring-nightreign-review/) - Like many gamers, I've been playing FromSoftware stuff for a long time now, dating all the way back to Demon's Souls on PS3 over 15 years ago. When Elden Ring came on the scene back in 2022, it was a very solid culmination of years of refinement of Miyazaki's "souls" formula brought to a new(ish)
- [Elden Ring - Review](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/11/elden-ring-review/) - It's basically impossible to talk about Elden Ring in a vacuum. The game is not officially part of the Souls series from the same creator, but it is the same tried and true formula (including some very familiar art and sound direction). If you've played any of the following games beforehand: Demon's SoulsDark SoulsDark Souls
- [Gran Turismo 7 - Review](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/12/gran-turismo-7-review/) - If you're anything like me, you love some Gran Turismo. Not to date myself, but I've been playing the game since the PS1 days. I swore to my dad that if you squinted hard enough, the replays on Gran Turismo 2 looked real. Here we are 25 years later with Gran Turismo 7, Polyphony Digital's
- [Modern Warfare 2 (2022) and Warzone 2.0 - Review](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/18/modern-warfare-2-2022-and-warzone-2-0-review/) - For many years, Call of Duty was stuck in a strange limbo of days of future-past warfighting between World War II and future sci-fi that I personally found to be somewhat of a slump. The 2019 Modern Warfare reboot was a solid return to form for the Call of Duty franchise that brought the series
- [Resident Evil 4 - Review](https://terminallance.com/2023/03/31/resident-evil-4-review/) - If you're anything like me, you've probably already put hundreds of hours into the original Resident Evil 4 in its many iterations and incarnations. Originally released for the Gamecube in 2005, the original RE4 was widely considered a masterpiece and one of the most influential games of all time. It was a massive departure from
- [Final Fantasy XVI - Review](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/19/final-fantasy-xvi-review/) - Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, Final Fantasy made its glorious return recently in the form of Final Fantasy XVI for PlayStation 5. What began humbly in 1987 on the NES as a turn-based dungeon-crawler culminates in 2023 as a cinematic showcase of polished videogame storytelling and action. Final Fantasy XVI has incredible highs
- [Terminal Lance #77 “Selling Out”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/29/terminal-lance-77-selling-out/) - Gunny R. Lee Ermey is easily the most famous and well known Marine on the planet. I found it strange that in one of the new Geico commercials they actually refer to Mr. Ermey as a "Drill Sergeant"--which, as any Marine can tell you, isn't what we call our Drill Instructors. To someone who is
- [TERMINAL LANCE COMIC STRIP CONTEST](https://terminallance.com/2025/09/23/terminal-lance-comic-strip-contest/) - Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest Are you a prolific port-a-john artist and want to make the Marine Corps laugh? Show us what you got! We’re holding a Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest—your chance to flex your creativity and win some exclusive TL goodies. How to Enter:* Create a comic strip about military life (ideally the
- [16 Years of Terminal Lance](https://terminallance.com/2026/01/05/16-years-of-terminal-lance/) - Today we celebrate 16 years of Terminal Lance! I launched TL in 2010 when I was still an active duty Lance Corporal stationed in Hawaii. I had just returned from my 2nd deployment to Iraq and still had about 5 months left before my EAS. At the time, it was a huge risk since no
- [Merry Christmas, Marines](https://terminallance.com/2025/12/25/merry-christmas-marines/) - Wishing everyone a very Merry Marine Corps Christmas. I picked out your favorite MRE menu items for you to enjoy today. Some exciting things already in the works for TL in 2026, so stay tuned. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from yours truly.
- [Pardon Me](https://terminallance.com/2025/11/25/pardon-me/) - It's Thanksgiving this week, and it's the time of year to look around and give thanks to the things that enrich our daily lives. All of us can be thankful for our health... for our families... and for our friends that get us through the day to day. Me? I'm thankful for all of the
- [250 Years](https://terminallance.com/2025/11/10/250-years/) - Today officially marks the 250th Birthday of the United States Marine Corps, which is obviously a big day for the expeditionary force. As the legend goes, the Marine Corps was born in a bar. Tun Tavern, Philadelphia to be exact. One can only imagine the kind of debauchery that led up to such an iconic
- [Halloween Horrors](https://terminallance.com/2025/11/01/halloween-horrors/) - The most horrifying thing a young Lance Corporal can experience is the agony and anxiety of not knowing why First Sergeant wants to see you in his office first thing in the morning. The blind text and the total lack of context is key. They do this on purpose to keep you in a state
- [Aura-Farming](https://terminallance.com/2025/10/07/aura-farming/) - There's a brief moment after running a range or strenuous training evolution where, covered in sweat, dirt, and clad in all of your gear, allows for the perfect aura. This is a time when you should take a photo for your profile pic, or maybe just bask in the warmth of looking like a complete
- [Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest Winner](https://terminallance.com/2025/10/03/terminal-lance-comic-strip-contest-winner-2/) - Over the last week or so, we ran a comic strip contest for a chance to win a loot box of TL goodies. We had a bunch of talented folk, both military and civilian, enter the contest and come up with some funny Marine Corps comics to be featured on TL. However, there could be
- [Welcome to the Rapture](https://terminallance.com/2025/09/24/welcome-to-the-rapture/) - Marines have a tumultuous relationship with God and other heavenly beings. Some claim that God seems to love Marines, but if that were true, why does he make them stand post on the streets of Heaven? It seems Marines can never catch a break, alive or dead, and so it would be fitting that even
- [Saltpeter](https://terminallance.com/2025/09/13/saltpeter/) - A legend that has persisted for as long as I can remember is that of the saltpeter-tainted food at bootcamp. As it goes, the reason no one gets an erection while at the Recruit Depot is because they put something in the food to keep the recruits unaroused. You see, it's not because you're stressed
- [Hostile Takeover](https://terminallance.com/2025/09/16/hostile-takeover/) - MARINES! ATTENTION! This is a HOSTILE takeover! My name is 1stSgt Reynolds coming to you this morning from my beloved Camp Pendleton, California. I have COMMANDEERED this TERMINAL PANTS page in the name of good order and discipline. For FAR TOO LONG this account has POLLUTED the minds of junior Marines with whining, sarcasm, and
- [With a Purpose](https://terminallance.com/2025/08/27/with-a-purpose/) - The clipboard is a ubiquitous commodity amongst the Staff NCO ilk for its ability to imbue one with the aura of looking really busy. See a Marine with a clipboard? They must be doing something pretty important. Something that requires... A clipboard... maybe it's a list or inventory or something. I don't know. Better leave
- [The Ejunkulator](https://terminallance.com/2025/08/13/the-ejunkulator/) - In the military, things can get real really quick. It goes without saying then that most Marines should probably pay attention during their mandatory training, but the vast majority of them probably don't. I know myself well enough to know that you'll find more doodles in my "Rite in the Rain" notebook than 9-lines or
- [Becoming Alpha](https://terminallance.com/2025/08/02/becoming-alpha/) - There's a lot of pressure on young men to become "alpha" these days, and no shortage of greasy snake oil salesmen willing to offer them a solution. In an age of incel-fluencers like Andrew Tate, it's easy to see how the burgeoning male mind in a confusing time of life can become sucked into the
- [33 - Animated Short Film](https://terminallance.com/2025/07/18/33-animated-short-film/) - The story of a man and his young clone on a voyage into the unknown… My sci-fi 2D original animated short film “33” is now available to watch publicly on YouTube! Written, directed, hand-animated, and voice acted by yours truly and winner of Best Animated Short at the Santa Monica International Film Festival in 2025.
- [Rest in Peace](https://terminallance.com/2025/07/15/rest-in-peace/) - So few of us can stay so true to ourselves until the very end. It takes honor, courage and commitment to maintain this level of professionalism until the final breath. Marines of all ranks and strides have found themselves victim to the ire of Staff NCO's at some point or another. However, the First Sergeant
- [Civil War](https://terminallance.com/2025/07/07/civil-war/) - There's a great many jobs one can do in the military--more than you'd probably think. Hell, did you know there's a "Water Support Technician" MOS (1171) in the Marine Corps? Who would have thought that something so POG-y and lame could actually exist amongst the war fighting infantry? Not me. There's so many different jobs
- [ICE Cold Summer](https://terminallance.com/2025/06/11/ice-cold-summer/) - The boys are back in town and the summer is really heating up in Los Angeles, with Marines deployed to the streets of one of America's most important cities in a move that has inflamed tensions on all sides of every aisle. It's a turbulent time with emotions running hot in every direction. At the
- [It’s Complicated](https://terminallance.com/2025/01/26/its-complicated/) - Marines have developed many reputations around the nation over the years. They are fierce warriors, stalwart citizens, and renown lovers. That last point has led to many broken hearts, divorcees and single moms across the land. Marines are passionate people of fiery hearts and souls. Relationships are hard, and the things that make Marines great
- [November 10th](https://terminallance.com/2024/11/10/november-10th/) - Most of the time, being a Marine is just kind of miserable by design. Grueling hours, treatment, food, haircuts and overall vibes can be a huge bummer. However, one day a year, Marines celebrate their birthday, and it is a magical day of jubilant celebration and wonder. I've heard that the other branches have birthdays
- [Camp Pendleton Birthday Bash](https://terminallance.com/2024/11/09/camp-pendleton-birthday-bash/) - Hey Camp Pendleton! I'll be there tomorrow to celebrate the Marine Corps Birthday with you all and give away a Marine Corps Birthday present of a brand new PS5 to one lucky devil dog in partnership with the MCX. Come on out and say what's up at the Pacific Views MCX from 1100-1500, Nov 10
- [The Bennies](https://terminallance.com/2024/10/21/the-bennies/) - All Marines enlist for a variety of different reasons. Perhaps you wanted to serve your country patriotically or make your parents proud. Maybe you wanted to see action and adventure around the globe. It could be that you're 5'3 and full anger and rage, in which case you will probably become a Drill Instructor. However,
- [The Marine Corps Way](https://terminallance.com/2024/09/18/the-marine-corps-way/) - PT, PT, every day. Build my body the Marine Corps way. What is the Marine Corps way? There's certainly more to being a Marine than PT and being incredibly attractive. PT is only a small part of the equation. After all, Marines only really PT in the morning for about an hour. The rest of
- [Peanut Butter Nightmares](https://terminallance.com/2024/08/31/peanut-butter-nightmares/) - There are few pleasures to be had aboard the recruit depots. It is small, simple things that make your life just a tiny bit better while you suffer through 3 months of recruit training. One of those things is peanut butter. These delectable little respites are found in the chow hall, where they're served in
- [The Weekend Crew](https://terminallance.com/2024/08/19/the-weekend-crew/) - If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that no one wants to be in the barracks. The barracks is the place you are forced to be in, and any time you have the freedom to venture out, you take it. The weekend crew are the Marines left behind on Saturday and Sunday
- [The Target Guy](https://terminallance.com/2024/08/14/the-target-guy/) - For years, one man has terrorized Marines in combat marksmanship more than anyone else. He has been killed more times than possible to count. He's in the corners and on the walls waiting, limply pointing his rifle at you for eternity... He is... The target guy. I actually did not know prior to doing this
- [Olympian Shooter](https://terminallance.com/2024/08/04/olympian-shooter/) - As of writing, the United States has 1 Gold Medal in the Olympic shooting category, putting us in 3rd place behind China and South Korea. To say I am ashamed and embarrassed is to put it lightly. This is America, dammit! As a nation without free healthcare, guns are kind of all we have. We
- [The Swarm II](https://terminallance.com/2024/07/31/the-swarm-ii/) - Bootcamp isn't always miserable. There are fleeting moments when you're able to distract yourself long enough to think happy thoughts. Enjoy the moment. Maybe you remembered something whimsical from your childhood. Maybe you're daydreaming about the pizza and burgers you're going to eat when you go home. Maybe you even crack a smile. Such enjoyment
- [The Story of Creation II](https://terminallance.com/2024/07/19/the-story-of-creation-ii/) - In the beginning, God created the Recruit. He was wretched, diseased and malformed. Cursed to a life of misery aboard the Marine Corps Recruit Depots of San Diego and Parris Island. Part of their torture was being given the opportunity to gaze upon the glory of the soft-serve ice cream machines endemic to every chow
- [Enlisted VS Officer: New Marines](https://terminallance.com/2024/07/12/enlisted-vs-officer-new-marines/) - As I'm sure you probably already know if you're reading this, Marines come in two primary flavors: Enlisted and Officer. In many ways, they're very similar. Both wear camouflage to work, both engage in Marine-like activities, and both are employed by the United States government. However, when it comes to new Marines, there's a stark
- [The All-Nighter](https://terminallance.com/2024/06/28/the-all-nighter/) - There's no worse feeling than showing up to morning formation after a night of splendorous indulgence into the wee hours of the morning. For many Marines, that will probably involve binge-drinking, vomiting, other bodily fluids, and possibly farm animals. Other Marines enjoy different vices, such as staying up all night playing videogames while your roommate
- [The Chow Hall Days](https://terminallance.com/2024/06/10/the-chow-hall-days/) - Every day at the chow hall presents itself with a deliciously festive culinary theme for Marines to enjoy. "Taco Tuesday," "Hamburger Hump-Day," "Italian Friday" are just some of the themed days of the week that Marines can look forward to at their local dining facility. I'm particularly fond of "Empty Saturday Night" and "Broke-Ass Waiting
- [Terminal Lance #408 "MRE Exchange Rates"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/08/terminal-lance-408-mre-exchange-rates/) - MRE bartering and trading is a common practice in the field, as each package comes with completely different stuff. Generally, MRE's come with one entree, a cracker or "snack bread," a spread and a dessert. The holy grail and reigning champion of these is still the coveted Jalapeño Cheese Spread. This sounds atrocious, but it's
- [Terminal Lance "Silent but Deadly"](https://terminallance.com/2021/01/10/terminal-lance-silent-but-deadly/) - When Y'all Qaeda and Incel ISIS stormed the Capitol of the United States of America on January 6th, 2021, I kept hoping and praying that we would send in the best of the best... Silent, but deadly. America's warriors of shadow and stealth... The Silent Drill Platoon. Since 1775, the Silent Drill Platoon has practiced
- [Bullets Don't Fly Without Supply](https://terminallance.com/2022/03/04/bullets-dont-fly-without-supply/) - The POG's are definitely having their moment over the Russian clusterfuck they're calling an invasion. Reports from every direction are suggesting that Russia rushed into Ukraine with essentially zero plan, lying to their conscripts about it being a training event, and providing essentially zero tactical leadership as they were sent into the meat grinder. Russian
- [The Temptress](https://terminallance.com/2024/01/24/the-temptress/) - The Career Planner in any battalion has one job: keep Marines enlisted. Usually, as your EAS date looms, you are likely to be approached by these institutional agents to talk over options for re-enlisting (should you be considering it). They can authorize bonuses and negotiate incentives for you to stay onboard. Maybe you want a
- [The Spirit of Christmas](https://terminallance.com/2023/12/26/the-spirit-of-christmas/) - The Ghost of Chesty Puller comes to us Marines in our most trying times. We never know when he will pop up to give us clarity and insight into our lives, but we're happy that he does. Merry Christmas, Marines.
- [The Peanut Butter Shot](https://terminallance.com/2023/12/13/the-peanut-butter-shot/) - There are few experiences as universally despised and ubiquitous to Marine Corps bootcamp as the dreaded "peanut butter shot." This penicillin cocktail is the bane of new recruits across San Diego and Parris Island for its thick consistency and 12-gauge needle that gets administered directly into the buttocks. I'm not a doctor, so I can't
- [ASVAB Aptitude](https://terminallance.com/2023/11/22/asvab-aptitude/) - Last year, the military at large missed its recruiting goals by a large margin. In 2022, the Army was down 25% of its goal, with the Navy and Air Force also missing their marks. It seems Gen-Z is either unqualified or simply uninterested in enlisting. One could speculate on the variety of reasons for why
- [Veterans Day Presentation](https://terminallance.com/2023/11/12/veterans-day-presentation/) - Those old OIF moto-videos really hit different. If you were in the Corps around that time, you were surely shown a variety of different motivational videos from Iraq to such great hits as "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" and Seether's "Out of My Way," at the School of Infantry (and maybe even boot camp).
- [Meanwhile, at the Birthday Ball...](https://terminallance.com/2023/11/12/meanwhile-at-the-birthday-ball/) - As the Marine Corps celebrated its 248th birthday on Friday, Marines around the globe gathered for their battalion-mandated birthday balls and ate, drank, and drank some more. At every birthday ball, it is customary to include a cake-cutting ceremony where the youngest and oldest Marines present eat a piece of cake (symbolizing inappropriate fraternization relationships
- [Veterans Day Guide 2023](https://terminallance.com/2023/11/05/veterans-day-guide-2023/) - Veterans Day is just around the corner on November 11th (completing the one-two punch of the Marine Corps Birthday and Veterans Day combo), and you know what that means... FREE STUFF! If you're a veteran, take advantage of these offers that companies are offering across the country. [The list below was shamelessly stolen from VA.gov]
- [The Reenlistment Ceremony](https://terminallance.com/2023/10/24/thereenlistmentceremony/) - It's not unusual for Marines to be placed into some kind of miserable formation for a ceremony they'd rather not be at. Reenlistments are one of those, but with the added variable of being at any location of the reenlistee's choosing. People can reenlist at home, overseas, on the sea, and even in the sea--the
- [Ball Wash](https://terminallance.com/2023/10/18/ball-wash/) - It’s ball season. You know what that means… Time for some hot, steamy, soapy, sudsy, Lance Corporal action. It’s the time of year you’ll see Marines around every Marine Corps base doing all manner of delectable fundraising in support of their upcoming unit Birthday Balls. November is always a busy time of year for military
- [Happy 246th Birthday, Marines!](https://terminallance.com/2021/11/10/happy-246th-birthday-marines/) - Happy 246th Birthday, Marines! Use the arrows on the image above or scroll down for the full story...
- [Arrive Alive](https://terminallance.com/2023/10/07/arrive-alive/) - Alcohol-related incidents are a serious problem in the Marine Corps community. I suppose that's naturally what happens when you have a high-stress environment and young men and women with already low-inhibitions and a built-in sense of invincibility (by design). Marines love to drink, so it's important that the Corps address these challenges with practical solutions.
- [Alcohol-Induced Sobriety](https://terminallance.com/2023/09/23/alcohol-induced-sobriety/) - If you’re anything like me (who is?), you’ve maybe seen the Old Corps Pro-Tip of avoiding the dreaded “recall from liberty” text by responding that you’ve already began drinking. You see, your NCO’s and Staff NCO’s are powerless to rebuke this excuse, because they’re the ones that are always telling you not to drink and
- [The Gut Truck](https://terminallance.com/2021/05/21/the-gut-truck/) - Also known as the Roach Coach, the Gut Slut, the Dragon Wagon (in Japan) and the Chalupacabra. The Gut Truck is a sight for sore eyes across the Corps for tired and thirsty Marines of all creeds. It gracefully arrives on the ranges, seemingly at random, to offer ice cold refreshments and warm food at
- [Party with Arty](https://terminallance.com/2023/09/10/party-with-arty/) - Artillery Marines in the 08XX field like their big guns. They like them long and erect while firing hot loads on America's enemies. When the enemy is playing hard to get, Arty is able to penetrate any defense from a distance with their massive cannons. Anyone joining an artillery battalion can be sure that whatever
- [Coloring for Marines](https://terminallance.com/2023/08/28/coloring-for-marines/) - GRAB YOUR CRAYONS, MARINES!* Coloring for Marines is available right now on Amazon! This coloring and activity book from Terminal Lance is sure to keep you entertained while you stand duty, stand post, or just stand by to stand by in your barracks room. Inside, you'll find pictures and activities designed just for Marines! Coloring
- [You’re Hired](https://terminallance.com/2023/08/26/youre-hired/) - As an infantry Marine veteran myself, I can’t recommend the Post 9/11 GI Bill enough. Many people enlist to gain practical skills that they might “transfer” over to the civilian workforce in the future. Not me. As an artist, I just wanted to do something difficult and shitty. The Marine Corps infantry was the only
- [Hurricane Hilary](https://terminallance.com/2023/08/18/hurricane-hilary/) - Southern California faces an unusual weather event this weekend: Hurricane Hilary. While the hurricane is expected to be downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it hits California, Marines are expected to embrace the Suck as the storm plows through Camp Pendleton, Twentynine Palms, and other military installations in the area. As they say:
- [The Enlisted Sun-kiss](https://terminallance.com/2023/08/13/the-enlisted-sun-kiss/) - They say that Marines don't see skin-color, and that all Marines are green. While this is debatable with regard to race and ethnicity, it's hard not to notice becoming drastically two-toned during your enlistment. Marines spend a lot of time outside. As well, uniform regulations state that the vast majority of the time spent outside
- [The Military Discount](https://terminallance.com/2023/08/04/the-military-discount/) - Every veteran or service member has been faced with whether or not they want to ask for the military discount at select retailers and restaurants. Maybe it's painless at a famously patriotic stop like Lowes or Home Depot, or maybe it's less advertised and more awkward. Do you go for it? Do you ask for
- [Terminal Lance #406 "Meritorious III"](https://terminallance.com/2015/11/24/terminal-lance-406-meritorious-iii/) - This isn't the first time I've used Chongo to illustrate some of the sillier parts of the Marine Corps, nor is it the first time I've talked about the issues of the way marriage is handled. However, it occurred to me that the marriage of these two ideas seemed fitting to illustrate just why the marriage/dependent
- [Sergeant Majoppenheimer](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/21/sergeant-majoppenheimer/) - There comes a moment in every enlisted Marine's career when they cross the threshold of darkness into leadership. When they become the very thing they swore against. Turned against their brothers in arms, it tears their dark souls and icy hearts to the point of destruction. By the time an enlisted Marine reaches the rank
- [Stop Everything](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/18/stop-everything/) - People typically think that junior-enlisted Marines have no power over the world around them. This simply isn't true. If a junior-enlisted Marine wants to stop everything, everywhere, all at once, all they have to do is lose a piece of serialized gear. There is nothing more heart-stopping, butt-puckering, and brow-sweatingly panic-inducing as losing a piece
- [TL Underground](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/19/tl-underground/) - Terminal Lance is now on Patreon! Warrior! TL needs you! The Green Weenie forces grow stronger by the hour. Heroes that are good and chill are needed to stem the tide against such treachery. Join the TL Underground today on Patreon to join the fight! In all seriousness, we could really use your help. Traditionally,
- [Smellgood](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/09/smellgood/) - They say that scent is the sense that is closest linked to memory. One whiff of something from a past life can send you on a journey of pungent nostalgia. Well, at least, I saw this in an Axe Bodyspray commercial once. For me, I can't get a sniff of Purell Hand Sanitizer without having
- [Do It For Her](https://terminallance.com/2023/07/01/do-it-for-her/) - All of us who join the military fight for a reason. For some, it's the love their country. For others, it's for the love of their family. For other others, it's for the love of big-tiddy anime cat girls. Whatever reason you have to fight, let it be a guiding light in your darkest moments.
- [Wagner Loves the Coup](https://terminallance.com/2023/06/26/wagner-loves-the-coup/) - Over the weekend, Russia's "Wagner" group (a private mercenary group) staged an attempted coup against Moscow, threatening to overthrow Putin. Well, they did for about half a day, and then decided to turn around and just kind of go home. Supposedly, the leader of the group reached some kind of deal with Putin, or otherwise
- [How Nicknames Are Born II](https://terminallance.com/2023/06/16/how-nicknames-are-born-ii/) - Every Marine in the Corps is prescribed a "knick-name," willingly or not, by the members of their cohort. Some are better than others, but one thing is certain: almost no one gets to pick their own nickname. What sticks is what sticks, and there are few exceptions to the rule. Generally, your nickname will be
- [Memorial Day 2023](https://terminallance.com/2023/05/29/memorial-day-2023/) - Mikey makes a great point here. Maybe this is why God's relationship with the Marines is... tumultuous, at best. I mean, how else are Staff NCO's with 4 divorces under their belts before the age of 30 getting into heaven? Are we even going to mention that Marines have affectionately adopted the nickname of "devil
- [The Squad Push-Up](https://terminallance.com/2023/05/17/the-squad-push-up/) - Deep in the recesses of the San Onofre coastline in California lies the dastardly Green Weenie Research Facility. It is there that the Marine Corps' top evil scientists work on new and inventive ways to make the lives of Marines miserable. The "Squad Push-Up" was a product of years of illegal experiments on Marines, culminating
- [TL COMIC STRIP CONTEST May 2023](https://terminallance.com/2023/05/01/tl-comic-strip-contest-may-2023/) - EDIT: See the WINNERS here. CONTEST! Between now and Friday, May 5th, draw, paint or scratch a MARINE CORPS/MILITARY comic strip using the template provided. Your choice of black and white, color, digital, pencil, crayon, whatever. 3 WINNERS will receive a TERMINAL LANCE LOOT BOX in the mail and will have their comics featured on
- [TL COMIC CONTEST WINNERS](https://terminallance.com/2023/05/05/tl-comic-contest-winners/) - Huge congratulations to the 3 winners above! We had a lot of great entries and it was a tough choice, but these three took the cake for me. I'm so amazed by the talent of TL fans. There's no specific criteria that I'm looking for really, it's just a matter of some very subjective things
- [Swim Qual](https://terminallance.com/2023/04/29/swim-qual/) - Swim qual is another one of those things that would be fun if it wasn't in the Marine Corps. In theory, jumping into a pool with your closest friends and swimming around should be a grand old time. However, trying to swim across a pool or tread water for 5 minutes in boots and cammies
- [Terminal Lance #558 “Tik and Tok”](https://terminallance.com/2019/09/06/terminal-lance-558-tik-and-tok/) - More than ever before, boots have a plethora of resources available to them to avoid the pitfalls of everyday boot existence. No longer do you have to wear horrible Moto shirts tucked into your mom jeans and web belt, because places like Terminal Lance and countless others have spent years highlighting what a fucking boot
- [Terminal Lance #405 "Gas! Gas! Gas!"](https://terminallance.com/2015/11/20/terminal-lance-405-gas-gas-gas/) - Can you blame him really? My OIC during my second deployment was a CBRN Chief Warrant Officer, and needless to say, he masturbated a lot he didn't do much CBRN stuff on the daily. If you're reading this and you have no idea what CBRN is, you're probably a dumb boot anyway, but I'll explain. CBRN
- [Inclemently Weathered](https://terminallance.com/2023/04/24/inclemently-weathered/) - If it ain't rainin', we ain't training. Or, more accurately, if we ain't trainin', it ain't rainin'. Pack your Goretex on every field op, because the good lord certainly has a sense of humor as it pertains to Marines. Maybe we did something in a past life that irked him the wrong way. I dunno.
- [Cozy Bungalow at Twentynine Palms](https://terminallance.com/2023/04/14/cozy-bungalow-at-twentynine-palms/) - Welcome to this exclusive cozy, rustic bungalow with industrial vibes in beautiful Twentynine Palms! This converted conex box is located in a gated community with armed security, so you’ll feel safe and sound day and night. This authentic experience comes with up to three MRE’s per person, per day, and your own dusty corner to
- [Terminal Lance Creator Officially Designated Lance Corporal of the Marine Corps by Commandant](https://terminallance.com/2023/04/01/terminal-lance-creator-officially-designated-lance-corporal-of-the-marine-corps-by-commandant/) - WASHINGTON, DC -- On Saturday, April 1st, nearly 400 Staff NCO's stood in formation (by request of the honored) for a ceremony that lasted nearly 7 hours, culminating in the official title designation of Lance Corporal of the Marine Corps by USMC Commandant General Berger. "I think we can all agree that this is a
- [The 7-Ton Guy](https://terminallance.com/2023/03/24/the-7-ton-guy/) - Not all heroes wear capes. In this case, they tend to wear boots-and-utes and are under 5'6" (so they can stand up straight in the back of the 7-ton). The 7-ton guy is the hero we need, but definitely don't deserve. They risk their backs and their bare hands to make sure those packs are
- [Proper Civilian Attire II](https://terminallance.com/2023/03/11/proper-civilian-attire-ii/) - Marines have the highest standards of professionalism at all times. Whether you're on the clock in your uniform, or off work doing beer-bongs with your boys from the 3rd deck catwalk, you're expected to wear proper attire. The Corps' idea of "proper civilian attire" is somewhere between high school virgin and 48 year old divorced
- [Force Modernization](https://terminallance.com/2023/03/03/force-modernization/) - On god, the Corps is going through the biggest glow up modern times. The Commandant finna make this place bussin and ready to tackle the modern challenges we face in the global security environment. Really though, there are a lot of huge changes happening all over the Corps as part of Force Design 2030. In
- [The Haircut Guide](https://terminallance.com/2023/02/17/the-haircut-guide/) - Every week, male Marines are presented with a selection of do's and styles for their hair. The choices available are limited, but offer some variety in their look and feel. A tried and true medium-reg this week? Maybe you're feeling extra motivated and spring for the classic Marine Corps high-and-tight. Or, perhaps the lowest fade
- [The Adventures of Chinese Spy Balloon](https://terminallance.com/2023/02/10/the-adventures-of-chinese-spy-balloon/) - When the news broke last week that a Chinese spy balloon was ominously hovering over the continental United States, I was a bit baffled. On one hand, it's obviously bad when America's enemies are obviously crossing boundaries they shouldn't be. On the other, it was so ridiculous and incredibly stupid that it was more funny
- [STA-ying Put](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/30/staying-put/) - There's nothing that makes 12 year olds on XBOX Live and the enemies of the United States of America more angry than USMC Scout Snipers. These guys will camp all day and night to surveil and shoot guys in the face from hundreds of meters away, whether they like it or not. My first introduction
- [Avatar: The Way of Water - Review](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/17/avatar-the-way-of-water/) - I'm not afraid to admit that I've always really liked the original 2009 Avatar film. As an artist and animator myself, the film was a momentous achievement of visual effects that still stands the test of time today. It's a solid story that is straightforward and executed incredibly well. However, it's a strangely divisive film
- [The Pandorussy](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/13/the-pandorussy/) - Let's be realistic, Marines probably weren't the best choice for this mission. When you ask people what is an authentic movie about the Marine Corps, many of them will say Full Metal Jacket or Jarhead. Me? I say James Cameron's Avatar. Avatar is the story of United States Infantry Marine veteran Jake Sully traveling to
- [ENLIST TODAY](https://terminallance.com/2021/03/12/enlist-today/) - I've always unironically loved those old-school recruiting posters from World War II. The art of bold, fast propaganda illustration is a lost art that I wish the military still utilized. Legendary artists like JC Leyendecker, Norman Rockwell, and even Walt Disney partook in the recruiting efforts of yore. It's a shame we don't have anything
- [Warfighter Tested, Warfighter Approved](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/06/warfighter-tested-warfighter-approved/) - While admittedly, some of the MRE menu items have improved over time (Menu 23: Pepperoni Pizza Slice exists now), I've always felt like the selection of dishes available to Marines (and others, I guess) is lacking. Nobody in the entire Marine Corps is going to a restaurant to order Cheese Tortellini or whatever "Beef Strips
- [Unit of the Year 2022](https://terminallance.com/2023/01/01/unit-of-the-year-2022/) - The official TERMINAL LANCE UNIT OF THE YEAR 2022 is 3RD BATTALION, 3RD MARINES, who just returned home from deployment. I’ll admit, this contest was rigged. 3/3 is my old alma mater, and I’m awarding them this honor as a a bittersweet goodbye. The K-Bay unit stands to be deactivated in early 2023 as part
- [Merry Christmas, Marines... Wherever you Are](https://terminallance.com/2022/12/25/merry-christmas-marines-wherever-you-are/) - Marines often have the unfortunate luck to be abroad, in danger, or otherwise not having a good time during the holidays. It can be a difficult time of year for many--enlisted and their families. This year, I'll Be Home for Christmas by Bing Crosby came to mind. The song was originally written and performed in
- [Lo-Fi Lance](https://terminallance.com/2021/09/17/lo-fi-lance/) - It's late... or early... you're not sure. The last of the Marines have finally gone to sleep, the drunken shouting and thrashing has subsided for the night. Stephens is still awake in his room playing Warzone, but he's quiet enough, with little more than the soft glow of the TV in his room to tell
- [Okinawa desu](https://terminallance.com/2022/12/10/okinawa-desu/) - For those of you that have been tracking, you know I went to Okinawa last weekend for the annual Okinawa Comic-Con event. I needed to stay on my toes, because the Green Weenie is a trickster. How glorious it would be to finally be the one to best Terminal Lance with promises of Japanese food
- [TL Shop Now Open](https://terminallance.com/2022/11/21/tl-shop-now-open/) - The Terminal Lance official merch shop is now open for business. As you may have noticed, TL has undergone a bit of a facelift. To celebrate, we're selling some brand new merch to celebrate our new merch. Head over to shop.terminallance.com to check out new shirts, hoodies and more.
- [Edible Arrangements](https://terminallance.com/2022/11/18/edible-arrangements/) - Whelp, after 3 years of skating by this whole pandemic, it’s finally happened… I got COVID. Nothing but snot, phlegm and coughing and hacking over here. I really thought I’d get through this whole ordeal unscathed, but I suppose my luck was bound to run out at some point. For what it’s worth, I’m more
- [Corfams](https://terminallance.com/2022/11/09/corfams/) - Please keep this on the down-low for now, I don't need the entire Marine Corps to be as SHOOK as I was when I found this out. It turns out, myself and literally every Marine ever have been calling our dress shoes the wrong thing this entire time. "Corframs" or "Coraframs," as Marines know them,
- [Veterans Day Free Meals and Discounts 2022](https://terminallance.com/2022/11/09/veterans-day-free-meals-and-discounts-2022/) - Veterans Day is coming up on Friday, November 11th. Many restaurants and businesses offer some great discounts and even free meals for active duty service members and eligible veterans. Here's a comprehensive list provided by the VA. 110 Grill – November 11, 2022 Complimentary lunch entrée from a select menu to all Veterans and active-duty
- [Terminal Lance #21 “The Lament of the Artist Recruit](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/16/terminal-lance-21-the-lament-of-the-artist-recruit/) - At first I wasn't sure if I should even bother doing this strip; I realize most Marines in the Marine Corps are actually the guy asking for the tattoo, and not the one drawing it. Unfortunately for you all, I am the one drawing it, as well as the one making the comic that has
- [Halloween Horrors](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/31/halloween-2022/) - There's nothing more heartwarming than a child that wants to be just like their parents. Thankfully, Spirit Halloween is here, coming in clutch just in the nick of time to make dreams come true (or die). Now, kids across America can fulfill their dreams of being Marines. Well, at least until tomorrow. Happy Halloween. 🎃
- [Budgeting](https://terminallance.com/2022/04/08/budgeting/) - People born after September 11th, 2001 probably don't remember the red specter of Russia looming as the default geopolitical foe to the US. Every movie, book, and other media regularly showed Russia as the leading cause of American military conflict. This naturally changed into vague, middle-eastern threats after 9/11, but Russia has historically been the
- [Terminal Lance 4.0](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/25/terminal-lance-4-0/) - It has been a resounding 12 years since the creation of Terminal Lance, and six since the last redesign of terminallance.com in 2016. To be honest, and I'm sure this is true for many, the last 6 years has been somewhat of a blur. Between the insane political landscape of our times and the COVID
- [An Exclusive Invitation](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/22/an-exclusive-invitation/) - Dearest Marines, please accept this invitation for a most exuberant event in honor of the Marine Corps’ upcoming 247th birthday. There will be the gayest of times (as in fun, jolly) and the most impeccably dressed servicemen and women the eyes have ever known. There will also be: Staff NCO’s that spent their own money
- [Best of the Worst](https://terminallance.com/2022/10/14/best-of-the-worst/) - The existence of a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps is pain. You spend all day, every day just trying to avoid getting yelled at and shit on in every direction. Among the reasons for your severe depression are the various institutional roadblocks you'll come across from time to time. The front desk POG at
- [God Save the Queen](https://terminallance.com/2022/09/10/god-save-the-queen/) - In case you have been out in the field for the last week and/or prefer to only get your news from incredibly good-looking, well-endowed artists, I need to inform you that the Queen of the United Kingdom died a couple days ago. Queen Elizabeth II has served as the reigning monarch of the United Kingdom
- [TARRRRRRGETS](https://terminallance.com/2022/09/16/tarrrrrrgets/) - Everyone in the Corps has some kind of experience on the rifle range. Marines qual upon enlisting during boot camp, and then maintain their qualifications annually. (If you're infantry, you're probably shooting a lot more than that.) One thing that never changes for everyone, regardless of MOS or rank, is that person in the tower
- [Meritorious IV](https://terminallance.com/2022/09/27/meritorious-iv/) - Chongo makes his return (7 years later!) to illustrate the simple standards of Marine Corps leadership. Does a Marine need to be smart and/or a decent person to be a leader? No, not as long as he can shoot good, run fast, and take apart weapons and put them back together again real quick. Chongo
- [MUHREENS NFT COLLECTION](https://terminallance.com/2021/12/20/muhreens-nft-collection/) - Last week, I released a new NFT collection in collaboration with Post Animation called Muhreens. There's a wide spectrum of opinions and feelings regarding NFT's in general, so I wanted to talk about the collection as an artist, and how I came to create it. POST To talk about Muhreens, you have to go back
- [Punish the Masses](https://terminallance.com/2022/08/13/punish-the-masses/) - In the Marine Corps, you live, eat, sleep and operate as a team. Often times, this means getting punished as a team as well. To the detriment of, well, everyone, group-punishment is a very common (and explicitly taught) leadership tactic in the Marine Corps. The idea is that if you make everyone pissed off, they'll
- [Terminal Lance #1 "How Knick-Names are Born"](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/05/terminal-lance-1-how-knick-names-are-born/) - **UPDATE** Check the "News" section for updates on the site and my personal rants that don't have to do with the current comic. Good morning Marines and whoever else decides to read this! So this is the first post, the first comic, the launch of Terminal Lance officially. This comic was inspired by my experiences
- [DAN V DAKOTA](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/08/dan-v-dakota/) - Dan Bilzerian and Medal of Honor recipient USMC Sgt. Dakota Meyer are at each other's throats over the last few days, due to some inflammatory language on both sides regarding Bilzerian's actions during the Las Vegas shooting on Tuesday. Yesterday, Meyer challenged Bilzerian to a literal fist fight via his Instagram, accusing him of releasing
- [THE WHITE DONKEY added to the Commandant's Reading List](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/22/the-white-donkey-added-to-the-commandants-reading-list/) - My New York Times bestselling graphic novel, The White Donkey, has been officially added to the Commandant's Reading List. Those of you that have been following me since the beginning know that Terminal Lance started as an underground, risqué, and avant-garde idea. Back in 2010, while I was an active duty Lance Corporal in Hawaii,
- [Terminal Lance "Lonely Fans"](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/22/terminal-lance-lonely-fans/) - Lance Corporals don't get paid enough for what we put them through. It's no wonder that many of them are seeking alternative means to support their income. In an age where anyone can get paid for basically anything, why not make an extra buck? After all, these kinds of illicit activities have been expressly endorsed
- [Dunkirk Review](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/22/dunkirk-review/) - Dunkirk is the story of the British military's evacuation of 400,000 troops from France during the beginning of World War II. You might expect a story of this nature to be wrought with lengthy expositions and political discourse, but Christopher Nolan has crafted this film from start to finish with very minimal dialog, instead relying on
- [Terminal Lance #2 "SNCO Syndrome"](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/08/terminal-lance-2-snco-syndrome/) - I often-times find the many dialects of the Marine Corps to be interesting, or at least entertaining. It's strange how once someone goes into bootcamp and gets shit out the other side, their entire vocabulary is increased (or decreased really) with a bunch of nonsensical grunts and half-phrases. Some of these people continue to talk
- [Terminal Lance #3 "Looking Professional"](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/12/terminal-lance-3-looking-professional/) - I always thought it was kind of silly, the things we do in our service uniforms. We can't have things in our pockets, we can't carry things in our right hand, we can't even hold the hand of our loved ones technically. For an organization that prides itself on practicality and adaptability in combat, we
- [Terminal Lance #4 “Modern Warfare”](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/15/terminal-lance-4-modern-warfare/) - The grasp of XBOX Live and the PlayStation Network over the Marine Corps is so powerful, one really could consider the distraction it creates to be terrorism. I am not an exception to this rule, I too enjoy myself some Modern Warfare 2 via XBOX Live. I was there on the midnight release at the
- [Terminal Lance #6 “Jambo” (If you went to Iraq, you’ll get it)](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/22/terminal-lance-6-jambo-if-you-went-to-iraq-youll-get-it/) - The Ugandan guards that protect the chow halls and posts around Iraq's major bases always brought joy to me. I remember my days in the turret fondly, riding passed the guard posts and yelling "Jambo!" from my hole atop the MRAP in Camp Fallujah, to be reciprocated with an even more enthusiastic reply of "JAAAAMBOOOO
- [Terminal Lance #7 “Good Reasons to not go to the Gym”](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/26/terminal-lance-7-good-reasons-to-not-go-to-the-gym/) - Going to the gym in the Marine Corps has always been kind of annoying for me. Though I do it regularly, I hate it every time. While it's obviously an exaggeration to say all of the biggest guys are POG's, it does seem to be a common trend. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate
- [Terminal Lance #8 “The Many Uses of a Glow Belt”](https://terminallance.com/2010/01/29/terminal-lance-8-the-many-uses-of-a-glow-belt/) - Today's strip is based on a true story. During my first deployment in '07, many of the ISF guys didn't have any uniforms. These were men who wanted to stand up for their neighborhoods and regions, some of them were Iraqi Police and others weren't. However, the US Military (i.e.: us), would pay them to
- [Terminal Lance #9 “The Natural Age Progression of a Weapons Platoon Commander”](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/02/terminal-lance-9-the-natural-age-progression-of-a-weapons-platoon-commander/) - A new platoon commander is a beautiful thing. Shiny, bright eyes anxious to unlock all the potential of the Marines under their new command. Fortunately, it doesn't take long to shatter their insidious fantasies at the reality of it all. In my experience (this may not be representative of the Corps as a whole), Weapons
- [Terminal Lance #10 "Lance Corporal Hand-Signal"](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/05/terminal-lance-10-lance-corporal-hand-signal/) - Throw it up gents! Represent your true colors, with the Lance Corporal hand signal. I can't actually take credit for the hand signal; my aforementioned friend Billdo Faggins, the Wild Cock Goblin created it during our first deployment. The Lance Corporal in the infantry goes a long way. It is generally recognized within our ranks
- [Terminal Lance #11 “Where the Big Bucks Are”](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/09/terminal-lance-11-where-the-big-bucks-are/) - This strip may hit a bit too close to home for some. In all reality though, marriage in the Marine Corps is more of a problem than a blessing. Too often, especially in the infantry, Marines get married as an answer to financial problems. The problem lies within the foundation of the system itself. Where,
- [Terminal Lance #12 “Tom Clancy is Full of Shit”](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/12/terminal-lance-12-tom-clancy-is-full-of-shit/) - Does anyone remember the Splinter Cell games? I know I do. While I always preferred Metal Gear Solid, I always enjoyed how high speed I felt playing as Sam Fisher. In the videogames and movies, night vision is clear, useful, and makes a fucking awesome "bweee!" noise when you turn it on. In real life,
- [Terminal Lance #13 “Salty Cammies”](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/16/terminal-lance-13-salty-cammies/) - Every Marine worth his or her salt should have a pair of Salty Cammies. They are the inevitable result of cammies that have been washed and worn over the years on a regular basis. With the lighter color comes a much softer, much more comfortable set of cammies that are always preferable to wear--if only
- [Terminal Lance #14 “The Mr. E Mystery 1″](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/19/terminal-lance-14-the-mr-e-mystery/) - I'd like to start by saying that this is a 100% true story. This happened to a friend of mine, Tyler Cone, while we were boots in the field, hence the reason in the strip they're all wearing the Interceptor vest as opposed to the MTV sitting in my closet. There are many mysteries, stories
- [Terminal Lance #15 "Special Edition"](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/23/terminal-lance-15-special-edition/) - The following is an update I made in the news post regarding this strip: ------------------------------------------ I'd like to take a moment to address the statements I made in Terminal Lance #15 "Special Edition." I am doing this because I don't really want to run into any problems with it, but I'd like to say that it
- [Terminal Lance #16 “LOL, Boots”](https://terminallance.com/2010/02/26/terminal-lance-16-lol-boots/) - Just as I'm beginning a spinoff on MRE's, I'm thinking of going the same way with "LOL, Boots". Really, there's so many ridiculous and humorous things that boots do that you could probably make an entire graphic novel off of them. While the clothing thing might seem somewhat nit-picky, I'll explain why it bothers me.
