Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Happy 238th Birthday!”

November 8, 2013

This is certainly not the first time I’ve done a strip about the Marine Corps birthday, and it’s certainly not the first time Gunny has gotten too drunk to handle himself. It’s no secret that Marines love to drink, and Gunny has a good point here in that we are not particularly cultured creatures. The Marine Corps Ball is really a pain in everyone’s ass, but it’s one of those things that everyone has to do regardless.

Instead of just getting a bunch of your friends together at a dive bar 5 minutes away from base, you’re usually forced to go to some extravagant, overpriced gathering at a hotel 60 miles away. Despite the fact that you’ll be doing countless car washes and other equally mind-numbing fundraising events in preparation for the ball, you’ll still have to pay $60 for your lukewarm poultry dish and watch your Battalion Sergeant Major awkwardly try to tell jokes. While I and many women do enjoy how amazingly, brilliantly, blindingly good-looking I am in my Dress Blues, I’d just as readily delight in going to Red Robin in a T-shirt and jeans with a small group of Marines for $12.48 (+tax) where we can celebrate the Marine Corps’ birthday on our own time.

If you’re married or have a girlfriend to accompany you, it can actually be kind of fun, albeit more expensive. However, don’t expect single Marines to give a shit about the oldest and youngest Marines in the battalion eating cake. They’d rather just go back to the barracks and play GTA V in their pajama pants with a Lagunitas IPA and a deep dish pizza from Domino’s.

In any case, Happy 238th Birthday this weekend Marines! I hope whoever made this cake at least got a Page 11, they would have been better off going with beer cupcakes anyway.

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