- [Terminal Lance #17 "The Stare"](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/02/terminal-lance-17-the-stare/) - This occurrence is pretty common in my life. I refer to it as "The Stare," I'm sure you're all familiar with it. As a lower enlisted, we are obligated to "greet" Staff NCO's and officers as they approach us or walk by us. Generally its not a big deal, but often times the difference between
- [Terminal Lance #18 “The Difference: Welcome to the Fleet”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/05/terminal-lance-18-the-difference-welcome-to-the-fleet/) - Though I do believe that picking on POGs is somewhat of a cheap shot, I do think they get treated especially better than the grunts do. How do I know this? Well I work at Combat Camera now, and it really is a whole different world. While they obviously have their own stressers in the
- [Terminal Lance #19 “The Mr. E Mystery 2″](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/09/terminal-lance-19-the-mr-e-mystery-2/) - Welcome to the 2nd of my MRE-themed strips. It wasn't until after I started making this strip that I discovered that the notorious Cheese and Veggie Omelet had actually been discontinued last year. But the question still remains... Why does this wretched thing exist in this world or any other? The answer is a long
- [Terminal Lance #20 “The Green Weenie Strikes Again!”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/12/terminal-lance-20-the-green-weenie-strikes-again/) - This comic was inspired by recent events at my final physical. Over the years in an infantry battalion, you really don't get to go to BAS enough. Well, those of us that are worth a damn don't. The stigma associated with going to medical while you're in the infantry is most definitely one of taboo.
- [Terminal Lance #22 “Why He’s Always Late”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/19/terminal-lance-22-why-hes-always-late/) - Something that has always bothered those of us on the lower levels of the rank tier is standing in formation for no apparent reason. It is something I know is common throughout the infantry, and usually results in Marines shouting out, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???" The answer? Usually you're waiting on the Company
- [Terminal Lance #23 “Literally”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/23/terminal-lance-23-literally/) - I think sometimes the crude sayings and terminology go widely unchecked, despite how common they are. I know this is a common statement made in the Marine Corps, at least since I've been in. I heard it the first time in bootcamp, then I heard it at SOI, then I heard it at the fleet
- [Terminal Lance #24 “It’s Worth It”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/26/terminal-lance-24-its-worth-it/) - This is actually a true story. Well, I dunno if Bill actually did any maniacal laughing at the time, but this is based on true events much in the same way Hollywood makes movies "based on true events." In any case, I remember thinking to myself how strange it is, that our job is so
- [Terminal Lance #25 “Deployments are just like Final Fantasy Games”](https://terminallance.com/2010/03/30/terminal-lance-25-deployments-are-just-like-final-fantasy-games/) - I genuinely debated on doing this strip simply because I knew that the reference might fly over the heads of some of the older Marines that read the strip. (I know there's plenty of you salty bastards) However, if I may be so blunt, I am a huge nerd. In fact I am such a
- [Terminal Lance #26 “Did Anyone Actually Read It?”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/02/terminal-lance-26-did-anyone-actually-read-it/) - While I won't say that this is necessarily a true story, I will say that no one I know has actually read the acclaimed Message to Garcia or any other book on the Commandant's Reading List for that matter. In fact, before I made this strip I asked some of my friends if they had
- [Terminal Lance #27 “Challenge Coins: Not a Grunt Thing”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/06/terminal-lance-27-challenge-coins-not-a-grunt-thing/) - I almost felt bad about making this strip (almost), because I know that the challenge coins do hold some tradition and are kind of a soft spot for the older folks of the Corps. Regardless, they definitely skipped my generation, and have always been regarded as being somewhat "lame". I will say that I see
- [Terminal Lance #28 “False Advertising”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/09/terminal-lance-28-false-advertising/) - I don't think there's a whole lot to say about this strip, I think the joke is fairly self-explanatory. In fact, I'd say making fun of the cheesy recruiting commercials is one of the favorite pass times of Marines. All of us remember the commercials with the fire demon or the dragon being slain by
- [Terminal Lance #29 “Why BAS Sucks”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/13/terminal-lance-29-why-bas-sucks/) - Oh BAS, did you think you wouldn't be immortalized in 3-panel glory? This strip isn't necessarily a direct insult on Corpsman, as a lot of them are great guys that genuinely care about their Marines and do wonderful things in combat and in the rear. This strip is dedicated to all of my grunt friends
- [Terminal Lance #30 "The Lance Corporal Food Pyramid"](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/16/terminal-lance-30-the-lance-corporal-food-pyramid/) - It was a tough decision, choosing which item should go on the bottom. While I think Marines can debate whether or not alcohol or tobacco are in fact their best friend in the Corps, I chose tobacco because when you're on deployment you only get to use one of them. Sans pseudo-holidays like the Marine
- [Terminal Lance #32 “The Quest to Check Out”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/23/terminal-lance-32-the-quest-to-check-out/) - This is probably obviously inspired by recent events. As I mentioned previously, I went on Terminal on Wednesday. Officially now, Terminal Lance is based on a true story. I can honestly say though, that I hated every moment of the check out process. Running around with sheet in hand, unclear of the proper steps because
- [Terminal Lance #33 “They’ve Never Been Cool”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/27/terminal-lance-33-they-were-never-cool/) - Rarely, in any circumstance, are mustaches an acceptable decision for facial hair. For the Marine, it's the only decision that is within regs. Does that make it okay? No, not at all. In fact, the only time it is acceptable (and actually encouraged) for a Marine to have a mustache is in the field. Specifically,
- [Terminal Lance #34 “It’s Already Gay”](https://terminallance.com/2010/04/30/terminal-lance-34-its-already-gay/) - The issue of gays in the military has always been a tough subject, but recently it's made headlines quite frequently and for that reason I will leave my personal opinion out of this. It is more or less irrelevant to the joke. As the strip suggests though, it is quite ironic that so many Marines
- [Terminal Lance #XOXO](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/03/terminal-lance-xoxo/) - Sorry to cop out on you fine ladies and gentlemen, but I will be in transit for the next week or so. Stay tuned for updates in the News section of the site daily. I've never really had to deal with moving my entire life before. Usually it's just like some sea bags and an
- [Terminal Lance #35 "How Things Have Changed"](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/14/terminal-lance-35-how-things-have-changed/) - If this strip looks a little different, your eyes have not deceived you as you suspect. This strip was created by Combat Artist Michael Fay, some of you may know of whom I speak. I'm still getting set up here in Portland, and my tablet just took a shit. Luckily, Mike has been a resounding
- [Terminal Lance #36 “The Closet Motivator”](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/18/terminal-lance-36-the-closet-motivator/) - They exist all around us, Marines who talk big but when they're home they dawn their issued gear and Marine Corps paraphernalia to strut the streets of their hometown; shouting nonsensical Marine-speak and telling everyone war stories that may or may not have happened. I think all of us are or were at some point
- [Terminal Lance #EAS](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/21/terminal-lance-eas/) - It is with cheer and a grain of salt that I officially say goodbye to the Marine Corps. 4 years ago, on this day, I left Oregon not with but the clothes on my back--with the pipe dream notion that war breeds men. It was with tears and a cold Oregon rain that I parted
- [Terminal Lance #37 “Where Does He Get New Ones?”](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/25/terminal-lance-37-where-does-he-get-new-ones/) - This is just something I always wondered, where does the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps get new chevrons? Admittedly, I've never been to Quantico, so I don't really know if they sell them at the PX there--though I would imagine not. Does he only get one pair issued to him? Does CIF issue it
- [Terminal Lance #38 “Personal Financial Management”](https://terminallance.com/2010/05/28/terminal-lance-38-personal-financial-management/) - It is a very common thing, and a very large problem in the Marine Corps. Marines every day fall victim to predatory lenders and debt, ending up with a mountain of financial ails by the time they're 22 and ready to get out. We all know the guy who never seems to have money for
- [Terminal Lance #39 “A New Staff NCO is Born”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/01/terminal-lance-39-a-new-staff-nco-is-born/) - *Edit* After re-reading this when I woke up I realized I completely forgot to mention the original intent with this strip. My original concept was the idea that the Marines that are genuinely good and care about their jobs seem to get denied re-enlistment for the most absurd reasons, whereas the Marines who don't give
- [Terminal Lance #40 “Rip-It®: A Documentary”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/04/terminal-lance-40-rip-it-a-documentary/) - Rip It® is a registered trademark of Sundance Beverage Company. I'll just get straight to the point on this one: Marines love Rip-Its. For those of you that have never been to Iraq, a Rip-It is an energy drink that they hand out to the Marines and soldiers overseas like delectable cans of liquid candy.
- [Terminal Lance #41 “Standing Post: Stages of Boredom”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/08/terminal-lance-41-standing-post-stages-of-boredom/) - Though it may seem like going from song to pubic arson is slightly far-fetched, I may remind you that Marines are a very special kind of animal. As well, when a Marine is bored, the final step of boredom is always something involving the genitals. Lighting one's pubes on fire isn't just something I made
- [Terminal Lance #42 “Calling Home”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/11/terminal-lance-42-calling-home/) - A slightly late update on my part, due to the fact that I spent all night creating the new forum and exporting all of the databases from the old forum to the new one. I would like to throw out there that I loathe web-making of any kind; probably why I always preferred Captain America
- [Terminal Lance #43 “Really, No One Does”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/15/terminal-lance-43-really-no-one-does/) - Military wives are a great thing, however, when a wife takes her husband's rank into her own sense of worth--it makes them not so much. I'm sorry wives, but you're not the rank of your husband. You're not a Marine, you have no authority over Marines or any of their wives based on your husband's
- [Terminal Lance #44 “Smear the Gear Queer”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/18/terminal-lance-44-smear-the-gear-queer/) - Well this is a pretty easy subject, I suppose. Everyone knows the guys that go out and spend all of their money on any new piece of gear they can find. Anything that makes them look like someone out of a videogame or some BLACKHAWK! ad in Leatherneck Magazine. It's the stuff that usually no
- [Terminal Lance #45 “Vacations Don’t Count”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/22/terminal-lance-45-vacations-dont-count/) - I'm sure before the war started, going to far away lands for training and exercises was considered hard as fuck. Personally, however, I was never impressed with these tales of absence and excursions. I don't mean to imply that Iraq and Afghanistan are the only hard places available within the last 20 years--in fact we
- [Terminal Lance #46 “Educated Leadership”](https://terminallance.com/2010/06/25/terminal-lance-46-educated-leadership/) - Come on, Lieutenants, you had it coming. Throughout my 4 years I always tried to find out what my Lt's majors were, I always thought it was interesting to see what kind of people were drawn to the Commissioned side of the Corps. It turns out, Lieutenants can be just about anything prior to getting
- [Terminal Lance #48 “Airport Soldier Envy”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/02/terminal-lance-48-airport-soldier-envy/) - I hate seeing soldiers in the airport. I think all Marines do. There's something about seeing them in their digital ACU's that just pisses the average Marine off. I could go into how much they look like a tool, and how much dick they suck and so-forth. The real reason, however, is that we envy
- [Terminal Lance #49 “Myths and Legends”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/06/terminal-lance-49-myths-and-legends/) - I decided to go in a somewhat ridiculous direction today. Lately my sense of humor has been fairly eclectic, I can't help but feel drawn to the slightly absurd for some reason. I also really wanted to start a new "series", one I am calling "Myths and Legends". These of course are the Myths and
- [Terminal Lance #50 “I’m Putting You Up for One”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/09/terminal-lance-50-im-putting-you-up-for-one/) - For my beloved readers that are not in the loop; "NAM" stands for "Navy/Marine Corps Achievement Medal," and is awarded to people who go above and beyond their normal duties assigned to them. However, the medal somehow always seems to find its way onto the chests of those closest to Headquarters or H&S Company. Even
- [Terminal Lance #51 “0351′s: Underused, Never Appreciated”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/13/terminal-lance-51-0351s-underused-never-appreciated/) - When I realized today was time for Strip #51, I decided to do a tribute to my personal MOS: The 0351 Assaultman. It is kind of the odd-ball of the infantry; no one really knows what we do or how to properly employ us. As a result, we are often just turned into a rifle
- [Terminal Lance #52 “Fucked Again…”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/16/terminal-lance-52-fucked-again/) - Marines bitching is a favorite pass time of everyone, including myself. However, one thing that truly annoys me is when Marines bitch about things they bring upon themselves. You all know these guys, the fat, suckling shit-birds that do something unexplainably stupid and try to complain to you about it--as if you're going to agree
- [Terminal Lance "Staff Sergeant Don't Know"](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/20/terminal-lance-staff-sergeant-dont-know/) - You may have noticed today's strip doesn't contain an official number designation. The reason for this is that today's strip isn't really a strip, simply a doodle I put up that may or may not be funny. Why, you ask? Well I'm actually doing some travelling this week, I'll be heading down to the California
- [Terminal Lance Sketchbook](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/23/terminal-lance-sketchbook/) - This idea was initially spurned by a comment on the Facebook fan page. Well as I mentioned before, I am currently in California on a trip to find an apartment. I was initially looking into Oakland for an apartment, until I actually went to Oakland yesterday. Now don't get me wrong, there are some nicer
- [Terminal Lance #53 “Reservists and Centipedes”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/27/terminal-lance-53-reservists-and-centipedes/) - I don't typically try to sell my punchlines on pop-culture references. However, I recently saw "The Human Centipede" and was so excited I had to find a way to put it into a strip. As well, I think the point of the strip was easy to say within two panels. Active duty Marines hate reservists--those
- [Terminal Lance #54 “Marine Online and Marines”](https://terminallance.com/2010/07/30/terminal-lance-54-marine-online-and-marines/) - I think I speak for all Marines when I say one simple truth: I despise MOL. In all honesty, I sort of wonder how the Corps functioned before MOL. It seems like everything we do revolves around what gets updated on this anciently designed website. If it doesn't happen on MOL, it didn't happen. In
- [Terminal Lance #55 “Chucks Don’t Lie”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/03/terminal-lance-55-chucks-dont-lie/) - The term "Duty NCO" is usually taken extremely literally. For those of you that aren't familiar with the term, the Duty NCO is usually the man in charge for the two-man, 24 hour barracks duty that day. However, duty rosters are usually made via a list on a computer, and NCO slots are often handed
- [Terminal Lance #56 “Myths and Legends II: The Dependapotamus”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/06/terminal-lance-56-myths-and-legends-ii-the-dependapotamus/) - This creature of lore is actually quite common within the Marine Corps. Mostly found in the darkest corners of base housing, Dependapotamus may look like a predator of some kind, but it is actually defined as a parasite. Much like a tick or leach, the creature will engorge itself into gluttony through the benefits and
- [Terminal Lance #57 “Field Day Will Never Mean the Same Thing”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/10/terminal-lance-57-field-day-will-never-mean-the-same-thing/) - Field Day is a pretty rough subject in the Corps. It is congruent with long days, late nights, and often hazing. Field Day is a ritual of sorts, though. It is often the only thing people associate the garrison life with. I remember the first time I heard the word "Field Day," I had no
- [Terminal Lance #58 “Six Bucks is Already Enough”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/13/terminal-lance-58-six-bucks-is-already-enough/) - Haircuts are a big part of Marine Corps culture. Whether you're a reg-thumper, shit bag, blue falcon, or just a Marine; the few choices a Marine actually has in the selection of a haircut can say a lot about that individual. More importantly though, whether you like it or not, you'll have to pay for
- [Terminal Lance Sketchbook](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/23/terminal-lance-sketchbook-2/) - Well I still have no internet in my new apartment, but that doesn't stop me from sitting in my car in a closed Starbucks parking lot and connecting via free WiFi! I'm sure I look shady as fuck, but regardless, I came here to drop off this little bit of Terminal Lance goodness for you
- [Terminal Lance #59 “Knife-Hand Anger Gauge”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/27/terminal-lance-59-knife-hand-anger-gauge/) - I know it's really boot to bring up bootcamp, but so many funny and stupid things come out of there it's hard to resist. One specific thing I remember being especially stupid was the "knife-hand"*. Never, anywhere in the Marine Corps, have I ever seen the knife-hand so flagrantly used. I always took note, however,
- [Terminal Lance #60 “Optimism”](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/31/terminal-lance-60-optimism/) - As I recall, I believe most of my time in the Marine Corps was spent looking forward to what lay ahead. Often times, these visions and optimistic ideas of what the future held proved themselves to be untrue. It seemed like no matter where I was in my 4 year enlistment, I was always looking
- [Terminal Lance #61 “Why He’s Always Late II”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/03/terminal-lance-61-why-hes-always-late-ii/) - I mentioned before I don't typically like to use pop-culture references in my jokes. For the most part, I feel this way because in order for it to be funny, target audience has to be familiar with what you're talking about. For those of you unfamiliar with "Double Rainbow Guy", please, take a look at
- [Terminal Lance #62 “Why We Hate CIF”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/06/terminal-lance-62-why-we-hate-cif/) - For as long as I remember being a Marine, I remember having a hate/hate relationship with CIF (Consolidated Issue Facility)--AKA: Satan's gear locker. CIF is run by civilians, and it's a pain in everyone's ass. The system for losing gear with CIF is so mind-numbingly tedious and complicated that they themselves will encourage you to
- [Terminal Lance #63 “Life After EAS: First Week of School”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/10/terminal-lance-63-life-after-eas-first-week-of-school/) - Today I decided that instead of making fun of the Marine Corps I would make fun of myself. I doubt I'm the only one that's ever had this problem, but I find that now that I'm out of the Marines and in school and all, I find myself really wanting to tell people about what
- [Terminal Lance #64 “Know your Role: Weapons Platoon”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/13/terminal-lance-64-know-your-role-weapons-platoon/) - In regards to my 0341 friends... no one knows what you guys actually do. The Mortarmen are easily the most precarious species of the Weapons breed. It's easy to see Machinegunners at work, aloft in turrets in our many tactical vehicles or in some other bunkered down position behind a crew-served machine gun. Assaultmen, though
- [Terminal Lance #65 “LOL, Boots II”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/17/terminal-lance-65-lol-boots-ii/) - I've never gotten a moto-tattoo before. However, I imagine that for the Marines that do this act of devotion fresh out of bootcamp, the scenario goes something like this. Marines love tattoos. Pro-tip though: Don't get a moto-tattoo fresh out of bootcamp. Wait a few years, if you still love it then by all means
- [Terminal Lance #66 “Infidelity amongst Infidels”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/20/terminal-lance-66-infidelity-amongst-infidels/) - In all honesty, I'm not sure whether or not this strip is about how much single Marines hate married ones for not having to field day, or if it's addressing the more serious issue of infidelity amongst spouses and fellow Marines in the Marine Corps. Either way, hopefully its funny. I think in all obviousness,
- [Terminal Lance #67 “Hypocritical Malingerers”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/24/terminal-lance-67-hypocratic-malingerers/) - While I won't discount the notion of malingering being a real phenomenon within the Corps, I think it is often overtly accused by higher command when they want something out of you. This is an entirely true story, almost word for word, that happened in my platoon. Our platoon sergeant and platoon commander at the
- [Terminal Lance #68 “Fuckin’ What?”](https://terminallance.com/2010/09/27/terminal-lance-68-fuckin-what/) - It is absolutely too common amongst Marines that they substitute... words... for some kind of generic filler such as "fuckin'" or "freakin'". While I understand that not all NCO's and below go through any kind of speech course, perhaps a general expansion of the vocabulary would fix this problem substantially. More often than not, Marines
- [Terminal Lance #69 “My Own Personal Hell”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/01/terminal-lance-69-my-own-personal-hell/) - Probably my worst memories of garrison life were at the local Armory in beautiful Kaneohe Bay. The amount of hours we spent there as a company and a platoon were probably the equivalent to many months of real time. For as much as I can remember of my bootest of years, we spent just about
- [Terminal Lance #70 “Addicted to Fail”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/04/terminal-lance-70-addicted-to-fail/) - I don't personally dip; however, it has always boggled my mind how people who are addicted to such vices can go to the field every week and forget to bring the very substance they covet so dearly. It seems like every time we were in the field, a severe shortage of tobacco products occurred almost
- [Terminal Lance #71 “Deployment Goggles”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/07/terminal-lance-71-deployment-goggles/) - It is an unfortunate reality that us Marines live in. The less we're around females, the hotter every female becomes. As a result, those of us that had the misfortune of visiting POG-centric bases such as al Asad found ourselves somehow surrounded by attractive females on a daily basis. How could this be? Are there
- [Terminal Lance #72 “Happy Birthday, Motherfucker!”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/11/terminal-lance-72-happy-birthday-motherfucker/) - The phenomena associated with birthdays in the Marine Corps is second to none. Mention it's your birthday, someone else's birthday--even your mother's birthday--and you will be literally physically assaulted. The birthday in the Marine Corps is a dangerous time, lay low for the day and hope no one remembers tomorrow; lest ye find themselves in
- [Terminal Lance #73 "Life After EAS: Irony"](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/15/terminal-lance-73-life-after-eas-bad-timing/) - This is largely overdue, I had originally intended to do this strip back when I got promoted--but other ideas ultimately were more interesting to me at the time. This is hardly a secret that I've been promoted--I actually found out from another Marine who saw it on MOL, author of Castra Praetoria, my old company
- [Terminal Lance #74 “No Preference”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/18/terminal-lance-74-no-preference/) - In terms of religious experience, Bootcamp is probably one of the most intense places that hopeful Marines can find themselves. For whatever the reasons, recruits tend to undergo a kind of extreme religious epiphany as soon as they step on those yellow footprints. Gone are their old ways of sinful heathenism, now they are acolytes
- [Terminal Lance #75 “They Will Hate”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/22/terminal-lance-75-they-will-hate/) - I always wondered what it must be like for the average Staff NCO, higher ranking enlisted having to salute butter-bar Lieutenants with no experience whatsoever. I know that normally the focus of Terminal Lance as a comic is on the Lance Corporal of the Marine Corps; however, you don't need to be a Lance Corporal
- [Terminal Lance #76 “LOL, Boots III”](https://terminallance.com/2010/10/25/terminal-lance-76-lol-boots-iii/) - Oh boots... There is something magical about them, so saturated with opinions they think are their own. The ever-revered high and tight I'm sure served its practical purpose at some point in the war-laden culture of the military. It is also true that it is an easy to maintain haircut that has hygienic qualities associated
- [Terminal Lance #78 “Bad Ideas are Always the Funniest”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/01/terminal-lance-78-bad-ideas-are-always-the-funniest/) - This strip is about Halloween... not Butter Bars... Srsly... Okay, well, it's not my fault that 2nd Lieutenants are such easy targets. I don't mean to resort to such simple poo-flinging humor, but I wanted a reason to do a Halloween strip--as well as show someone dress up like a giant boot. Anyway, I hope
- [Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest Winner](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/04/terminal-lance-comic-strip-contest-winner/) - **UPDATE** The winner's name is Sean Elliot. There were a lot of great submissions to the Comic Strip Contest. Unfortunately, there can be only one winner, the honor of which goes to the forum user treeflower. (I will update with the user's actual name when I receive the info.) I had no official criteria for
- [Terminal Lance #79 “All That Salt”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/08/terminal-lance-79-all-that-salt/) - I dunno what it is about the Marine Corps, but it is too often that you see Marines barely in their middle ages looking like geriatrics. In all reality, it is simply a result of a life time of physical abuse to the body. All of those flak runs, hikes, deployments, hardcore PT sessions and
- [Terminal Lance #80 “We All Need a Hug Sometimes”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/12/terminal-lance-80-we-all-need-a-hug-sometimes/) - I wonder how many NJP's would be reduced to a slap on the wrist, how many Marines would lose rank, if only a hug was offered to the SNCO that was so angry. I think sometimes, we all just need a hug. I once tried to give my old company 1st Sergeant a hug (now
- [Terminal Lance #81 “Myths and Legends III”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/16/terminal-lance-81-myths-and-legends-iii/) - According to Urban Dictionary, this is why the anonymous male figure fucking your wife and/or girlfriend is named "Jody": In the Marines, a "Jody" is a generalized term meaning: any man who stays home while everyone else goes to war. He gets to enjoy all the things the Marines are missing, more specifically the Marine's
- [Terminal Lance #82 “These Colors Don’t Run”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/19/terminal-lance-82-these-colors-dont-run/) - This is not meant to be a criticism of Colors itself, but rather the reaction from the average Lance Corporal. I fully understand the purpose of Colors, and I respect it like anyone else. That said, I would be lying if I said I've never ducked into a building or avoided going outside when I
- [Terminal Lance #83 “Too Much Chow Hall”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/22/terminal-lance-83-too-much-chow-hall/) - This is something I relate more to from my 2009 deployment to Camp Cupcake: al Asad. You know those guys that stay back at the main installations and you can swear they get fatter each time you see them? That is the result of three full, daily servings of that DFAC magic. For the most
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Thanksgiving"](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/25/terminal-lance-happy-thanksgiving/) - Happy Thanksgiving, Marines. Remember, having Thanksgiving in the chow hall with your friends is better than sitting around, moping about how you're not at home.
- [Terminal Lance #84 “The Jack Shack”](https://terminallance.com/2010/11/29/terminal-lance-84-the-jack-shack/) - The Jack Shack is a sort of magical place; a place where a Marine can be alone... for a time. The battle for an orgasm versus the searing Iraqi and Afghani sun is one waged across many years of conflict. An epic struggle between Marine and nature, between man and the elements. The Jack Shack
- [Terminal Lance #85 “Great Things Come in Pairs”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/03/terminal-lance-85-great-things-come-in-pairs/) - While I enjoy a Jack and Coke as much as anyone else, the alcohol problem in the military is an unfortunate truth of the world. Alcohol abuse in the Marines is an especially noticeable problem, and unfortunately it's not just limited to Saturday nights in the barracks. Too often the addiction to alcohol is carried
- [Terminal Lance #86 “A Better Recruiting Commercial”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/07/terminal-lance-86-a-better-recruiting-commercial/) - Ah the dress blues, the golden pillar of Marine Corps recruiting. Who can resist that snazzy black and gold blouse with those Eagle, Globe and Anchors flanking your collar? Of all of the uniforms in the military, the Marine Corps dress blues remain the highest fashion, with other branches slowly trying to encroach upon the
- [Terminal Lance #87 “Special Edition Rank”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/10/terminal-lance-87-special-edition-rank/) - Before I talk about the strip, I'd like to take a moment to talk to you about our Toys for Tots donation drive. This video was created with the sole purpose of raising funds for Toys for Tots. If you do not trust me with your money, I fully encourage you to donate to Toys for
- [Terminal Lance #88 “Shiny Things”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/13/terminal-lance-88-shiny-things/) - This is really more of a jab at how dumb Marines are than it is a jab at the Navy. Lets be honest here, any Marine who says they've never accidentally saluted a sailor is lying, or a boot. It happens. Hell, I've accidentally saluted other enlisted Marines with worn out rank. Even further, Marines
- [Terminal Lance #89 “TSA: Keeping America Safe”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/17/terminal-lance-89-tsa-keeping-america-safe/) - I'm sure all of those that donated to the Terminal Lance Toys for Tots fundraiser have noticed by now that their money has been refunded to them. I'm also sure that all of you are wondering why I did this. Well, I am going to tell you, because you have a right to know the
- [Terminal Lance #90 "The Gift of Giving Part I"](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/21/terminal-lance-90-the-gift-of-giving-part-i/) - 'Tis the season, gents. The gift of giving is the best gift one can get! I hope this strip gives someone a good idea for a Christmas present. If you'd like to know where to get a Clone-a-Willy™, look no further than here. If not to prank your platoon commander, then at least for that
- [Terminal Lance #91 "The Gift of Giving Part II"](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/24/terminal-lance-91-the-gift-of-giving-part-ii/) - I'll give you a hint: It's a dildo. A green-dyed Clone-A-Willy™ to be exact. Anyway, I don't have a whole lot to say about this strip, but I will say that I do plan on doing a third part to this next week. Stay tuned for that. Today is Christmas Eve, with tomorrow obviously being
- [Terminal Lance #92 “The Gift of Giving Part III”](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/28/terminal-lance-92-the-gift-of-giving-part-iii/) - This is the final part of the "Gift of Giving" series. I felt like a third piece was necessary to cap it all off. You can interpret the use of the Clone-a-Willy™ however you want. Did the Lieutenant use it on his wife? Did he use it on himself? Did he use it on... someone
- [Happy New Years!](https://terminallance.com/2010/12/31/happy-new-years/) - Well tonight is New Years Eve, try to make the best of it. I don't want to repeat myself from the Christmas update, but do your best to have fun, no matter where you are. Yeah it sucks being away, but it can be fun! When I was in Iraq in 2007, we spent Halloween,
- [Terminal Lance #93 “POG’s Impressing the Grunts”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/04/terminal-lance-93-pogs-impressing-the-grunts/) - Outside of the infantry (and even in it, some could argue), not all Marine Corps MOS' are treated equal. It is a complete fallacy to say that there aren't any cool POG jobs, I used tank crewman in this example; but there are many non-infantry jobs that one could consider badass. Obviously, there are also
- [Terminal Lance #94 “Moto Parents”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/07/terminal-lance-94-moto-parents/) - While my mother has never gotten a high and tight, I have noticed an overwhelming wave of motivation fall upon my loved ones. Like some kind of illness, the motivation takes many forms, usually more severe than anything I've ever displayed. I've never worn a shirt with a giant EGA or brandished anything overtly "USMC",
- [Terminal Lance #95 “The Truth About Tray-Rat Sausages”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/11/terminal-lance-95-the-truth-about-tray-rat-sausages/) - I've always had a personal disdain for the sausages served in tray-rat breakfast. After the first time biting into the over-processed, foul tasting entity I vowed to never again submit myself to their tyranny. I was first exposed to these horrifying sticks of meat during training on the big island of Hawaii, or PTA as
- [Terminal Lance #96 “Not Survivormen”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/13/terminal-lance-96-not-survivormen/) - There came a time in my days at Recruit Training that I realized I wasn't getting the comprehensive survival training I had expected when I joined the Marines. For some reason, I assumed that Marines, of all people, would be the most adept wilderness-survival experts in the world. However, perhaps the fact that boot camp
- [Terminal Lance #97 “Too Soon?”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/18/terminal-lance-97-too-soon/) - Too soon? Believe it or not, I actually debated doing this strip many months ago when I was still in Hawaii and still active duty, however ultimately I deemed it to be "too soon" to make fun of the puppy incident. Don't take me the wrong way; I grew up in Oregon, I love animals
- [Terminal Lance #98 “Unexpected Guest”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/21/terminal-lance-98-unexpected-guest/) - I've said it before and I'll say it again: quite possibly the most absurd nuance of the Marine Corps is not being able to put your hands in your pockets--even when its bitter cold outside. I've heard the old tales and adages of Chesty Puller saying something along the lines of, "A Marine with cold
- [Terminal Lance #99 “The Platoon Motivator”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/25/terminal-lance-99-the-platoon-motivator/) - You all know this guy, he's the one guy that's just happy to be there. The guy that doesn't mean his Oorah's and Yut's ironically, he's the guy that will stay in and re-enlist until the stars and rockers on his collar are too large for him to carry on physically. You joined his Corps.
- [Terminal Lance #100 "Unexpected Success"](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/28/terminal-lance-100-unexpected-success/) - Well today is a good day indeed. It is today that we are marking the 100th official strip since my January 5th, 2010 release. Obviously, this isn't including the strips you see in the Marine Corps Times--as those aren't numbered. This is obviously meant to be seen with a sense of humor, as I get
- [Terminal Lance #101 “The Facebook Poseur”](https://terminallance.com/2011/01/31/terminal-lance-101-the-facebook-poseur/) - You know exactly what I'm talking about. The Facebook poseur is the guy you see wearing the the brand new kevlar, the interceptor vest, the M16-A2 and improperly fitting gear. He's the guy that's never been anywhere, done anything worth mentioning, but lives out his Call of Duty pipe-dreams with the occasional range week where
- [Terminal Lance #102 “Gong Xi Fa Coi”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/04/terminal-lance-102-gong-xi-fa-coi/) - Gong Xi Fa Coi to you! If you haven't noticed, many cultures around the world celebrated the Chinese New Year this week. I don't personally follow it much, but my wife is Asian so I tend to hear about these things. I don't really have a whole lot to say on this strip, other than
- [Terminal Lance #103 “The Cure-All”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/08/terminal-lance-103-the-cure-all/) - I think all Marines have a love/hate relationship with Corpsman. Many of them are great guys, well trained and just as brave as the average Marine. But, like the wealth of variety you get with Marines, so too are many Corpsman not quite up to snuff. It is a commonly accepted stereotype that Corpsman offer
- [Terminal Lance #104 “The Prophecy Fulfilled”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/11/terminal-lance-104-the-prophecy-fulfilled/) - Everyone dreads the day that their peer picks up the coveted rank of Corporal before them. That ceremonious day of pins and bloodstripes is always a lamentable occasion, because you know the next day he'll be placed in charge of all of you and will have majestically transformed into a giant bag of douche seemingly
- [Terminal Lance #105 “My Valentine”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/15/terminal-lance-105-my-valentine/) - I think the rape whistle bit might go over the heads of some of our POGier friends reading the strip. For those of you not in the know, often times even us grunts are issued a gear list before embarking on a field op. This doesn't always happen, and is wholly dependent on the command,
- [Terminal Lance #106 “The Water Dog”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/19/terminal-lance-106-the-water-dog/) - I don't think me and the 1171 Water Dog will ever get along properly. My only experience with one was at the range in Hawaii. My company got stuck sharing the range with HQBN that time, and I recall quite vividly my limited moments with the infamous Water Dog. He was snarky, cocky and very
- [Terminal Lance #107 “Treasured Belongings”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/21/terminal-lance-107-treasured-belongings/) - Obviously this is an exaggeration, but I do know Marines that have framed their promotion warrant multiples of the same rank. I personally never got busted down, I just never picked up because of cutting scores (well, while I was active anyway--I think it's common knowledge now that I got promoted in the IRR). A
- [Terminal Lance #108 “Disturbing Revelations”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/25/terminal-lance-108-disturbing-revelations/) - With the exception of the characters of Abe and Garcia, this is actually a true story. I remember my first patrol in 2007, fresh out of CAX and ready to spot anything on the road that was worth spotting. Unfortunately, what they don't tell you is that there's trash everywhere. There was no organized trash
- [Terminal Lance #109 “Curious Dining”](https://terminallance.com/2011/02/28/terminal-lance-109-curious-dining/) - Perhaps this strip won't ring true with everyone, but I always thought it was rather curious while I was aboard al Asad air base in 2009 to see this sight; junior enlisted females could often be seen enjoying chow with Staff NCO's and other higher ranking individuals. However, you'd be hard-pressed to find a male
- [Terminal Lance #110 “Bootcamp: The Swarm”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/04/terminal-lance-110-bootcamp-the-swarm/) - Drill Instructors have a kind of magical, cartoon quality about them. The animated characters that run around yelling at recruits all day have a certain kinship and likeness to many of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. I'm fairly certain I once saw a DI pull a large wooden mallet out of his back and smack
- [Terminal Lance #111 “Oscar Season”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/08/terminal-lance-111-oscar-season/) - The reason I decided not to make fun of "The King's Speech" is really because I haven't seen it. I did, however, see last year's Best Picture winner, "The Hurt Locker," and it made me want to gouge out my prostate with an MRE spoon. This isn't the first time I've brought up Kathryn Bigelow's
- [Terminal Lance #112 “Crossed Choices”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/11/terminal-lance-112-crossed-choices/) - I won't say that there's no credibility to the argument that grunts should have crossed rifles whilst others should not. Then again, I am an 0351, so surely my opinion is skewed. However, I believe the entire point of the crossed-rifles is "Every Marine A Rifleman", and thus is meant to differentiate the Marine Corps
- [Terminal Lance #113 “Battle: LA”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/15/terminal-lance-113-battle-la/) - I will tell you, as I told my wife when we exited the theater on Sunday after seeing the new film Battle: Los Angeles, that this film was "moto-boner food". Yes, a delectable snack for your moto-boner to feast off of and gain energy greater than even the largest BFC Monster could offer. I read
- [Terminal Lance #114 “Myths and Legends IV”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/18/terminal-lance-114-myths-and-legends-iv/) - Every Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps has heard of LCpl Schmuckatelli. He's the same Lance Corporal that you've heard in every safety brief, every ass chewing and every straight talk. This is the Lance Corporal responsible for everything wrong in the Marine Corps, he's the very reason every regulation exists--because Lance Corporal Schmuckatelli went
- [Terminal Lance #115 “Welcome Back”](https://terminallance.com/2011/03/29/terminal-lance-115-welcome-back/) - You ever notice how whenever you come back from block leave, your Platoon Sergeant will always try to make it seem like it's some grand secret that there's going to be a company-wide urinalysis? Well, if you haven't caught on by now, every time you come back from leave, you'll get the good ol' piss
- [Terminal Lance "WonderCon 2011"](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/01/terminal-lance-wondercon-2011/) - EDIT: As any of you that follow the Facebook fan page know by now, I had a run in with fate at WonderCon today and was able to get this photo: This photo completely made my day. We saw him walk passed our table, and I knew I couldn't let the opportunity pass. I shouted
- [Terminal Lance #116 “Ruffles”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/05/terminal-lance-116-ruffles/) - This strip is something I'm sure a few of you have encountered. You tell someone you're a Marine or you find out they're from a different branch, then all of the sudden the conversation turns into them trying to prove how big their dick is. This strip came to mind over a conversation I had
- [Terminal Lance #117 “Pay Freeze Woes”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/08/terminal-lance-117-pay-freeze-woes/) - I think I ended up focussing more on the moral implications of internet porn versus regular format porn. Either way, I don't know anyone that actually pays for porn anymore. If they do, they probably don't know what the internet is anyway. In more important news, I'm sure everyone is aware of the pay freeze
- [Terminal Lance #118 “The Hunt”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/12/terminal-lance-118-the-hunt/) - I recently watched the BBC series "Life" on BluRay and came to the conclusion that a Staff NCO on the prowl is actually quite similar to a large cat hunting grazing animals of the African Savannah. Now that I say that out loud (or on screen I suppose), maybe I've just been watching too many
- [Terminal Lance #119 “Bootcamp: The Urinal”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/15/terminal-lance-119-bootcamp-the-urinal/) - One of the many fond memories I have of bootcamp is that of the many excursions we had to the men's room. As I remember it, my platoon of roughly 50 Marines was forced to use the "head" all at the same time. There were a total of 8 urinals in the main bathroom, with
- [Terminal Lance #120 “The Lance Corporal Underground”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/19/terminal-lance-120-the-lance-corporal-underground/) - The Lance Corporal Underground is a powerful force within the Corps. It acts as an information superhighway as fast as any internet connection, phone line or otherwise for your inter-company and battalion rumors. It's remarkably accurate for the most part--that is, unless you are unable to filter out the things that get tacked onto the
- [Terminal Lance #121 “Those Kebabs”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/22/terminal-lance-121-those-kebabs/) - When I was in Iraq, I always did my best to avoid the local food. Some Marines considered it a fun opportunity to try something new, and were usually met with a surprise-trip to the port-a-shitter later in the day. Perhaps it is my natural distaste for goat and lamb, but I only tasted the
- [Terminal Lance #122 “Safety Stand-Down”](https://terminallance.com/2011/04/28/terminal-lance-122-safety-stand-down/) - I don't want anyone to think I'm making fun of suicide or anything serious here, just the safety stand-down in a general sense. Everyone whose been on a holiday 96 knows the horrendous experience of a safety stand-down. For whatever reason, the Marine Corps' idea of preventing injury to fellow Marines is to make them
- [Terminal Lance “Geronimo-E KIA”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/03/terminal-lance-geronimo-e-kia/) - You'll have to excuse the crudeness of today's strip. I haven't really had time to put together a real one, but aside from that, my Intuos pen found its way into the washing machine today and is no longer in service. I'll have to do the strips by hand until I'm able to acquire a
- [Terminal Lance #123 “Shitter Graffiti is an Art… of Dicks II”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/10/terminal-lance-123-shitter-graffiti-is-an-art-of-dicks-ii/) - I seem to be focusing a lot on the subject of penises in bathroom stalls lately... perhaps I also suffer from this phallic-obsession like so many Marines before me. Regardless, I find the idea a source of endless amusement for me. Marines every day send me emails with photo attachments of the various penile-art pieces
- [Terminal Lance #124 “The First Night Back”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/13/terminal-lance-124-the-first-night-back/) - I'm hoping this strip doesn't hit too close to home for anyone... well, actually yeah I do. I don't really think this is above or below any other subject I've brought up on this site, but without delving too far into my personal life, I will say that this is an inevitable reality when Marines
- [Terminal Lance #125 “Barracks Cuts”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/17/terminal-lance-125-barracks-cuts-2/) - While I am a proponent of the idea that haircuts costs too damn much money, I am also supportive of the idea that Marines should get them professionally done at all times. Unless you plan on shaving your head, odds are your roommate isn't going to do a very good job with the clippers he bought
- [Terminal Lance #126 “LOL, Boots IV”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/20/terminal-lance-126-lol-boots-iv/) - I'm trying to avoid doing strips about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" due to the varying opinions on the subject. However, I couldn't resist revisiting this strip to throw up this profound benefit of letting gays serve openly in the military: better dressed Marines. It's no secret that gay men are fashion experts--though I'm not sure
- [Terminal Lance “Sunday Haircut” by Robert Bates](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/24/terminal-lance-sunday-haircut-by-robert-bates/) - Hello everyone, my name is Terminal LCpl. Rob Bates. I'm a former Sergeant, carry an 0311 MOS, but more importantly, I'm also a Combat Artist. Just a few days ago, Max presented me with an offer that I absolutely could not refuse: Create the next Terminal Lance comic strip. As you can all see, when it comes to making comics, I am
- [Terminal Lance #127 "Incentives"](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/27/terminal-lance-127-incentives/) - There's no doubt in my mind that in the modern-day Marine Corps there's no way in broomstick-fucking hell anyone would try to get a Lance Corporal to re-enlist so intently. This, however, was not the case when I was active duty. There was a point in time--around 2008 or 2009--when the Marine Corps was offering
- [Terminal Lance #128 “Fresh Meat”](https://terminallance.com/2011/05/31/terminal-lance-128-fresh-meat/) - To be honest I don't really have any biting commentary on this. I think it's a generalization that food in the military sucks. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it isn't. I don't doubt that the military buys from the lowest bidder; but I don't give credibility to the rumors that we're provided "Grade F meat". Regardless,
- [Terminal Lance #129 “Dental Hygiene at the Depot”](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/03/terminal-lance-129-dental-hygiene/) - I think one of the magical things that is true of the Marine Corps--and the military in general--is the great diversity of people you will meet during your enlistment (or commission). From all of the deepest, darkest and terrifying depths of the backwoods of the South to the greatest of the northern cities, Marines from
- [Terminal Lance #130 “Just Whip it out, Already”](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/07/terminal-lance-130-just-whip-it-out-already/) - The great cold war of the Marine Corps! The debate between the east and west of the Marine Corps has raged on for as long as there's been separate boot camps on opposite ends of the country. The obvious difference between the two is the terrain--one being rough, rugged and mountainous--the other being flat, swampy
- [Terminal Lance #131 “Bitch and Moan”](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/09/terminal-lance-131-bitch-and-moan/) - If there's one constant of the Marine Corps--it's that Marines will bitch about pretty much anything. You can give them the world, but something will be wrong with it and it could probably be better. Being stationed in Hawaii, I heard the complaints every day. I can't wait to get off this rock, fuck this
- [Terminal Lance #132 "Necropocalypse Part 1"](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/14/terminal-lance-132-necropocalypse-part-1/) - In every smoke pit, every circle of Marines in the field, every bored squad in the hooch; the subject of the zombie apocalypse comes up--or the "Necropocalypse" as I like to refer to it. The subject of zombie plans--from crowbars to escape routes--is discussed in full detail amongst each other, often for hours at a
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part 2](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/17/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-2/) - The Necropocalypse is upon us! I mentioned in my last update that I have kind of an anomalous obsession with zombies--hopefully with this series of comics you'll get a glimpse of the extent to which I am enamored with the undead. This is a series, so expect to see this adventure continue for the next
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part III](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/21/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-iii/) - Is it Garcia this time? I suppose you'll have to wait until the next comic to find out! I just want to mention a couple of things off the bat: First off, prints are now available for individual purchase! Yes, most of the comics now have a "Buy a Print" button located underneath the navigation
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part IV](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/24/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-iv/) - Oh thank God, I was really starting to worry that Garcia would never show up. Sans his kevlar, at least Garcia is faring better than Abe at the moment. In a zombie outbreak, I think full silkies green-on-green is probably the worst outfit you could be wearing. I don't think the bulky flaks they issued
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part V](https://terminallance.com/2011/06/28/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-v/) - And the Necropocalypse continues... Inspired from Dawn of the Dead, I figured the PX would be a perfect place for a platoon to turn into a patrol base--until the dependents arrive anyway. The fetid odor of hundreds of gold-digging wives--half of them pregnant--gathering outside of the PX like a flock of pigeons at a park
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part VI](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/01/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-vi/) - Now I aint sayin' she's a gold digga, but she aint messin' wit no broke niggas. Well, maybe she is while you're gone, who knows right? Anyway, I apologize for the especially late update, I've got all kinds of crazy things going on lately so I've been busier than the average bear--which is to include
- [Necropocalypse Contest Winner Pedro Morales III!](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/05/necropocalypse-contest-winner-mozillatron/) - Well after a few weeks and about 20 really awesome Necropocalypse contest entries, I had to make a tough decision. The contest was to draw anything with an undead Marine in it--vague, I know, but people pulled through much better than I had anticipated. In addition to this, in order to qualify as an entry
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part VII](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/07/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-vii/) - We've got kind of an odd update schedule going on this week due to the contest, I'm going to try to have the next comic up on Friday. Also, I'm going to need an extra comic or two to end this properly, so those of you expecting this to be done this week will be
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part VIII](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/08/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-viii/) - Another day, another Necropocalypse comic. I've got two more of these planned, as it was planned as a ten-part series. Don't like it? Feel free to buy yourself a copy of the Marine Corps Times for some classic 3 panel humor. I want to correct myself about the whole female PFT thing I mentioned a
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part IX](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/12/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-ix/) - Damn, I was kind of hoping Garcia would make it out alive. Be sure to check back on Friday for the final piece of the Necropocalypse comics! So I've gotten a plethora of emails regarding the female PFT thing that I mentioned last week. Apparently, I had it right the first time. 1 pull-up equals
- [Terminal Lance "Necropocalypse" Part X](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/15/terminal-lance-necropocalypse-part-x/) - Well this officially marks the end of the Necropocalypse. The last panel here actually had to change from my original plan in conjunction with editing I had to do to the actual Necropocalypse storyline. I know that many people loved it, including myself, but some weren't as accepting of new things as others. I actually
- [Terminal Lance #133 "Literally II"](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/19/terminal-lance-133-literally-ii/) - There were really only two ways to do this joke: 1. End it with the obvious answer: Abe literally shits something out 2. End it with something else. I went with the latter. For those of you bewildered at the images above, the phrase, "You'd better shit me one!" is extremely commonplace in the Corps.
- [Terminal Lance #134 "The First Avenger"](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/22/terminal-lance-134-the-first-avenger/) - If you're not sure what Abe's referring to here, you're probably either in the Army or not in the military at all. Most Marines will gladly tell you that we get the Army's hand-me-downs, the shit they no longer need or want after they get their new gear every couple of months. The point here
- [Terminal Lance #135 "Married Marines"](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/26/terminal-lance-135-married-marines/) - As someone who is married, and was married while actively in an infantry line platoon, I can recall this situation happening quite vividly on a regular basis. Not just me, but to just about everyone wearing a wedding-band at some point or another. The life of a married Marine is one of perceived luxury, and
- [Terminal Lance #136 "Enough is Enough"](https://terminallance.com/2011/07/29/terminal-lance-136-enough-is-enough/) - I'm just gonna throw this out there: If someone can bring Daniel Craig to the Marine Corps Ball, I will send you a prize. But seriously... I'll admit, what Sgt. Moore managed to pull off with Mila Kunis is nothing short of admirable and inspiring. However, the recent explosion of bad YouTube videos featuring Marines
- [Terminal Lance #137 "Headlines"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/01/terminal-lance-137-headlines/) - In lieu of the recent "budget debates" in DC these last couple of weeks (or really whatever you'd like to call them), this strip popped up as an inevitable reaction to the inevitable budget cuts due our way. Budget cuts are something that I more or less avoided during my time, as I was in
- [Terminal Lance #138 "The Reveille Guy"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/05/terminal-lance-138-reveille-guy/) - I'm just gonna start by saying that I think I just single-handedly taught about 30,000 Marines how to correctly spell "Reveille" (pronounced "Revley"). Taking a step back from it all, I decided to try and focus more on what Terminal Lance was originally intended to be. An infantry-based comic about the nuances of everyday grunt
- [Terminal Lance #139 "Semantics"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/09/terminal-lance-139-semantics/) - To be honest, I'm not entirely sure if the whole "Senior Lance Corporal" billet is even a thing outside of the infantry. Typically, for MOS' that are not infantry, they tend to pick up at a rate that makes sense. In general, they are able to match their rank to their corresponding billets. In the
- [Terminal Lance #140 "Escalation of Force"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/12/terminal-lance-140-escalation-of-force/) - Shout, show, shove, shoot. This was the mantra given to turret gunners in my battalion during my time in Iraq. The "Escalation of Force" procedures varied depending on the tools available to the gunner. For me, I had a square of brightly colored orange safety-fabric strung up to a stick (literally, a stick--as in, from
- [Terminal Lance #141 "When You Least Expect It"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/19/terminal-lance-141-where-you-least-suspect-it/) - We certainly don't need to go into details about how I came to this strip, but I'll say it involved me jerking off and porn. Surely I'm not the only one that has experienced this scenario... You're alone in a dimly-lit room, the shades are drawn and you're hunched over your laptop with your pants
- [Terminal Lance #142 "Marriage Matters"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/23/terminal-lance-142-marriage-matters/) - I'm fairly certain that at some point or another on this beloved blog of mine I've mentioned that the marriage system in the military is somewhat broken. Not as bad as, say, the cutting score system, but it could definitely use some refining. It's no secret that Marines all over the Corps enter into contract-marriages
- [Terminal Lance #143 "Literally III"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/26/terminal-lance-143-literally-iii/) - ***UPDATE*** "KNIFE-HANDS" is officially available to order! Check out this disgusting video of me. Click here to order! As I'm sure many of you that have been following my little strip here know, the line of comics known as "Literally" are meant to depict, in the most literal way, some of the more absurd sayings
- [Terminal Lance #144 "PDA"](https://terminallance.com/2011/08/30/terminal-lance-144-pda/) - Any Marine that's free of his virginity and mentally capable of a relationship with a female (or otherwise now, I suppose) may have run into this situation. Yes, in the Marine Corps' good-Christian-valued-self-image holding hands is considered a "public display of affection". Well, yes, it is a display of affection and I suppose it is
- [Terminal Lance #145 "Conspiracy"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/02/terminal-lance-145-conspiracy/) - I suppose I'm the kind of person that's never really been "in to" conspiracy theories. In general, I find the vast majority of them tend to assume a lot of things in order to validate themselves. Being someone that bases his opinions off of logic and obvious evidence, conspiracy theories are something I just don't
- [Terminal Lance #146 "Proper Civilian Attire"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/06/terminal-lance-146-proper-civilian-attire/) - Fashion and the Marine Corps don't typically mix, at least not when you're considering what many SNCO's define as "proper civilian attire". Don't let those snazzy uniforms fool you, when confronted with clothing that wasn't issued, many Marines have no idea what they're supposed to do--and many take the regulations just a little too seriously.
- [Terminal Lance #147 "Keeping the Myth Alive"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/09/terminal-lance-147-keeping-the-myth-alive/) - It is perhaps a possibility that I am one of few--and your views do not pertain as such--but when I think of my time in the Marine Corps, the cool stuff that we do doesn't usually pop up. At least not at first. No, before all of the recruit-bait moto-stuff most civilians think of when
- [Terminal Lance #148 "The Mr. E Mystery 3"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/13/terminal-lance-148-the-mr-e-mystery-3/) - I had trouble deciding if this strip should end up with the title of "Literally" or what you see here. Either way, this is what I imagine happens to the MRE's that are left out for the platoon to eat. After all, surely no decent Marine would take an MRE out of the box, remove
- [Terminal Lance #149 "Intent"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/16/terminal-lance-149-intent/) - No, I'm not suggesting everyone join the infantry. I think it's been quite a while since I did a strip that actually brought up the subject of POG's and grunts. Keep in mind, if you read the "About" section of the site you'll find that I was, in fact, a POG for a little bit
- [Terminal Lance #150 "Family Fun Day"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/20/terminal-lance-150-family-fun-day/) - Family Fun Days are one of those things that everyone consensually agrees to be annoying, overdone, and unenjoyable in almost every regard. No one wants to go to Family Fun Day. You don't, your wife doesn't, your kids don't, your Platoon Sergeant doesn't, your CO, First Sergeant and Gunny don't; and hell, your Battalion Commander
- ["KNIFE-HANDS!" Book Signing!](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/23/knife-hands-book-signing/) - Hey everyone, come join me this weekend for a "KNIFE-HANDS!" book signing in SoCal! Here's the gameplan so far: Saturday we'll be heading over to Camp Pendleton, we plan on hitting up San Mateo and Camp Horno from noon to 2:30pm or so. From then we'll head over to Big Helyn's Saloon in San Clemente
- [Terminal Lance "Paranoid Book Signing"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/27/terminal-lance-paranoid-book-signing/) - Well this weekend was great! For those of you not in the know, which would be weird since you're reading this, myself accompanied by my publisher went out to Camp Pendleton and 29 Palms this weekend to sell and sign copies of "KNIFE-HANDS!" This comic is based off of a scenario that actually happened on
- [Terminal Lance #151 "Marine Hunters"](https://terminallance.com/2011/09/30/terminal-lance-151-marine-hunters/) - Anyone who's ever been in a bar within 10 minutes of a Marine Corps base knows this story. The unfortunate truth to this is that, much like in the third panel, there's always at least one Marine that will fulfill the dreaded Marine Hunter's goal of getting some of that 18-22 year old cock. I
- [Terminal Lance #152 "Blue Water"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/04/terminal-lance-152-blue-water/) - I honestly don't know if everyone can relate specifically to this situation, but I will tell you that the moment the blue shitter-water splashes up on your ass is the most terrifying thing a man can experience. This, of course, being the inevitable result of blasting the pot with a week's worth of Chicken Patties
- [Terminal Lance #153 "Old Corps"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/07/terminal-lance-153-old-corps/) - Back in my day, my seniors used to tell us stories about how when they were boots, it was ten times worse than it is for us. Their seniors would tell us that our seniors actually didn't have it that bad compared to them. Then, First Sergeant would come out and tell us all that
- [Terminal Lance #154 "Share-Drive Underground"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/11/terminal-lance-154-share-drive-underground/) - If you haven't deployed you might not fully appreciate this strip. I can only speak from my own experiences, but when I was in Iraq we had this thing called the "Share Drive". It's a kind of magical digital place run by the data guys that houses up-to-date episodes of everyone's favorite shows, movies and
- [Terminal Lance #155 "Customer Service"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/14/terminal-lance-155-customer-service/) - I don't pretend to know the inner-workings of whatever complex payroll system the Department of Defense utilizes to distribute those tax-payer dollars to service members, but I do know it often gets fucked up. I have no idea whether or not this is a human or computer error, but keeping in spirit with true military
- [Terminal Lance #156 "That Feeling"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/18/terminal-lance-156-that-feeling/) - There's an unmistakable feeling of absolute horror that bestows upon one that forgets where his rifle is. Sometimes it's just for a split second, that moment where you realize you don't have it on you, but remember it was left with the gear watch. Sometimes--and may the gods have mercy on you if you do--you've
- [Terminal Lance "Sleeves Down: Precursor"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/21/terminal-lance-sleeves-down-precursor/) - Precursor to what, you ask? Check the Marine Corps Times paper this coming week to see the second part of this strip! If you keep up with the Corps you probably already know that rolling your sleeves is soon going away. This is a blessing in many ways, as rolling your sleeves is a tedious
- [Terminal Lance #157 "War and Peace"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/25/terminal-lance-157-war-and-peace/) - The military is one of those things you join with a purpose. I don't believe I could possibly know or understand every reason people embark on such a life-altering event, but I know one thing: I joined to go to war. In 2006, the war was in full swing and I wanted a part of
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Halloween: True Horror"](https://terminallance.com/2011/10/28/terminal-lance-happy-halloween-true-horror/) - Happy Halloween! I don't really have anything interesting to say about this strip other than the fact that this is what most Lance Corporals are truly afraid of. I had a couple of ideas regarding what he should've been, but this seemed to make the most sense. Also, I really hope people get the reference
- [Terminal Lance #158 "MEPS Exam"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/01/terminal-lance-158-meps-exam/) - Update: Check out this video I made of me drawing the strip! There's something dubious about the mandatory exam everyone goes through when they go to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). You spend the entire day waiting, sleeping, doing strange things like duck-walking in your underwear with 20 other guys. Then, at the end of
- [Terminal Lance #159 "Checking Marriage"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/04/terminal-lance-159-checking-marriage/) - I'm not sure what it is, I just feel like there's always something to say about the ridiculosity (I made that word up) of marriage in the Marine Corps. For every responsible, level-headed Marine in a genuinely loving relationship that will last the tests of deployments and long hours, there's about twenty douche-hammer Marines that
- [Terminal Lance #160 "Working (it) at the Car Wash"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/08/terminal-lance-160-working-it-at-the-car-wash/) - If there's one thing every Marine hates about ball season, it's all of the car washes and ball fundraisers that seem to have no affect on anything. No matter how you slice it, you're still going to end up paying upwards of $50 for your meal at the annual birthday ball, double that if you
- [Terminal Lance "Veteran's Day Dinner"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/11/terminal-lance-veterans-day-dinner/) - For years, smaller restaurant chains had offered free meals to veterans and active service members on Veteran's Day. It wasn't until recently, however, that the major chain restaurants started participating in this glorious celebration of all things military. If you're back in the states and are looking for some free food tonight, please don't be
- [Terminal Lance #161 "Dancing with the Stars"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/15/terminal-lance-161-dancing-with-the-stars/) - Unless you've been living under a HESCO barrier for the last 6 months, you're probably well aware that Mila Kunis will indeed be attending the Marine Corps Ball this weekend. Much to the command's dismay, I'm sure, as I can only imagine the libo-brief will go something like this for the entire week. In my
- [Terminal Lance #162 "Mike Whiskey Tree"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/18/terminal-lance-162-mike-whiskey-tree/) - This could possibly be the most realistic game ever created. Okay, not really. If anyone's curious, Modern Warfare 3 uses Army ranks in the game, hence the reason there's only three rockers on the SGTMAJ chevron. I've always thought it would be strangely appropriate to make a military game that isn't actually combat-related. Of course,
- [Terminal Lance #163 "Pull out your CAC"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/22/terminal-lance-163-pull-out-your-cac/) - Those of you unfamiliar with military acronyms may not realize that we don't say them in some kind of letter-sequence, but rather we sound out the entire acronym as if it were a word. When someone says, "SMAW" or "BAMCIS", they don't say "S-M-A-W" and "B-A-M-C-I-S", but rather say "smaw" or "bam-siss". This is particularly
- [Terminal Lance #164 "It's Already Gay II"](https://terminallance.com/2011/11/29/terminal-lance-164-its-already-gay-ii/) - Whether or not you agree with allowing homosexuals to serve openly, or whether you're even gay, straight or otherwise--one thing is for sure: The Marine Corps will probably be the gayest experience you'll ever go through. Whether it's the open showers, the homo-erotic humor, the lack of women in your every day life; you will
- [Terminal Lance #165 "Voluntold"](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/02/terminal-lance-165-voluntold/) - I'm not sure how it is with everyone, but I know in the infantry your "options" are limited to "do it". When the annual Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) stuff comes around, you really don't have a choice when it comes to donating something to something. The same goes for the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Fund; when
- [Terminal Lance #166 "Amenities"](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/06/terminal-lance-166-amenities/) - To be honest, this strip started out on the basis of "bag-fries"--which came to me the other night when I was eating at Five Guys. In any case, there's something inherently shameful about eating fast food in a "combat zone". Through phone calls and other correspondance, you try desperately to maintain the rugged image of
- [Terminal Lance #167 "Bootcamp: Disease"](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/09/terminal-lance-167-bootcamp-disease/) - I don't remember a lot about bootcamp, but I remember one thing very vividly: I was always fucking sick. Most recruits were, in fact I believe there were moments during "2nd phase" when the infection rate of my platoon was 100%. Everyone was sick with something. As it turns out, being thrust into a new
- [Marine Corps Times Terminal Lance "Fun with Puns"](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/13/terminal-lance-puns/) - Sorry gents, no new Terminal Lance strip today, but here's a strip previously only published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper! You may remember "Green Weenie Hotdogs" from a previous comic I did on the site, this is technically the origin strip of the restaurant. Why is there no new strip today? Finals. Finals, finals,
- [Terminal Lance "Merry Christmas!"](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/23/terminal-lance-merry-christmas/) - I debated doing this strip simply because the subject of hazing has popped up recently with the Army's recent unfortunate incident. While it is a touchy subject, it makes for a funny comic. The fact is, hazing is a part of Marine Corps (and other military) infantry culture. It is a staple of it, as
- [Terminal Lance "Merry Christmas Cont."](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/27/terminal-lance-merry-christmas-cont/) - I suppose I don't have any profound wisdom to impart upon the world with today's comic. I just happened to think of another idea for a Christmas comic and decided to go with it. Whether or not you're coming back from leave, be weary of any presents handed to you by your company's First Sergeant.
- [Happy New Year!](https://terminallance.com/2011/12/30/happy-new-year/) - I feel like I should reiterate that I don't actually have anything against Chaplains, but the Catholic Church really writes its own jokes at this point. If you happen to find the chaplain at your barracks party though, I would be cautious. I'm sure you're all aware that this weekend is New Years, two-thousand twelve,
- [Terminal Lance #169 "Douche Blues"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/03/terminal-lance-169-douche-blues/) - As sure as the wind from a Gunny's mouth, every major event you can think of probably has had some Marine somewhere in dress blues--naturally, cameras and the like tend to drift toward these individuals, either in interest or to show their support for "the troops". Reasons withstanding, you will always find an active military
- [Terminal Lance #170 "The Difference: Perspective"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/06/terminal-lance-170-the-difference-perspective/) - I was looking through my old strips and I realized I never did any more of the "Difference" series of comics, despite the fact that I had planned on turning it into a running theme. The differences between POG's and Grunts is truly night and day, making it a vast wealth of creative material. How
- [Terminal Lance #171 "Serious Business"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/10/terminal-lance-171-serious-business/) - The heated discussions that take place over the most asinine things in the Marine world can become very serious business. A common pass time of any Marine is to get into an argument with another Marine. We'll debate about basically anything, from whether or not to call soda "pop" to Lindsay Lohan's breasts--everything Marines argue
- [Terminal Lance "Drip Drip Drip"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/13/terminal-lance-drip-drip-drip/) - Well it happened again, folks. It was only a matter of time before someone outdid the efforts of LCpl. Motari with his infamous puppy-toss video. I'm sure you're all aware of the recent video that surfaced online of the Marines in Afghanistan that are peeing on (what we assume anyway) a few dead Taliban combatants.
- [Terminal Lance #172 "Tax Time"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/17/terminal-lance-172-tax-time/) - It's a new year and we all know what that means: Resolutions! Wait, no... taxes. Yes, it's that time again and there's nothing you can do about it. Whatever "business expenses" you choose to write off is entirely between you and whoever ends up filing it; however I would recommend not trying to write off
- [Terminal Lance #173 "Oh-Three-Fifty-Two"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/20/terminal-lance-173-oh-three-fifty-two/) - There's kind of an unspoken rule amongst the regular line-company grunts that we all just... kind of hate 0352's. Well, coming from an 0351 Assaultman, we may feel a little more strongly about it than the rest, but most people either forget that 0352's exist or just plain don't like them. Why?! Why would the
- [Terminal Lance #174 "Breaking News!"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/23/terminal-lance-174-breaking-news/) - I couldn't help but notice, recently, when I turned on the news and found that some desk-jockey was once again telling me how someone killed some people. Except, it wasn't just someone, it was an "Ex-Marine Iraq Veteran", because that's obviously really important to know right? If you didn't know that, how would you protect
- [Terminal Lance #175 "Back Home"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/27/terminal-lance-175-back-home/) - If there's one thing that can be said about the experience that is joining the Marines, it's that your friends back home won't understand a damn bit of it. For every life-altering experience you may have, good and bad, your friends back home will largely be the same way they were when you left them.
- [Terminal Lance #176 "Falling Out"](https://terminallance.com/2012/01/30/terminal-lance-176-falling-out/) - If there's one thing I don't miss about morning PT, it's the dreadfully foul sound of a Marine expelling the previous night's binge of pizza and beer. It happens all the time, whether the poor Marine is out of shape or simply hung over. My favorite part about this event (and it is an event)
- [Terminal Lance #177 "Motivation Education"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/03/terminal-lance-177-motivation-education/) - I'm just going to be blunt: MCI's are stupid. (Marine Corps Institution courses, commonly referred to as "MCI's") Well, perhaps not so much the MCI's as much as the system in place that says doing them increases your cutting score. No... wait... the MCI's are stupid too. For those of you unfamiliar with MCI's, they're
- [Terminal Lance #178 "Grunt Mode"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/07/terminal-lance-177-grunt-mode/) - I'm sure this comic will be misinterpreted by some, but it's actually more of a jab at the infantry than the Wing. For whatever reason, Grunts have a hard time comprehending (or caring about) any MOS that doesn't begin with "03". Whenever grunts find themselves in the odd position of being introduced or talking to
- [Terminal Lance "InSSpiration"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/10/terminal-lance-insspiration/) - This strip was a response to the discovered photo of Marine Scout Snipers and their SS flag, which co-opted the Nazi SS unit symbol. You can read about the story here.
- [Terminal Lance "Not Everything leaving the Body is Weakness" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/14/terminal-lance-not-everything-leaving-the-body-is-weakness-marine-corps-times/) - Sorry but there's no new strip today, as consolation please accept this past Marine Corps Times strip as compensation. Why is there no new strip you ask? What travesty hath Max brought upon the land?! Honestly, I'm just sick as hell. After a trip to the ER on Sunday and the last couple of days
- [Terminal Lance #179 "A Good Rock"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/20/terminal-lance-179-a-good-rock/) - You can never go wrong with a good rock. The Marine Corps is definitely the only time in my life I have ever looked at a rock with an intention of longing. To put it in perspective, it's the only time I've been in such a shitty situation that I've looked at a rock and
- [Terminal Lance #180 "The Terp"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/24/terminal-lance-180-the-terp/) - Terps can be some shady motherfuckers. For those of you that don't know what a "terp" is, it's short for "interpreter". These are the guys that go out on patrol and translate the language of the locals so that we can better communicate with them. Many terps do a great job, providing honest translation and
- [Terminal Lance #181 "Easy Access"](https://terminallance.com/2012/02/28/terminal-lance-181-easy-access/) - I don't blame Abe for drawing this conclusion. After all, how could it be that the MARPAT cammie pants consistently tear in the crotch on every single Marine ever in the history of MARPAT. It must be by design! This is a very common thing amongst Marines; for some reason the crotch to the issued
- [Terminal Lance #182 "Full Medical"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/02/terminal-lance-182-full-medical/) - For many, the allure of full medical and dental benefits (among others) is enough to get anyone to sign a 4 year contract. I certainly didn't even think about it when I joined, but it's actually a pretty damn good benefit. That is, when you actually get to use it in any real way. If
- [Terminal Lance #183 "His Boots, Her Flip Flops"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/06/terminal-lance-183-his-boots-her-flip-flops/) - Before I get a flood of angry emails from Marine wives without a sense of humor, I'm fairly sure I've mentioned before on numerous occasions that I'm married. I was in fact a married Marine, as well. However, these ridiculous stickers, t-shirts and slogans that you can buy from the PX have always annoyed me
- [Terminal Lance #184 "Life After EAS: Conscience"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/09/terminal-lance-184-life-after-eas-conscience/) - It seems like no matter how far away you get from the Marine Corps, that little voice in the back of your head that tells you to suck it the fuck up never goes away. Over the last few weeks I've hardly slept, trying to get my portfolio ready, doing homework, going to class and
- [Terminal Lance #185 "Experience"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/13/terminal-lance-185-experience/) - If Marines are good at one thing, it's playing video games. Specifically, the military first person shooter type. It's hard to avoid it when you're stuck in your room with nothing else to do. As we already figured out, most Marines would rather nail their dick to a table than do MCI's, so the alternative
- [Terminal Lance #186 "Omitting Details"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/16/terminal-lance-186-omitting-details/) - Everyone wants to be Recon. It doesn't matter what the relationship was, if someone had anything to do with Recon for even a few minutes, they will tell people they "worked with Recon," or even they "were with Recon." For every one actual Recon Marine I've met, I've probably met about ten Marines that took
- [Terminal Lance #187 "Long Distance"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/20/terminal-lance-187-long-distance/) - The Marine lifestyle is an unstable one at best. As a result, the animal that is the United States Marine is no stranger to the long distance relationship. Most Marines probably start off with one, some girl from "back home" that writes to them in boot camp. 80% of those women will leave them while
- [Terminal Lance "Behind the Scenes"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/23/terminal-lance-behind-the-scenes/) - For those of you not in the know, Katy Perry released a music video yesterday for her song "Part of Me" that was filmed with real Marines. I can only imagine the amount of desperate and idiotically brave Marines that tried to get her number, or ask her to the Marine Corps Ball. Of course,
- [Terminal Lance #188 "Very Important Person"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/27/terminal-lance-188-very-important-person/) - I recall quite un-fondly the many times we were forced to Field Day the barracks when someone important was on the base. The Lance Corporal's worst day is the day the Commandant comes to visit the base, because whether or not you even see him in any of his physical forms, you can guarantee yourself
- [Terminal Lance #189 "Mouth Like a Sailor"](https://terminallance.com/2012/03/30/terminal-lance-189-mouth-like-a-sailor/) - I think something that many Marines struggle with when coming back to the civilian world is profanity. It's entirely true, Marines use profane language in everyday conversation so much that it becomes very difficult to drop it when you need to. Case in point, a child's birthday party is probably a place you should stow
- [Terminal Lance #190 "Salt Dog"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/03/terminal-lance-190-salt-dog/) - The condition and overall demeanor of a Marine's uniform can say a lot about that individual. At a glance, the subtleties of a uniform unapparent to the average person become immediately noticeable to the average Marine. Low or sloppily bloused boots, dirty cammies (we don't call them utilities), patches or holes, hand-sewn name tapes, faded
- [Terminal Lance #191 "Jambo Revival"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/06/terminal-lance-191-jambo-revival/) - If you went to Iraq, you'll get it. Who doesn't love the Ugandan guys that guard the American bases overseas? Honestly they were some of my favorite people over there. Throw them a "Jambo" as you walk into the DFAC and you'll be greeted with a mighty return of favor. You can actually read a
- [Terminal Lance #192 "Life After EAS: IRR Muster"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/10/terminal-lance-192-life-after-eas-irr-muster/) - It's kind of like that. For those of you unaware, "IRR" stands for "Individual Ready Reserve." It basically means that even though you're not active duty, you're still under contract for another 4 years after your EAS date to attend IRR musters. The purpose of the IRR muster is really just to update your information
- [Terminal Lance #193 "Lametape Nametapes"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/13/terminal-lance-193-lametape-nametapes/) - The name on your chest in the military is both a blessing and a curse. It is your label, it is a word that people will associate with your physical essence. If you happen to have the unfortunate honor of carrying a family name that is laughable or remotely inappropriate, expect it to be used
- [Terminal Lance #194 "Bootcamp: The Bootcamp Barber"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/17/terminal-lance-194-bootcamp-the-bootcamp-barber/) - It feels something like that. Seriously though, I don't know exactly what it is, but the barber at bootcamp is the most painful haircut you'll ever receive. This is the kind of barber that asks if you have any bumps or moles on your head, then tells you they're coming off. He then proceeds to
- [Terminal Lance "The Lucky One"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/20/terminal-lance-the-lucky-one/) - Don't lie, we all know what movie you're going to be seeing this weekend. You'll make your excuses, you'll tell everyone it's because it is a movie about a Marine, or that you just want to make fun of it... but everyone will know the truth. Okay anyway, I'm sure everyone is aware that "The
- [Terminal Lance #195 "The Mr. E Mystery 4"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/23/terminal-lance-195-the-mr-e-mystery-4/) - I think the company that makes MRE's is a little confused as to what "organic" means. In any case, I don't think we'll ever see the day of organic MRE's. I don't think it would be physically possible for something without any preservatives to last the 1-3 year shelf-life of the average MRE--most of which
- [Terminal Lance #196 "Special Delivery"](https://terminallance.com/2012/04/27/terminal-lance-196-special-delivery/) - An unfortunate truth of the military lifestyle is infidelity. All too often you see situations like this pop up, except unlike the comic strip they usually end up becoming violently unfunny. It's also the case, sometimes, where everyone around the individual can tell that something is up, but he is none the wiser. Some Marines possibly
- [Terminal Lance "Ultimatum" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/01/terminal-lance-ultimatum-marine-corps-times/) - Hey gents, no new new strip today, it's finals week and I'm balls deep in 12F animation paper trying to get this final finished before tomorrow. However, please accept this Marine Corps Times strip as a token of my appreciation for bearing with me. Brand new Terminal Lance strips are featured in the Marine Corps
- [Terminal Lance #197 "Symbology"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/07/terminal-lance-197-symbology/) - The shirt-stays are easily the most confusing and annoying uniform-related item you can find in a Marine's closet. I'm sure most Marines had never actually dealt with them prior to enlisting, much like myself, so when I found myself confronted with the elastic straps I really had no idea what to do. The drill instructors
- [Terminal Lance #198 "The Worst Insult in the Corps"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/11/terminal-lance-198-the-worst-insult-in-the-corps/) - If there's one word that can get even the surliest (especially) Marines riled up, it's "boot". There is no greater insult in the Corps than to be labeled a boot. That is, after you've eliminated the status from yourself at least. Of course, the average boot Marine isn't going to complain much about being called
- [Terminal Lance #199 "Duty"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/15/terminal-lance-199-duty/) - It's 0348 in the morning. The belt of your bootcamp-issued, slightly too-small Alpha pants have dug into your hips over the course of the last 18 hours. You're tired, your shirt keeps riding up even though you've tried desperately to keep it tucked via shirt-stays, the taste in your mouth is stale, your forehead feels
- [Terminal Lance #200](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/18/terminal-lance-200/) - It's amazing to me to think that just about two and a half years ago I was sitting at my computer, trying to figure out how to build a website so that I could get this crazy idea of mine off the ground. Over the last couple years, Terminal Lance has been an amazing experience
- [Terminal Lance #201 "Marine Hunters II: Rank Aficionado"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/22/terminal-lance-201-marine-hunters-ii-rank-aficionados/) - There's a very special kind of lady that tramps the neighborhoods surrounding any given Marine base. She's the kind of woman that knows the Marine Corps rank structure; she knows what "libo" and "NJP" mean; she knows when units are on deployment; she knows what units are not on deployment; really, she just knows too
- [Terminal Lance #202 "Old Jokes"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/25/terminal-lance-202-old-jokes/) - An old common joke in the Marine Corps is the infamous comparison of the PFC and the 2nd Lieutenant. As it goes: What is the difference between a PFC (Private First Class) and a 2nd Lieutenant? One has been promoted. Hilarity ensues. As for Abe, well he's just pissed off today. It's not that he
- [Terminal Lance "Memorial Day 96"](https://terminallance.com/2012/05/29/terminal-lance-memorial-day-96/) - There are two kinds of people in the world: Abe and Garcia. Abe chose to spend his Memorial Day doing basically whatever he wanted, getting hammered and treating it like most Americans probably would a long holiday weekend. Garcia is the kind that (recognizing the significance of the holiday) chose to spend it in silent
- [Terminal Lance #203 "That One Guy"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/01/terminal-lance-203-that-one-guy/) - There's always that one guy. He's the one that blows past everyone on the PFT, does his twenty pull-ups and hundred crunches all while absolutely reeking of his good friend Jack Daniels. He's that one guy you can always expect to be hammered and somehow not only perform his job, but do it probably better
- [Terminal Lance #204 "Computer Whiz"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/05/terminal-lance-204-computer-whiz/) - Despite the fact that Garcia is usually the one with the cooler head (he's bald, it makes sense), he doesn't know anything about computers. One of the many inconveniences of being a grunt in the Marine Corps is the fact that they don't actually give you government computer access. In fact, most infantry Marines have
- [Terminal Lance #205 "My Own Personal Hell II"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/08/terminal-lance-205/) - I'm sure I've mentioned before that if there is a hell made especially for me, it's a never-ending line at the Armory. In fact, you could probably even consider this a proper sequel, or an awakening from that previous strip. What is there to say about the armory? It's fucking miserable. Look at the armory
- [Terminal Lance "Prometheus Woes"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/12/terminal-lance-prometheus-woes/) - I saw Prometheus on Friday night, and I still haven't figured out if I liked it or not. It may be the lack of Space Marines that bothers me, the lack of aliens, or the lack of Charlize Theron stripping down for a milk bath... Whatever the case, it left me with a confused feeling
- [Terminal Lance #206 "MILES Gear"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/15/terminal-lance-206-miles-gear/) - Of all of the miserable and awful ideas you run into during training that some 0-7 probably signed off on thinking Marines would love, MILES gear has to be one of the worst. "MILES" is not actually a person, but an acronym (in the military?!) that stands for "Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement System." At least,
- [Terminal Lance #207 "They'll Never get it Right"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/19/terminal-lance-207-theyll-never-get-it-right/) - It's hard not to talk about video games in relation to the Marine Corps. For starters, I'm a huge nerd there's so many games about the military that it's hard to ignore. I believe I've mentioned before that, like most people, when I enlisted there was some image of me being Solid Snake somewhere in
- [Terminal Lance #208 "Acronymia"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/22/terminal-lance-208-acronymia/) - If there's one thing the military has no shortage of, it's acronyms. There's so many acronyms in the military that the point of them has been rendered completely useless. When you have as many acronyms as the military does, it actually becomes harder to remember them. You're bombarded with random arrangements of words that ultimately
- [Terminal Lance #209 "All Your Base: 29 Palms"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/26/terminal-lance-209-all-your-base-29-palms/) - Being stationed in Hawaii, I could never help myself from feeling sorry for those poor souls serving their sentence contract in the badlands of Southern California. The mojave desert isn't a pleasant place, which should be obvious considering it contains such foreboding areas as "Death Valley" and "Range 400." Twentynine Palms is arguably the shittiest
- [Terminal Lance #210 "Life After EAS: Circus Act"](https://terminallance.com/2012/06/28/terminal-lance-210-life-after-eas-circus-act/) - I have been extremely fortunate in regard to my dealings with the VA since I got out of the Marine Corps that fateful day. When I say extremely fortunate, I am of course referring to the fact that I've had very little in the way of issues since I started utilizing my Post 9/11 GI
- [Terminal Lance #211 "Stolen Valor"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/03/terminal-lance-211-stolen-valor/) - I'm sure everyone in the military is aware of the Supreme Court's ruling on the Stolen Valor act by now. I won't comment on their decision, it was theirs to make; but I will just say that there is nothing more despicable than one of these assholes pretending to be something they're not. I'm sure
- [Terminal Lance #212 "All Your Base: Camp Pendleton"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/06/terminal-lance-212-all-your-base-camp-pendleton/) - As I was sitting down with another Marine a couple of weeks ago enjoying a burrito and a Coke, I was trying to think of ways to make a strip out of Camp Pendleton. The idea escaped me, there wasn't really anything inherently funny about Camp Pendleton--it's actually a really nice base, in a really
- [Terminal Lance #213 "John Dear"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/10/terminal-lance-213-john-dear/) - It's kind of a silly question, really. All white guys love Asian girls. I say this all the time, but if there's one constant of the military, it's breakups, infidelity, and the infamous "Dear John" letters that countless Marines have fallen victim to. That girl back home that you swore wasn't like the other girls
- [Terminal Lance "Call me Maybe: Infantry Version"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/24/terminal-lance-call-me-maybe-infantry-version/) - I'm sure most of you by now have seen the POGilicious rendition of "Call me Maybe" that's been floating around the YouTubes lately. If not, feel free to take a look at it here: If there's one thing I can promise you about this video, it's that every grunt in the Marine Corps rolled their
- [Terminal Lance #214 "Meritorious"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/26/terminal-lance-214-meritorious/) - I often refer to the world outside of the military as "the real world," for a variety of reasons really. The inner circle jerk of the military is not a very good representation of 99% of America, where the rules of society are very different. In the military, specifically the Marine Corps, being able to
- [Terminal Lance #215 "Old Timer"](https://terminallance.com/2012/07/31/terminal-lance-215-old-timer/) - It's still Tuesday isn't it? Sorry for the late update, I would have done a strip last night, but I worked a twelve hour day on a couple hours of sleep and just wasn't up for it. I almost copped out and put up a Marine Corps Times strip, but I love you all and
- [Terminal Lance "Internet Authority" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/03/terminal-lance-internet-authority-marine-corps-times/) - Hey everyone, I've been drawing so much this week that my elbows hurt. You'll have to forgive me as I put up this strip previously published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper. This strip is dedicated to all the online motivators that insist on turning social networking sites into their personal regulation thumping-grounds. This week
- [Terminal Lance #216 "Compensation"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/07/terminal-lance-216-compensation/) - I don't mind the occasional moto-sticker. Maybe an EGA or something, tastefully placed on the rear corner of a car's bumper as a beacon of pride to represent your accomplishments. Moto-stickers in general are fine in moderation, it's when you see Marine Corps moto-shit plastered all over a car that it starts to become suspicious
- [Terminal Lance #217 "The Underwater Level"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/09/terminal-lance-217-the-underwater-level/) - In nearly every video game every made, there's the one part of it that is a chore to go through. You don't look forward to it, you loathe the idea of it, but you power through it anyway and the reward is never worth it. Of course, I'm talking about the underwater level. For those
- [Terminal Lance #218 "Life After EAS: Freshman Fifty"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/14/terminal-lance-218-life-after-eas-freshman-fifty/) - A lot of Marines that EAS find that they seem to be packing on a bit more than they can chew--or maybe are chewing a bit more than they need. The barracks lifestyle is like being in a frathouse, except there's no studying or school going on. The average diet of an 18-22 year old
- [Marine Corps Times Terminal Lance "Cutbacks"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/17/marine-corps-times-terminal-lance-cutbacks/) - With everything I've been doing this week I had to resort to putting up a strip previously only published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper. With all the cutbacks the Marine Corps is facing, this is no doubt where things are going to end up. I'm out, obviously, so it really doesn't make a difference
- [Terminal Lance #219 "Top it Off"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/21/terminal-lance-219-top-it-off/) - Terminal Lance typically takes one of two routes in terms of humor: There's the route where I try to make a joke out of some contextually larger issue and talk about it, then there's the completely random. Okay I'll just be blunt here: I really don't have any kind of internet soapbox point to make with
- [Terminal Lance #220 "Issued"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/24/terminal-lance-220-issued/) - Marines get issued a lot of stupid shit. Sometimes it's with a genuine effort of protecting you or giving you some kind of tactical edge; other times, it makes you wonder what kind of coked up pipe dream the guys at Quantico think is going on overseas. With very little consideration for how gear will
- [Terminal Lance #221 "Messing with the Cock-Watch"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/28/terminal-lance-221-messing-with-the-cock-watch/) - Piss tests are a common occurrence in the Marine Corps. After nearly every 96, holiday or leave block you'll more than likely find yourself standing in line at the company office without a blouse, holding that little plastic cup as you await your turn to empty the contents of your bladder--or more if you feel
- [Terminal Lance #222 "Anatomically Correct"](https://terminallance.com/2012/08/31/terminal-lance-222-anatomically-correct/) - It's one or the other amirite guys? No but really, you always hear about how Sergeants are the "backbone" of the Corps, or Gunnery Sergeants are the "backbone" of the Staff NCO Corps, or Lance Corporals are the "backbone" of lower enlisted; there's only so many backbones you guys. We need to start assigning the
- [Terminal Lance #223 "What Happens in the Field Stays in the Field"](https://terminallance.com/2012/09/04/terminal-lance-223-what-happens-in-the-field-stays-in-the-field/) - There's a lot of homoerotic humor in the Marine Corps. What do you expect from a bunch of men with nothing but their own bodies to make jokes about? As I've already mentioned, no repeal of any policy could possibly make the Marine Corps any more gay than it already was. So many times I've
- [Terminal Lance #224 "Child Abuse"](https://terminallance.com/2012/09/07/terminal-lance-224-child-abuse/) - I don't have kids. I'm just being upfront about that before anyone calls me out about this strip. Naturally, if you do have kids you're automatically more adept on this subject than I am. I saw a lot of kids get high-and-tights while I was aboard Marine Corps Base Hawaii. It was something I never
- [Terminal Lance #225 "Sweet Vengeance"](https://terminallance.com/2012/09/21/terminal-lance-225-sweet-vengeance/) - How great would this be? I always wondered why you never see non-Marine husbands on base. You see the wives all the time... so many wives. But aren't there married female Marines? Where are these heroes of men? This is truly the ultimate dream of every man--to live obligation-free under the paycheck and government benefits
- [Terminal Lance #226 "Secretly Hopeful"](https://terminallance.com/2012/09/25/terminal-lance-226-secretly-hopeful/) - I remember those days, skulking in the darkness on the Marine Corps' Manpower & Reserve Affairs website hoping the new cutting scores would spell a promotion for me. It's a hard thing, knowing you're supposed to have picked up the coveted NCO rank if you were any other MOS. Your friends of other MOS' around
- [Terminal Lance #227 "Insight"](https://terminallance.com/2012/09/28/terminal-lance-227-insight/) - I always hate it when people try to ask me about my political opinions on things regarding the middle east. Honestly, I don't really know much about it. I know as much as what I was told when I was there, and it isn't something I really keep up on. This is a common mindset
- [Terminal Lance #228 "Real Live Women!"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/02/terminal-lance-228-real-live-women/) - I always thought the idea of the cheerleaders visiting military bases overseas was awesome. Well, this is also because I'm a straight male. On another level it's actually a very odd thing to advertise, I always thought it was funny that women are brought into these foreign countries as a spectacle of entertainment. Come see
- [Terminal Lance #229 "She Don't Rate"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/05/terminal-lance-229-she-dont-rate/) - If the stereotype for enlisted wives is to be a morbidly obese baby-factory that lives on benefits and sorrow; then surely the opposite is in place for officer wives. It's actually much less common to see a married Lieutenant, but when you do, they usually have some kind of super-hot trophy wife that they only
- [Terminal Lance "Fleet Week"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/09/terminal-lance-fleet-week/) - No matter how pissed off, disgruntled or angry you might be, there's undeniably something magical and entrancing about watching the air shows that go on during Fleet Week. The Blue Angels, amongst others, are always a sight to behold. It appeals to the very id of humanity, the acrobatics and prowess of skill and human
- [Terminal Lance #230 "Mandatory"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/16/terminal-lance-230-mandatory/) - Anyone that's been in the Marine Corps for more than twenty minutes has been told the classic, "It's not mandatory, but you have to do it," line by their senior ranking NCO's and Officers. The definition of "mandatory" is as follows: man·da·to·ry/ˈmandəˌtôrē/ Adjective: Required by law or rules; compulsory: "wearing helmets is mandatory". Of or
- [Terminal Lance "It Writes Itself"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/19/terminal-lance-it-writes-itself/) - When I read this story online about how the first candidates for female infantry officers had already failed the course, I knew I had to make a strip about it. I soon realized, however, that there was no way I could write a better punchline than the story itself. I'm sorry, I don't mean to
- [Terminal Lance #231 "The Dance of our People"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/23/terminal-lance-231-the-dance-of-our-people/) - The inevitable hazard of doing combat marksmanship ranges every other week is the ever-present danger of catching someone else's brass down your neck. For those of you that aren't familiar with this awful experience, let me elaborate: When a rifle fires a round, it ejects the spent round (known as "brass") out of the chamber
- [Terminal Lance #232 "A New Disciple"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/26/terminal-lance-232-a-new-disciple/) - I recall a feeling of disillusionment when I arrived to "the fleet" aboard Marine Corps Base Hawaii with 3rd Battalion 3rd Marines, India Company, Weapons Platoon in November of 2006. Up to this point, the only exposure I'd had to real Marines were my drill instructors and the SOI instructors at Camp Pendleton. This led
- [Terminal Lance "Mostly Tricks"](https://terminallance.com/2012/10/30/terminal-lance-mostly-tricks/) - I've said it before: NAM's are often handed out like candy. For whatever reason it seems to be especially true outside of the infantry. It's actually pretty rare to see a NAM (Navy Achievement Medal) on a grunt's chest. A NAM can be awarded for just about anything your command wants to put you up
- [Terminal Lance #233 "BFF (Buddy-Fucking Fucker)"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/02/terminal-lance-233-bff-buddy-fucking-fucker/) - There's some things you just don't do. If you counted 99 crunches for your buddy during a PFT, you don't tell Staff Sergeant he got 99 crunches--you tell him he got 100 of the best, most perfect, manliest and slightly sexually arousing crunches of your life. You don't write 219 on the score card for
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 237th Birthday, Marines"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/09/terminal-lance-happy-237th-birthday-marines/) - lol Marines are alcoholics. Well everyone knows this weekend is the Marine Corps' 237th birthday. It's a time of balls and overpriced dinners, car washes and dependents in full force. Units are celebrating their birthday balls either today or tomorrow or already have earlier in the week. One thing is certain, seeing which Staff NCO
- [Terminal Lance "Seek Medical Attention"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/13/terminal-lance-seek-medical-attention/) - Well as I'm sure you all know, this weekend was the most motivated weekend of the year. Those of you with a propensity toward motivation might have had a rough time dealing with your rock-hard erections over the last 48 hours. I know, it's hard, there's all this talk of 237 years, of veterans serving
- [Terminal Lance #234 "Don't Encourage Them"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/16/terminal-lance-234-dont-encourage-them/) - I'm not one of those guys that gives a shit if you drink and you're underage. I'm also not one of those guys that thinks people under 21 should be allowed to drink. That's not really what this strip is about, because if it were, it'd be a display of complete apathy on my part.
- [Terminal Lance "Black Friday"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/20/terminal-lance-black-friday/) - Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Doing any Black Friday shopping this year? Black Friday has special meaning for Marines. You see, usually recruits get to the Recruit Depot (MCRD) during the beginning or middle of the week. You stay in a kind of limbo-holding state while they process you until Friday. Friday is the day that you
- [Terminal Lance #236 "Security Force Drops"](https://terminallance.com/2012/11/30/terminal-lance-236-security-force-drops/) - Obviously I don't have anything negative to say about Security Force Marines on their own accord. Every once in a while, however, those Marines with no deployments under their belts and bloated cutting scores find their way back into the "fleet" infantry. They're generally met with disdain and little acknowledgement of their often-times higher rank.
- [Terminal Lance #237 "Obvious Observations"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/04/terminal-lance-237-obvious-observations/) - Late update today. I don't really have much to say, I think the strip kind of makes its own point here. But seriously, how many times have you seen that iconic image of a badass Marine or SEAL in a boonie cover slowly rising out of the water with his M4 at the ready? There
- [Terminal Lance #238 "Infidelity Amongst Infidels II"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/07/terminal-lance-238-infidelity-amongst-infidels-ii/) - I feel like I should say that I'm in no way, shape or form advocating for slutty, cheating wives. The point of this comic is that there's a reason so many wives cheat, why so many marriages end in the Marine Corps. As a Marine that was married during most of my enlistment, I've obviously
- [Terminal Lance #239 "Keeping Cadence"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/12/terminal-lance-239-keeping-cadence/) - Cadence is one of those things that can be a lot of fun, but usually isn't. If you happen to catch everyone on an extra-motivated morning, calling cadence during a platoon run can actually be pretty fun. Some funny lyrics are brought forth, people have some laughs, everyone has a good time and you call
- [Terminal Lance #240 "Leave Blocked"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/14/terminal-lance-240-leave-blocked/) - The scramble to go on leave during the holidays is always a pain for everyone. There's the arduous process of having to submit your leave request via MOL (and typically anything involving MOL is an awful experience). There's the last-minute leave block dates, which are unfortunately much more flexible than they should be. Being stationed
- [Terminal Lance #241 "The Wooly Pully"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/18/terminal-lance-241-the-wooly-pully/) - I know there's some Marines in various places and billets that probably wear this thing a lot. For the average grunt, however, it's just that ugly sweater that sits next to your all-weather jacket, left in the crevices and forgotten corners of your body bag, as new and crisp as the day it was issued to
- [Terminal Lance "December Twenty-First, Twenty-Twelve"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/21/terminal-lance-december-twenty-first-twenty-twelve/) - Well the world is ending today, isn't it? I hope not, I've still got a ton of shit I need to do before I die: like see a Tijuana donkey show or eat a pizza crafted on the bare thighs of Japanese virgins. Okay but really, anyone who actually thought the world was going to
- [Terminal Lance "Merry Christmas 2012!"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/25/terminal-lance-merry-christmas-2012/) - There's something about torturing boots during Christmas that always gives me a jingle in my jollies. Today is Christmas, and if you're like most Americans you're probably celebrating it secularly with little regard to baby Jesi and virgin Madonna's. Well, that's how my family always did it anyway. Christmas in America is really more of
- [Terminal Lance #242 "Dress Blue Blues"](https://terminallance.com/2012/12/28/terminal-lance-242-dress-blue-blues/) - I like wearing my dress blues for the most part. They look snazzy as shit, I look great in them, and that's all the reason I need. That little neck thing bugs the fucking hell out of me though. It's one of those little things that you sit there and pick at for a couple
- [Terminal Lance "Happy New Year 2013!"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/01/terminal-lance-happy-new-year-2013/) - Happy New Year everyone! Unfortunately for Abe, not so much. The Creepy Chaplain always seems to find his way into Abe's New Year plans. Well, at least he had someone to kiss at midnight this year. While this certainly would be allowed now under the new Don't Ask Don't Tell policy, the Chaplain's concerns of
- [Terminal Lance #243 "The Eye of Sauron"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/08/terminal-lance-243-the-eye-of-sauron/) - I dunno about anyone else, but whenever there's an Eagle, Globe and Anchor fastened upon the rear bumper or window of a car I can seemingly spot it from anywhere. It's almost like an innate reaction, some kind of Spidy-Sense; as if programmed into the very being of your soul once you depart MCRD. You'll
- [Terminal Lance #244 "Have You?"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/11/terminal-lance-244-have-you/) - Good question. I don't know what it is about Drill Instructors, but for me they're an endless well-spring of humor. Drill Instructors themselves are comical without even trying, they often become caricatures of themselves. They walk around in their waist-high belts, veins bulging from their necks, frog-voices in full swing as they try desperately to
- [Terminal Lance "Zero Dark Thirty"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/15/terminal-lance-zero-dark-thirty/) - Well we all know what happened last time someone tried to bring up The Hurt Locker to Abe. Shitty movies aside, I went and saw Zero Dark Thirty on Saturday. I suppose it was sort of a military obligation of mine, I kind of feel like I have to see all movies that are even
- [Terminal Lance #245 "Myths and Legends V"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/18/terminal-lance-245-myths-and-legends-v/) - As an average grunt in the Marine Corps, there's some ranks you just never come across. You're told they exist, but you only believe it out of faith in the same way you might believe in Santa Clause or Te'o's dead girlfriend. Some of these ranks are (of course) Chief Warrant Officers above CWO-3, Generals
- [Terminal Lance #246 "All Your Base: MCBH Kaneohe Bay"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/22/terminal-lance-246-all-your-base-mcbh-kaneohe-bay/) - I've heard people say that they prefer being stationed in places like 29 Palms and Camp Pendleton because of the "good training" they receive while aboard these expansive government properties. If that's what you have to tell yourself to keep yourself convinced you'd rather be anywhere but Marine Corps Base Hawaii drinking piña coladas on
- [Terminal Lance #247 "Logging the Logbook"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/25/terminal-lance-247-logging-the-logbook/) - Everyone knows it sucks when you have no friends. When you're a Marine on duty, you have no friends. Unfortunately duty just sucks. What is there to do other than fuck around with the logbook. For those not in the know, a logbook is a little green notebook (Why is it always green? What brand
- [Terminal Lance #248 "Core Temperature"](https://terminallance.com/2013/01/29/terminal-lance-248-core-temperature/) - I was fortunate enough to never actually require the "silver bullet" administered from my friendly platoon Corpsman. The dubious honor is reserved for heat casualties, either during a run or a hike or something otherwise physically demanding and dehydrating. For a long time I thought it was an urban myth of sorts, just something your
- [Terminal Lance "Kashyyyk Rises"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/01/terminal-lance-kashyyyk-rises/) - If you're a living, breathing soul with any relation to the Marine Corps whatsoever, I'm sure your Facebook has been blowing up with photos of wookies and kitchen jokes for the last week or so. I know mine has, and while it's been entertaining, I think people jumped the gun a little bit. People seemed
- [Terminal Lance #249 "The Age Old Debate"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/05/terminal-lance-249-the-age-old-debate/) - I've had different ways to approach this debate in my head for a long time now. I feel like this strip harkens back to a kind of "old school" Terminal Lance comic that doesn't really get an opportunity to rear its head anymore. Years ago, when I began this monstrosity, there was a lot more
- [Terminal Lance #250 "Greeting a Staff NCO"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/08/terminal-lance-250-greeting-a-staff-nco/) - One thing I really hated about being Active Duty was the constant anxiety of never knowing who was going to be around the corner. If it's a Staff NCO or an Officer, you better be prepared to greet them--regardless of if you know them or have any genuine respect for them. Being a Marine in
- [Terminal Lance #251 "Military WORKING Dogs"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/12/terminal-lance-251-military-working-dogs/) - Okay, I'm obviously not implying that all Military Working Dog handlers fuck their companion animals... just most of them. But really, I always thought being a dog handler would be an awesome job. Maybe it's just cause I love dogs--anyone that follows my Twitter, Instagram or Tumblr can tell you that--but being able to spend
- [Terminal Lance #252 "Call of Duty Reference"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/15/terminal-lance-252-call-of-duty-reference/) - There was a lot of hoopla last month about General Mattis' change of command at CENTCOM, with right-wing opinion blogs talking about how "he wasn't even given a phone call," or something. Since I couldn't find any credible news source on it, I just avoided it. Regardless, Gen. Mattis is leaving CENTCOM in March and
- [Terminal Lance #253 "Distinguished Warfare"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/22/terminal-lance-253-distinguished-warfare/) - I don't have a Purple Heart, nor do I have a Bronze Star with a Combat V. However, I don't need either of those to recognize that the new Distinguished Warfare Medal for drone pilots/operators is bullshit. I'm not saying they shouldn't get a medal or a ribbon, sure why not? NAM's are given out
- [Terminal Lance #254 "The Clipboard"](https://terminallance.com/2013/02/26/terminal-lance-254-the-clipboard/) - Have you ever noticed that Staff Sergeant always carries that damned clipboard everywhere? There's an easy way to avoid work in the Marine Corps. Let me share this ancient secret with you: Buy a clipboard. Walk fast everywhere. This will make you look as important as a Staff NCO. You've got shit to do, people
- [Terminal Lance "Marinecraft"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/01/terminal-lance-marinecraft/) - Okay, it's entirely possible I only did this strip so that I could waste a night making a gigantic, squirting phallus in Minecraft. I know it's probably in poor taste to do two penis jokes this week, but if you're looking for finer taste in your crude Marine Corps webcomics, you probably would be elsewhere
- [Terminal Lance #255 "Like a Box of Chocolates"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/05/terminal-lance-255-like-a-box-of-chocolates/) - It's generally advised that you don't return to the scene of a traumatic event in your life. I shudder at the thought of all of those dark corners and drunken nights when the green weenie snuck into my room, breath laden with whiskey, climbing into bed with me and barely giving me a chance to
- [Terminal Lance "Secastration"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/08/terminal-lance-secastration/) - I'm sure everyone with even a remote connection the Marine Corps or the military industrial complex at all has heard of the cut to Tuition Assistance to the Marine Corps. It's truly unfortunate, and I also hear that the Corps is the only branch losing the collegiate benefit.* To be fair, if you're a grunt
- [Terminal Lance #256 "Lose-Lose"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/12/terminal-lance-256-lose-lose/) - One thing I can never remember hearing is a competition about the qualities of one's respective unit. It is much more likely that two Marines will fight and brag over who actually has it worse. Marines are largely masochists by nature, and it can be seen prevalently in the genuine pride they share in how
- [Terminal Lance #257 "Barracks Barbershop"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/15/terminal-lance-257-barracks-barbershop/) - Every platoon has at least one Mexican that can cut hair. I'm sorry if that's an offensive statement, but it's just science. Alternatively, it might be a black guy. For whatever reason, white people just can't cut hair. I'm sure you've all seen the Marine with the white girlfriend come in on Monday morning with
- [Terminal Lance Contest Winner "Narnia"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/19/terminal-lance-contest-winner-narnia/) - Congratulations to Martin Duran for winning the Terminal Lance strip contest! In the short timeframe for the contest I got a number of funny comic strips for consideration. Ultimately this one stood out to me the most. For those of you that are unclear, it seems Abe has stumbled upon a mythical place where the
- [Terminal Lance #258 "Lost Innocence"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/22/terminal-lance-258-lost-innocence/) - I was debating whether or not I should even do a strip today given all of the unfortunate news this week. For those of you not aware, 7 Marines were killed on Monday in a mortar training exercise. Another 3 Marines were killed in a murder-suicide in Quantico last night. Surely, this has been a
- [Terminal Lance #259 "Inside the Armory"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/26/terminal-lance-259-inside-the-armory/) - There's an interesting paradox in the Marine Corps amongst combat units. Generally speaking, the smaller the weapon, the higher up you are in the pecking order. The issued M9 handgun plays an important role in this hierarchy, as it's generally only issued to Staff and officers. Not necessarily because they need it, because they really
- [Terminal Lance #260 "In the Wild"](https://terminallance.com/2013/03/29/terminal-lance-260-in-the-wild/) - It's a generalized pro-tip of sorts to just never take your woman to the barracks. Nothing good will come of it, she doesn't need to be there and unless she was in desperate need to get hit on endlessly by swaths of unsexed young males, she probably didn't want to go in the first place.
- [Terminal Lance "An April Fool"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/02/terminal-lance-an-april-fool/) - Hopefully all of you were able to enjoy your April Fools' Day (apostrophe after the s) in relative peace. Abe, not so much, the Green Weenie pulled his card for duty on this fine Monday. I'm sure some of you saw my Facebook update about being offered a job with PAO and promoted to Staff
- [Terminal Lance #261 "Casual Encounter"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/05/terminal-lance-261-casual-encounter/) - I get a lot of requests to bring the Creepy Chaplain back, he seems to be a fan-favorite of the bunch. With that said, I always feel like I need to qualify my use of the Creepy Chaplain every time I do it. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I don't actually have anything
- [Terminal Lance Marine Corps Times "Looking Professional II: Service Uniform Fridays"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/09/terminal-lance-marine-corps-times-looking-professional-ii-service-uniform-fridays/) - This week is just one of those weeks where everything is piling on me at the same time. It's like an orgy of work and I'm the meat in its sexual sandwich. So here is a Marine Corps Times strip I did in response to the "Service Uniform Fridays" regulation that was recently introduced Corps-wide.
- [Terminal Lance #262 "The Bootenant"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/15/terminal-lance-262-the-bootenant/) - If it weren't for the fact that they get paid out of the box about twice as much as an equally experienced enlisted Marine, I might feel bad for them sometimes when they enter the fleet. The Lieutenant has the dubious honor of being in charge of about 40 guys that really have absolutely no
- [Terminal Lance #263 "Post"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/19/terminal-lance-263-post/) - As I was sitting and contemplating what to do with the new strip this beautiful Friday, I realized that, while I have talked about being on post before, there's a surprising dearth of post-related content on this site. Standing post is a ubiquitous pass-time of deployed Marines in every instance; it's something you hate to
- [Terminal Lance #264 "Have you ever Killed Anybody?"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/26/terminal-lance-264-have-you-ever-killed-anyone/) - I've never really known how to respond to this question. This is probably the most ubiquitous challenge many Marines face when they come home from a deployment--dealing with the onslaught of self-interested civilians that wouldn't understand if you said yes or no. A Marine friend of mine (Iraq vet) by the name of Adan Pulido
- [Terminal Lance #265 "FAP'd Out"](https://terminallance.com/2013/04/29/terminal-lance-265-fapd-out/) - During my last 4 or 5 months in the Marine Corps I FAP'd over to the MCBH Combat Camera shop to finish out my contract in relative peace. The mere fact that the FAP (Fleet Assistance Program) exists is in a way the Corps actually acknowledging how shitty being in the infantry can be. Generally
- [Marine Corps Times Terminal Lance "Prospects"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/10/marine-corps-times-terminal-lance-prospects/) - Well yesterday was my last day of classes, I'm officially a college graduate (Animation, BFA). I'm a little bit too hungover tired after shenanigans last night to actually do a new strip today, but here's an oldie from the Marine Corps Times archives that I've always liked. Every time I see a homeless veteran on
- [Terminal Lance #266 "Deployment Goggles II"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/14/terminal-lance-266-deployment-goggles-ii/) - I've talked about this phenomenon before. When you come home from deployment, you're most likely geared to want to touch your penis against anything with a pulse. I have to urge against this. As a general rule of thumb, try to avoid sleeping with anything that wasn't already attractive before you left. This means when
- [Terminal Lance "Presidential Service"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/17/terminal-lance-presidential-service/) - I thought the reaction to this photo was interesting: Yes, the President of the United States of America had a boot Corporal hold an umbrella for him while he gave a speech. The reactions were interesting because people let their political butthurtedness flow into their opinions on the matter. People seem to forget that we're
- [Terminal Lance "There's Always a Reason"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/21/terminal-lance-theres-always-a-reason/) - So for those of you that keep track of the festivities around here, I put this strip up for public consumption with the last speech bubble left blank for your filling pleasures. This strip was submitted by a Josh Bell, I liked it because he went the extra mile and changed the background and everything.
- [Terminal Lance #267 "Locals"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/24/terminal-lance-267-locals/) - I feel like this strip might not really apply to places like Camp Pendleton or Lejeune, but to those of us that were stationed in Hawaii or even you Okinawa vets, surely it's something you've seen happen. While aboard beautiful Kaneohe Bay, it seemed like every weekend there was some new incident involving locals out
- [Terminal Lance "Unexpected Guest II: Memorial Day"](https://terminallance.com/2013/05/28/terminal-lance-unexpected-guest-ii-memorial-day/) - Oh Chesty, making his 2nd appearance in Terminal Lance. Of course, Chesty has a point. I talked about this quite a bit last year, and frankly I still feel the same way. Memorial Day is a national holiday dedicated to remembering the fallen. This much is true and should be regarded with absolute respect. With
- [Terminal Lance #268 "Spoon-Fed"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/04/terminal-lance-spoon-fed/) - You'd be surprised at how much I saw this attitude going to a private art school in the Bay Area. Okay... maybe you wouldn't be that surprised, but still, it's annoying as shit. Please, tell me more about how you spent 22 years of your life in institutionalized education, and how that makes you a
- [Terminal Lance #270 "Backed Up"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/11/terminal-lance-270-backed-up/) - I've previously discussed the internal consequences of eating nothing but MRE's, but this is still painfully true. To be honest, MRE's aren't all that bad. I've known quite a few MRE "chefs" in my time that can put together some pretty delicious combinations of the packaged food-like products they feed you in the field. The
- [Terminal Lance #271 "Permanent Ink"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/14/terminal-lance-271-permanent-ink/) - *EDIT* Terminal Lance: Head Call is now available for purchase on the Kindle store! You see Marines get awful tattoos all the time. In Abe's case, I think this is appropriate for an 0351 with plenty of Time in Grade. At a certain point you kind of just give up. My case, for example: I
- [Terminal Lance: Head Call prints!](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/17/terminal-lance-head-call-prints/) - To celebrate the release of Terminal Lance: Head Call, I'm offering limited edition prints of the cover art for purchase! These prints are 8.5 x 11" on Kodak photo paper, all of them individually packaged and autographed by the creator of Terminal Lance, Max (me). Click the "Buy a Print" button above this blog post
- [Terminal Lance "Men of Flesh and Bone"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/18/terminal-lance-men-of-flesh-and-bone/) - Whenever I watch a movie with some epic event happening to or around military personnel, the only thing that goes through my head is, "I wonder what those guys are thinking." I like to think about things from alternate points of view, or maybe I just identify with them more than I do the average
- [Terminal Lance #272 "JJ"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/21/terminal-lance-272-jj/) - Of course I don't necessarily disagree with the "14 Marine Corps Leadership Traits," otherwise known as the atrocious acronym JJDIDTIEBUCKLE. I think all of the things contained within this amalgam of letters are great virtues for anyone to have, Marine or not. This is one of those things you see plastered on the walls of
- [Terminal Lance #273 "That First Night"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/24/terminal-lance-273-that-first-night/) - There's nothing quite like that first night of boot camp. After the so-called "Black Friday" where you're introduced to your drill instructors, the first night is a rectally-clenching horror-fest of little to no sleep. Whoever the poor, unfortunate recruits are that have to stand watch in the first week are generally met with an onslaught
- [Terminal Lance "DOMA"](https://terminallance.com/2013/06/28/terminal-lance-doma/) - I'm going to just put this out there: Terminal Lance has never been anti-gay. If you think that, you're a fucking idiot. Now that that's out of the way, I'm sure everyone knows about the repeal of DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act) and are aware that same-sex couples will soon be able to get
- [Terminal Lance #274 "AAV's in One Sentence"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/02/terminal-lance-274-aavs-in-one-sentence/) - I've gotten a lot of requests to do a comic about tracks, or AAV's (or Gators). I was trying to think of a joke, and I really couldn't think of anything that was even remotely funny about them. They're just fucking awful. My experience is limited to training. As a regular line company type, the
- [Terminal Lance #275 "Veteran Card"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/05/terminal-lance-275-veteran-card/) - You have to be careful when you play the veteran card, it doesn't always work. Of course, it's situation-dependent and if you're actually acting like a total fuck-splash and expect to get away with it just because you're a veteran, you should expect a rude awakening. Now, don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong
- [Terminal Lance #276 "Demographics"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/09/terminal-lance-276-demographics/) - I don't think boots will ever catch a break. Being a boot in the infantry is probably one of the worst places you could ever find yourself. Respect is at the heart of all things Marine Corps, and grunts take it very seriously. If you're a boot, you haven't done anything, you don't know anything,
- [Terminal Lance #277 "Late Nights"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/12/terminal-lance-277-late-nights/) - You know how I talked about, before, the fact that officers always have really hot wives? Well, unfortunately that's not usually true with the enlisted folk. Okay, it's not always this bad, or ever, really. But still, it makes you wonder why some Staff NCO's and the like would rather be around a bunch of
- [Terminal Lance #278 "That Guy"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/16/terminal-lance-278-that-guy/) - Not to be confused with "That One Guy," this is "That Guy." While That Guy doesn't necessarily have to be about FOB dogs, there's always some douchemaster that wants to shoot the animals aboard the FOB. You know them, we all do. They're the fucking asshole that grew up with an abusive father or something
- [Terminal Lance #279 "Those Three Little Words"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/19/terminal-lance-279-those-three-little-words/) - There's nothing like a good "devil-doggin" or "lifing" to give a good "fuck you" to the start of your day. If there's one thing I miss the least about being active duty, it's the constant state of fear and uncertainty you're in just walking around on base. You never know when some Staff NCO with
- [Terminal Lance #280 "Equality"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/23/terminal-lance-280-equality/) - Admittedly, I don't think I'd have a problem with females getting the male regulation haircut. Then again, I've always kind of had a thing for girls with short hair. If you haven't heard, female dress blues modeled after the male uniform are currently being tested. This is in an increasing effort to spread equality throughout
- [Terminal Lance #281 "Adopt a Marine"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/26/terminal-lance-281-adopt-a-marine/) - You've all seen these horribly depressing ASPCA commercials that come on late at night, or the ones about starving kids or retarded whale dolphin babies. I'm sure you've also heard of (if you're reading this site, anyway) the "Adopt a Hero" or "Adopt a Soldier" programs where you "sponsor" a deployed Marine or Soldier or
- [Terminal Lance #282 "Size Matters"](https://terminallance.com/2013/07/30/terminal-lance-282-size-matters/) - Is it just me or does no one actually know what size blouse they're supposed to wear? Pretty much everyone you talk to buys a medium-reg, because it's the medium, regular choice; but there are actually many sizing options available for the blouse and trousers you wear every day. For instance, I found out after
- [Terminal Lance #283 "Mine-Resistant, Ambush-Protected"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/02/terminal-lance-283-mine-resistant-ambush-protected/) - Driving an MRAP sucks. What sucks even more is trying to explain to civilians what an MRAP is. Everyone knows the infamous "humvee," but then you're like, "Yeah I was a turret gunner in an MRAP," and they look at you like you just shat on a baby's forehead, so you have to sit there
- [Terminal Lance #284 "Gear Accountability"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/06/terminal-lance-284-gear-accountability/) - Boots do amazing things. They aren't particularly positive in their implications, but they do amazing things nonetheless. When I was at SOI, I remember seeing my "libo-buddy" lose his flak jacket on a 5k hump from the barracks to the range. There were hundreds of Marines, safety vehicles, Staff NCO's, officers, and somehow this guy
- [Terminal Lance "Manhunt"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/09/terminal-lance-manhunt/) - It's true, they're finally going after the culprit that claims hundreds of thousands of buttholes every year. The Green Weenie strikes hard and it strikes fast, eluding even the most honest of Staff and Officers over the years, managing to fuck everyone in every rank, wherever they may be. Okay, there's probably some kind of
- [Terminal Lance #285 "Questionable Advice"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/13/terminal-lance-285-questionable-advice/) - Your senior Lance Corporals are great training resources. They might seem like assholes, and they probably are, but they ultimately have your best interests in mind and give you advice for the better good. Well, that's the intent at least, sometimes the advice is just a little ridiculous. This actually happened to me (the earplugs,
- [Terminal Lance #286 "Duty II"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/15/terminal-lance-286-duty-ii/) - There's simultaneously so much and absolutely nothing to be said about the misery of duty. A Marine on duty has no friends. I could go on and on about how boring duty is, but you already know. At the very least, there's usually some entertaining shenanigans going on the barracks on a Friday night, but
- [Terminal Lance #287 "Grizzled"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/20/terminal-lance-287-grizzled/) - You really don't see many white guys with a "no-shave chit" walking around. You will, however, encounter the unshaven black guy quite often. Despite my excessively large penis, I'm not as black as people think, so I wouldn't actually know what it is about shaving that irritates the skin so much. I do know that
- [Terminal Lance #288 "GoPro"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/23/terminal-lance-288-gopro/) - The allure of the combat deployment is always enticing, and oftentimes disappointing in its return of investment. What is it you're investing? Emotional stock, mostly. While one is always grateful for the continued safety of their friends and fellow Marines, a boring deployment is something that can have significant ego damage in the future. I
- [Terminal Lance #289 "Why We Drink"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/27/terminal-lance-289-why-we-drink/) - Marines are synonymous with alcohol, much in the same way your abusive step father is. I've brought this up before, but I never really mentioned why we drink so much. It really just comes down to the Lieutenant. Everyone below him is drinking because they can't stand him, and everyone above him is drinking because
- [Terminal Lance #290 "The Difference: Terminology"](https://terminallance.com/2013/08/30/terminal-lance-290-the-difference-terminology/) - If I had a dime for every time a POG told me "I'm basically the grunt of ________," I'd have like $1.30. No but really, "grunt" is a term that gets thrown around a lot between MOS', but grunts are grunts. Typically, anyone calling themselves a "grunt" is supposed to have the moniker of "03"
- [Terminal Lance "Protest"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/03/terminal-lance-protest/) - I'm sure all of you are aware of the news surrounding Syria over the last couple of weeks. Following the use of chemical weapons in their civil war, the President wants to launch an attack against the Syrian regime (in a nutshell). If you might have missed it, a few service members of varying branches
- [Terminal Lance #291 "Eat the Apple"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/06/terminal-lance-291-eat-the-apple/) - This apple is a gift. It is no ordinary gift, however. It is the gift of your master, the very one that put you in this situation in the first place. Your body aches, your mind wanders, your clothes are soaked to the boots with sweat; yet you are thankful, for this apple has been
- [Terminal Lance #292 "The Other Side of the Line"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/13/terminal-lance-292-the-other-side-of-the-line/) - Relationships can be difficult in the military, very difficult. While pretty much everyone has had bouts of long distance relationships in their life, the military relationship offers its own sets of challenges unique to itself. For instance, being away for upwards of 6 months at a time can be a very trying thing. I speak,
- [Terminal Lance "Grand Theft Auto Fife"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/17/terminal-lance-grand-theft-auto-fife/) - If you didn't notice from the barren wasteland that is society at the moment, Grand Theft Auto 5 came out today. I'm pretty sure the release of a new GTA game is similar in nature to national holidays or viral epidemics. Banks and businesses are closed, people are calling in sick, and parents are blaming
- [Terminal Lance #293 "There's an App for That"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/20/terminal-lance-293-theres-an-app-for-that/) - I remember back in my days at SOI in 2006. Smartphones weren't really a thing back then. Well, they were, but they sucked. The pre-iPhone era of smartphones were clunky, ugly and hardly intuitive like the stuff you see today. I happened to have one of those shitty things, it was an HTC-something-something that ran
- [Terminal Lance #294 "Marriage Benefits"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/24/terminal-lance-294-marriage-benefits/) - I've covered before, numerous times, the many varied reasons that Marines get married so young. One of them, undoubtedly, is the unequivocally better quality of life that married Marines are entitled to. This isn't just in the form of legal benefits or regular sex (though they are great), but also in how they're treated on
- [Terminal Lance "Furlough Tuesday"](https://terminallance.com/2013/09/30/terminal-lance-furlough-tuesday/) - So I'm sure most of you (especially those of you currently working for the US Government) are aware of the government shutdown currently in effect. I don't really talk about politics, and I don't really plan on doing it right now, if you want to learn more about it I'm sure you can tune into
- [Terminal Lance #295 "Bricks Life"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/08/terminal-lance-295-bricks-life/) - I'm sure all of you are aware of the new barracks rules coming into play. If you're not, you can read about it here. The new regulations are designed to improve discipline throughout the Corps and "crack down" on behavior problems found amongst salty Lance Coolies throughout the Corps. Though, naturally, this seemed like a
- [Terminal Lance "Birthday Boy"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/11/terminal-lance-birthday-boy/) - Well I don't want to delve into details, but I figured I'd do a strip about birthdays today because... you know... it's sort of my birthday. Please don't beat me. I think my favorite birthday memory from my time in came from Iraq, actually. The Marines in my platoon made me a birthday cake out
- [Terminal Lance "Retirement Options"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/15/terminal-lance-retirement-options/) - Today has just been one of those days where I just can't seem to get the strip I drew to work, so instead I'm putting up a comic that was previously only published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper. I don't know what it is, but I was staring at the damn thing for like
- [Terminal Lance "The Reawakening"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/18/terminal-lance-the-reawakening/) - Well I'm sure some of you have no idea what this strip is referring to, but those of you that are currently enlisted and active duty have probably already read the Commandant's letter to NCO's dramatically titled "The Reawakening." All of this is part of the CMC's continuing efforts to POG-ify the Marine Corps for
- [Terminal Lance #296 "The Surprise Officer"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/29/terminal-lance-296-the-surprise-officer/) - If there's one thing I always hated about the regular garrison life of being a Marine, it was always the constant state of alert and fear of an officer or Staff NCO coming around the corner at any given moment. Much like The Stare, The Surprise Officer is a common occurrence that you must always
- [Terminal Lance "Halloween 2013"](https://terminallance.com/2013/10/31/terminal-lance-halloween-2013/) - It's that time of year again, when adults and children alike embrace their alternate personas and head off into the night in search of sugary tricks and treats. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. It might be related to the fact that my birthday is also in October, but I've also just
- [Terminal Lance "MEU Mischief"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/05/terminal-lance-meu-mischief/) - Firstly I wanted to express my deepest gratitude to Mr. Uriarte for affording me the opportunity to contribute to his strip and for being patient with me. I was introduced to Terminal Lance by a Lance Corporal Andrew Ross over three years ago while I was still stationed on a Wasp-Class amphib. I've been following
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 238th Birthday!"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/08/terminal-lance-happy-238th-birthday/) - This is certainly not the first time I've done a strip about the Marine Corps birthday, and it's certainly not the first time Gunny has gotten too drunk to handle himself. It's no secret that Marines love to drink, and Gunny has a good point here in that we are not particularly cultured creatures. The Marine
- [Terminal Lance "Veteran's Day at Applebee's"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/12/terminal-lance-veterans-day-at-applebees/) - "You don't look like a Veteran," I've been told. "What is a Veteran supposed to look like?" Veteran's Day is often a time that I experience a plethora of emotions, none of which I know how to fully describe. While I sit in a commercial establishment that's been embellished with pro-military Thank You's and American flags
- [Terminal Lance #297 "Book Smarts"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/15/terminal-lance-297-book-smarts/) - I thought of this joke last night while I was out drinking with former Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps, Sergeant Major Kent, and Paul Szoldra from The Duffel Blog. No, that's not a meth-induced fantasy scenario I cooked up last night, that actually happened. It's a weird story, but it started with this: What
- [Terminal Lance #298 "Bird of Prey"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/19/terminal-lance-298-bird-of-prey/) - Beware the call of the mighty Blue Falcon. He prowls the skies searching for his next target. He is a bird of prey, but he preys not on the typical feast of field mice and smaller birds. No, this great azure raptor seeks only those to whom it is close... for you must be it's
- [Terminal Lance "Females in the <s>Infantry</s>](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/22/terminal-lance-females-in-the-infantry/) - As many of you are aware, I'm sure, the first three females to ever graduate infantry training did so this week at ITB east. While they made history as the first to complete training, they will not be awarded the actual MOS or allowed into an infantry battalion to fight. From what I understand, the Corps
- [Terminal Lance "Bravo Foxtrot Four"](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/26/terminal-lance-bravo-foxtrot-four/) - Can we talk about Battlefield 4 for a second? Does anyone else just fucking hate playing this game? Don't get me wrong... it's a great game... but I hate it. For everything the game does well, I think what it possibly does the absolute best is make you want to smash your face through your
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" #1](https://terminallance.com/2013/11/29/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-1/) - Today marks the beginning of my holiday Revenge of the Dependapotamus fest. The great Lance Corporal Garcia has made the terrible mistake of drunkenly entering into a contract marriage with a woman at the E-Club! It is up to a lone Lance Corporal to rescue him from his imminent doom. I know, I know,
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" #2](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/03/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-2/) - This Lance Corporal seems to have evaded the first line of guards at Vagabba the Slut's lair, will his Master Skater training prepare him for the Chaplain? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF REVENGE OF THE DEPENDAPOTAMUS. Okay, I know it really doesn't make any sense that the Chaplain is at this woman's house.
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 3](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/06/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-3/) - I'm sorry. Okay, not really. "A little bit of shaft" is just one of those things that makes me laugh every time. The Master Skater Lance Corporal has successfully made his way into Vagabba the Slut's palace, only time will tell if he's able to successfully save Garcia from her wretched grasp. *Edit* So people
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 4](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/10/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-4/) - We finally get a glimpse of the great Vagabba the Slut in all of her glory! I know some people lack patience around here, the same things happened when I did the "Necropocalypse." Half the audience really loved it and the other half were posting asinine remarks like, "this is gay ur not funny anymore
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 5](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/13/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-5/) - Huhuhu... Hahahahaha! It only gets stranger from here, gents. I mentioned this before, but this is a 10 part series. If you're dying for some good old-fashioned 3-panel humor, be sure to check out Terminal Lance in the Marine Corps Times newspaper, where new regular strips are currently running every week. It's a busy time
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 6](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/17/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-6/) - It's true, COSTCO pizza is an amazing value. Then again, basically anything at COSTCO is a great value if you have the money upfront. It's one of those places where you walk in thinking you'll just get one or two things and somehow end up spending like $200 on shit you didn't know you needed,
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 7](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/20/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-7/) - It only gets stranger from here. We're almost done with our Revenge of the Dependapotamus special! As such, I thought it would be fun to tie in a little bit of the audience this Christmas. We haven't done a contest in a while, the Kickstarter stuff has kept me so burnt out on anything extracurricular
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 8](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/24/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-8/) - We're only two more pages away from the epic conclusion of Revenge of the Dependapotamus! A little known fact: Officers are actually taught the secret of summoning the Green Weenie from their loins when they go to OCS. The power of the Green Weenie resides in every officer as well as all Staff NCO's (they
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 9](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/27/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-9/) - May the Force of your Bullshit be with you, always. One more page of Revenge of the Dependapotamus to go! The contest entries have been posted to the Facebook fan page, make sure you check it out and vote on your favorite by clicking "Like!" Someone named Antony Lopez also sent me a photo of
- [Terminal Lance "Revenge of the Dependapotamus" Pg 10](https://terminallance.com/2013/12/31/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-10/) - Well this marks the end of our foray into the realm of the Dependapotamus. The last day of the year seems like a fitting event for such an occasion. I hope you all learned something over the last month: Don't pick up women at the E-Club. Seriously. If she's a civilian at the base E-Club,
- [Terminal Lance #299 "The Eye of Sauron II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/03/terminal-lance-299-the-eye-of-sauron-ii/) - Always watching... If it wasn't entirely apparent by now, I am a gigantic nerd. It might explain why I chose to go 0351 when I was at SOI, it seemed to be where the rest of my kind culminated in the infantry. This, of course, brings us to where we are today: from a Star
- [Terminal Lance #300 "Sparta!"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/07/terminal-lance-300-sparta/) - Well, gay is probably the wrong word since the Ancient Greeks didn't really have the same elementary and largely victorian view of sexuality that exists today. The Spartans were actually mostly bisexual, with sexual relationships between men commonplace but still ultimately marrying and breeding with women. Marines fucking love Spartans. When the movie 300 came
- [Terminal Lance "Enlisted (on Fox)"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/09/terminal-lance-enlisted-on-fox/) - Okay, before you hard-charging soldiers email me in anger, just keep in mind that: I know I don't care It's because I love you Anyway, I'm sure all of you are aware of Fox's new show "Enlisted" premiering tonight. More importantly for you, you're probably wondering if you should watch it. I know a lot
- [Terminal Lance #301 "Friends of Benefits"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/14/terminal-lance-301-friends-of-benefits/) - More than once, I've had people tell me they don't really plan on using their GI Bill. "I dunno, I just don't like school." "I've got a buddy back home that's gonna hook me up with a job." "I'm an idiot." These are the kinds of responses I get, all of which border on legally
- [Terminal Lance #302 "Pirate Sword"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/17/terminal-lance-302-pirate-sword/) - Can we just talk about NCO swords for a second? I don't know why this surprised me, but it turns out you have to pay an absurd amount of money for a non-required uniform accessory. Of course, I shouldn't have been shocked, there's literally an entire industry on weird uniform items that only the most
- [Terminal Lance #303 "Too Early for Fun"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/21/terminal-lance-303-too-early-for-fun/) - It's never easy to motivate people that have been binge drinking all night to perform mandatory PT at 05:45 in the morning. Thusly, it is very hard to motivate most infantry Marines. The absolute worst PT sessions are always the times when the Platoon Commander has some stupid game he learned at TBS that he
- [Terminal Lance #304 "Generation Gap"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/24/terminal-lance-303-generation-gap/) - One of my pet peeves are people that were enlisted in the 80's and 90's telling Marines how soft they are. Furthermore, another pet peeve are these Marines telling me and others jovially that they used to physically assault gay people for being gay back in "their Corps." You'd be surprised how often I come
- [Terminal Lance #305 "Life After EAS: Tough Mudder, Tough Sell"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/28/terminal-lance-305-life-after-eas-tough-mudder-tough-sell/) - I've been out for a while now and it seems like every friend I have that does these sorts of things really wants me to run it with them. I know, we did in fact do really stupid shit all the time in the Marine Corps like destroying our bodies out of obligation and sometimes
- [Terminal Lance #306 "The Way of our People"](https://terminallance.com/2014/01/31/terminal-lance-306-the-way-of-our-people/) - If there's one thing Lance Corporals are good at, it's getting really drunk and doing something stupid like marrying a hooker for BAH blaming the Marine Corps for pretty much everything. I know, this is weird coming from me--a guy that runs a comic strip called Terminal Lance--but it's totally true. There's an excuse for everything,
- [Terminal Lance "Corporate Cock-Block"](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/04/terminal-lance-corporate-cock-block/) - I can't have been the only person watching the Super Bowl on Sunday night, when the Budweiser commercial came on with Lt. Chuck Nadd's "Hero's Welcome" parade, thinking to myself, "Fuck, that must suck." I'm not going to go into some long-winded semantic about corporations and war and football like every other website talking about
- [Terminal Lance #307 "Why Staff NCO's Love Challenge Coins"](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/07/terminal-lance-307-why-staff-ncos-love-challenge-coins/) - Does anyone remember POGs? No, I'm not talking about Personnel Other-than Grunts, per my usual. I'm talking about those stupid cardboard coins that were really big in the late 90's. You remember right? Those things were rad as fuck, bro. I have a theory. I think that when the POG industry died in the late
- [Terminal Lance #308 "The Two Beer Rule"](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/11/terminal-lance-308-the-two-beer-rule/) - There are often times when the command allows Marines to drink while "on the clock." These are usually special exceptions such as "Warrior Night" at the end of a big training evolution, or layovers traveling to and from yonder in large groups (usually deployments and such). Every single time, the command will allow a maximum
- [Terminal Lance "My Valentine"](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/14/terminal-lance-my-valentine/) - Oh... it looks like our old friend Jody is back to his shenanigans while you're away. Don't worry, he'll take good care of your girlfriend while you're gone. They're really good friends, they tell each other secrets and she can really trust him, plus he's just so funny and easy to talk to. So what
- [Rest in Peace, Tyler Cone](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/17/rest-in-peace-tyler-cone/) - I don't normally do this sort of thing, but it's incredibly difficult for me to ignore the untimely death of someone that I care about. On Saturday night, Tyler Cone ended his own life. Cone was an active duty Marine with 3/6 in Camp Lejeune, whom I also happened to spend my entire enlistment with
- [Terminal Lance "Rolled Up"](https://terminallance.com/2014/02/27/terminal-lance-rolled-up/) - Rolling good sleeves is an art form. I happened to be pretty good at it, something that's rare amongst 03-types. As I'm sure you may remember, a couple of years ago the Commandant randomly declared that sleeves were no longer to be rolled per the usual Marine Corps tradition. This was met with a lot
- [Terminal Lance #309 "Monday Morning"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/04/terminal-lance-309-monday-morning/) - If there's one thing that can be said about Marines, its that they basically live in a constant state of fear at any given moment. Whether its in combat or back in the rear, there's always some stupid little thing you have in the back of your head (or on the back of your head)
- [Terminal Lance "Social Media Frenzy"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/07/terminal-lance-social-media-frenzy/) - If you read this comic you probably follow most of the military stuff around the world wide web as well. With that said, you're probably more than aware of the recent Instagram debacles that the Army has been desperately trying to deal with. The first of which was an absolutely horrendous photo of a funeral
- [Terminal Lance #310 "The CLP Mystery"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/11/terminal-lance-310-the-clp-mystery/) - In absolute darkness they reside, spiteful of the day walkers outside always asking for something. Optics that aren't broken, a new cleaning kit, new weapons cards, CLP; their demands are endless. The creature-like people inside the Armory were once people like you and I, Marines even, but in the darkness their features became twisted versions of
- [Terminal Lance #311 "The Call"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/14/terminal-lance-311-the-call/) - It is a kind gesture, but an empty one. Everyone knows that you never actually call First Sergeant when the need arises. After all, that's what the chain of command is for. When you're out in town and you accidentally kill a hooker, this is generally the order of people you should call: Your roommate
- [Terminal Lance "Shamrock Sloshed"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/18/terminal-lance-shamrock-sloshed/) - This really isn't meant to come off as some kind of A&E special on alcoholism, I just thought my first idea of "it was Saint Patrick's Day?" was way too easy of a punchline to end on. As well, I like to end all of my jokes about alcohol in glorious laughter. It's not a
- [Terminal Lance "Rot in Hell, Fred Phelps"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/21/terminal-lance-rot-in-hell-fred-phelps/) - No homo. I'm sure all of you have heard by now that the founder of the despicable Westboro Baptist Church died yesterday. I like to think that when the news broke, thousands of Ewoks on an Endor moon danced in celebration. I've read (already) multiple blogs and articles suggesting that the best way to say fuck
- [Terminal Lance #312 "NJP"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/25/terminal-lance-312-njp/) - From the shadows of your company office and battalion headquarters, an ancient warrior of stealth strikes whence heeded upon by your command. He is the Ninja... and he likes to punch Marines. For those of you unaware, Ninja Punch refers to an "NJP" or "Non-Judicial Punishment." This is more or less an all-encompassing term for
- [Terminal Lance #313 "God Loves Marines"](https://terminallance.com/2014/03/28/terminal-lance-313-god-loves-marines/) - So much violence in the realm of Terminal Lance as of late. In any case, God loves you. Okay, not really. Or maybe? I don't know. I'm not particularly religious. Even if I were, it's really not my place to tell you what God does or doesn't do. With that said, this wasn't really meant
- [Staff Sergeant #1 "Senior Leadership Prevails"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/01/staff-sergeant-1-senior-leadership-prevails/) - Welcome to Staff Sergeant! Staff Sergeant is a webcomic dedicated to providing a hilarious look into the life of the average Staff NCO. This comic details the struggles of leadership and how it relates to the hilarious world of the IPAC Marine Corps environment. I know what you're all thinking: what happened to that other,
- [Terminal Lance #314 "Rock Tossing"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/04/terminal-lance-314-rock-tossing/) - Can we just talk about rock tossing for a few minutes? Rock Tossing is a favorite pastime of Marines everywhere! There's an equation for this. If you put a Marine or two in a place with nothing to do, and there are rocks around, they will start throwing rocks. Marines(Boredom)+Rocks=Rock Tossing The sum is always
- [Terminal Lance #315 "Moto Boner"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/08/terminal-lance-315-moto-boner/) - This is not a regular boner. This is a moto boner. Singing with cadence is as American as a kick-ass military that excels at fucking shit up. Still, it's one of those things that everyone kind of hates, but the Lieutenant probably really wants to do because his entire life he's been led to believe that
- [Terminal Lance #316 "Dress Blue Alpha Male"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/11/terminal-lance-316-dress-blue-alpha-male/) - Marine Dress Blues have a powerful effect on women. They don't call them 'panty droppers' for no reason. Many studies have shown that females will immediately enter ovulation and possibly become pregnant at the sight of a Marine sporting full Dress Blue Alphas in person. I don't make these rules, it's science. Look it up.
- [Terminal Lance "Lord Mattis"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/15/terminal-lance-lord-mattis/) - There are few people in history that are equally feared and respected as they are loved by all. General James Mattis is one of those people, and I think the entire Marine Corps can agree that he's basically the baddest motherfucker in the game. I'm not going to belay you with the plethora of his
- [Terminal Lance (Marine Corps Times) "Perspiration Inspiration"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/18/terminal-lance-marine-corps-times-perspiration-inspiration/) - Long week for me, so instead of a customary brand new comic today I'm putting up a comic from the Marine Corps Times archives! For those of you that don't know, original Terminal Lance strips are featured weekly in the Marine Corps Times newspaper. You can find them on your PX newsstand, they aren't featured
- [Terminal Lance #317 "The Social Network IV"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/22/terminal-lance-317-the-social-network-iv/) - Something that's kind of been on my mind lately is the advent of social network platforms in the military environment. This particular administration of command (Gen. Amos and SgtMaj Barrett) has faced an unstoppable barrage of social media ever since they took office. Never before in the history of the military (and especially the Marine
- [Terminal Lance #318 "Deployment Theater"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/25/terminal-lance-318-deployment-theater/) - If you've never huddled around a laptop trying to enjoy the latest episode of your favorite TV show with 3-12 of your closest buddies, you're probably a fucking boot. The acoustics in open environments while sitting on a cot (or whatever) don't seem to lend themselves very well to watching things on a laptop. No
- [Terminal Lance #319 "The Jack Shack II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/04/29/terminal-lance-319-the-jack-shack-ii/) - If anything should give you a clue as to the kind of people us Marines actually are, it's probably the fact that we can (and will) jerk off just about anywhere. It doesn't matter if it's a fetid porta-shitter baking in the midday middle eastern sun, filled to the brim with the rancid and unkept
- [Terminal Lance #320 "Roomba"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/02/terminal-lance-320-roomba/) - Boots, much like Lieutenants, are easy targets to make fun of in the grand scheme of things. Of course, boots and Lieutenants are not always mutually exclusive terms. You could probably make an entire comic strip series about boots being boot and senior Lance Corporals fucking with them. Boots gonna boot, after all. I recall
- [Terminal Lance #321 "The Veteran Moment"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/09/terminal-lance-321-the-veteran-moment/) - We've all been there, sitting there minding our own (completely sane) business and suddenly you overhear someone talking about something they don't know the first thing about. Maybe it's about that country in the middle east they think (but aren't sure) there's a war happening in, and how they don't 'support it.' Maybe it's about
- [Terminal Lance #322 "Light Duty"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/13/terminal-lance-322-light-duty/) - While it is certainly true that there is a stigma associated with medical treatment while active duty, receiving a Light Duty chit is a magical moment. The heavens part, rays of brilliant light caress your face with their holy warmth. The blessings from your BAS grant you a brief relent from your daily grind. Not
- [Terminal Lance "Camp Pendleton Movie Night"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/16/terminal-lance-camp-pendleton-movie-night/) - So um... did you guys notice that Camp Pendleton is on fire? I feel like someone should probably do something about that... I'm just curious because no one mentioned on "The Corps Report" today (this is a thing now I guess): I mean seriously, all of that stuff is cool and all but Camp Pendleton
- [Terminal Lance #323 "Tan Belt Ninja II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/20/terminal-lance-323-tan-belt-ninja-ii/) - This week on 'Shit That's Never Happened'... MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program) is always an interesting thing to talk about. As soon as MCMAP training starts, everyone around you becomes an MMA fighter and a third degree black belt in Jujitsu that can tell you exactly what is wrong with the program and how
- [Terminal Lance #324 "Meritorious II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/27/terminal-lance-324-meritorious-ii/) - The Marine Corps is a strange place. If you take away all of the glamour and prestige from Marine Corps boot camp (and context), you will find that it's actually a fairly peculiar thing. Imagine you were an alien of some sort, unfamiliar with the ways of our silly race of hairless ape-kin and happened
- [Terminal Lance #325 "Battalion Commander Jokes"](https://terminallance.com/2014/05/30/terminal-lance-325-battalion-commander-jokes/) - To your Battalion Commander's credit, it doesn't really matter if the joke is funny or not; that's really not the point. Your battalion could be led by LtCol. Jerry Seinfeld and you'd still hate everything that comes out of his mouth during his addresses. This is the man that stands between you and your trip
- [Terminal Lance "Conversion Rate"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/03/terminal-lance-conversion-rate/) - What is the going rate for American military being held in foreign countries? Five. The answer is five. Honestly I don't really know what to say about either one of these stories. I mean, really, I don't. Unless you've been living in a Taliban cave for the last couple of weeks, you've probably heard about
- [Terminal Lance #326 "On the Ground"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/06/terminal-lance-326-on-the-ground/) - Have you ever noticed that when it's ground-fighting day everyone in the platoon becomes an MMA expert and was state wrestling champion at their high school? Well, everyone except me anyway. I make no such grandiose claims, I simply suck at ground fighting. If for some reason you find yourself squaring off against me in
- [Terminal Lance #327 "Bursting Bomb"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/10/terminal-lance-327-bursting-bomb/) - Indulge me for a moment, if you will... Someone wants us to believe that this rank, Master Gunnery Sergeant, has what is known as a "Bursting Bomb" in the center of it. Someone is either in a total lack of control of their mental faculties or they're full of shit. Don't just take my word
- [Terminal Lance "Operation Iraqi Shitstorm"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/13/terminal-lance-operation-iraqi-shitstorm/) - Well. This has been an interesting week. I've had my share of anger and disillusionment over the events that have unfolded in Iraq this week. There's so much to be said about it that I don't really even know how to express it. I never went to Afghanistan, but between my two deployments, I spent
- [Terminal Lance #328 "Avengers Assemble"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/17/terminal-lance-328-avengers-assemble/) - Okay but let's be realistic here, if each hooker even weighs only 100 lbs that's actually going to hurt like hell. Have you ever noticed that superheroes and heroic military movie characters are always higher ranking? Captain America, for example, displays his pride for the American cause prominently and is constantly brimming with the kind
- [Terminal Lance #329 "Full of It"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/20/terminal-lance-329-full-of-it/) - The age old battle between POG's and grunts continues on Terminal Lance! Okay, honestly this strip isn't really about that, it's more about just owning up to what you are. After being out for a while and meeting a lot more Marines in different fields, the one thing I can say with absolute certainty is
- [Terminal Lance "Cut from the Score" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/24/terminal-lance-cut-from-the-score-marine-corps-times/) - Some busy times here at Terminal Lance between The White Donkey and other projects in the works (super top-secret for the time being). As such, I didn't really have anything ready for today so I'm running a comic previously published in the Marine Corps Times print edition. For those of you not aware, Terminal Lance
- [Terminal Lance #330 "Staff NCO Dreams"](https://terminallance.com/2014/06/27/terminal-lance-330-staff-nco-dreams/) - I can only imagine the horrors that lay in the dark recesses of a Staff NCO's subconscious. Marines dilly-daddling with their hands in their pockets, walking and talking on their cell phones, yoo-hoos wearing sunglasses without matte-black frames, devil dogs sporting sideburns and not tucking their shirts in on the weekend, nasties with white socks
- [Terminal Lance #331 "Sizing Up"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/01/terminal-lance-331-sizing-up/) - This is a dick measuring contest. I debated on whether or not to make this a POG/Infantry joke or turn it into a Marine Corps/Other Branches joke. I actually almost went the other way with it, but then I realized I wouldn't have the opportunity to put the 1171 Waterdog on blast again if I
- [Terminal Lance #332 "A Haiku"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/08/terminal-lance-332-a-haiku/) - If there's one offense that is universally unforgivable amongst Staff NCO's across the globe, it's hands in pockets. I'm not sure why this is, but my own theory is that during the Staff selection process, they put small scorpions in the pockets of every promising Staff Sergeant to-be. They're vehemently trained not to ever place
- [Terminal Lance #333 "Oh Baby"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/11/terminal-lance-333-oh-baby/) - Is there anything more ubiquitously military than baby wipes? A Marine Corps PX is probably the only place in the world you'll see legions of 18-24 year old males buying aisles of baby wipes with literally no intention of using them on a baby. Baby wipes serve many practical applications for Marines. They make a
- [Terminal Lance "The Metal Donkey"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/15/terminal-lance-the-metal-donkey/) - Yesterday I happened across the BBC story regarding "Cujo," the robotic mule being tested with Marines in Hawaii. The project reportedly cost about $2 million to develop the mule that can carry up to 400 lbs. I mean, it's actually really fucking rad, as it's own thing, because it's a robot and robots are rad
- [Terminal Lance #334 "Exhaust Fumes"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/18/terminal-lance-334-exhaust-fumes/) - You could probably make an entire comic series out of morning PT alone. The daily ritual is so fraught with simultaneously monotonous and unique experiences, it's a wonder I haven't done more on the subject. As most of you are aware, I'm sure, you generally have to run morning PT in a formation of some
- [Terminal Lance #335 "Past Tense Dress"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/22/terminal-lance-335-past-tense-dress/) - It always boggles my mind to take a moment and think about the fact that easily the most uncomfortable uniform in existence used to be an actual combat uniform at some point in history. Well, not the exact same uniform, but kind of the same anyway. We all know how awful it is to do
- [Terminal Lance "Stand By"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/25/terminal-lance-stand-by/) - Please don't get me wrong, as usual, this is much more of an observation than a call to arms. Abe (and myself) is simply too apathetic to really, genuinely want to get involved in something if we don't have to. It is a weird feeling though, every time I turn the news on there's some
- [Terminal Lance #336 "Location, Location"](https://terminallance.com/2014/07/29/terminal-lance-336-location-location/) - Why has no one done this yet? It would certainly be a welcome addition amongst the thousand barber shops and military surplus stores along the Oceanside strip. Then again, basically anything would be a welcome addition to Oceanside that isn't a stripper looking for a Marine to marry for money or a boot wearing mom
- [Terminal Lance #337 "Bootcamp: Broke Dick Platoon"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/01/terminal-lance-337-bootcamp-broke-dick-platoon/) - Easily the biggest fear of any aspiring Marine (also called a Recruit) is getting dropped to MRP during boot camp. Medical Recovery Platoon is where you go when you're just too ill to train, but are expected to recover at some point so you can finish the trials at hand. Speaking purely as an observer,
- [Terminal Lance #338 "The Lance Corporal Underground II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/05/terminal-lance-338-the-lance-corporal-underground-ii/) - The Lance Corporal Underground is not a place of mythology or science fiction, despite what many young commissioned officers would believe. Broadly, the Lance Corporal Underground refers to the almost legendary methods that the lower enlisted use to acquire and spread information and rumors. Oftentimes, news of upcoming field ops or extended weekends will hit
- [Terminal Lance "Canine Naming Conventions" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/08/terminal-lance-canine-naming-conventions-marine-corps-times/) - I know I've said it a million times, but making Lieutenants the butt end of comic strips here is so easy its hard to resist. They're universally despised by basically everyone. Senior officers hate them because they're boots, Staff NCO's hate them because they're boots (but are in charge of them) and junior enlisted hate
- [Terminal Lance #339 "Life After EAS: College"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/12/terminal-lance-339-life-after-eas-college/) - I was profoundly surprised when I got to college at how easy it was (granted, I did go to art school). Yet, somehow, I saw other students struggling and failing. This should come as no surprise to me, really. Prior to enlisting I attended Portland Community College to a less-than-favorable performance. For some reason, being
- [Terminal Lance #340 "Morning Knock"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/15/terminal-lance-340-morning-knock/) - If you've ever been a boot in a line company you know the sinking feeling of having the Duty NCO knock on your door at 0530. It's not a fucking mystery, you know exactly what he wants. The boots need to gather and police call the parking lot, sweep the catwalk and take out the
- [Terminal Lance #341 "Historical"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/19/terminal-lance-341-historical/) - I was always admittedly creeped out by these things a little. It's like a bunch of people dressing up as guys that are dead and reenacting what was possibly the most traumatic and terrifying part of their lives. I also always wondered where the line was for reenacting. Is it a green light once everyone
- [Terminal Lance "Cold as Ice"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/22/terminal-lance-cold-as-ice/) - As you may recall, in Tuesday's comic update I challenged the Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Jim Amos and Duffel Blog founder Paul Szoldra to the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. As well as pouring some tremendously cold ice water on my head, I also donated $100 to the ALS Association and passed the challenge
- [Terminal Lance #342 "Junior Enlisted Warrior"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/26/terminal-lance-342-junior-enlisted-warrior/) - I mean who doesn't hate boots? Okay, some Marines definitely take the boot-hating thing a bit too far, but it's kind of just the natural order of things. The infantry hierarchy of boots and seniors is there for a reason, but it's mostly because of the infamously unforgiving cutting score system that sees a lot
- [Terminal Lance "NCO"](https://terminallance.com/2014/08/29/terminal-lance-nco/) - I never really understood why bulldogs were the official mascot of the Marine Corps; English bulldogs, at that (as opposed to an American breed). I've been a dog lover my whole life. I grew up in Oregon with at least 3 dogs in the house at any given moment in time. I love dogs and
- [Terminal Lance "Like a Dog" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/02/terminal-lance-like-a-dog-marine-corps-times/) - Dogs seem to be a common theme over the last couple of weeks around here. For as stupid as this joke is, I always really liked this comic. As much fun as using curse words and the like are, sometimes I just enjoy a silly joke now and again. MRE's are a mainstay of typical
- [Terminal Lance #343 "Anatomy of a Veteran"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/05/terminal-lance-343-anatomy-of-a-veteran/) - More specifically, this the anatomy of the "Post 9/11 Veteran." You can also refer to this look as "The Operator." Before a bunch of angry veterans with similar fashion choices start becoming upset, know that this is an observation made from my own experience. I am no different, as I also rocked the baseball cap, Oakleys,
- [Terminal Lance "Gaming the Game"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/09/terminal-lance-gaming-the-game/) - If life were an RPG, and the Marine Corps were part of that RPG, the SIQ chit would be a +10 enchanted weapon. With it you wield a godly power sought by all Lance Corporals throughout the ages: Unlimited Skating Potential. The power it contains may as well be sorcery, for those who carry the Chit
- [Terminal Lance "Unleash the Kraken"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/12/terminal-lance-unleash-the-kraken/) - Religious extremism is a scourge on an otherwise decent earth we live on. I have a theory (backed up by nothing but pure and largely comical speculation) that if we got all the idiot terrorists in the world to just stop killing each other for like a few hours and sit them down and have
- [Terminal Lance #344 "Bored"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/16/terminal-lance-344-bored/) - Things happen when Marines get bored. There are only two possible outcomes in this very common instance: either something amazing is going to happen or something absolutely horrifying is going to happen. There's no middle ground here. Let me tell you a story about bored Marines. We were at PTA on the big island of
- [Terminal Lance #345 "Gear Adrift"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/23/terminal-lance-345-gear-adrift/) - There's an old and eerily accurate saying in the Marine Corps: There's only one thief in the Marine Corps, everyone else is just trying to get their shit back. Then again, there's also another saying: Gear adrift is gear a gift. One of my first experiences with lost gear was at SOI at Camp Pendleton.
- [Terminal Lance #346 "Aloha II"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/26/terminal-lance-346-aloha-ii/) - For all of the good that Marines do in the world, sometimes they can be a bad influence on an indigenous population. I spent a large chunk of time as a turret gunner during my first deployment to Iraq, and imagine my surprise when I found all of the kids flipping me off for no
- [Terminal Lance #347 "Boot Camp: San Diego International"](https://terminallance.com/2014/09/30/terminal-lance-347-boot-camp-san-diego-international/) - Quite possibly the most cruel and unusual form of punishment while attending the fine resort town of Marine Corps Recruit Depot (San Diego) is the proximity to San Diego International Airport. Surely this is a convenience, seeing as it makes transporting new recruits from the airport to MCRD a breeze for those involved with the
- [Terminal Lance "American Sniper"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/03/terminal-lance-american-sniper/) - Bradley Cooper is America's newest sweetheart, much like Meg Ryan was back in 1995, but hotter. Regardless of his sweltering charm and good looks, he also happens to be the leading role in the upcoming Clint Eastwood film about the infamous sniper Chris Kyle, American Sniper. Here is the official trailer released yesterday: I normally
- [Terminal Lance #348 "The Bigger Fish"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/07/terminal-lance-348-the-bigger-fish/) - In the famous words of Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn, there's always a bigger fish. This is especially true in the military, where everything is based on clearly defined ranks and rate. As such, no one is immune from a good, old-fashioned ass-chewing; not even your company Gunny or First Sergeant. Given that the demographic of
- [Terminal Lance "Las Plagas"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/10/terminal-lance-las-plagas/) - I just want to start off by saying that I'm a terrible person and the Ebola crisis in West Africa is a very serious event that's taken over 4000 lives as of writing. With that said, I guess when I read the news that 100 Marines and up to 4000 soldiers were being sent to
- [Terminal Lance #349 "Teufel Hunden"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/14/terminal-lance-349-teufel-hunden/) - Oorah, devil dog! I'm sure all of you are aware of the Marine Corps' favorite nickname "devil dog." Lore has it that it was given to the Marines during the Battle of Belleau Wood in Germany, translated from "Teufel Hunden," as the Marines were so fierce in battle that they were described as being "Dogs from
- [Terminal Lance #350 "Camp Guard"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/17/terminal-lance-350-camp-guard/) - Can we just talk about how shitty being in Camp Guard is? Non infantry-folk probably never really had to deal with this wretched duty, but for those of us that have, it was an absolutely miserable experience. So typically the way it works right after boot camp is you go home for 10 days or
- [Terminal Lance #351 "Tony Hawk"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/21/terminal-lance-351-tony-hawk/) - Skating in the Marine Corps is an art that not everyone is fluent in. It's not just about making excuses, it's about bullshitting so hard that not even you are sure it's a lie. I feel like my own MOS of 0351 Assaultman is especially adept at the art form, as we're an MOS that
- [Terminal Lance #352 "The Babysitter's Club"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/24/terminal-lance-352-the-babysitters-club/) - There isn't much worse for a grunt than having to let the Platoon Commander tag along during a field op or a range. Generally, field ops and ranges are fairly hands-off. The Platoon Commander stays in the COC (the 'Cock,' as its known) and the squads are left to do their business on their own.
- [Terminal Lance "Dark Days"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/28/terminal-lance-dark-days/) - Well it's official, Marines have ended operations in Afghanistan and handed the base over to the Afghan National Security Forces. With the combat operations in Afghanistan drawing to a close, it's hard not to feel sorry for poor Jody as he realizes that he's not going to have nearly as much time with your girl.
- [Terminal Lance "Halloween 2014"](https://terminallance.com/2014/10/31/terminal-lance-halloween-2014/) - I've said it before, but Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. This probably has to do with the fact that my birthday is also in October, but I love the festivities of Halloween more than most holidays. Instead of awkward gatherings with family, you dress up as whatever the fuck you want
- [Terminal Lance #353 "Stationed"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/04/terminal-lance-343-stationed/) - Oh yes he did. Your ass just got sent to Twentynine Palms. There isn't any kind of mixup, no one made a mistake, you're going to the desert and you're going to like it. This is essentially exactly how it went down for me when I was leaving SOI West. I've heard legends and tales
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 239th Birthday, Marines!"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/07/terminal-lance-happy-239th-birthday-marines/) - Well it's that time of year again. The time when you dust off your old Dress Blue jacket and realize you still have PFC rank on it from boot camp, so you try to rush it to the base tailor at the last minute where the angry Asian lady tells you it won't be ready
- [Terminal Lance "6 YEAR ANNIVERSARY"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/05/terminal-lance-6-year-anniversary/) - Six years ago today I launched what is now one of the most popular military comic strips in the world. While still active duty I stayed up late, stumbled my way through building a website, printed out flyers and pasted them up in the barracks laundry rooms and lounges. At the time, there really wasn't
- [Terminal Lance "Veteran's Day 2014"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/11/terminal-lance-veterans-day-2014/) - Today is Veteran's Day and if you're anything like me, you're probably going to cash in on the free food being given out by various restaurants around the country. This year, moreso than the last couple of years, I've seen an increase in self-righteousness at the subject of getting freebies from these places. "I don't
- [Terminal Lance #344 "Pogue"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/18/terminal-lance-344-pogue/) - There was a bit of commotion over a Marine Corps Times article regarding the age old debate of POG's vs Grunts on Monday. The article presents the case that maybe POG's shouldn't be made fun of and called POG's. Hilarity ensued online and across the Corps as people reacted in ways ranging from "who cares?"
- [Terminal Lance #355 "Police Your Own"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/21/terminal-lance-355-police-your-own/) - I was thinking to myself: what kind of person becomes an MP (Military Police)? It has to be someone that wants to join the Marine Corps, but also just kind of doesn't actually like Marines. There's a dubious double standard for MP's in terms of perception amongst the average populace. On one hand, Marines do
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Thanksgiving 2014"](https://terminallance.com/2014/11/25/terminal-lance-happy-thanksgiving-2014-5/) - In all fairness, the chow hall Thanksgiving is as good as chow hall Thanksgiving can get. I've spent Thanksgiving both in Iraq and Anderson Hall aboard MCBH Kaneohe Bay, the food really isn't that bad if you ignore the lingering taste of depression and homesick. But of course, like anything else, Thanksgiving is what you
- [Terminal Lance #356 "Body Composition Program"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/02/terminal-lance-356-body-composition-program/) - EDIT: The original strip said he had a "thick neck," which is incorrect since having a "thin neck" would actually be less desirable for body taping standards. I updated the strip to reflect this. I've never met a Marine in BCP (Body Composition Program) that actually felt like he was supposed to be there. People end up
- [Terminal Lance "Current Events"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/05/terminal-lance-current-events/) - I'm sure most people reading this are aware of the recent warnings courtesy of the FBI regarding ISIS targeting service members at home and abroad. Of course, if you're anything like me, you've been way too distracted lately with all of the awesome coming out of Hollywood to really notice. Sorry, ISIS, maybe you should
- [Terminal Lance #357 "Shitter Graffiti is an Art... of Dicks III"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/09/terminal-lance-357-shitter-graffiti-is-an-art-of-dicks-iii/) - This little comic strip of mine has given me some dubious honors over the years. One of them is that I have become the defacto dick art guy simply because I've done a couple of comic strips about the penis doodlings of Marines across the globe. You do one or two comics about penis art
- [Terminal Lance #358 "Sibling Rivalry"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/16/terminal-lance-358-sibling-rivalry/) - It's not really a secret that the Marine Corps is technically a department of the Navy, but you'd be hard pressed to find a Marine willing to openly say that out loud without gagging. Now, now, before all you Corpsman and sailors get butt hurt as if you aren't already (from all the butt sex)
- [Terminal Lance #359 "Leave of Absence"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/19/terminal-lance-359-leave-blocked/) - Going home is always an odd thing once you've enlisted yourself to the services of Uncle Sam. As much as you don't want to admit it to yourself, home is never really home again once you leave. You see and do so many things while you're in, especially if you've been on deployment, and returning
- [Terminal Lance "Merry Christmas 2014"](https://terminallance.com/2014/12/23/terminal-lance-merry-christmas-2014/) - Here at Terminal Lance we have a tradition of hazing boots for Christmas shenanigans. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily support needless hazing boots, but it makes for a funny comic strip. I was lucky enough to get some really great Marines as boots when I came back from my first deployment to Iraq,
- [Terminal Lance (Marine Corps Times) "Sodium"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/02/terminal-lance-marine-corps-times-sodium/) - Often before your first deployment you'll see boots arguing about who is more "salty." Of course, it's a misnomer argument to begin with because all boots are created equal. It's also important to remember that you're always going to be boot to someone... Unless they're an 1171 Waterdog. This strip is one that was previously
- [Terminal Lance "5th Year Anniversary"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/06/terminal-lance-5th-year-anniversary/) - Can you believe it's been 5 years already? In case you've been living under a rock in the mojave desert (which is totally possible with Marines), yesterday marked the 5th year anniversary of Terminal Lance! I know, it's kind of insane. As such, Terminal Lance has been officially awarded a hash mark to commemorate the
- [Terminal Lance #360 "Booger Battalion"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/09/terminal-lance-360-booger-battalion/) - Probably one of the weirdest and most ubiquitous rivalries you'll find amongst Marines is the honor of the shittiest battalion. For whatever reason, it seems to be something worth bragging about. While I was with 3/3 in Hawaii, we occasionally came across 1/3 or 2/3 Marines depending on the rotation schedule. Seeing another battalion is
- [Terminal Lance #361 "That Guy II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/13/terminal-lance-361-that-guy-ii/) - That guy is back at it again. Well, that's slightly incorrect, because he never actually left. You see, that guy perpetually exists in every platoon, squad or team. He's the one that just can't seem to get it right. He's the guy that fucks everything up for everyone and drags the rest of the normal
- [American Sniper Review](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/16/american-sniper-review/) - There’s a lot to say about American Sniper. Clint Eastwood’s latest war drama based on the story of real life legendary Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle just got itself nominated for six Academy Awards, including Best Film and Best Actor (Bradley Cooper). There’s so much to say about it that I just want to get
- [Terminal Lance #362 "Winter is Coming Part I"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/20/terminal-lance-362-winter-is-coming-part-i/) - Brace yourselves, shit is about to get stupid. No but really, this has been a long time coming. I think all of us have been staving it off in our heads, denying the Return of the Peacetime. We keep telling ourselves that maybe this Iraq thing will blow up, maybe the events in Paris will
- [Terminal Lance #362 "Winter is Coming Part II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/23/terminal-lance-362-winter-is-coming-part-ii/) - You cannot deny the Return of the Peacetime, Steward. Okay so I'm sort of mixing Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones references here, but whatever. I put up Tuesday's comic and had this two part series planned despite President Obama's State of the Union address later that night; where he mentioned that he
- [Terminal Lance "No Sugar" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/27/terminal-lance-no-sugar-marine-corps-times/) - I imagine that getting coffee at a Starbucks is always a really strange feeling for Staff NCO's used to having people at their disposal pretty much all the time. There's an added flavor to "bitch labor" that none of the syrups and blends can really provide. Some say it's simply a psychological thing that makes
- [Terminal Lance #363 "Boot(Camp) Stories"](https://terminallance.com/2015/01/30/terminal-lance-363-bootcamp-stories/) - There's a strange paradox in the Corps when it comes to regaling stories of the one and only thing that literally all Marines have in common: Recruit Training (otherwise known as boot camp). On the one hand, everyone has been there and can share common ground regardless of their further experiences in the Corps; on
- [Terminal Lance #364 "Greeting of the Day"](https://terminallance.com/2015/02/03/terminal-lance-364-greeting-of-the-day/) - The "Greeting of the Day" as its known has always been profoundly annoying to me. I've talked about this a few times before, but there's something just frustrating about being a lower enlisted Marine walking around the base and constantly being on guard, ready to greet anyone that pops around the corner with the correct
- [Terminal Lance Activities Page!](https://terminallance.com/2015/02/06/terminal-lance-activities-page/) - Today I thought we'd have a little fun and do a neat connect-the-dots puzzle! Don't you remember how awesome those old activity books were when you were a kid? For someone who grew up to be an artist I actually was always terrible at coloring inside the lines. It's unfortunate that once you become older
- [Terminal Lance #365 "Back to Basics"](https://terminallance.com/2015/02/10/terminal-lance-365-back-to-basics/) - For the salty Marine, there is nothing more degrading and humiliating than being forced to walk somewhere on base in formation with the rest of your squad or platoon and actually having to use drill maneuvers you've gradually forgotten over the years. After boot camp, there generally isn't any real reason to use all of
- [Terminal Lance 'Happy Valentine's Day 2015'](https://terminallance.com/2015/02/13/terminal-lance-happy-valentines-day-2015/) - And they lived happily ever after... For a few months, then he went on deployment so she started shooting low-budget Craigslist pornos out of his house and then left him for another Marine while taking all of his money. The whole Dependapotamus thing is a weird and common phenomenon in the military. I personally think
- [Terminal Lance #366 "God Loves Marines II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/02/17/terminal-lance-366-god-loves-marines-ii/) - Does anyone else think Marines get kind of a raw deal when they die? It's like you spend your entire enlistment putting up with bullshit, then god forbid you end up at St. Peter's door, where he sends you to CIF to get your new gear. What the fuck, man? How come none of the
- [Terminal Lance #367 "Motivation Levels Over Time"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/03/terminal-lance-367-motivation-levels-over-time/) - Those of you that haven't served in the military might not be familiar with the term "motivation." Well, I mean, I'm sure you've heard the word itself, but it takes on a very specific context within the Marine Corps. I shall provide you with the Marine Corps definition of motivation: mo·ti·va·tion ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/ noun The amount of
- [Terminal Lance #368 "The Rocker"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/06/terminal-lance-368-the-rocker/) - Like some kind of motivated werewolf of sorts, there's a transformation that occurs when someone pins on Staff Sergeant. No one is sure why, but it's believed that the "rocker" at the bottom of their new rank has some kind of supernatural effect on their body... and their soul. The totally chill Sergeant you used to
- [Process](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/08/process/) - At the moment I'm currently balls deep in "The White Donkey," the full-length Terminal Lance graphic novel. I thought it would be fun to show you guys the process I generally go through in creating each page. Going off of the 144 page script that I wrote, I plod through and block out pages (usually
- [Terminal Lance "Knock Please"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/10/terminal-lance-unbreakable/) - Always knock before you barge into a barracks room, come on! I can't be the only one watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, even if you won't admit it. It's okay, you can tell people you're watching Asian fetish porn; other Marines won't judge you for that at least. Binge watching shows is nothing new for Marines. If
- [Terminal Lance #369 "They would have Issued You One"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/13/terminal-lance-369-they-would-have-issued-you-one/) - The Marine Corps doesn't issue you anything it doesn't want you to have. At least, this is phrase that is commonly known throughout the Marine Corps--specifically as it applies to wives. If the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. Unfortunately, issued gear is usually pretty hit or
- [Terminal Lance #370 "Stealing the Valor"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/17/terminal-lance-370-stealing-the-valor/) - You know what the problem is with these Stolen Valor guys? They try to steal too much valor. If you're the kind of piece of shit that likes to go around pretending to be in the military so you can get discounts or whatever, just say you're some total POG MOS, because most grunts will
- [Terminal Lance #371 "Barney Style"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/20/terminal-lance-371-barney-style/) - This is a joke about "Barney Style." Do you understand? No? Do you need me to break it down for you "Barney Style?" Anyone who's been in the Marine Corps for more than 3 months knows all about Barney Style. There's not a whole lot to say about it, it's simply one of many Marine
- [Terminal Lance #372 "Toys R' Us"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/24/terminal-lance-372-toys-r-us/) - I mean, realistically, this would be a way cooler toy than the current officially licensed USMC offerings. Like come on, we've been fighting the war on terror for like 14 years and this is some weird, pseudo Desert Storm shit. What am I supposed to do? Use my imagination? I miss the barracks sometimes. I
- [Terminal Lance "Visiting 8th & I"](https://terminallance.com/2015/03/31/terminal-lance-visiting-8th-i/) - This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting not only Washington D.C. for the first time, but the Marine barracks at 8th & I as well. It was kind of a surprise visit, I didn't even know we were in the neighborhood until it was pointed out to me what street we were on, but
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Easter!"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/03/terminal-lance-happy-easter/) - Ahh, Easter. The time of year when children hunt for painted eggs on the dirty ground and Catholics everywhere feel guilted into attending their annual church outing. I don't really have anything profound to add here, but the moral of this story is that you should never trust Marines to paint or draw on anything. I
- [Terminal Lance #373 "Spotting Another Devil Dog in the Wild"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/07/terminal-lance-373-spotting-another-devil-dog-in-the-wild/) - Running into another Marine out in the world is always a weird experience. You don't know if it's the haircut, the goofy proper civilian attire, or maybe the farmer's tan... but you know another Marine when you see one. You can sense it; feel the presence; smell the scent of Axe body spray and the PX; see the
- [Terminal Lance #374 "No Party Like a Working Party"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/10/terminal-lance-374-no-party-like-a-working-party/) - There ain't no party like a working party. I actually had a different strip lined up today but someone sent me a photo that I had quite a giggle at and I couldn't resist. https://twitter.com/TLCplMax/status/586612644435492864 Some Staff NCO's are especially talented at finding creative ways to fuck with you. We all know that yelling
- [Terminal Lance #375 "High-Speed, Low-Reg"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/14/terminal-lance-375-high-speed-low-reg/) - There aren't many choices in the lives of the average Marine. Once you join the Corps, free will and all of those other great liberties you grew up with as an American go right out the door. Every Sunday, however, you find yourself making one of the only choices you have: what haircut do you
- [Terminal Lance "Lord Mattis II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/17/terminal-lance-lord-mattis-ii/) - We've seen before what the effects of being blessed by General Mattis can do to a man, and unfortunately I fell victim to his Holiness' aura of unbridled masculinity last night. This is actually not the first time I've been able to take a photo with General Mattis, but it is the first time I
- [Terminal Lance #376 "E's and O's"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/21/terminal-lance-376-es-and-os/) - Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of fun nights at Kahuna's on MCBH Kaneohe Bay, but there's a definite disparity between the E-Club and the O-Club. Of course, this is to be expected, as officers are shiny gods and enlisted are... enlisted. I once had the pleasure of eating lunch at the Officer's Club
- [Terminal Lance "Guess the Day"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/24/terminal-lance-guess-the-day/) - The following was written by Combat Artist Robert Bates: Hey all, Terminal Lance Rob Bates here. Anyone who’s ever been to Afghanistan and had the opportunity to work side by side with Afghan interpreters should know how important Thursday is to some of them. I can’t speak on behalf of those who’ve served in Iraq,
- [Terminal Lance #377 "Marine Corps High"](https://terminallance.com/2015/04/28/terminal-lance-377-marine-corps-high/) - In my mind, I've always typically divided the Marine Corps up into thirds. You have the infantry, the ground side POGs (which is what you typically think of as a POG, such as an office guy or girl), and the wing. Obviously, there's some exceptions and some leeway in some areas, but that's generally how
- [Terminal Lance "Limerick"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/01/terminal-lance-limerick/) - You know, hurting small animals is a clinical sign of a psychopath. The FBI even found that cruelty to animals is a common trait among murderers and rapists. If you're reading this and you don't know what this comic is about, you probably aren't a Marine. For you non-rates, this is a really common "moto-cadence"
- [Terminal Lance "Fightin' Joe"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/05/terminal-lance-fightin-joe/) - I can't imagine the heartache that Marines are feeling at the moment, as General Dunford has been nominated to become the next Joint Chiefs Chairman and relinquish his position as Commandant of the Marine Corps after only 6 months. As I've been doing Terminal Lance over the years, I notice a lot of things happening
- [Terminal Lance #378 "Half Truths"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/08/terminal-lance-378-half-truths/) - I've always had a somewhat rough relationship with my recruiter. If there's one thing I can credit him with, it's that he was always completely honest with me. I know, right? I was an easy sell though, he didn't really have to convince me of anything. The story of my enlistment is a bit strange, at
- [Terminal Lance #379 "Boundaries"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/12/terminal-lance-379-boundaries/) - Much like a troop of chimpanzees, Marines are very close-knit animals in their natural habitat. Personal boundaries more or less disappear as soon as you step on those yellow footprints, as the next thing you know you're "nut-to-butt" with the recruit in front of you everywhere you go. Of course, this is the military, and much
- [Terminal Lance #380 "Festive"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/15/terminal-lance-380-festive/) - Happy Pay Day! Pay Day is a wonderful holiday celebrated on the 1st and 15th of every month across the Corps. Though typically, the most flagrant and colorful display of the festivities can be found in an infantry barracks. This holiday brings with it showers of coin and ale! For a typical Lance Corporal, Pay Day can
- [Terminal Lance "Offended"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/19/terminal-lance-offended/) - Angry Facebook veterans are officially the Tumblr social justice warriors of the veteran world. If you've been in the veteran/military Facebook page circuit lately, you've probably seen at least once or twice a collective, hive mind outrage at a shirt that Under Armor put out called "Band of Ballers." As you can see, it's
- [Terminal Lance #381 "You're a Mean One"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/26/terminal-lance-381-youre-a-mean-one/) - I have an interesting relationship with the Marine Corps these days. This, obviously, is due to the nature of my work. I happen to run a social media/internet-based business that deals directly with Marines and the military at large. While I am grateful to say that the Corps itself has largely left me alone in
- [Terminal Lance #382 "Shalom"](https://terminallance.com/2015/05/29/terminal-lance-382-shalom/) - I feel like every time I do one of these strips I have to preface it by saying that I really don't actually have a personal bias against Chaplains (or Catholics). I do these things for the sake of humor, so if you are offended, I might ask where you've been for the last few
- [Terminal Lance #383 "Conditional Living Conditions"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/02/terminal-lance-383-conditional-living-conditions/) - I was always taken aback by just how shitty every day life in the barracks can actually be. Then again, I had the dubious honor of spending my first year in the fleet living in beautiful Mackie Hall aboard MCBH Kaneohe Bay. Mackie Hall rarely had working washing machines, hot water, air conditioning or comfort.
- [Terminal Lance "Offended II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/05/terminal-lance-offended-ii/) - If you've been anywhere near the internet, TV, or another member of the species homo sapiens, you've probably heard about Caitlyn Jenner. In any normal circumstance, I wouldn't be writing about this subject at all. You see, this is not a veteran issue. It has nothing to do with the military. At all. Yet, that hasn't
- [Terminal Lance #384 "Welcome to the Armory"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/09/terminal-lance-384-welcome-to-the-armory/) - It wouldn't be amiss to say that I despise the armory almost as much as the 1171 Waterdog. Well, okay, maybe not that much, but the armory itself is by far the worst place on base. It's just miserable, on both the inside and out. Upon first approach, you can immediately feel the presence of its everlasting
- [Terminal Lance "Jurassic World"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/12/terminal-lance-jurassic-world/) - This is the first time that a movie in the Jurassic Park franchise has been released since I've been doing Terminal Lance. Because of this, I feel like you guys need to know something about me: 1993's Jurassic Park is my favorite film of all time. No, I'm not exaggerating. While my taste in movies
- [Terminal Lance "Justified Viewpoints" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/16/terminal-lance-justified-viewpoints-marine-corps-times/) - I try to make fun of everyone equally on this site. Boots and Staff NCO's are easy targets, but occasionally it's important to turn the viewing glass around on yourself. For as much as I love Lance Corporals, they are a handful for any command. I often imagine the company or battalion command just sitting
- [Terminal Lance #385 "Barracks Privacy Policy"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/23/terminal-lance-385-barracks-privacy-policy/) - Relationships get weird in the Marine Corps. It should be common sense, but you should really never bring a woman to the barracks. There's no real reason to anyway, and usually it just makes her super uncomfortable to be gawked at and hit on by 150 sex-starved 18-24 year old males. I mean, it's possible
- [Terminal Lance "The Curse of the Dependapotamus: Gay Marriage"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/26/terminal-lance-the-curse-of-the-dependapotamus-gay-marriage/) - A historic and landmark Supreme Court decision was made this morning regarding the legalization of same sex marriage across the country. In case you haven't heard, same sex marriage is now legally recognized across the land! Rainbow flags rejoice! Don't worry though, the Curse of the Dependapotamus cares not whether you are gay or straight. It starts
- [Terminal Lance #386 "The Birth of a Safety Brief"](https://terminallance.com/2015/06/30/terminal-lance-386-the-birth-of-a-safety-brief/) - Sit down. Your mom and I have talked about it, and we've decided that it's time for you to learn about where safety briefs come from. You see, when a Marine and a bad idea love each other very much, sometimes they... share a special hug. Sometimes this special hug results in chaos and things catching
- [Terminal Lance "Independence Day"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/03/terminal-lance-independence-day/) - As many of you embark on your 96 hours of liberty on this fine American holiday, I want you to remember the rich history of America's separation from the British. So basically, the British sent a bunch of disgruntled Lance Corporals out to the new world with no Staff NCO or officer supervision. They saw how
- [Terminal Lance "Oh Snap! (At TAPs)"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/07/terminal-lance-oh-snap-at-taps/) - People join the military for a multitude of reasons, some of them are looking for adventure, others are looking to jumpstart their careers with real world experience in a professional field. As a grunt, preparing your resume after you get out is one of the hardest things to do, if you don't already know what
- [Terminal Lance #387 "Guide On"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/10/terminal-lance-387-guide-on/) - If there's anything to be said about the "Guide" in boot camp, it's that he'll tell you about it for the rest of his fucking life. For those of you unfamiliar, the boot camp platoon Guide is the top ranked position amongst recruits. That is to say, if you were a turd in a pile
- [Terminal Lance #388 "First Sergeant's Cold Brew"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/14/terminal-lance-388-first-sergeants-cold-brew/) - Have you ever noticed that Staff NCO's seem to live off of coffee? Clad with a coffee mug in-hand nearly 24/7, you'd be hard pressed to find a set of rockers not hopped up on the glorious brown bean's black life juice. Scientists have recently discovered, however, that First Sergeants and above don't actually have
- [Terminal Lance #389 "Lance Corporal Time"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/17/terminal-lance-389-lance-corporal-time/) - Lance Corporals are amazing animals when they're on their game, but they have to know what you're talking about. Sometimes it's important to break things down for them to understand in a language that makes sense. Lance Corporals don't measure time in the same way that most people do. You see, regular people use a
- [Terminal Lance #390 "Gunny Envy"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/24/terminal-lance-390-gunny-envy/) - Poor First Sergeant. It's not his fault that the Marines don't like him. Gunny gets it easy, he gets to sit in his office all day and acquire cool shit for the Marines. He rarely wastes your time in formation, and when he does give a libo brief, it's short and hilarious. First Sergeant has the
- [Terminal Lance #391 "Charmed"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/28/terminal-lance-391-charmed/) - Ever since I started this comic, I've received notes and emails wondering why I had never done a comic about "Charms." For those of you not in the know, Charms were once considered a great evil in the MRE dessert lineup. In the early days of Iraq and Afghanistan, it was said that anyone who consumes
- [Terminal Lance #392 "Field Day Finger"](https://terminallance.com/2015/07/31/terminal-lance-392-field-day-finger/) - The field day finger isn't usually the middle finger, but it sure feels like a fuck you. Anyone who's ever had to field day knows what this is (e.g.: literally every Marine, ever). This finger is the difference between packing it up and changing into civvies for the night's shenanigans, or busting out the Windex
- [Terminal Lance #393 "Sage Advice"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/04/terminal-lance-393-sage-advice1/) - Honestly, I don't know why anyone ever comes to me for advice. As many people exit the Marine Corps, the memories that weren't so great get replaced with feelings of nostalgia and overall fondness for the experience. This happened to me for a while, as I would look back on my time in the Corps
- [Terminal Lance "B[A]S"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/07/terminal-lance-bas/) - It's hard to BS at BAS. Corpsmen are awesome. They're the only people in the Navy that Marines love unconditionally. If Staff Sergeant is the platoon's abusive alcoholic father, the Corpsman is like the sheltered mother. She's also abused, but she looks after you during the quiet times and makes sure you eat your Motrin.
- [Terminal Lance #394 "Can't Stop Time II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/11/terminal-lance-394-cant-stop-time-ii/) - You have 1,460 days from the day you step on those yellow footprints until you get to return to your normal life. Well, legally and presuming you don't fuck yourself somewhere along the way. It seemed like since the day I entered the Corps I was playing an arduous game of numbers. Everything was a
- [Terminal Lance "Unexpected Guest III: For Sale"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/14/terminal-lance-unexpected-guest-iii-for-sale/) - This isn't the first time the Ghost of Chesty Puller has been up to his shenanigans, he likes to pop up here and there and remind Marines the true meaning of the Marine Corps. He's like a Christmas spirit, but with more swearing and womanizing. I'm sure most of you saw from either my post
- [Terminal Lance #395 "Mild Reservations"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/18/terminal-lance-395-mild-reservations/) - Before I get an influx of angry emails from butthurt reservists, you should know that literally every Active Duty Marine hates you by default. The Reserves is like the Marine Corps Lite. Of course, they deploy and have done great things in combat and abroad, no one is arguing that. But at the end of
- [Terminal Lance #396 "Duty Doody"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/21/terminal-lance-396-duty-doody/) - Basically any uniform that isn't your cammies is a pain in the ass to wear or put on. Even more so, it can quite literally be a pain in your ass to try and take a shit wearing shirt stays and corframs. There's a ritualistic process that must be observed when trying to make dookie on
- [Terminal Lance #397 "Bricks Life II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/25/terminal-lance-397-bricks-life-ii/) - He must be fighting Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos (took me like 40 tries). I feel like war movies and stories always talk about "the war." There's always some grand battle or conflict that most of the screen time is devoted to, but realistically Marines are only at war for about 1/4 of an enlistment
- [Terminal Lance #398 "Wondrous Sundries"](https://terminallance.com/2015/08/28/terminal-lance-398-wondrous-sundries/) - If the military is known for anything, it's the plethora of uniforms you'll find yourself stumbling into upon joining and being totally badass. We've all seen the ubiquitous Dress Blue uniform or the standard issue cammies, Service A, B, and C uniforms. However, stay in long enough and you'll encounter a whole other world of weird
- [Terminal Lance "The Phantom Illness"](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/01/terminal-lance-the-phantom-illness/) - Bad news for those of you trying to get out of work this week to play The Phantom Pain... BAS possesses the ultimate cheat code: they can write themselves an SIQ chit. If you've been with me this long, you probably already know that I'm a huge Metal Gear Solid fan. I mean, there's video games,
- [Terminal Lance #399 "Come On In"](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/08/terminal-lance-399-come-on-in/) - Nearly every First Sergeant in every corner of the Corps will tell you the same thing during your weekend liberty brief. "I have an open door policy, you can come talk to me about anything." Of course, no Lance Corporal in their right mind is going to just waltz into the First Sergeant's office and
- [Terminal Lance #400 "Over the Years"](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/15/terminal-lance-400-over-the-years/) - I apologize if I seem a little self-indulgent here, but today marks the 400th comic in the official Terminal Lance canon of strips! Of course, on every 100th strip, I always get somewhat self-referential, and today is no different. It's been a long journey, and it is worth looking back on and celebrating. Coincidentally, this strip
- [Terminal Lance "Gunny-Timed" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/22/terminal-lance-gunny-timed-marine-corps-times/) - If you're not 15 minutes prior to the 15 minutes prior, you're wrong. Time in the Marine Corps doesn't exist as it does in the regular world. Einstein and Stephen Hawking would be dumbfounded at the mental gymnastics required to extrapolate the chronological mind-fucking that takes place every day across the Corps. The fabric of time is
- [Terminal Lance #401 "Myths and Legends VI"](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/25/terminal-lance-401-myths-and-legends-vi/) - Sergeants in the fleet are a rare and elusive animal. It's interesting because during your upbringing in the Marine Corps, Sergeants are the one rank you see the most. This is because the B-billets of recruiting, Drill Instructor and School of Infantry instructor are stocked with E-5's by nature. Once you get to the fleet,
- [Terminal Lance #402 "SKATEPAT"](https://terminallance.com/2015/09/29/terminal-lance-402-skatepat/) - Camouflage is obviously a staple of the whole military thing. I'm sure, at this moment, DARPA or some such is hard at work on the next pattern for Marines to field into the future. To the Corps' credit, at least we don't have a new cammie pattern every few years like the Army some other
- [Terminal Lance "Meat Lovers" (Marine Corps Times)](https://terminallance.com/2015/10/06/terminal-lance-meat-lovers-marine-corps-times/) - Family Fun Day is always such a sausage fest in an infantry unit. That might soon change, as all the buzz lately has been on the prospect of females in the infantry. I've already more or less stated my views on it in the past, but I will say that all of the data shows that
- [Terminal Lance "Fleet Week 2015"](https://terminallance.com/2015/10/09/terminal-lance-fleet-week-2015/) - Thank baby Jesus, maybe this will finally put a stop to those wild fires. This week is Fleet Week in San Francisco, which I note because I currently live in the bay area. Around this time of year is when I hear from all of my female friends that they've been seeing so many Marines
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 240th Birthday, Navy!"](https://terminallance.com/2015/10/13/terminal-lance-happy-240th-birthday-navy/) - Well today is the 240th birthday of the US Navy, and I'm sure they're having a gay old time over there. I kid, I kid; of course the Navy isn't completely gay. It is worth noting, however, that for every straight Corpsman I met there was at least 1 or more gay ones. Not that
- [Terminal Lance #403 "Life After EAS: Nostalgia"](https://terminallance.com/2015/10/20/terminal-lance-403-life-after-eas-nostalgia/) - That little bastard... It's easy to look back at your time in the Corps with your new civilian-issued rose-tinted glasses, rather than the shit-smeared ones you left with. It doesn't help that the Marine Corps is currently looking for prior-enlisted guys to join back up. The further you get away from your time as an
- [Terminal Lance #404 "Why He's Always Late III"](https://terminallance.com/2015/10/27/terminal-lance-404-why-hes-always-late-iii/) - Much like a wizard or a sorcerer, your Company Commander works in mysterious ways. One does not question his tactics in the company of his nearly divine presence. Regardless of the bullshit excuses, he is and will always be late to every formation you've ever had. Not that it matters, it's his party, after all. Speaking
- [Terminal Lance "Holiday Decor"](https://terminallance.com/2015/11/03/terminal-lance-holiday-decor/) - It's that time of year again, when the moto-boners are rock hard and the guilt-tripping Angry Facebook Veterans come out of their dark basements to tell you you're a piece of shit for not dedicating every waking moment of your life to honoring the military. Of course, I would be remiss to neglect that while Veteran's
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 240th Birthday!"](https://terminallance.com/2015/11/10/terminal-lance-happy-240th-birthday/) - Well today is officially the 240th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. A traditional custom of the Marine species is to greet one another with "Happy Birthday" on the day of the birthday. Of course, it's not actually their birthday, and despite Abe's insistence, there's no obligation to get Marines a "birthday present." Still
- [Terminal Lance "Ready for Action"](https://terminallance.com/2015/11/17/terminal-lance-ready-for-action/) - Hopefully Abe isn't biting off more than he can chew here (or his boot, at least). With the horrendous events that unfolded over the weekend in Paris, it's understandable to see a lot of Americans upset. Notably, I've noticed a lot of Marines and service members ready to take the fight to ISIS and into the
- [Terminal Lance #407 "Boot of Marines"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/01/terminal-lance-407-boot-of-marines/) - Guys, there's a serious problem going on in your Corps. There are Marines, maybe even right now, still dressing like total fucking boots. Stop it. Seriously, I don't get it. When I was a boot new Marine, Terminal Lance and the various other online military media outlets simply didn't exist. There wasn't a devilishly handsome guy out
- [Terminal Lance "Females in the Infantry II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/04/terminal-lance-females-in-the-infantry-ii/) - On Thursday, Defense Secretary Carter made the historic announcement that women were to be allowed into combat MOS' with no exceptions. This comes despite the Marine Corps' own studies and recommendations against fully integrating women into combat units. Though, in my honest opinion, we won't be fully equal until women are forced to get shit
- [Terminal Lance #409 "Shiny and Chrome"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/11/terminal-lance-409-shiny-and-chrome/) - I'm just going to be honest, I only did this strip because I really wanted to do a Mad Max: Fury Road joke. Still though, there's nothing worse than having your Battalion Commander on the range. It's hot, reveille was at 4am for some reason, you've only eaten some shit tray-rats and now you've got
- [Terminal Lance "Dear Congress"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/15/terminal-lance-dear-congress/) - Last week, President Obama urged congress to authorize military action against ISIS. Marines everywhere are ready for action, and it seems like every day we're closer to the brink of war. Jody couldn't be more excited. You see, peacetime has been really rough on Jody. He hasn't been able to practice his usual prowl in his endless
- [Terminal Lance "The Force Awakens"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/18/terminal-lance-the-force-awakens/) - There's actually some pretty common vernacular in the Marine Corps that relates directly to Star Wars. I'm sure literally every female Marine in the Corps has been compounded with wookiee jokes this week, as it is a common term used to describe them amongst the males. I went to a late showing of The Force
- [Terminal Lance "A Merry Marine Corps Christmas Part I"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/22/terminal-lance-a-merry-marine-corps-christmas-part-i/) - Where could the Marines be?! Surely they're expecting presents underneath their sad little Christmas tree? Okay for a second I considered rhyming this entire blog post, but I'm way too lazy for that. Sorry. Anyway, you'll just have to wait until Friday to find out what happened to the Marines of the barracks! This isn't
- [Terminal Lance "A Merry Marine Corps Christmas Part II"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/25/terminal-lance-a-merry-marine-corps-christmas-part-ii/) - Not even First Sergeant can ruin Christmas for these Marines! Merry Christmas! I don't really have a whole lot to say today, it's Christmas. If you've made it this far, get off your phone or computer and go spend time with your family! But really, if you're home on leave you should try your best
- [Terminal Lance #410 "Peacetime Purgatory"](https://terminallance.com/2015/12/29/terminal-lance-410-peacetime-purgatory/) - There has been an awakening. Do you feel it? Across the Corps, Marines are awakening to find that they are bored as fuck. Don't get me wrong, no one wants to see young Marines sent into harm's way; but Marines and the Marine Corps itself is really at its best when there's a war to
- [Terminal Lance "New Corps"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/08/terminal-lance-new-corps/) - I'm not the type to lament the current state of the "New Corps" in favor of the ever-glorious and omnipresent Old Corps. However, if there ever was an event that could distinctly signify the new, it is the recent news that the Marine Corps will officially be fully integrated and moving toward gender-neutral MOS titles. The Marine Corps
- [Terminal Lance #411 "Gear List"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/19/terminal-lance-411-gear-list/) - That oversized safety pin has been on every gear list I ever had, and I've never once actually used it (it's for laundry, or possibly changing the diapers of giant babies). Gear lists are frustrating because you usually never actually have whatever stupid knickknack your boot ass Platoon Commander thinks you need to spend 3
- [Terminal Lance "Anywhere but Here"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/22/terminal-lance-anywhere-but-here/) - The Marine Corps, the grass is always greener on the other side... even if you're not allowed to walk on it. Anywhere but here, anything else but this; these are common woes of the active duty Marine... unless anything else is a working party. Fuck that shit, no one wants to do that. For you
- [Terminal Lance #412 "The Difference: Morning PT"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/26/terminal-lance-412-the-difference-morning-pt/) - It sucks, but we love the way it sucks! No we don't. They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but in the case of POG's and grunts, the grass on the POG side would be a fluorescent safety-green (almost like a glow-belt) whilst the grass on the grunt side would look
- [Terminal Lance #413 "Bugs"](https://terminallance.com/2016/01/29/terminal-lance-413-bugs/) - In the ongoing struggle between east and west coast Marines, it usually comes down to two things: Mountains on the west coast. Sand fleas on the east coast. Keep in mind that Marines, especially infantry, take great pride in knowing they had it so much worse than you. Their misery is a point of accomplishment,
- [Terminal Lance "Taxing Profession"](https://terminallance.com/2016/02/02/terminal-lance-taxing-profession/) - It's tax time, and while Staff Sergeant can't claim us all as his dependents, he might be able to claim his alcohol at least. Once again this is a comic previously published in the Marine Corps Times, and I apologize for not being on top of things lately with the strip, but this book launch
- [Terminal Lance #414 "Life After EAS: The Veteran Beard"](https://terminallance.com/2016/02/05/terminal-lance-414-life-after-eas-the-veteran-beard/) - It's a commonly known fact that when every man exits military service, he will grow his beard out. It's a badge of honor and rebellion! After years of being forced to scrape your face every morning, it becomes almost a nightly fantasy akin to threesomes with exotic women to walk the world freely with your
- [Terminal Lance "Chest Candy"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/01/terminal-lance-chest-candy/) - Can you blame him? In case you missed it, Navy SEAL Senior Chief Edward Byers is the first living Navy SEAL to receive the Medal of Honor since the Vietnam war. You might have also noticed that his ribbon stack is quite impressive, to say the least. It has inspired the most rock-hard moto-boners across
- [Terminal Lance #415 "Safety Stand-Down II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/04/terminal-lance-415-safety-stand-down-ii/) - I knew it... Stephens is that guy. Safety stand-downs are a ubiquitous part of Marine Corps life, where you learn such valuable things as how to avoid shaking your baby to death or not rape people or things. These usually come prior to a long weekend, but can be gleefully inserted into any work day after
- [Terminal Lance "0311 Day"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/11/terminal-lance-0311-day/) - Happy 0311 Day! Every year, on March 11th, we celebrate the Rifleman. No, I don't mean every Marine. I mean the 0311 Infantry Rifleman. Despite what the recruiting posters tell you, not every Marine is a Rifleman. The 0311 is the infantryman of the infantry, and those of us in Weapons MOS's are grateful for
- [Terminal Lance #416 "The Basic School"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/15/terminal-lance-416-the-basic-school/) - When he gets to a high enough rank, he'll start his own Tumblr. The world of the officer is very different from that of the enlisted. Instead of boot camp and SOI, officers attend Officer Candidate School (OCS) and The Basic School (TBS) for their Marine Corps indoctrination. To qualify, you just need a bachelor's
- [Terminal Lance #417 "Beef Patty"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/18/terminal-lance-417-beef-patty/) - Can we just talk about MRE's for a second? I'm not some kind of hippy, vegan, organic, vegetarian, gluten-free yuppie or anything like that... But I can't help but simply feel sorry for those sad fucking animals that end up getting turned into the monstrosity that is just about any of the MRE menu items.
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Easter 2016!"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/25/terminal-lance-happy-easter-2016/) - In all reality, it's probably better that we don't allow Marines to organize Easter egg hunts anyway. For the children's sake. If you're a boot in the Marine Corps and you're reading this (and I know there's a few of you), I have a tip for you... Don't answer the door when the duty knocks.
- [Terminal Lance #418 "Evil Incarnate"](https://terminallance.com/2016/03/29/terminal-lance-418-evil-incarnate/) - From the desert sands of the west, to the dusky mires of the east, Marines and service members everywhere feel the presence of the great Green Weenie. The Eye is always watching... Waiting... None can escape its wrath... Its terror... Its malice. Even after your EAS date, the Green Weenie continues to loom its shadowy shaft
- [Terminal Specialist #1 "Shamrock Shammer"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/01/terminal-specialist-1-shamrock-shammer/) - Terminal Specialist? What's going on? Sorry I didn't mention anything about this sooner, but I wanted to keep this a surprise. A few weeks ago I was approached by some PAO reps from the US Army, and they asked if I'd be interested in making a comic strip about the Army. I told them that
- [Terminal Lance #419 "The Story of Every Enlistment"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/05/terminal-lance-419-the-story-of-every-enlistment/) - If you sat down with any Marine in the Corps and asked them the story of how they came to enlist, you would surely and eventually be met with the ubiquitous sentence: "Fuck it, I'mma join the Marine Corps." This is the story of every Marine, past present and future. I realized this as I
- [Terminal Lance "Election Season 2016"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/08/terminal-lance-election-season-2016/) - Terminal Lance has a policy on remaining apolitical, especially during these tumultuous election seasons. If you pay any attention to your Facebook feed, you probably noticed that your friends are fervently tribal lately, like a seasonal form of rabies that only comes around every 4 years. People are staunchly divided amongst party lines, with the
- [Terminal Lance #420 "Messing with the Cock-Watch II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/12/terminal-lance-420-messing-with-the-cock-watch-ii/) - Clearly, this is a case of the cock-watch getting his sweet revenge. They say that the only certainty in life is death. I would argue that for Marines there's a few more, such as mind-numbing boredom and a mandatory urinalysis after your return from a leave block. With that said, it always blows my mind when
- [Terminal Lance #421 "Perfect Pull-Up"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/15/terminal-lance-421-perfect-pull-up/) - I'm just gonna come right out and say it: pull-ups are harder for us tall people. Yup. That's right. Suck a dick. When I was in boot camp, our platoon guide was a 300 PFTer, which is why he was guide, because running a 300 PFT is obviously indicative of your leadership abilities. Never mind
- [Terminal Lance "El Burro Blanco"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/19/terminal-lance-el-burro-blanco/) - HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS ITS HERE! Today is April 19th, the official release date of The White Donkey (again)! You can find it in stores everywhere starting today! This book was a long and arduous journey to see to completion, and I'm immensely happy to be working with Little, Brown & Co. in putting
- [Terminal Lance #422 "Truck Tradition"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/22/terminal-lance-422-truck-tradition/) - The Marine Corps is an organization of many customs and traditions. It values and reveres the courtesies and rich history of those that came and served before them. Some traditions take the form of dress uniforms and various greetings of the day. Others are just confusing, like the one that says that the trucks always
- [Terminal Lance "Tough Love"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/26/terminal-lance-tough-love/) - It's not his fault, Staff NCO's actually naturally communicate at higher decibel levels. They say the loudest weapon organic to the infantry is the SMAW rocket launcher, but that's only sort of true. The standard issue Staff NCO actually has a natural speaking voice louder than the Assaultman MOS classic, but he's not classified as
- [Terminal Lance #423 "Food Service Specialist"](https://terminallance.com/2016/04/29/terminal-lance-423-food-service-specialist/) - Is it weird that the omelets I had in the Marine Corps were the best omelets I've ever had? Seriously, I've been out for a while now and I have yet to find anywhere that makes omelets as well as those Marines in the chow hall. If nothing else (which is usually the case), chow
- [Terminal Lance #424 "New Corps II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/03/terminal-lance-424-new-corps-ii/) - I find a lot of things frustrating, but one of the most annoying things I come across while managing this monstrosity of a comic strip and social media page are the "old Corps" guys who just can't stand all of the shenanigans coming from these "New Corps" Marines. Back in their Corps, they were too
- [Terminal Lance "Civil War"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/06/terminal-lance-civil-war/) - To be honest it's kind of a tossup between these two. Some days you need that spicy, conceptually horrible jalapeño cheese spread and other times you need some delicious chocolate peanut butter. Though, I would happily substitute the chocolate peanut butter for a pack of Peanut Butter M&M's, cause those shits is dank as fuck. It's
- [Terminal Lance #425 "Notional"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/10/terminal-lance-425-notional/) - For how much you read and hear about "bloated" military spending, the life of the average Marine certainly doesn't reflect that. Especially during training. "Notional" is another word commonly used to describe "pretend." I'm assuming they use this word because it doesn't make it feel like you're 5 years old, but the result is still
- [Terminal Lance #426 "Inside the Company Office"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/13/terminal-lance-426-inside-the-company-office/) - How do I reach these keeds? All over the Marine Corps, Company Commanders and leaders everywhere are trying to figure out how they can reach their Marines and improve the morale of their units. The answer is usually pretty straightforward, but seems to always elude the command. This is how you end up with Family
- [Terminal Lance "War Stories II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/17/terminal-lance-war-stories-ii/) - Growing up as a millennial, it was common to have grandparents or elderly that had served in Korea or even World War II. "The Greatest Generation," as they're known, are lauded with a natural aura of respect (and rightly so). There's no question in their heroism and deeds of the time, answering the nation's call
- [Terminal Lance #427 "The Lament of the Artist Recruit II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/20/terminal-lance-427-the-lament-of-the-artist-recruit-ii/) - I'll admit that this strip definitely won't apply to everyone that reads it. Very few Marines end up in the predicament of being the designated art-guy of the battalion, which can mean basically anything depending on what needs to get done. Need a mural painted? A T-shirt? A company logo? Go get the art-guy, he'll
- [Terminal Lance "Memorial Day 2016"](https://terminallance.com/2016/05/30/terminal-lance-memorial-day-2016/) - I mean what else do they do? I don't normally do comics on Monday's, but today is a very special Monday! Today is Memorial Day. I'm not going to sit here and guilt-trip you into being miserable on your day off, because I don't think that's what our fallen brothers and sisters would have wanted
- [Terminal Lance "Jarhead"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/03/terminal-lance-jarhead/) - If there's one movie that polarizes Marines, it's Jarhead. Anthony Swofford's explorative tale on the meandering life of a Scout Sniper during the first Gulf War is sure to spark a lively debate across the barracks any time it's brought up. Many Marines feel as though Swofford is a "whiny bitch" and that Jarhead is
- [Terminal Lance #428 "Inked"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/07/terminal-lance-428-inked/) - If you're a Marine, you probably saw the Commandant's new tattoo regulations, designed to ease up on the Amos-era restrictions that were put in place a few years back. Now, Marines are able to have just a little bit more freedom in their choice of bodily inks in areas previously unapproved. You still can't get
- [Terminal Lance #429 "Duty III"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/14/terminal-lance-429-duty-iii/) - A MARINE ON DUTY HAS NO FRIENDS. Poor Duty. Duty is as much a part of Marine Corps life as guns and disappointment. Whether you're single, married, ranking high or low, you can't avoid it. If you're young and dumb you'll be the A-Duty, if you're an NCO you'll be the Duty NCO, if you're
- [Terminal Lance "Assault Weapons"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/17/terminal-lance-assault-weapons/) - You know how when you watch a movie about the military or war or some such and you always see them shooting fully-automatic M4's? Yeah that's bullshit. The Marine Corps infantry is only issued semiautomatic weapons, with the exception of the fully-automatic M249 SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon) and heavier machine-guns. Firing the semiautomatic M4 is
- [Terminal Lance "Welcome to the VA"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/21/terminal-lance-welcome-to-the-va/) - You keen observers of Terminal Lancian culture might have noticed that this strip was previously published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper a couple of years ago. However, I felt like today this was an appropriate strip to put up after having dealt with the VA healthcare system myself just earlier today. I feel like
- [Terminal Lance "Rolled Up II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/06/24/terminal-lance-rolled-up-ii/) - In case you missed it, the US Army this week is "testing out" rolling their sleeves up at Ft. Hood. This has led to much panic and hysteria amongst the soldiers, as they stumble their way through figuring out how to properly roll. Meanwhile, Marines everywhere are enjoying the show immensely. Before I get a bunch
- [Terminal Lance "Gotta Catch Em All!"](https://terminallance.com/2016/07/12/terminal-lance-gotta-catch-em-all/) - Unless you've been living under a rock (or have an old flip phone), you've probably seen the craze that is the new Pokemon GO app on smartphones. Twenty-something year olds have taken to the streets as kids again, enslaving iconic Pokemon into their red and white orb prisons and sending them into virtual battle. I'm
- [Terminal Lance #430 "Air Force Blues"](https://terminallance.com/2016/07/15/terminal-lance-430-air-force-blues/) - The Air Force is a weird branch of the military. Semantically, if you were to define "military" by things that are generally "military," like fitness, shooting guns, hiking, being a hard ass, etc., I'm not sure if the Air Force would fit into that. This isn't to say the Air Force isn't important in our
- [Terminal Lance #431 "The Suck"](https://terminallance.com/2016/07/26/terminal-lance-431-the-suck/) - There's a common term in the Marine Corps known as "The Suck." Much like the omnipresent Green Weenie, The Suck perpetually exists as a state of being in the Corps. Everything you do is part of The Suck, mostly because everything you do just kind of sucks for some reason. There's an inexplicable phenomenon in
- [Terminal Lance "Origins" (by Louie Earle)](https://terminallance.com/2016/07/29/terminal-lance-origins-by-louie-earle/) - Finally we see the origin story of the Green Weenie. Who would have thought that such a powerful entity was once a man. I can only imagine the twisted fate that Willie must have met to become such a powerful spirit, forever haunting the Marine Corps as a demonic presence. His lingering existence plaguing Marines
- [Terminal Lance "Love/Hate"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/02/terminal-lance-lovehate/) - This is an abusive relationship. All Marines have a relationship with the Marine Corps, and for the most part it falls somewhere on the Love/Hate spectrum of things. The Corps is what it is. It can be really awesome sometimes and other times it can be really awful. It's a lot like a broken marriage
- [Terminal Lance "Her Name is Rio"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/05/terminal-lance-her-name-is-rio/) - ...Only she doesn't dance on the stands, because she has encephalitis. As I'm sure you all know, the 2016 Olympics begin today in Rio, and it's been a nonstop shitshow leading up to it. This strip isn't even particularly out of left field, as Marines (and others) actually were sent to the cesspool of drug-ridden
- [Terminal Lance #432 "Triggered"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/09/terminal-lance-432-triggered/) - The Armory is my trigger. As I was frolicking about Disneyland yesterday with my family, I couldn't help but notice an eerie feeling of deja vu as we waited for endless hours in the Southern California sun. It was a hark back to the many countless hours I spent waiting in line at the armory
- [Terminal Lance #433 "Pull Out Your CAC II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/12/terminal-lance-433-pull-out-your-cac-ii/) - Everyone is issued their first CAC (Combined Access Card) in boot camp, but unfortunately, that means your first official government photo is taken... in boot camp. Boot camp you is probably the least flattering version of yourself throughout the history of your life. Your head is sloppily shaved, you're visibly tired, you smell like a
- [Terminal Lance #434 "Cruel and Unusual"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/16/terminal-lance-434-cruel-and-unusual/) - The worst punishment for Marines isn't paperwork or menial labor, it's the stuff that truly gets under the skin. There are few offenses worse in the Corps than being a boot--in fact, I would argue that there are none. Boots are the lowest of the low, they have earned no respect and thus deserve none.
- [Terminal Lance #435 "Traveling Abroad"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/19/terminal-lance-435-traveling-abroad/) - I've often heard it said that a bitching Marine is a happy Marine. To be frank, I'm not sure if I agree with that. However, there is truth in the sense that Marines definitely love to bitch. In the case of a MEU deployment, Marines are often finding themselves longing for the "action" of a proper
- [Terminal Lance #436 "Fraud, Waste and Abuse"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/23/terminal-lance-436-fraud-waste-and-abuse/) - This is why we can't have nice things. Chemlights, otherwise known as glowsticks, are an integral part of training and field operations for Marines. Seriously, we use the damn things all the time. They're handy for marking trails, cleared areas, Marines, and really just about anything else you can think of. Random chemlight storytime: When I
- [Terminal Lance #437 "Warranted"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/26/terminal-lance-437-warranted/) - There exists in many military myths and legends an animal that is rarely seen by man. Its collar is adorned with a unique crimson shine seen in no other rank structure. They aren't really officers, but they aren't enlisted. They exist somewhere in a realm in between those two worlds, mysterious in their nature and
- [Terminal Lance #438 "Swipe Left"](https://terminallance.com/2016/08/30/terminal-lance-438-swipe-left/) - I'll admit, I've never used Tinder on a Marine Corps base, but I can imagine this is basically what it's like. There's not a whole lot of dating opportunities aboard the base, you'll have to travel far and away... As far and away as you can... To find a woman (or man) worth your interest.
- [Terminal Lance "Offended III"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/02/terminal-lance-offended-iii/) - A big deal on the national stage this week has been 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. The Veteran Outrage Machine™ has been in full gear after Kaepernick refused to stand for the National Anthem as his own dumb way of protesting some unrelated issues. Of course, this story technically has nothing to do with veterans or
- [Terminal Lance #439 "Prize Inside"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/09/terminal-lance-439-prize-inside/) - Why is this not a thing? MRE's are like happy meals for Marines, except they make you incredibly sad. I propose that we turn that frown upside-down, and start including awesome prizes inside of each of these beige packages of depression. These will boost troop morale by even just slightly reducing the amount of misery
- [Terminal Lance "Founded in a Tavern"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/13/terminal-lance-founded-in-a-tavern/) - You drink, I drink, we all drink! Lest we forget, the Corps was founded in a tavern back in 1775, the day my Marine Corps came alive. Marines love to drink, ranks low and high, but for as many different reasons as there are snowflakes in a blizzard. Okay, there aren't actually that many reasons, most of them
- [Terminal Lance #440 "Period of Instruction"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/16/terminal-lance-440-period-of-instruction/) - Okay this is a joke, this class isn't actually taught in TAPS/SEPS, but it should be. The transition from active duty to civilian is tough. It really is. I've lived it, and I know how it can be. Probably the hardest part that no one tells you though? Letting go. I'm not ready to draw
- [Terminal Lance "The New Guy"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/20/terminal-lance-the-new-guy/) - New Lieutenants are great. They're basically exactly like the boots you get straight from SOI, except you have to respect them. I'm pretty sure that, going in, each one of them thinks they're going to be the one that changes the Corps and brings high and tights and EGA tattoos on every chest back. They're
- [Terminal Lance "Dog House"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/23/terminal-lance-dog-house/) - This is why we can't have nice things. Well, more specifically, Marines are why we can't have nice things. They let devil dogs in the barracks, why not dog dogs? hahahahahahahahahahahahaha This is actually a problem I've run into a lot in the civilian world as well, as I've bounced around over the years since
- [Terminal Lance #441 "Relativity"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/27/terminal-lance-441-relativity/) - A lot of things in the Marine Corps are relative. For instance, "Quality of Life" is extremely relative, as most daily lives of Lance Corporals have very little quality. "Nothing unusual to report at this time" is a common phrase used to report to the Officer of the Day or the Staff Duty regarding the
- [Terminal Lance "Post POTUS"](https://terminallance.com/2016/09/30/terminal-lance-post-potus/) - I mean what else is he going to do? The post 9/11 generation of veterans is a truly interesting one, different than any others in American history. More than ever, veterans are returning to the civilian world to do absolutely anything they can to avoid truly integrating back into the culture they left behind. Instead,
- [Terminal Lance #442 "Bootcamp: The Care Package"](https://terminallance.com/2016/10/04/terminal-lance-442-bootcamp-care-package/) - Bootcamp is a shitty 3 months. As if you don't have enough to worry about with sweaty, angry men yelling at you 24 hours a day, you never know what might be lurking in a box some good-intentioned family member or friend sent your way. Comedian Sarah Silverman panicked yesterday after realizing she may have
- [Terminal Lance #443 "Connection Problems"](https://terminallance.com/2016/10/07/terminal-lance-443-connection-problems/) - There exists in the Marine Corps a supernatural force, a spiritual bond that defies all known science. Officers, NCO's and Staff NCO's do not possess this power, for it is gifted only to the Lance Corporals of the Corps. Some say it was passed down as far back as the Lance Corporals that built the
- [Terminal Lance #444 "Drill Foot"](https://terminallance.com/2016/10/18/terminal-lance-444-drill-foot/) - In a line company, Platoon Sergeants and Commanders come and go. Unfortunately this means that you never really know where your next one is going to come from. Often times, you get stuck with some Staff Sergeant returning to the fleet after yelling at or lying to children for three years. (Drill Instructors and recruiters,
- [Terminal Lance "Paying it Forward"](https://terminallance.com/2016/10/25/terminal-lance-paying-forward/) - I'm sure most of you by now have seen the issue regarding the California National Guard and their fraudulent bonuses being paid out, and consequently forced to pay back. The TL;DR of it is that the California National Guard handed out reenlistment bonuses during OIF/OEF without properly qualifying the bonuses, resulting in $70 million of
- [Terminal Lance "Halloween 2016: Costume"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/01/terminal-lance-halloween-2016-costume/) - It's that time of year again, where confused veterans aren't sure if they should give their child a pass on their costume choice of digital camouflage or post his photo to a stolen valor Facebook page and make him famous. It's hard to be too angry though, at least the costumes you can buy are loaded with
- [Terminal Lance "November 8th"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/08/terminal-lance-november-8th/) - I don't think the eagles are coming to save us. Of course I don't think the world is actually going to end today, but I'm happy as fuck to see this election end. Here at Terminal Lance I have a policy of remaining apolitical, and for good reason. I believe the military itself suffers from
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 241st Birthday Marines!"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/10/terminal-lance-happy-241st-birthday-marines/) - Happy 241st Birthday Marines! Now I need the oldest and youngest Marine for a blood sacri... Wait... Well if it wasn't obvious by the title, today the Marine Corps is 241 years old, which is almost as old as my balls look. November 10th marks the day every year that Marines across the globe drink,
- [Terminal Lance #445 "Always Room for One More"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/15/terminal-lance-445-always-room-one/) - Even more than the most ardent of Mexicans, Marines can always find a way to fit one more. Whether it's one more Marine in the back of the 7-ton or one more piece of gear stuffed into their already-bursting main pack for the field, Marines will always find a way to fit one more. Some say
- [Terminal Lance #446 "Logged"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/18/terminal-lance-446-logged/) - This is 100% true. Okay, I have no idea if this is true, but I'm being honest when I say that I actually asked some Marines where the duty logbooks go when they're full, and no one actually knew the answer. It is one of the mysteries of the Marine Corps, like why are boat
- [Terminal Lance "Lord Mattis III"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/22/terminal-lance-lord-mattis-iii/) - https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/800332639844659201 You're goddamn right. It goes without saying that literally everyone wants General Mattis to be the next Secretary of Defense. Despite going against tradition, General Mattis is by far the best choice in the history of Defense Secretary for the job. Hell, I would have (and many others) voted for him if he
- [Terminal Lance "Black Friday" Contest](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/25/terminal-lance-black-friday-contest/) - Happy Black Friday! Black Friday is an American holiday following Thanksgiving, where we give thanks to massive corporations and stab each other in the face for a 49" LG 4k TV. Today is also the day that active duty tanker with the Army, Kurt Schommer, won a Dell Inspiron laptop for his winning comic strip!
- [Terminal Lance "Hat's Off"](https://terminallance.com/2016/11/29/terminal-lance-hats-off/) - It goes without saying that my hat is off to any veteran of a previous war, even if those hats keep getting bigger and bigger... I always wonder what veterans of today will look like in 40-50 years. Will we become the distinguished, elderly statesmen of our grandparent generation? Or will we still be rocking
- [Terminal Lance "Lord Mattis IV"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/02/terminal-lance-lord-mattis-iv/) - Let it be known, thee who mark history, General Mattis has officially been declared the next Secretary of Defense. And it was good. Okay I'll get off the Mattis circle jerk after this one, but it was pretty much impossible for me to avoid the news yesterday that General Mattis was officially declared as the
- [Terminal Lance #447 "Leave Blocked II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/06/terminal-lance-447-leave-blocked-ii/) - Marines accrue 2.5 days of paid leave per month, to a grand total of 120 days of leave for a regular 4 year enlistment. Generally speaking, at least for an infantry company, you can only use those leave days during allowed "leave blocks." This leads to a natural deluge of requests at around the same
- [Terminal Lance #448 "The Old Boot"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/09/terminal-lance-448-old-boot/) - Age is a strange thing in the Marine Corps. I can't think of many jobs outside of lottery winner that allow you to retire at the age of 38 with a full pension, but the military is a weird place. On the enlisted side, most people tend to enter the military at the freshly legal
- [Terminal Lance #449 "The Cure-All II"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/13/terminal-lance-449-cure-ii/) - doc pls Medicine in the military is a funny thing. One great and enticing benefit of serving an enlistment is the free medical. The bennies bring all the boys to the yard. Unfortunately, even though we all love Doc, "free medical" usually consists of an all-you-can-eat supply of "Motrin" and straws to suck it the
- [Terminal Lance #450 "Left Behind"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/20/terminal-lance-450-left-behind/) - It's that time of year, when Marines find themselves home on holiday leave and somehow busier than they were before they left. What is supposed to be a relaxing stay at home turns into nonstop family dinners, running around visiting everyone, and wishing you would have just stayed back at the barracks. Of course, no
- [Terminal Lance #451 "Bricks Life III"](https://terminallance.com/2016/12/27/terminal-lance-451-bricks-life-iii/) - Just as light cannot exist without dark, OOD's cannot exist without insane bullshit going on in the barracks to keep them busy. Would there even be a need for an OOD if there weren't Lance Corporals to fuck with them? No. It is then the responsibility of the barracks Lance Corporal to make sure that
- [Terminal Lance "Goodbye 2016"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/03/terminal-lance-goodbye-2016/) - Congratulations you guys, we all made it out of 2016 alive. As we enter the new year, please join me in mourning the following things we lost in 2016. Please bow your head out of respect. Thank you. The death of desert cammies was a shock to the Marine Corps, and Marines everywhere
- [Terminal Lance "New Joins"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/06/terminal-lance-new-joins/) - Well it's finally happened you guys. Yesterday, the first female infantry Marines checked into 1st Battalion, 8th Marines at Camp Lejeune. Now they finally get to understand the prestige of being a grunt in the United States Marine Corps. They'll get to do such intense physical activities as standing by in their rooms or cleaning
- [Terminal Lance #452 "Defense Mechanism"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/10/terminal-lance-452-defense-mechanism/) - In Abe's defense, his company First Sergeant hasn't shown to historically be the most friendly toward his kind. There's very few reasons for a Lance Corporal to be in a First Sergeant's office at all, and at least half of those reasons involve cleaning the floors. Generally speaking, Lance Corporals should never talk to anyone over
- [Terminal Lance "Confirmed Badass"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/13/terminal-lance-confirmed-badass/) - So as I'm sure you all heard one way or another, unless you get your news exclusively from webcomics, General Mattis is one step closer to confirmation today by receiving his waiver from congress to be the next Secretary of Defense. This followed his great confirmation hearing yesterday with the Senate Armed Services Committee, where he
- [Terminal Lance #453 "Cease Fire"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/17/terminal-lance-453-cease-fire/) - Cease fire! Call the game warden, the range is closed until this fucking tortoise either goes away or someone can safely move it. That's right, an entire range, costing the United States military millions of dollars in manpower and equipment to run, will grind to a screeching halt in the event of a dumb fucking
- [Terminal Lance "Inauguration 2017"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/20/terminal-lance-inauguration-2017/) - I've asserted and maintained over the years that Terminal Lance remain apolitical, and I don't think this strip changes that. As well, today is obviously a historic event worth paying mind to, regardless of who you voted for. This is also the first time since starting Terminal Lance that a new President has taken office.
- [Terminal Lance #454 "Double Life"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/24/terminal-lance-454-double-life/) - If you believed the illusion of going home on leave, you'd think being a Marine is a glorious task gifted from the gods. You come home for the first time in that new uniform, with a tight haircut and a fresh shave with a splash of Cobra 65 and you'd think you actually were some
- [Terminal Lance #455 "Grass Week"](https://terminallance.com/2017/01/27/terminal-lance-455-grass-week/) - Grass Week is one of those things that comes around every year that you're not really sure why you're doing it, but you do it anyway because you were fucking told to, you piece of shit... Sorry, my inner NCO came out there. For those not in the know, Grass Week is when you and
- [Terminal Lance #456 "Dating Pool"](https://terminallance.com/2017/02/03/terminal-lance-456-dating-pool/) - Sorry, civilian guys, it's science. Female Marines exclusively date and marry only other male Marines. It's science. Prove me wrong. Romance in the Marine Corps usually works something like this for male Marines: Boy has girl "back home," probably a high school sweetheart or some such. He joins the Marine Corps, graduates boot camp, comes
- [Terminal Lance #457 "Good Conduct"](https://terminallance.com/2017/02/07/terminal-lance-457-good-conduct/) - After three years of "Good Conduct," one will generally receive their Good Conduct Medal accordingly. It really is simply an award received for not fucking up. This might seem easy, but you'd be surprised at how many Marines fail to accomplish such a simple task. In all fairness, the Green Weenie is always hard and
- [Terminal Lance #459 "Higher and Tighter"](https://terminallance.com/2017/02/21/terminal-lance-459-higher-and-tighter/) - As the Staff NCO moves up, his hairline follows. This is the unwritten rule, a creed by which all Staff NCO's are bound. While this comic just illustrates the beginning, this will eventually culminate into the highest and tightest of haircuts: the Screaming Eagle. Know this, however, that the Screaming Eagle haircut is actually a
- [Terminal Lance #460 "Addicted to Fail II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/02/24/terminal-lance-460-addicted-fail-ii/) - Not even Jalapeño Cheese Spread matches the exchange value of a can of dip in the eyes of a tobacco addict, or rather, most of the Marine Corps. I never partook, but damn near everyone I know took up smoking at some point after enlisting. This, in turn, led them to consume copious amounts of
- [Terminal Lance #461 "Drill Instructor Academy"](https://terminallance.com/2017/02/28/terminal-lance-461-drill-instructor-academy/) - Did you know that Drill Instructors have to go to Drill Instructor School? We're led to believe it's 12 weeks of grueling physical training designed to produce the sharpest, most physically perfected Marines to put in front of recruits. That's what the brochure says, I'm sure; but my gut tells me there's at least 2
- [Terminal Lance #462 "It All Rolls Downhill"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/03/terminal-lance-462-rolls-downhill/) - For years, scientists such as Albert Einstein have been looking for a unified theory of everything; something that reconciles quantum physics and relativity. In the Marine Corps, I have developed my own unified theory of everything: Shit. Shit is the overarching theory of everything in the Marine Corps. Field ops are shit. The food is
- [Terminal Lance "Wookieegate"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/07/terminal-lance-wookieegate/) - Another day, another scandal shaking the entire Marine Corps. I'm sure if you are reading this, you are more than aware of the situation regarding the mostly-fucktarded military Facebook pages cyber-stalking, sexually harassing, threatening, and collecting and putting up nude photos of female Marines. If you're not familiar, feel free to brush up here. I'm
- [Terminal Lance #463 "Repent"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/10/terminal-lance-463-repent/) - Lance Corporals are my people, but let's be realistic, they're a fucking headache. But that's why we love them, right? It's like owning a cat. The cat doesn't give a shit about you. The cat most likely actively despises you. But still, you feed it, clean up its shit, and give it a warm place
- [Terminal Lance #464 "LOL Boots V"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/14/terminal-lance-464-lol-boots-v/) - Traverse around any schoolhouse, smoke pit, working party or barracks balcony and you're near guaranteed to find some skinny, nineteen year-old boot with a high and tight doing the signature frog voice with his hands on his hips, mimicking the Drill Instructors they just left behind months prior. It's a strange phenomenon, akin to some
- [Terminal Lance "Shamrock Sloshed II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/17/terminal-lance-shamrock-sloshed-ii/) - I'm going to assume that by the time this comic goes up, most of you will already be drunk*. That's okay, because today is Saint Patrick's Day, and it is an international day of alcohol consumption unlike the world has ever known. *But really, it's a serious problem and you should get help. Being a hispanic Jew,
- [Terminal Lance #465 "Fashion Fascist"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/21/terminal-lance-465-fashion-fascist/) - You won't find a group of more aesthetically concerned straight men on the planet than you will in the United States Marine Corps. Appearance is everything, and Marines make it known every day by berating and correcting others on their appearance and adherence to the standards of the Corps. Everything from haircuts to shoe-shine is
- [Terminal Lance #466 "Half Truths II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/24/terminal-lance-466-half-truths-ii/) - Recruiters are a weird animal. They're one of the only groups of adult men that can prowl high schools for kids and not get put on some kind of watch list. Much like I've mentioned that I could never be a drill instructor, I don't think I could ever be a recruiter either. Don't get me
- [Terminal Lance #467 "Relativity II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/03/28/terminal-lance-467-relativity-ii/) - They don't call us devil dogs for no reason--Marines actually age in dog years. Every year in the Marine Corps is the equivalent of 7 years in normal, Earth spacetime. There's a lot of science behind this, so I'll try to keep it simple. Basically, the amount of fuckery within the Marine Corps contains so
- [Terminal Lance "Brought to you by McVitie's Digestives"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/01/terminal-lance-brought-mcvities-digestives/) - I always say to Max that he doesn't listen to me. Which most women will agree that their other halves don't either. So with that in mind, when a British media conglomerate offered Max money to create exclusively British content for 1,000 GBP, I tried to explain to him that 1,000 pounds didn't mean "1,000
- [Terminal Lance #468 "Personal Financial Management II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/04/terminal-lance-468-personal-financial-management-ii/) - Man you can save so much money when you don't have a life. Marines are terrible with money. We all know the jokes about paying for a new Mustang with 75% interest, but they're not really jokes at all because these motherfuckers do it every day. It's always interesting how broke Marines generally are on that
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Easter 2017"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/14/terminal-lance-happy-easter-2017/) - You really can't trust Marines to help with the base Easter egg hunt. May baby Jesus bless the hearts of those that run MCCS programs for Marines and their families. No, seriously, that stuff is greatly appreciated and rarely mentioned around here, but being a Marine is shitty enough as it is, so anything that
- [Terminal Lance "Tax Day 2017"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/18/terminal-lance-taxy-day-2017/) - Well it's that time of the year again... The time when PFC's and Lance Corporals across the Corps learn how to do their taxes for the first time in their fresh adult lives. For the average young Marine, they'll find they most likely get a nice refund, as most states tend to pay back in
- [Terminal Lance #469 "Endless Conversation"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/21/terminal-lance-469-endless-conversation/) - An interesting phenomenon occurs in the lower ranks of the Corps where Marines can talk to each other literally 24 hours a day and never run out of shit to talk about. Think about it this way: Marines live in very close quarters with each other, they go to work together, and most often spend
- [Terminal Lance #470 "Secret Weapon"](https://terminallance.com/2017/04/28/terminal-lance-470-secret-weapon/) - More like a one-man Corps, am I right?! I often wonder what it's like to be General Mattis, partially because I've never had a 13-inch penis, but mostly because the idolization and memefication of him has to be a strange feeling. The Legend of Mattis is further amplified by the modern phenomenon of social media, and honestly
- [Terminal Lance #471 "Coin Purse"](https://terminallance.com/2017/05/09/terminal-lance-471-coin-purse/) - On Saturday of last weekend, I attended the Marine Corps Heritage Foundation's annual award ceremony dinner and received the James Webb Award for Fiction for The White Donkey. It was a huge honor and I am immensely grateful for the consideration (especially considering we got snubbed at the Eisner awards), and it was great to
- [Terminal Lance #472 "Why We Hate CIF II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/05/16/terminal-lance-472-hate-cif-ii/) - CIF employees and armory custodians have a lot in common... That is, they're both fucking assholes that no one likes. As well, they both turn away your shit for totally ridiculous reasons. CIF gear is always required to be washed and cleaned when turning it back in, which would be fine if their standards weren't
- [Terminal Lance #473 "OPFOR"](https://terminallance.com/2017/05/19/terminal-lance-473-opfor/) - I'm gonna let you in on a little secret that you might not discover until you're a coveted "Super Senior" Lance Corporal and most likely on your way out... OPFOR is one of the best times you'll ever have on a field op. This is when you're told to dress up as a pretend terrorist
- [Terminal Lance #474 "Small Victories"](https://terminallance.com/2017/05/23/terminal-lance-474-small-victories/) - When life sucks, it's the little victories that can make a good day. Luckily, in the Marine Corps, your odds of literally everyone being too hung over to PT in the morning are pretty good on most days. I'd say there's about a 50/50 chance* you'll actually have to do some lame real PT rather
- [Terminal Lance #475 "Bootcamp: Backed Up"](https://terminallance.com/2017/05/30/terminal-lance-475-bootcamp-backed/) - Interesting things happen to the human body when they go to Marine Corps bootcamp. Your head will be shaven, you'll be sick as hell for the entirety of your stay, and women even lose their periods for the span of three months upon arrival. One of the things that usually goes unmentioned though, is that
- [Terminal Lance #476 "Corpsman Up"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/02/terminal-lance-476-corpsman/) - Doc always wants to be a Marine until it's time to do Marine shit. For the record, getting yelled at and forced to do dumb shit is definitely classified as Marine shit. Ever platoon has at least one Corpsman, and somehow they always find a way to skate out of all of the shitty Marine
- [Terminal Lance #477 "You're a Mean One II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/06/terminal-lance-477-youre-mean-one-ii/) - As the modern social landscape shifts and changes, I would give the Marine Corps credit for generally doing a good job of adapting and overcoming the new challenges brought with it. However, one area that they're still trying to wrap their heads around is social media. A few months ago we saw this all come to a
- [Terminal Lance #478 "New Corps III"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/09/terminal-lance-478-new-corps-iii/) - Much to the dismay of senior leadership, the Corps is always changing and molding to the world in which it exists. Ever since the fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (remember when gays weren't allowed in the military because they were gay?), new social orders have become the norm in a community that was previously
- [Terminal Lance "E3 Convention"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/13/terminal-lance-e3-convention/) - Well it's that time of the year again, when all of the Lance Corporals get together and all the biggest brands appealing to 18-24 year old males present their newest and latest creations to an adoring crowd. Wait, that's not actually a thing...? ...Why not? Well, at the very least, the real E3 unveils new
- [Terminal Lance #479 "Stand By II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/16/terminal-lance-479-stand-ii/) - Standing by for hours on end honestly isn't all that bad, it's when you'll get the bulk of your video game time in to give you the chance to finally Platinum Bloodborne. Still, as we've pointed out before, Marines will bitch about basically anything. Standing by has a storied tradition of fuckery for Marines. It's when
- [Terminal Lance "Seniority"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/23/terminal-lance-seniority/) - This comic was originally featured in the Marine Corps Times newspaper, which has new, original Terminal Lance comics every issue! Check it out. Rank and rate are big deals in the military, and there's always a bigger boot fish. Chain of command and a sense of seniority is innately bound to the lifestyle of being
- [Terminal Lance #480 "The Talk"](https://terminallance.com/2017/06/27/terminal-lance-480-talk/) - Staff NCO's always take it so personally when you tell them you don't want to reenlist. Of course, to each their own, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how to live their life. If the military lifestyle is working great for you and you love the relative stability of it all, by all means keep
- [Terminal Lance #481 "This Guy"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/07/terminal-lance-481-guy/) - We've all lived with this guy. There's always that one fucking douchebag that is dirty, smells bad, talks loud, has zero consideration for his other roommates and makes you hate your fucking life. And somehow, you always end up living with him. He's the guy that doesn't help clean the room, even though most of
- [Terminal Lance #482 "Bootcamp: The Tornado"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/11/terminal-lance-482-bootcamp-tornado/) - Wow this got dark. Being an alcoholic father is actually part of the training and prerequisites involved with being a Marine Corps Drill Instructor, so if you're not used to getting your shit thrashed by an angry, sweaty man... You're gonna learn. It goes without saying that bootcamp fucking sucks. I mean, I think it's
- [Terminal Lance "Manliness"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/14/terminal-lance-manliness/) - Congratulations to Michael Virgilio for winning the Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest of Manliness! We had a bunch of great submissions though, here are the runners up, all of which will receive copies of the Illustrated Art of Manliness and The White Donkey!
- [Terminal Lance #483 "Married Marines II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/18/terminal-lance-483-married-marines-ii/) - Marines often get married younger than most civilians. There's a number of reasons for this: most of the time the only way for a couple to be together in the military is to be married, since Uncle Sam doesn't care much at all for girlfriends. Some Marines just get married for the money or to
- [Terminal Lance #484 "MRE Chef"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/21/terminal-lance-484-mre-chef/) - When you spend enough time in the field, eventually the entire MRE menu becomes a bit of a bore. This is when it's important to have an MRE chef in your squad that can mix and match the tepid ingredients of the meals to make 5-star concoctions for you. There's always at least one guy that
- [Terminal Lance #485 "Mojave Rain"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/25/terminal-lance-485-mojave-rain/) - In case you hadn't heard, it rained in Twentynine Palms yesterday. Marines have a tumultuous relationship with rain in most parts of the Corps. However, in Twentynine Palms, the story is much different. Don't believe me? Look at how much the Marines of the desert lost their shit yesterday because of some precipitation. https://www.instagram.com/p/BW-wYD3BgsK/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BW-xNBthvAM/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BW-xTIABUNk/
- [Terminal Lance "Little Blue Birdy with a Little Blue Bill"](https://terminallance.com/2017/07/28/terminal-lance-little-blue-birdy-little-blue-bill/) - Oh, you didn't get the word? The President announced sweeping military policy changes on Wednesday, via Twitter, regarding transgender service members. Beginning, uh... Sometime... Transgender service members will no longer be allowed in the military full-stop. This came as a total shock to the Department of Defense itself, as Secretary of Defense Mattis was on
- [Terminal Lance #486 "The Babysitter's Club II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/01/terminal-lance-486-babysitters-club-ii/) - There's nothing worse than getting saddled with the Platoon Commander during your PT or field op. There's something inherently off-putting about officers, as if they decorate themselves with fine perfumes prior to every field op. They look and smell nice, but that's exactly why the enlisted hate them to so much. There's an explicit otherness to
- [Terminal Lance #487 "Work Ethic"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/04/terminal-lance-487-work-ethic/) - Avoiding work is hard work. Skating is a term commonly used in the Marine Corps to describe the act of avoiding any kind of actual work while in uniform. Some have even claimed this to be an acronym. S= Seek Cover K= Keep Quiet A= Accept No Responsibility T= Take No Action E= Evade In
- [Terminal Lance "Permanent Changes"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/11/terminal-lance-permanent-changes/) - There's an omnipotent force in the Marine Corps that all Marines spend their days desperately avoiding: The Green Weenie. The Green Weenie will fuck you at every turn, so you must be on your guard at all times, and your butthole remain tight. Though He is powerful, He is not infallible. You can dupe the
- [Terminal Lance "Throwback Thursday"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/15/terminal-lance-throwback-thursday/) - What a sad state of affairs we've had over the weekend. In case you've been living under a rock, this weekend saw violent Nazi and white supremacist protests in Charlottesville, where one innocent woman was killed and 19 others injured when some sister-fucking, racist hillbilly plowed his Dodge Challenger into a crowd of counter protesters.
- [Terminal Lance "Demographics II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/18/terminal-lance-demographics-ii/) - Over the last week, Terminal Lance has gotten a lot of criticism for not condemning all hate groups equally. It is because of this that I would like to take this moment to unequivocally condemn boots once and for all as a hate group. Boots, with their Camelbaks and their tucked in mom-jeans, have been
- [Terminal Lance #488 "Brief Moments of Glory"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/22/terminal-lance-488-brief-moments-glory/) - If you were to add up the total amount of awesome moments you'll have in an average 4 year enlistment, you end up with about 15-16 minutes of actually really rad stuff. The rest of it? Well, it's kind of shit. For some, that 15 minutes is enough to keep them sticking around. In this
- [Terminal Lance #489 "The Firewatch List"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/25/terminal-lance-489-firewatch-list/) - The firewatch list is a necessary evil of each night a platoon spends in the field. One must be on firewatch at all times, and the smartest Marines know that first and last firewatch are by far the best slots on the list. Opposite of this, the middle and second-to-last spaces are by far the
- [Terminal Lance #490 "Island Hopping"](https://terminallance.com/2017/08/29/terminal-lance-490-island-hopping/) - Leave it to the Marine Corps to take one of the nicest places in the world and turn it into one of the most miserable locales I've ever had the displeasure of visiting. Pohakuloa Training Area (colloquially known as PTA), is the largest training area in the Pacific, offering Hawaii Marines a chance to shoot
- [Terminal Lance "Harvey Relief"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/01/terminal-lance-harvey-relief/) - Texas loves the military. The state of Texas supplies the United States Armed Forces with about 10% of its total personnel, making your odds of running into a Texas Marine pretty significant during your active duty time. Every platoon has at least one (if not more), and they're always the most obnoxiously proud people you'll
- [Terminal Lance "Things Are Heating Up II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/05/terminal-lance-things-heating-ii/) - I'll admit, I stole this joke from my old CBRN officer, but in reality it's hardly a joke at all. The new Cold War just got a lot hotter over the long weekend, as people stumbled back into work today to find that North Korea has been cooking up quite a shit storm by successfully
- [Terminal Lance #491 "Honor, Courage, and Lots of Commitment"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/08/terminal-lance-491-honor-courage-lots-commitment/) - There's a somewhat dubious amount of commitment involved in being a Marine. The standard contract is 4 years, though many are 5 depending on what MOS you choose. As are most things in the military, this contract is very one-sided, and it's not you that gets the final say in anything. It may as well
- [Terminal Lance #492 "All Your Base: Camp Lejeune"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/15/terminal-lance-492-base-camp-lejeune/) - Twentynine Palms is an easy target when it comes to describing somewhere miserable. However, this isn't to say that there aren't other places in the Corps equally as miserable, it's just that some are more subtle about it than others. In the words of the great Michael Caine: "I have never seen it, but by
- [Terminal Lance #493 "The Boot Band Rule"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/22/terminal-lance-493-boot-band-rule/) - The Boot Band Rule is infamous for allowing you to get away with things you otherwise wouldn't. It's not gay if you have boot bands on. Well, okay, it lets you get away with gay stuff. Why though? Well, there comes a time in every Marine's career when he has to make a decision about
- [Terminal Lance "The Natural Age Progression of a Weapons Platoon Commander II"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/26/terminal-lance-natural-age-progression-weapons-platoon-commander-ii/) - Yesterday saw the official graduation of the first ever female Marine Corps Infantry Officer from Infantry Officer Course, and I have a feeling she will immediately regret it when she realizes that her job is akin to herding 45 hyper-masculine, sexually frustrated cats. There's always a lot of noise around these sorts of events, but
- [Terminal Lance "Usually Some of the Time"](https://terminallance.com/2017/09/29/terminal-lance-usually-time/) - The Marine Corps is the most elite fighting force on the planet. They are well-known and feared across the globe for their unrelenting strength and resolve in combat. ...But they're kind of shit at doing most things outside of that. Try to accomplish anything administratively and you're going to be met with the same bloated US
- [Terminal Lance #494 "Occupational Specialty"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/03/terminal-lance-494-occupational-specialty/) - For some reason I always felt like I was the only person that didn't have some obscure friend back home that was going to hook me up with an even more obscure job once I got out of the Corps. It seemed like everyone I talked to had some kind of ridiculous hook up that
- [Terminal Lance "Gangway 4th Phase!"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/06/terminal-lance-gangway-4th-phase/) - ...Followed by "How to Not Wear a Backpack to the Mall." This is some obscure news that may or may not happen, but Task & Purpose reported the other day that the Corps is considering adding an extended '4th phase' to boot camp's "Marine Week," to better prepare recruits for their next 4 years as
- [Terminal Lance #495 "Postpartum"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/17/terminal-lance-495-postpartum/) - What you have just witnessed here is the birth of a new Angry Facebook Veteran. Interesting things happen when Marines are away from their own kind for too long. They begin to revert into a primitive idolatry that is normally reserved for moto parents and boots. You can see the beginning signs of this any
- [Terminal Lance #496 "The Warrior's Club"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/20/terminal-lance-496-warriors-club/) - Welcome, weary traveler! In need of a pint of fine ale? Or perhaps just a cool seat in the blistering heat? Welcome then to the Camp Wilson Warrior Club! Enjoy our splendorous offerings of the finest burgers, curly fries, chicken strips, fish sticks and more! Take refuge from the hot desert sands with an ice
- [Terminal Lance #497 "The Little End"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/24/terminal-lance-496-little-end/) - As a Marine that's over 6 feet tall, I just want to give a special shout out to the little end: Fuck you and I hate you all. For whatever reason, short people are terrible at marching in formation. How do I know this? Well, I gathered this expert opinion during my 3 months aboard
- [Terminal Lance "Super Marine Odyssey"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/27/terminal-lance-super-marine-odyssey/) - I think Mario might have bitten off more than he could chew here. Instead of an underwater level, he's gotta do the Helo dunker in the base swimming pool. Instead of saving Princess Peach from Bowser, he's gonna be saving her from a room full of thirsty Marines in the barracks. Instead of collecting moons and
- [Terminal Lance "Halloween 2017"](https://terminallance.com/2017/10/31/terminal-lance-halloween-2017/) - Too spooky for me. Is it weird that as I get older I become more and more sympathetic to the plight of the Staff Sergeant? Of course, Terminal Lance will always center around the beautiful species known as the Lance Corporal of Marines, but the few guys I know from my unit that stayed in
- [Terminal Lance #498 “Senior Lance Corporal”](https://terminallance.com/2017/11/03/terminal-lance-497-senior-lance-corporal/) - One of the most coveted ranks of the Marine Corps is that of the “Senior Lance Corporal.” This is when a Marine holds seniority in a platoon, but is generally perpetually stuck at the rank of Lance Corporal for at least the foreseeable future. This happens for a variety of reasons, but it’s mostly an
- [Terminal Lance "The Day My Marine Corps Came Alive"](https://terminallance.com/2017/11/10/terminal-lance-day-marine-corps-came-alive/) - The Corps is steeped in a rich history of drunken men fighting people all around the world. Were it not for that first alcoholic that raised his hand and said, "Yes, I will ride around in a boat and fight people I've never met," we wouldn't be here today celebrating the 242nd birthday of the
- [Terminal Lance #499 "The Awakening"](https://terminallance.com/2017/11/14/terminal-lance-498-awakening/) - No one ever wants to wake up in the field. Your dreams will often lull you into sweet fantasies of being back home, out on the town, in bed with beautiful women, or really just anywhere but where you actually are. Waking up is the last thing you want to do, because really anywhere is
- [Terminal Lance "Fly Hard"](https://terminallance.com/2017/11/17/terminal-lance-fly-hard/) - Making national news today was a hero of a Navy pilot that decided to grace ground-dwellers with a beautifully simple erect penis against the deep blue sky. Penis drawings are a mainstay of the military across all branches. Dicks find their way into every facet of military life, from the bathroom walls to the people
- [Terminal Lance Solid #1](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/01/terminal-lance-solid-1/) - Kept you waiting, huh? CBRN Chief Warrant Officer Quigley has taken the base hostage and is held up in the chemical weapons depot. He is threatening to unleash CS gas across the entire base! We have to stop him! My favorite Metal Gear Solid game is probably the first one just because I find it
- [Terminal Lance Solid #2](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/05/terminal-lance-solid-2/) - There are few things in the Corps worse than being a boot. Actually, there's only two things worse than being a boot: being a student or being a recruit. Not only do you get treated like a boot, but everyone knows you're a boot just by looking at you. You can try to hide it
- [Terminal Lance Solid #3](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/08/terminal-lance-solid-3/) - Hey... You're that Ninja... It's hard not to feel bad for the random guards in the Metal Gear Solid games. A while back I realized that, while everyone wishes they were the badass guy in a bandana, they're actually the poor asshole standing post. As a Lance Corporal you're not Solid Snake, you're the sad,
- [Terminal Lance Solid #4](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/12/terminal-lance-solid-4/) - It can't be! The twists and turns of the Metal Gear Solid story are really what set it apart from other games upon its release and today. What starts as a fairly straightforward military mission is soon turned on its head with unpredictable variables like cyborg ninjas, evil twins, and government conspiracies. It's kind of
- [Terminal Lance Solid #5](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/19/terminal-lance-solid-5/) - CBRN (Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear) Marines are a unique bunch. Like a lot of MOS fields, they pride themselves on their unique duties within the context of the Corps at large. However, because of the distinct lack of chemical attacks happening against Marines in the wild, their main obligations are running the infamous gas chambers
- [Terminal Lance Solid #6](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/23/terminal-lance-solid-6/) - You’re witnessing here the power of the Chief Warrant Officer. They are a unique, sometimes mythical creature in Corps culture because they are rarely seen (intentionally) and revered as really the only experts of anything in the Corps. No one really knows how Chief Warrant Officers came to possess such unbridled power, but it’s believed
- [Terminal Lance Solid #7](https://terminallance.com/2017/12/29/terminal-lance-solid-7/) - The Chief Warrant Officer is the only rank in the Marine Corps more adept in the dark arts of skating than that of the Lance Corporal. In the Army, the skating arts are known as "shamming," and they are passed down from successive generations. Skating is essentially defined as the absolute avoidance of any and
- [Terminal Lance Solid #8](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/02/terminal-lance-solid-8/) - I have to admit, I always wanted to be experimented on and turned into a cyborg ninja. I mean, who doesn't? At the very least, I was hoping to be part of some kind of super soldier Marine program like Captain America. I was sadly disappointed to find out when I enlisted that secret government
- [Terminal Lance Solid #9](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/04/terminal-lance-solid-9/) - You'll remember from The White Donkey that Garcia was quite fond of Abe's sister. Gray Fox was always my favorite character in the Metal Gear Solid series. Naturally, because he's a cyborg ninja, but also because his backstory and character arc is complex, leading to many twists and turns and an emotional climax during the
- [Terminal Lance Solid #10](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/05/terminal-lance-solid-10/) - Happy 8th Birthday to Terminal Lance. I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for the support over the years. It's been a long journey and has brought me to many exciting places, with plenty of ups and an equal amount of downs. I couldn't ask for a better fan base, you guys
- [Terminal Lance “Assault Up”](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/09/terminal-lance-assault/) - This is bullshit. My MOS is getting phased out. When Hope over at Military.com interviewed me for her breaking story, the first thing I thought to myself was: is this actually happening this time? For my entire enlistment, since the day I arrived at ITB West and tested for the 0351 MOS, I was told
- [Terminal Lance "The Last Motivator"](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/12/terminal-lance-last-motivator/) - I have to hand it to ILM... They did a fantastic job of taking out Adam Driver's Oceanside-born moto tattoos in post production. How do I know Adam Driver has moto tats? Because of course he does. I would put money on it. For those of you that don't know, Kylo Ren was an 0341
- [Terminal Lance "Hawaii Five-Oh Shit"](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/16/terminal-lance-hawaii-five-oh-shit/) - In case you missed it, there was a ballistic missile alert on Saturday morning for the entire state of Hawaii, proclaiming that it was "NOT A DRILL." Having been stationed in Hawaii for most of my enlistment (3/3 India Co), my immediate thought was to what the Marines in my old stomping grounds of K-Bay
- [Terminal Lance #501 "Everything New is Old Again"](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/23/terminal-lance-501-everything-new-old/) - To be honest, most of the things that happen in the Corps have little purpose other than to mess with you and keep you miserable. In reality, infantry Marines probably don't really need to go to SOI at all. Well, the weapons MOS's probably should learn some baseline stuff specific to their jobs like mortars
- [Terminal Lance #502 "God Loves Marines II"](https://terminallance.com/2018/01/26/terminal-lance-502-god-hates-marines/) - As a Senior Lance Corporal, when I hated someone, I made them stand post. It's because of this basic logic that I refuse to believe the common trope that God in fact loves Marines. Gunny R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket would have you believe otherwise, but it just doesn't add up. If God
- [Terminal Lance #503 "All Your Base: Bridgeport"](https://terminallance.com/2018/02/06/terminal-lance-503-base-bridgeport/) - Those of you that were keeping up with my ongoings on Instagram and otherwise probably noticed that I spent a few days over at the Marine Corps Mountain Warfare Training Center in Bridgeport, California last week. The mountain was cold and the Marines were absolutely miserable, just as god intended. I had the pleasure of
- [Terminal Lance #504 "Recruiting Duty"](https://terminallance.com/2018/02/09/terminal-lance-504-recruiting-duty/) - I could never be a recruiter. There's something rather uneasy to me about targeting high school kids and propositioning them on behalf of Uncle Sam. As well, you have to be a pretty good salesman, and I'm painfully too honest for that line of work. As a thought experiment, I like to imagine how the
- [Terminal Lance #505 "Origin Story"](https://terminallance.com/2018/02/16/terminal-lance-505-origin-story/) - For every light, there must be a shadow. Within that shadow... Is Jodie... Doing unsavory things to your girl. Since the dawn of the Corps, Jodie has terrorized its members and their significant others. He is everywhere and nowhere. He is the man that your girl works with, who knows you're not in the country.
- [Terminal Lance #506 "Indoctrination"](https://terminallance.com/2018/02/20/terminal-lance-506-indoctrination/) - I always wanted to go Scout Snipers. Well, at least until I saw the Marines running the indoc at K-Bay. The misery on their faces was enough to make me happy enough to ride out the rest of my contract as I was. I was a big fan of the 2005 film Jarhead before I
- [Terminal Lance "FOB Kilo-12"](https://terminallance.com/2018/02/23/terminal-lance-fob-kilo-12/) - Man school is getting rough these days. I hope these kids and teachers are getting that combat zone pay, because I did when I was in Iraq and it wasn't nearly as dangerous. My sister is actually a 4th grade teacher in Corvallis, Oregon, where I grew up. It's sad that this is what it
- [Terminal Lance #507 "Shitter Poet"](https://terminallance.com/2018/03/02/terminal-lance-507-shitter-poet/) - In every platoon there is at least one guy that can write the most eloquent self-expressions in the form of poetry. This Marine also chooses to write those exclusively on the porta-shitter walls. This Marine is a morale-booster, a savant of sorts that entertains every member of the unit with his sharp wit. Go into
- [Terminal Lance #508 "Licensed"](https://terminallance.com/2018/03/09/terminal-lance-508-licensed/) - It starts off innocent enough... Staff Sergeant tells you in formation that you need to report to the motor pool on Monday... You're getting your Humvee (HMMWV) license. But then things change. First it's the course. Sure, it's only a week long, but that's a week of barracks shenanigans you're not really a part of.
- [Terminal Lance "Shamrock Sloshed III"](https://terminallance.com/2018/03/16/terminal-lance-shamrock-sloshed-iii/) - In all seriousness, Abe might have a real problem and should probably get help. Celebrating Saint Patrick's Day is especially easy for Marines, because we drink profusely and already wear green every fucking day. If you didn't know any better, you would think every day is Saint Patrick's Day in the Marine Corps with Marines running
- [Terminal Lance #509 "Foundational"](https://terminallance.com/2018/03/23/terminal-lance-509-foundational/) - Being in the infantry sucks. It sucks so much, in fact, that one has to assume it's intentional. When people refer to the Marine Corps and refer to "The Suck," what they really mean is every day life in the infantry. The problem I have trying to discuss the suck of the infantry in relation
- [Terminal Lance "Goodest Friday"](https://terminallance.com/2018/03/30/terminal-lance-goodest-friday/) - Hiyoooooooooooooo! I'm pretty sure if you actually count the days of reservist duty and Jewish holidays in a calendar year you will come to the same valid conclusion. It's like reservists aren't even real people. I'm only half-joking. There's an flourishing disdain for reservists amongst the active duty community. Part of it is jealousy (because
- [Terminal Lance #510 "Respect in the Military"](https://terminallance.com/2018/04/03/terminal-lance-510-respect-in-the-military/) - Respect is important in the military. In fact, one would argue that respect is paramount to the entire damn operation. If your subordinates don't respect you, you're going to have a much harder time getting them to do things. Getting people to do things they may not want to do is literally the entire point
- [Terminal Lance #511 "How To: Barracks Cuts"](https://terminallance.com/2018/04/13/terminal-lance-511-how-to-barracks-cuts/) - This is a guide. It's not necessarily the best guide, but it's by far the most accurate, based on the amount of photos I get every day of fucked up haircuts across the Corps... https://www.instagram.com/p/BhIceD0n8u9 It's 2018 and Marines have figured out how to order clout goggles on Amazon but not how to cut hair.
- [Terminal Lance "Legends Never Die"](https://terminallance.com/2018/04/17/terminal-lance-legends-never-die/) - As I'm sure all of you are aware, this weekend saw the passing of the legendary "Gunny" R. Lee Ermey, a Marine veteran and actor that was renowned and loved across all spectrums. He was obviously best known for his work in Full Metal Jacket as the ubiquitous film Senior Drill Instructor, a role that
- [Terminal Lance #512 "Half Truths III"](https://terminallance.com/2018/04/24/terminal-lance-512-half-truths-iii/) - It's a metaphor. The Green Weenie is a menace to every enlisted orifice, starting early in a Marine's career. So early, in fact, that you may not even be in the Corps when it claims its first victory over your vulnerable butthole. Welcome to the recruiter's office... Let's have a chat. You'll spend the rest
- [Terminal Lance #513 "Staff NCO Dreams II"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/01/terminal-lance-513-staff-nco-dreams-ii/) - Marines need very specific instructions for the weekend. If you don't tell them exactly everything they aren't supposed to do, they will naturally assume that it is fair game. Need to make sure they don't murder another human this weekend? Make sure it's in the weekend safety brief, or regret it come Monday morning. Okay,
- [Terminal Lance #514 "Short Timer"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/08/terminal-lance-514-short-timer/) - There comes a time in every Marine's career--usually within a few months of their End of Active Service (EAS) date--where they "drop their pack." This is a colloquial term used to describe what I like to call the End of Active Fucks (EAF) date, where the fucks have left the Marine's body completely as they
- [Terminal Lance #515 "The New Infantry"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/15/terminal-lance-515-the-new-infantry/) - In case you haven't heard, the Corps excitedly announced some new rearranging of the standard Marine Corps infantry squad yesterday that included a few new roles for the 0311. Each team will now consist of three Marines (instead of 4) and three brand new billets have been added: Grenadier, Assistant Squad Leader, and Squad Systems
- [Terminal Lance #516 "The Piggyback"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/18/terminal-lance-516-the-piggyback/) - Does anyone have any saved rounds? No? Okay well let me just piggyback off what First Sergeant just said... There are few things worse in a Lance Corporal's garrison life than the piggyback. This is when a Staff NCO or officer feels desperately like he needs to squeeze in a few extra words or else
- [Terminal Lance "Memorial Day 2018"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/25/terminal-lance-memorial-day-2018/) - The rules of the Marines standing post in heaven have always been unclear to me. Like, is that all Marines throughout all of American history? Only the grunts? Do the older generations of Marines get issued new gear to keep them up to date with the current load outs? Is there like a 4 year
- [Terminal Lance #517 "Boot Camp: Medical Bench Commandos"](https://terminallance.com/2018/05/29/terminal-lance-517-boot-camp-medical-bench-commandos/) - When you arrive aboard the beautiful Marine Corps Recruit Depot of San Diego or Parris Island, you'll inevitably make a trip over to Medical at some point during your short recruit tenure. There you will find the cretins of the medical bench. These pale, broken and sickly recruits are frequent flyers of the bench, and
- [Terminal Lance #518 "Hot Brass"](https://terminallance.com/2018/06/01/terminal-lance-518-hot-brass/) - The Marine Corps has a funny way of turning just about anything that sounds fun on paper into being a fairly miserable entire fucking day. Combat ranges are one of those things. On paper, it sounds great to go out shooting guns with 40 of your best friends. In practice though, it turns into an
- [Terminal Lance #519 "A Glitch in the Matrix"](https://terminallance.com/2018/06/05/terminal-lance-519-a-glitch-in-the-matrix/) - This is how Staff NCO's are made. Every Marine knows this one simple truth: whenever you forget to shave or get a haircut, or otherwise don't do something you know you were supposed to, some Staff NCO will appear out of nowhere to chew your ass. You could be stranded on a desert island with
- [Terminal Lance #520 "The Birth of a Lifer"](https://terminallance.com/2018/06/12/terminal-lance-520-the-birth-of-a-lifer/) - Seeing your friends reenlist is always a sad moment. On one hand, you want to be supportive of their decision, even though you know it's bad; quite like watching your best friend get engaged to that horrible woman everyone hates and knows is terrible for him. On the other, you know that you'll probably never
- [Space Lance #1 "The Final Frontier"](https://terminallance.com/2018/06/19/space-lance-1-the-final-frontier/) - Definitely the most exciting military news to come out this week was the official declaration of the United States Space Force yesterday. At first I had thought that it was somewhat strange to need an entire military branch for space, considering that we have enough trouble getting people into space as it is ever since
- [Terminal Lance #521 "Full Disclosure"](https://terminallance.com/2018/07/06/terminal-lance-521-full-disclosure/) - Safe sex is important, and part of that is the full disclosure of any sexually transmitted diseases you may have acquired over the years. You'll probably pick up quite a few from the Marine Corps experience--from achey back and knees, to tinnitus, depression, and probably some permanent DNA damage from drinking the water on base.
- [Terminal Lance #522 "All Of The Weather"](https://terminallance.com/2018/07/13/terminal-lance-522-all-of-the-weather/) - The most under appreciated issued uniform item is definitely the All-Weather Coat. It is so under appreciated, in fact, that to this day I have never actually taken the tag off of mine. However, did you know that you can wear it with any uniform? Even in civilian clothes! How rad is that? It is
- [Terminal Lance #523 "The Search"](https://terminallance.com/2018/07/17/terminal-lance-523-the-search/) - One of the many banes of a Marine's existence is gear accountability. Lose any piece of serialized gear in the field, and find your entire platoon police calling for hours on end. Despite the fact that Uncle Sam throws about $500 billion to the US Military annually, losing a $1000 piece of gear will mean
- [Terminal Lance #524 "Take Note"](https://terminallance.com/2018/07/20/terminal-lance-524-take-note/) - Rite-in-the-Rain has made a killing on the Marine Corps. Those notebooks can be found in every Marine's pocket from PFC to Sergeant Major, and each one is filled with hundreds of doodles of demented thoughts and musings of bored Marines forced to take notes during some random class in the field. In every Marine's notebook,
- [Terminal Lance #525 "Mentorship"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/03/terminal-lance-525-mentorship/) - As a Senior Lance Corporal of Marines, it is your duty to train the upcoming generation boots below you to survive at home and abroad. Don't worry about teaching them tactical stuff, they learned all of that at SOI (LOL). What the Marines of today really need is someone to teach them how to avoid
- [Terminal Lance #526 "Good Eats"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/10/terminal-lance-526-good-eats/) - MRE Menu item 23 has been in development for some 30 years, as scientists scoured the earth to find the right ingredients to make the saddest slice of pizza they could imagine. With a lot of hype, the lauded and dreamlike pizza MRE became a reality this year. This is an actual photo of it:
- [Terminal Lance #527 "Herding Cats"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/14/terminal-lance-527-herding-cats/) - Marines are a special breed of animal. They call themselves "Devil Dogs," but really, they're more like cats. They can sleep anywhere and on anything, skulk around at night looking for something to mate with, and can't really be controlled by their masters. Just when you think you have them where you want them, they
- [Terminal Lance "The Suck Sucks"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/17/terminal-lance-the-suck-sucks/) - Don't give them ideas, because they're always looking for ways they can make your life worse. By "they" I mean your command, and by your command I mean literally anyone that's in charge of you. Marines (and other branches) are often known colloquially as "brothers in arms," which is an apt description of the familial
- [Terminal Lance #528 "Core Temperature II"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/21/terminal-lance-528-core-temperature-ii/) - Like most normal humans, I have had a fever before. Again, like most normal humans, I have used a thermometer to take my temperature. However, never in my life have I thought to myself, "...what if I put this thermometer in my ass instead of my mouth?" The United States Navy has convinced you all
- [Terminal Lance #529 "Special Operations"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/28/terminal-lance-529-special-operations/) - Beards are like a dirty fantasy to Marines everywhere. They think about them during the day, fantasize about them during the night, and dream upon the day they'll finally be able to grow one without getting yelled at by a 32 year old Gunny that looks like he's 58. There's only three ways this can
- [Terminal Lance "MP Life"](https://terminallance.com/2018/08/31/terminal-lance-mp-life/) - Military Police are obviously an easy target for most. They seem very self-hating, being charged with the duty of maintaining order on a Marine Corps installation. While a Marine Corps base seems like a kind of utilitarian utopia of order and happy families, talk to any MP in the flesh and see the dark underbelly
- [Terminal Lance #530 "You're a Mean One III"](https://terminallance.com/2018/09/07/terminal-lance-530-youre-a-mean-one-iii/) - I found myself in yet another familiar predicament today when I woke up to a bunch of panicky emails from distressed Lance Corporals asking me to remove a video they had sent to me under the threat of non-judicial punishment. Keep in mind, the military operates on non-judicial punishment and not judicial punishment because the
- [Terminal Lance "Florence and the Marines"](https://terminallance.com/2018/09/18/terminal-lance-florence/) - I'm a little late with this, but in case you missed it, Camp Lejeune was hit by the devastating Hurricane Florence over the weekend, which cause some significant damage and equally significant barracks partying. Prior to the hurricane making landfall, the world was abuzz in disbelief that the base commander had ordered the Marines to
- [Terminal Lance #531 "Bitch and Moan II"](https://terminallance.com/2018/09/25/terminal-lance-531-bitch-and-moan-ii/) - Marines will bitch about anything. However, the one thing that sets Marines off the most? Cleaning. Marines, generally, feel like cleaning things is some form of torture. This is probably due to the negative association with cleaning and punishment given to most of us during boot camp. If you fuck up, expect to find yourself
- [Terminal Lance "Jeopardy"](https://terminallance.com/2018/10/05/terminal-lance-jeopardy/) - What is... Anywhere else? The military is a weird thing--especially as infantry--where you and all manner of other individuals from across the country get plucked and pulled from your past life and placed into a single spot, where you all can wallow in misery together. Very rarely are you placed somewhere very close to your
- [Terminal Lance #532 "Dummy Cord"](https://terminallance.com/2018/10/16/terminal-lance-532-dummy-cord/) - You'll probably lose quite a few things while you're in the Marine Corps. Your Goretex jacket, those weird black leather gloves that CIF gives you for some reason, your dignity and sense of shame, etc. Once they're gone, it'll take a crew of many Marines to search and scour for them. If those things are
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Halloween 2018"](https://terminallance.com/2018/10/30/terminal-lance-happy-halloween-2018/) - The barracks can be a spooky place. In all reality, standing duty all night can be quite frightening. You often find yourself alone into the wee hours of the morning... You hear a strange noise, so you fulfill your obligations as the only sober person in the barracks and creep your way along the barracks catwalk
- [Terminal Lance "243rd Marine Corps Veteran's Day Birthday Weekend"](https://terminallance.com/2018/11/09/terminal-lance-243rd-marine-corps-veterans-day-birthday-weekend/) - It's that favorite time of the year again, when we get incredibly drunk at birthday balls and plot our attacks on unsuspecting restaurants to cash in on those Veteran's Day freebies. The combination of the Marine Corps Birthday and Veteran's Day in one weekend is enough to send any motivator into a self-indulgent patriot spiral
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Thanksgiving 2018"](https://terminallance.com/2018/11/20/terminal-lance-happy-thanksgiving-2018/) - Every year you will hear the same gestures of kindness coming from the mouths of Staff NCO's across the Corps. Come over on Thanksgiving or Christmas day if you have nowhere to go. It seems genuine and nice, but no one would ever know if it's for real... ...Because no Lance Corporal in their right
- [Terminal Lance #533 "Lovestruck Romeo"](https://terminallance.com/2018/12/04/terminal-lance-533-lovestruck-romeo/) - Some women go their whole lives wondering if that special someone will get down on one knee with a diamond ring and ask her that magical question. Women in Oceanside and Jacksonville know that they can accomplish this just by standing around at the right barbershop on a Saturday. Ladies, date a military man for more
- [Terminal Lance #534 “Standard Issue”](https://terminallance.com/2018/12/18/terminal-lance-534-standard-issue/) - The Marine Corps issues its members a variety of gear and clothing associated with the position of killing for Uncle Sam. One of those that is rather understated is the luxurious, soft and shitty underbody of the Staff NCO. Upon reaching Staff NCO status—usually in your mid-to-late twenties and after popping out a few kids
- [Terminal Lance #535 "Unresolved Resolutions"](https://terminallance.com/2018/12/28/terminal-lance-535-unresolved-resolutions/) - Nobody goes into the Marine Corps planning on being a Terminal Lance. It is a matter of circumstance, more often than not, and especially if you are of the 03 designated group of MOS's. While my old MOS doesn't actually exist anymore, I wasn't a Terminal Lance through any kind of a lack of effort,
- [Terminal Lance "Obsessive Compulsive"](https://terminallance.com/2019/01/11/terminal-lance-obsessive-compulsive/) - Oh... This explains a lot. Staff NCO's can't stand seeing even a speck of dirt, or uneven grass, or uneven lines in the sand. They will go out of their way to make sure every aspect of a Marine Corps installation is perfect, because all of them have intense, undiagnosed OCD (and potentially tourettes syndrome).
- [Terminal Lance #536 "Slim Pickin's"](https://terminallance.com/2019/01/29/terminal-lance-536-slim-pickins/) - The Marine Corps infantry is a brutal place. It is kill or be killed, eat or be eaten, and pick the best MRE's for your pack or eat the worst ones. Modern Marines have lucked out on their selection of food items available in those brown boxes, and anyone who's spent any time enlisted in
- [Terminal Lance #537 "From Dusk Til Dawn"](https://terminallance.com/2019/02/22/terminal-lance-537-from-dusk-til-dawn/) - Gunny and his Staff NCO friends have been trying to warn us for years the dangers of keeping a beanie hat on after sunrise. No matter the temperature outside, whether it be positive or negative 30 degrees in the immediate area around your bivouac, you will not wear a beanie hat once the sun comes
- [Terminal Lance #538 "Phase One"](https://terminallance.com/2019/02/26/terminal-lance-538-phase-one/) - Don't get too close to the recruits... Not only are they laced with more diseases than rubella-stricken children of anti-vaxxers, but they also smell deeply of hand sanitizer and farts. Boot camp is a disgusting place, filled with badly shaven teenagers and the crushed souls of the damned, underscored by the distant echoes of frog-voiced drill
- [Terminal Lance #539 "Chow Hall Nightmares"](https://terminallance.com/2019/03/15/terminal-lance-539-chow-hall-nightmares/) - There's terrible things going on in chow halls across the Marine Corps. Well, I don't actually know this, I'm just assuming so because the food is often so bad that it must mean something has gone terribly wrong. Of course, bad food and the military go together like moldy peas and carrots. Hell, the DOD
- [Terminal Lance #540 "Signed In"](https://terminallance.com/2019/03/26/terminal-lance-540-signed-in/) - Skating is a fine art... And it's one that probably not everyone should practice at the same time. For each lame event that you can maybe weasel out of attending, there's maybe only enough room for 2 or 3 Marines to be missing from a platoon sized element. Any more than that and it starts
- [Terminal Lance #541 "Tone Deaf"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/05/terminal-lance-541-tone-deaf/) - If you're infantry, there are fairly good odds you will exit the Marine Corps with worse hearing than you had. If for nothing else, then the fact that you will fire weapons basically all the time and will wear hearing protection for very little of it. This isn't usually a conscious choice--though sometimes it is--but
- [Terminal Lance #542 "All These Presents"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/09/terminal-lance-542-all-these-presents/) - One of the most traumatic things I ever experienced through an enlistment--with two deployments to Iraq--was having to listen to any Staff NCO read an old English promotion warrant at a typical 4th grade reading level. It's one of those things that makes you simultaneously cringe and feel unsafe every time you hear, listening to
- [Terminal Lance #543 "Unlimited Power"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/16/terminal-lance-543-unlimited-power/) - For over 250 years, since 1775, the chillest of Marines have been at war with the great power of the Green Weenie. Using its vast network of officers and Staff NCO's it has conducted extensive efforts to screw over Marines every chance it gets. It has but one weakness... Time. The only thing the great
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Easter 2019!"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/21/terminal-lance-happy-easter-2019/) - It's Easter Sunday for 2nd Marine Division, which I'm sure is just another work day. In case you missed it, the 2nd MARDIV Commanding General put out a blanket division-wide order the other day that micromanages the schedules of every Marine under the command. This is because (as the letter states), Marines and sailors are
- [Terminal Lance "Endgame"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/26/terminal-lance-endgame/) - Let's be real here, Thanos is doing us all a favor. Or at the very least, he's doing everyone in 2nd MARDIV a favor. Of course, knowing the luck of the average Lance Corporal, the Thanos snap would wipe out every rank in between E4 and E8 and leave nothing but Lance Corporals and E9's
- [Terminal Lance #545 "Officer Life"](https://terminallance.com/2019/04/30/terminal-lance-545-officer-life/) - Life in the Marine Corps can often be described as depressing...Or soul-destroying... Or just generally awful... Unless of course you're a Commissioned Officer. Once they are adorned with those beautifully shiny ranks, officers of Marines become a whole different class of human in the world of the military. They demand to be addressed as "Sir,"
- [Terminal Lance #546 "Moonlight"](https://terminallance.com/2019/05/07/terminal-lance-546-moonlight/) - The Moon Beam is an enchanted item gifted to you during your earliest days of the Corps. It is a massive flashlight fit for cumbersome D-batteries, oddly shaped to clip on to your chest and still point forward. It comes with many colored lenses, the red of which will likely be used the most. As
- [Terminal Lance #547 "Mercury Rising"](https://terminallance.com/2019/05/17/terminal-lance-547-mercury-rising/) - We've all been there. It's 94 degrees outside, your First Sergeant decided that today the entire company was going to go for a 10 mile hike. 6 miles into it, that dingy high-back of a safety vehicle starts to look more and more like paradise. Doc knows this. Doc knows you're going to try and
- [Terminal Lance #548 "Gaming the Throne"](https://terminallance.com/2019/05/24/terminal-lance-548-gaming-the-throne/) - In every Marine Corps infantry company there exists at least one Marine that's just a total piece of shit, but keeps getting selected for meritorious boards and other awards. It's like he's casted some kind of shrouding spell over the eyes of his Staff NCO's and Officers and they can't see him for what he
- [Terminal Lance #549 "Meet the Fleet"](https://terminallance.com/2019/05/31/terminal-lance-549-meet-the-fleet/) - During your stay at the luxurious Marine Corps resort and spa, you'll have numerous days and moments that will stick with you and many that you would consider somewhat terrifying. There are few days as nerve-wracking as those first moments of arrival at an infantry unit. Fresh off the parade deck, little boots from SOI
- [Terminal Lance #550 "Technological Advantage"](https://terminallance.com/2019/06/07/terminal-lance-550-technological-advantage/) - Life as a junior enlisted Marine is arduous enough as it is, what with the constant, ever-flowing stream of bullshit drifting your way each and every day. Miscellaneous Staff NCO's make that life even more annoying, as they seem to be lurking around nearly every corner on base (and sometimes even off base) to "correct"
- [Terminal Lance "Pride in Service"](https://terminallance.com/2019/06/18/terminal-lance-pride-in-service/) - I think back to my time in the Corps and I remember how incredibly stupid it was that it was considered illegal to be gay. Not only that, but there was no shortage of ignorant, scared men defending this position as if it actually made sense (I'm sure those long, angry, hateful Facebook posts circa
- [Terminal Lance “The Boots and the Bees”](https://terminallance.com/2019/06/21/terminal-lance-the-boots-and-the-bees/) - In every Senior Lance Corporal’s life, he must have a talk with his Boots about the possibilities of going to war. The boot will be awkward and scared to ask questions about it, but you just have to sit him down and have the talk. It’s better to just get it over with as early
- [Terminal Lance #551 "Firewatch"](https://terminallance.com/2019/06/25/terminal-lance-551-firewatch/) - It's that time of year again! The time when nearly every week there's a new, major fire breaking out at Camp Pendleton. There's something about the combination of dry, California brush with Marines firing machineguns and explosives that seems to really light up Camp Pendleton. Perhaps there's some science behind it--who really knows? Last week,
- [Terminal Lance #552 "The Draft"](https://terminallance.com/2019/07/02/terminal-lance-552-the-draft/) - Just another day in the life of the Angry Facebook Veteran. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that the military can't be good for some people who choose to enlist. For all of my daily degradation, I think I gained quite a bit from my enlistment. What I'm saying is that the people that support
- [Terminal Lance "Club Four-Star"](https://terminallance.com/2019/07/12/terminal-lance-club-four-star/) - It's official: The Marine Corps has a new Commandant as of this week. The esteemed General Neller has stepped down into retirement, and his replacement, General Berger has taken over as the 38th Commandant of the Marine Corps. General Neller can now take his place in the circle of life, joining Jim Mattis and John
- [Terminal Lance #553 "Bridge the Divide"](https://terminallance.com/2019/07/19/terminal-lance-553-bridge-the-divide/) - There's no greater tool to understand another culture than empathy. As we've explored before, life as an officer in the military is very different than life as a peasant an enlisted member. The military is one of the few professions on earth where a 4 year bachelor's degree immediately qualifies you for irreproachable god-status within
- [Terminal Lance "Area 51"](https://terminallance.com/2019/07/23/terminal-lance-area-51/) - Boy they sure are going to be disappointed when they get to Area 51 and it's just another really boring air wing base filled with POG's. I would say the aliens aboard Area 51 probably aren't even attractive enough to have sex with, but it's an Air Force base and everyone is attractive. Have I
- [Terminal Lance #554 “Say Again Your Last”](https://terminallance.com/2019/07/30/terminal-lance-554-say-again-your-last/) - Marines are known for many things: their tenacity for war fighting, spirit of brotherhood, and the ability to drink vast quantities of alcohol and still function are just a few. Marines also love to yell. Mostly at each other, but exceptions can be made. Go on to any Marine Corps base and your ears (if
- [Terminal Lance #555 "Promote Above Peers"](https://terminallance.com/2019/08/09/terminal-lance-555-promote-above-peers/) - The Marine that reaches Corporal before his friends is quite like the kid that hits puberty first. He used to be cool, but now all he talks about are girls and his three facial hairs. New Corporals are like this, except they only talk about "NCO Creeds" and their three peacetime ribbons. While they're largely
- [Terminal Lance #556 "Fab Seventeen-Seventy-Five"](https://terminallance.com/2019/08/16/terminal-lance-556-fab-seventeen-seventy-five/) - If you think the Fab Five are fabulous, let me tell you about the United States Marine Corps! An organization consisting of over 90% fit males, they strictly enforce tight haircuts and tight buttholes sleeves. Dressed wrong? A fit, masculine man in the shortest, silkiest shorts will come over and set you straight. Enlist today
- [Terminal Lance "Honorary"](https://terminallance.com/2019/08/27/terminal-lance-honorary/) - In some rare instances where civilians have proven themselves exemplary citizens above and beyond the norm, the Marine Corps can reach out and award them the title of "Honorary Marine." If you ask me, Larry King's eighth divorce filing from his seventh wife (I know) is the most Marine Corps shit I've ever seen. Divorce
- [Terminal Lance #557 "Restriction"](https://terminallance.com/2019/08/30/terminal-lance-557-restriction/) - Before we begin this post, I just want to take a moment to honor all of my boys that can't be with us today because they're on restriction in the barracks. May they yeet in peace in between their hourly check-ins with the duty desk. Restriction is one of those uniquely military things that only
- [Terminal Lance #559 "Geek Corps"](https://terminallance.com/2019/09/13/terminal-lance-559-geek-corps/) - Something that most civilians probably don't know about the Marine Corps (and military at large) is that there is an unexpectedly large population of nerds and weaboos among the ranks. Anime posters, waifu body pillows, furry suits, video game collections, and other nerd paraphernalia are common sights in the barracks. In an organization where you'd expect
- [Terminal Lance "The Alien Clap"](https://terminallance.com/2019/09/20/terminal-lance-the-alien-clap/) - CLAP THEM CHEEKS! This is among the many catchy slogans being chanted outside of the top secret Air Force base in Nevada today, otherwise known as Area 51. Today marks the big day, where memelords and internet dwellers of all stripes gather to see them aliens and to clap them alien cheeks. https://twitter.com/OfficialJoelF/status/1175024641850662912?s=20 We all
- [Terminal Lance #560 “Sunday at the Base Barber”](https://terminallance.com/2019/09/27/terminal-lance-560-sunday-at-the-base-barber/) - Haircuts and Marines... Name a more iconic duo. I hope you’ve cleared your weekend of any plans, because you’re about to spend at least 4 hours of your Sunday at the PX waiting for your weekly $7 head-scraping. Dare to show up Monday morning without a fresh ‘do and see how far you get before
- [Terminal Lance "A Proper Date"](https://terminallance.com/2019/10/04/terminal-lance-a-proper-date/) - In case you missed it, yesterday a prior-service Marine came forward with some pretty steamy accusations about Elizabeth Warren. Joined by career disappointment Jacob Wohl, ex-machine gunner with 1st Bn, 3rd Marines Kelvin Whelly claimed that he had multiple sessions of BDSM debauchery with the senator, some of it even involving a green dildo. The
- [Terminal Lance “It Catches Up To You”](https://terminallance.com/2019/10/19/terminal-lance-it-catches-up-to-you/) - Charge as hard as you want, the infantry experience will always catch up to you sooner or later. It turns out that spending four years avoiding medical and destroying your body, either through a point of personal pride or through peer pressure, turns your knees and back into a ragged wreck beyond your young years.
- [Terminal Lance “Gag Reflex”](https://terminallance.com/2019/10/23/terminal-lance-gag-reflex/) - The Career Planner is a weird guy. He’s like a recruiter, except instead of luring high school students to Applebee’s, he preys on already-enlisted Marines. Each Marine he re-enlists is another notch on his belt, feasting off of the legendary power of DD-214’s that were never to be, and youth lost to the Corps. Don’t
- [Terminal Lance #561 "The Clown"](https://terminallance.com/2019/11/01/terminal-lance-561-the-clown/) - The Career Jammer (as he's affectionately known, colloquially) is a close relative of the Recruiter. Both Marines are specially trained in their fields of deceiving people, perhaps even so much that they believe the lies themselves. While the Recruiter specializes in prowling for underage and underprivileged children, the Career Planner preys on young Corporals coming
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 244th Birthday, Marines!"](https://terminallance.com/2019/11/08/terminal-lance-happy-244th-birthday-marines/) - This weekend, the Marine Corps will celebrate its 244th birthday. It is the Corps' holiest of holidays, where Staff NCO's, Commissioned Officers, NCO's and Lance Corporals alike will drink, eat cake, and drunkenly dance to embarrassment. All of the wives and most obscure uniform items will come out to play--from mess dress blues, to NCO
- [Terminal Lance "Anything You Need"](https://terminallance.com/2019/11/12/terminal-lance-anything-you-need/) - I'm not sure what I was expecting with Hideo Kojima's latest game, Death Stranding... But I certainly wasn't expecting it to be the most realistic depiction of Marine Corps infantry life I've ever seen to date. You play as this guy named Sam (played by Norman Reedus), who is tasked with hiking all over America
- [Terminal Lance #562 "Going Internal"](https://terminallance.com/2019/11/22/terminal-lance-562-going-internal/) - The Marine Corps experience will try and test you in ways you can't possibly imagine. Of course, the recruiting commercials make this entirely about... Like... Boot camp, or something. However, the real challenge is hardly the physicality of being yelled at by sweaty drill instructors, or climbing the Reaper during the crucible. The real challenge
- [Terminal Lance "Door Busters"](https://terminallance.com/2019/11/29/terminal-lance-door-busters/) - Buyer beware, Black Friday is about to take on a whole new meaning at your local mega-retailer superstore. Having just secured a contract with the Department of Defense, Marine Corps Drill Instructors will now be on loan for Black Friday shopping events around the country, where they will scream and haze some discipline into nasty
- [Terminal Lance #563 "Bootcamp: Winners and Losers"](https://terminallance.com/2019/12/03/terminal-lance-563-bootcamp-winners-and-losers/) - While it might seem cruel for a Drill Instructor to bet against his own recruits, I want to assure you it is only because they truly hate you and want you to fail. We make fun of Drill Instructors a lot around here--it's hard not to, with their frog voices and often exaggerated character traits--but
- [Terminal Lance #564 "Oceanside Special"](https://terminallance.com/2019/12/06/terminal-lance-564-oceanside-special/) - Ask any Marine that's been in the fleet for more than a couple of years to remove their shirt, and I promise you there's at least a 50% chance they have a tattoo on their body that they greatly regret. There's a reason the "boot towns" of Oceanside and Jacksonville are littered with more tattoo
- [Terminal Lance #565 "Left Behind II"](https://terminallance.com/2019/12/13/terminal-lance-565-left-behind-ii/) - Sometimes good ideas backfire tremendously. Staying back from leave is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you get to save up leave days and avoid seeing family you don't actually like. On the other, you're the only line of defense between the Marine Corps barracks and the wilderness surrounding it, meaning you will likely have
- [Terminal Lance #566 "The Holiday Leave Travelers"](https://terminallance.com/2019/12/20/terminal-lance-566-the-holiday-leave-travelers/) - Christmas approaches and the Marines are leading a full-scale invasion of America's airports nationwide. At every international and regional hub in the states, you'll find a smorgasbord of different Marine archetypes traveling home for their holiday leave block. Unleashed upon the world, Marines and other service members fill the airports with their haircuts, tactical backpacks,
- [Terminal Lance "Hashtag WWIII"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/03/terminal-lance-hashtag-wwiii/) - I can only imagine the surprise that Marines are arriving back to in their drunken and hungover stupors after the holiday leave block, as we kick off the New Year with quite a bang by assassinating a high level Iranian general in Baghdad. 2/7 Marines are already on the scene at the US embassy, many
- [Terminal Lance #567 "Callsigned"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/07/terminal-lance-567-callsigned/) - As I said in the very first comic I ever did, 10 years ago now, no one gets to pick their own nicknames. You watch movies like Top Gun or whatever and you think you're going to end up with some badass name like ICEMAN, or GRIM REAPER... Instead you end up with FUCKHEAD, because the
- [Terminal Lance #568 "Reinforcements Inbound"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/10/terminal-lance-268-reinforcements-inbound/) - Baghdad, Iraq, zero-three-hundred hours... You're jolted awake in your sleeping bag by a loud rumbling at your side... An enemy attack? You're not sure. You unzip the bag and pop your head out to take a look... It's your racist uncle, fast asleep. He forgot his sleep apnea machine and his snores are louder than
- [Terminal Lance #569 "Price to Pay"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/14/terminal-lance-569-price-to-pay/) - Lack of pay is one of the most common complaints among the lower enlisted. The young Lance Corporal of Marines can expect to bring home around $2000 a month in a regular paycheck. After bills, alcohol, and strip clubs, this may often leave them with little to no moneys after 48 hours of receiving that
- [Terminal Lance #570 "The Ultimate Gamble"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/24/terminal-lance-570-the-ultimate-gamble/) - There's a lot of different people that join the Marine Corps. Some are pragmatic and measured in their decisions, factoring in a variety of different life variables in what should be a fairly major life decision of joining the US military. Maybe they're thinking about career prospects in the future. What MOS should I pick
- [Terminal Lance "Simple Things"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/28/terminal-lance-simple-things/) - That's it... That's all of the things. Life as a Marine, as a general thing, is not something that's meant to be enjoyed in a traditional sense. For instance, there's nothing enjoyable about waking up at 0500 to go do morning PT; or stand around at the armory for 5 hours cleaning weapons that are
- [Terminal Lance #571 "The Promotion Ceremony"](https://terminallance.com/2020/01/31/terminal-lance-571-the-promotion-ceremony/) - There's never more pressure than being the center of attention in a promotion ceremony. Your entire company is gathered, all Marines present and accounted for. They stand menacingly at the position of attention, their faces locked forward, but their eyes locked on you. Your senior Lance Corporals told you repeatedly not to fuck it up.
- [Terminal Lance "Doc"](https://terminallance.com/2020/02/04/terminal-lance-doc/) - Poor Doc... We don't deserve Corpsmen. These brave sailors have taken on possibly the most difficult job in all of the United States Armed Forces... Keeping Marines safe. Not just from enemy fire, but themselves as well. Marines are a special needs breed of animal that requires constant adult supervision to keep it from destroying
- [Terminal Lance "Oscar Season 2020"](https://terminallance.com/2020/02/07/terminal-lance-oscar-season-2020/) - I was really excited about seeing 1917 with all of the hype and buzz it's gotten in the lead up to the Oscars. While the film is a cinematographer's wet dream of visual splendor and directing prowess, I was gravely offended to find out that the plot was basically British Message to Garcia with some
- [Terminal Lance "Be My Valentine"](https://terminallance.com/2020/02/14/terminal-lance-be-my-valentine/) - It's Valentine's Day, the time of year where we all take stock of our romantic lives and cherish the ones we hold dear. For Marines, there's not a lot of room for romantic relationships, which probably explains the 85% divorce rate among enlisted Marines. This is because the Corps is a jealous bitch, and wants
- [Terminal Lance #572 "Silky Smooth"](https://terminallance.com/2020/02/21/terminal-lance-572-silky-smooth/) - Life in the armory is one of silence... Solitude... Darkness... Misery... So much so, that armory custodians across the Corps must find pleasure in some of the most basic and simple of things. For most, it is the fleeting feelings of power they have over their infantry counterparts as they rule over their caged domain.
- [Terminal Lance "La Enfermedad Fina"](https://terminallance.com/2020/03/03/terminal-lance-la-enfermedad-fina/) - Coronavirus is wreaking havoc across the globe and we all know who is to blame... Recruits. Any Drill Instructor can tell you that recruits are the most renown and reliable of disease vectors, carrying a microscopic world of unknown and undiscovered pathogens across every square inch of their nasty bodies. While most people live their
- [Terminal Lance #573 "Safety Concern"](https://terminallance.com/2020/03/10/terminal-lance-573-safety-concern/) - Marines lead a peculiar double-life while enlisted. On one hand, they are entrusted with some of the most technologically advanced, deadliest weaponry known to all mankind. They execute their particular set of skills with renowned efficiency, known worldwide as the world's most deadly fighting force. Some of these technological marvels cost upwards of hundreds of
- [Terminal Lance "Coronabusiness"](https://terminallance.com/2020/03/13/terminal-lance-coronabusiness/) - The world is crumbling to virally infected pieces and there's nothing more American than capitalizing on it. While civilians flock and fight their way to the toilet paper aisles across America, Marines have a secret advantage... Every MRE comes with a weird little pack of toilet paper that is usually thrown away and forgotten about.
- [Terminal Lance "Social Distancing"](https://terminallance.com/2020/03/20/terminal-lance-social-distancing/) - While nearly all infantry Marines are renown for their ability to entertain themselves in times of intense boredom, there is a subset of this group that takes it even a step further into absolute mastery. These are the line company's Restriction Marines. Locked away in their barracks with little to nothing to do but go
- [Terminal Lance "Corpsman Up: Coronavirus"](https://terminallance.com/2020/03/27/terminal-lance-corpsman-up-coronavirus/) - While all the hype in the medical pandemic world is centered around the infamous COVID-19 virus, Corpsmen across the Corps have been at the frontlines of battling microbial infections in genitals across the military for years. In a report released in summer of last year, sexually transmitted infections amongst military personnel are on the rise,
- [Terminal Lance "Coronacured"](https://terminallance.com/2020/04/03/terminal-lance-coronacured/) - Lance Corporals across the Corps are quarantined in their barracks rooms, and it will be their boredom-field ingenuity will be what leads to a cure to the deadly Coronavirus. Bored Marines are some of the most brilliant minds this nation has at their disposal, creating absurd and ingenious ways to entertain themselves in the absence
- [Terminal Lance "A Damn Good Friday"](https://terminallance.com/2020/04/10/terminal-lance-a-damn-good-friday/) - Poor Easter Bunny... If only he would have known that Marines engage in a level of nightly debauchery reserved only for the deepest layers of hell itself. The activities of bored Marines on a Friday night are not one for the eyes of mere mortals, or even mythological creatures like the bunny of Easter. If
- [Terminal Lance "Attack of the Rona"](https://terminallance.com/2020/04/24/terminal-lance-attack-of-the-rona/) - Coronavirus continues its rampage across the US while Marine leadership ponders powerful decisions like whether or not Marines should risk their lives in a deadly pandemic for a weekly regulation haircut. New science has come about suggesting that Marines are actually immune to coronavirus due to their abnormally high, constant blood-alcohol content, disinfecting the lungs
- [Terminal Lance “Stars and Stripes”](https://terminallance.com/2020/05/01/terminal-lance-stars-and-stripes/) - America’s enemies wish they could damage the lives of Marines as drastically and efficiently as the MILITARY STAR CARD offered by the Military Exchanges (PX). Readily available to literally any Marine that wants one, the STAR CARD is a credit card ubiquitous for sapping the financial souls of our young men and women of the
- [Terminal Lance “Field Journal”](https://terminallance.com/2020/05/08/terminal-lance-field-journal/) - It’s good to keep a journal in trying times. Years from the moment, you can look back and reminisce about the lost shits of your field ops. Where do they go? It’s not quite clear. Scientists have been working on an explanation as to why MRE’s clog the bowels during field ops, but so far
- [Terminal Lance "Liberty Interrupted"](https://terminallance.com/2020/05/15/terminal-lance-liberty-interrupted/) - Marines get liberty on the weekends. Liberty means you leave me the fuck alone for at least 48 hours and I'll deal with your bullshit on Monday. In a world where every thought and action is controlled and regulated, the few brief hours of conditional freedom you get at the end of the day or
- [Terminal Lance “Mr. Brightside”](https://terminallance.com/2020/05/22/terminal-lance-mr-brightside/) - I’m coming out of my room and I’ve been doing just fine, gotta gotta be on duty because I hate it all. If there’s one emotion to define the entire Marine Corps experience... It’s hope. Hope that shit will stop sucking. Hope that the next day will be better. Hope that the next four years
- [Terminal Lance “The Places You’ll Go”](https://terminallance.com/2020/05/29/terminal-lance-the-places-youll-go/) - Every Marine Corps installation is surrounded by some weird little small town that pretty much only exists because the base exists and married Marines need somewhere to spend their BAH. Camp Pendleton is actually home to both Oceanside and San Clemente. Both of which are actually pretty nice. The only really negative thing you can
- [Terminal Lance “Shitter Paper”](https://terminallance.com/2020/06/06/terminal-lance-shitter-paper/) - Racists are having a really hard time these last couple of weeks. It turns out that most of the world is kind of tired of their shit, and even longstanding mainstays of married cousins like the confederate flag are no longer welcome aboard our military installations (and in most normal parts of America). Of course,
- [Terminal Lance "Dear John"](https://terminallance.com/2020/06/12/terminal-lance-dear-john/) - Relationships and the Marine Corps go together like... Wait, no they don't. They don't go together at all. It's no wonder that marriages in the Corps end at about an 85% divorce rate. This sounds bad, of course, but I feel like if you compared the relationships and divorce rates of most 18-22 year olds,
- [Terminal Lance “He’s a Marine”](https://terminallance.com/2020/06/26/terminal-lance-hes-a-marine/) - He’s a Marine First to fight, he’s loyal Honor, courage, commitment Corps Values, Semper Fi Oorah, He’s a Marine https://www.instagram.com/p/CBj-8rCloYT/?igshid=155bletdzi02k
- [Terminal Lance “Independence Day 2020”](https://terminallance.com/2020/07/03/terminal-lance-independence-day-2020/) - It’s such a crazy time to be an American this weekend. Independence Day approaches tomorrow and the nation is in the middle of an explosive COVID-19 pandemic that just keeps getting worse. What would be a blessing any other year—July 4th falling on Saturday—has turned into just another day for many Americans forced to quarantine
- [Terminal Lance "Marriage Story"](https://terminallance.com/2020/07/15/terminal-lance-marriage-story/) - "I'm trying to knock up a stripper to get out of the barracks," is what one Marine told me during my travels. The quest to get out of the barracks leads many Marines down the path of the dark side of marriage. As an institution, the Corps tacitly encourages young marriages by making life for
- [Terminal Lance "You're Finally Awake..."](https://terminallance.com/2020/07/24/terminal-lance-youre-finally-awake/) - There are few things worse than the rude awakening one finds in the field when its their turn for firewatch. You could be dreaming about any number of wonderful things, all of them far away from where you are in actuality, and find yourself pulled back to cold, hard reality. A Marine stands over you,
- [Terminal Lance "Broke"](https://terminallance.com/2020/08/03/terminal-lance-broke/) - When a Marine is "broke," it means he's out for the count. Marines break in all kinds of ways... Physically... Emotionally... Financially... It's just a matter of time before you have to call it in and (hopefully) skip PT for a couple of weeks. Of course, the average Lance Corporal is much more likely to
- [Terminal Lance "Impulse Drive"](https://terminallance.com/2020/08/13/terminal-lance-impulse-drive/) - Marines are known for many things, but equally not known for their ability to control their impulses. After all, they wouldn't make very effective fighting machines if they had some form of self control keeping them from charging into incoming enemy fire, so it should be no surprise that they're absolutely terrible at basic life
- [BATTLE BORN: LAPIS LAZULI](https://terminallance.com/2020/08/17/battle-born-lapis-lazuli/) - BATTLE BORN: LAPIS LAZULI is the story of Sergeant King and his platoon taking the fight to the Taliban in the mountains of Afghanistan. Deep in the Sar-i-sang valley of Badakhshan province, the Afghan people have mined lapis lazuli and other valuable gemstones for millennia. For the majority of the modern conflict in Afghanistan, Badakhshan
- [Terminal Lance "Libo Squad"](https://terminallance.com/2020/08/25/terminal-lance-libo-squad/) - Boots... Boots never change. Someone said to me that this comic could take place in 2020 or 1970 and it would change nothing. You may be asking yourself, what is it about boots that makes them so ubiquitously geeky? So ridiculously, over-the-top lame? Is it the fashion? The backpacks? The complete doe-eyed innocence in their
- [Terminal Lance "War is a Racket"](https://terminallance.com/2020/09/12/terminal-lance-war-is-a-racket/) - The CIF issuing at the beginning of your Marine Corps career is one of the most ubiquitously dubious rackets that is part of the military experience. When you arrive at any new command, you have to get "kitted" out, which means the government gives you a whole ton of equipment that is standard issue. "Give"
- [Terminal Lance "Barracks Lawyer"](https://terminallance.com/2020/09/19/terminal-lance-barracks-lawyer/) - In every barracks exists one Marine that's been through the ringer so many times, he has become an expert on Marine Corps Orders and regulations, and all matters pertaining to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). That Marine is the Barracks Lawyer, and he's there to represent you in your time of need. He
- [Terminal Lance "Budgetary Dietary"](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/03/terminal-lance-budgetary-dietary/) - Over the last 20 years we've been in a weird place in terms of our military budget. With the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, they were able to convince the American people that we needed to be spending half a trillion dollars annually on the Department of Defense, but then the wars died down (a
- [Terminal Lance "Mr. President"](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/03/terminal-lance-mr-president/) - Our pandemic just got a whole lot more serious with the President of the United States testing positive for COVID-19 and being admitted to Walter Reed yesterday. As is custom, we are now scouring the Wikipedias to figure out who is in the line of succession to take over in the event that he doesn't
- [Terminal Lance "Decision 2020"](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/29/terminal-lance-decision-2020/) - It's the season (hopefully) for reason as we decide who is going to lead us into 2021 and beyond. Candidates Abe and Garcia are up for a fierce non-democratic election to Corporal, and its only getting uglier and uglier as we approach November 10th. On one hand, one candidate is level headed and experienced. The
- [Terminal Lance "Halloween Horrors"](https://terminallance.com/2020/10/31/terminal-lance-halloween-horrors/) - While, of course, most people are staying in this year due to the extremely spooky viral pandemic sweeping the nation, if you really want to experience some Halloween Horrors, you can visit any one of your local Marine Corps infantry barracks for some frightful sights. And sounds. And smells. Though, perhaps, it may be best
- [Terminal Lance "Happy 245th Birthday, Marines!"](https://terminallance.com/2020/11/10/terminal-lance-happy-245th-birthday-marines/) - The Marine Corps birthday is the day when all Marines pretend to not hate their lives for one day and wish each other happy birthday and celebrate in jubilant glee the history of their Corps. Of course, with Marine Corps Birthdays come Marine Corps Balls. When the balls come, Marines find themselves soaked in alcoholic
- [Terminal Lance "Happy Thanksgiving 2020"](https://terminallance.com/2020/11/25/terminal-lance-happy-thanksgiving-2020/) - It's a weird time for everyone. To be honest, I thought this whole COVID pandemic was going to be over and done for within a few months. Here we are, 9 months later, unable to celebrate Thanksgiving with our loved ones and forced to eat chow hall for our biggest national food holiday. For you
- [Terminal Lance "Hanukkah Miracle"](https://terminallance.com/2020/12/12/terminal-lance-hanukkah-miracle/) - It's officially the holiday season, a time for giving and reflection. This week saw the beginning of Hanukkah, and all four active duty Jewish Marines were probably in the field, because they don't give Jewish holidays off. I'll never forget my first week in boot camp as a Jewish recruit. During one of the first
- [Terminal Lance "Dear Santa"](https://terminallance.com/2020/12/19/terminal-lance-dear-santa/) - Don't blame the elves for thinking this was sent by an illiterate child, it was written by a Marine. Desperate times call for desperate measures--if Santa can't deliver the goods, who can? It was worth a shot at least. This year is an especially odd year for the holidays with, you know, the whole global
- [Terminal Lance "Welcome Back Starter Pack"](https://terminallance.com/2021/01/04/terminal-lance-welcome-back-starter-pack/) - It's never a surprise to be greeted by a mandatory urinalysis upon returning home from your holiday leave block, despite what your command thinks. You can almost guarantee that you will find yourself standing in a line wrapped around the company office, holding an empty cup with your name on it, waiting for your turn
- [Terminal Lance "Natty G in DC"](https://terminallance.com/2021/01/16/terminal-lance-natty-g-in-dc/) - Unless you've been living under a rock or something, you probably saw that around 20,000 National Guard troops were deployed to DC in anticipation of next week's Biden inauguration. Honestly this is great. DC's metropolitan area has surely been hit with the same economic downturn as most cities in America, so getting some troops in
- [Terminal Lance "The Roast Beef"](https://terminallance.com/2021/01/25/terminal-lance-the-roast-beef/) - It's a widely known fact that everyone loves a Marine in uniform. However irresistible they may be to potential partners, Marines also can't resist romancing essentially anything that's willing and warm. As a result, it's hard to take any kind of compliment seriously when it comes from a Marine, knowing that their steady paychecks single-handedly
- [Terminal Lance "Clinically Trialed"](https://terminallance.com/2021/02/05/terminal-lance-clinically-trialed/) - This is a joke, but it would surprise no one. With such little control over your own life while enlisted in the service of Uncle Sam, it should come as no surprise that you have equally no say over what vaccines you are given as well. You haven't lived until you've stood in line with
- [Terminal Lance "The After-Field Drive Thru"](https://terminallance.com/2021/02/08/terminal-lance-the-after-field-drive-thru/) - Things get emotional when you come home from the field. The drive thru immediately after turning your weapon into the armory is a ritual we've all partaken during our enlistments. After days or weeks of little sleep, no showering, and a gut full of slowly digesting MRE's, a McDouble off the dollar menu is a
- [Terminal Lance "History in the Making"](https://terminallance.com/2021/02/20/terminal-lance-history-in-the-making/) - For the first time in history, women have begun training as Marines at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, marking a historic first for "Hollywood Marines." [Marines trained in San Diego are colloquially known as Hollywood Marines, despite the fact that Hollywood is absolutely nowhere near San Diego.] This is of course a
- [Terminal Lance "Masked Up"](https://terminallance.com/2021/02/20/terminal-lance-masked-up/) - If there's at least one upside to having to wear masks in the midst of the COVID pandemic, it's that Marines can now safely grow out those thigh-ticklers in peace. When any Lance Corporal is given an inch, you can be guaranteed they will take it as many miles as they can. There's nothing particularly
- [Terminal Lance "Ambiance of Camp Wilson"](https://terminallance.com/2021/02/26/terminal-lance-ambiance-of-camp-wilson/) - There's really no rhyme or reason to the fact that toilets across the Corps are often without any doors or dividers of any kind. Try as I might, I can't think of any real explanation for this fecal phenomenon. In nearly any training environment built specifically for Marines, going to the head becomes a forced
- [Terminal Lance "The Transformation"](https://terminallance.com/2021/03/05/terminal-lance-the-transformation/) - Enlisting into the Marine Corps can be quite the transformative experience. For some, moreso than others. While many are able to resist the temptations of becoming a total toolbag upon graduation from boot camp, there are just as many who succumb to the irreversible identity changes boot camp instills in young Marines. What was once
- [Terminal Lance - Stimulated](https://terminallance.com/2021/03/22/terminal-lance-stimulated/) - Marines are famously great with money. Well, they're not great at keeping it, but they're great at spending it. All the more reason that the economic stimulus checks of $1400 are better spent with Lance Corporals than anyone else. If the purpose is to put the money back into the economy, Lance Corporals will happily
- [Terminal Lance "Barracks Lawyer II"](https://terminallance.com/2021/03/27/terminal-lance-barracks-lawyer-ii/) - Amendment III: No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. Seems pretty clear-cut to me that the 3rd Amendment of the United States Constitution was designed to stop would-be Jodie soldiers
- [Terminal Lance Easter 2021](https://terminallance.com/2021/04/04/terminal-lance-easter-2021/) - What could be a more valuable reward than the virtues of Marine Corps leadership? If you're lucky, you may even find the grand prize egg containing an NJP. JJ tied a buckle for your sins, and today is the day that we celebrate his knot skills. Grab your basket and start searching for hidden prizes. By
- [Terminal Lance - Vaxed](https://terminallance.com/2021/04/11/terminal-lance-vaxed/) - An article hit CNN yesterday that stated 40% of active duty Marines have thus far refused the COVID-19 vaccine (presumably after being offered). Anecdotally, this seems to line up with what people are telling me from the LCPL Underground in their platoons, shops and sections. Ironically, a lot of Marines are really concerned about the
- [Terminal Lance "Warranted II"](https://terminallance.com/2021/04/18/terminal-lance-warranted-ii/) - There is perhaps no other military rank shrouded in as much mystery as that of the elusive Chief Warrant Officers. Their colorful collars are adorned with flamboyant and powerful rank that give them unprecedented powers throughout the Marine Corps. No one has ever seen a Marine get promoted to the Warrant Officer ranks, it is
- [Terminal Lance BATTLE OF THE MOTIVATORS](https://terminallance.com/2021/05/07/terminal-lance-battle-of-the-motivators/) - S E M P E R F I G H T!!! The Duel of the Century is upon us! The svelt tan-belt versus the voluptuous dad-bod defender for the crown of most motivated Marine! Who will walk away the victor? I'd say this is a pretty even toss-up. Motivation in the Marine Corps is defined
- [Terminal Lance - Mask Off](https://terminallance.com/2021/05/17/terminal-lance-mask-off/) - In case you missed it, the CDC announced last week that we can stop masks and social distancing for people that are fully vaccinated. Of course, use your best judgement as to whether or not that pertains to you in your bi-annual gas chamber training. It probably doesn't. The gas chamber is a ubiquitous Marine
- [The Disney Princess](https://terminallance.com/2021/05/28/the-disney-princess/) - Marines are a demographic of people that spend most of their time sleeping in the wilderness and fiercely battling both each other and other animals. It's no wonder that they fit right into the animal kingdom, with all walks of life drawn to their wild aura. Marines are always told to leave the wildlife alone,
- [Memorial Day 2021](https://terminallance.com/2021/05/31/memorial-day-2021/) - Marines never die. Well, according to mythology at least. If we're to believe the Marine's Hymn, basically all Marines are guaranteed a spot in heaven. However, the song also dictates that Marines will be forced to work... If the Army and the Navy ever look on heaven's scenes, they will find the streets are guarded
- [Terminal Lance - The Bag Slam](https://terminallance.com/2021/06/22/terminal-lance-the-bag-slam/) - The every day infantry life is full of little hacks and tricks to keep your life moving. One technique practiced across the Corps is the pack-slam. The pack-slam allows you to fit nearly anything and everything into your pack. You will never run out of room again if you utilize this technique. It's simple: Pack
- [The Holiday Liberty Brief](https://terminallance.com/2021/07/03/the-holiday-liberty-brief/) - These are the four bosses of the Holiday 96 liberty brief. You must defeat them in order to enjoy your weekend. This weekend is Independence Day, the day that America celebrates its EAS date from Great Britain in 1776. Since the holiday falls on a Sunday, you're likely to get an extra day or two
- [Ghosting Afghanistan](https://terminallance.com/2021/07/09/ghosting-afghanistan/) - As a nation, we've been talking about pulling out of Afghanistan for many years. Well, by talking about, I mean kind of thinking about doing it at some point. No real plan, just, like, I dunno, whenever. Well, it seems that period of mulling it over is over. The US has essentially abandoned Bagram air
- [Geared Up](https://terminallance.com/2021/07/18/geared-up/) - The Marine Corps Exchange (colloquially known as the PX) is especially skilled at separating young Marines from their hard-earned paychecks. Among the top categories for junior enlisted to blow their cash on is the tactical section of every store, where the hottest coyote-brown gear from your favorite manufacturers is ready for the purchasing. How can

## Pages

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## Categories

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